Feeling worthless and other dating struggles

[NEG]

So it's been about 2 years since I've posted here or spent any time on this site but I feel drawn back to voice my thoughts and see what others have to say. I'm 30 now and still single. I haven't had a girlfriend or any sexual relations with a female in over 2 years. This is officially the longest time span I've ever gone without a woman in my life. Needless to say, I'm about ready to put my head through a wall.

 

 

Long story short, I have an extremely small friend group. To be honest, it's tough to even deem them "friends" any more. The few that I have are either married or happily taken and/or have kids and never leave their house. My only resources for meeting women are online dating sites/apps and maybe the gym. Right now I've limited myself to Tinder after getting extremely irritated and angry with other sites like plenty of fish. I have a total of 160 matches on Tinder and yet somehow things go nowhere with all of them. Most the time they will ignore my initial message or respond a couple of times and then ignore everything else there on out. The ones that I am able to score numbers from just end up bull****ting around and will never meet up with me.

 

 

Between all of the head games these girls play and the fact that they won't meet up, my patience has reached an all time low. I find myself getting pissed off at the slightest things and I've been very quick to delete these girls out of my phone and stop talking to them. I really can't take it any more. All I want is for one decent looking woman to agree to a date because I know that they will enjoy my personality if they give me a chance. I have a decent full time job, I spend 3-4 days a week in the gym, drive a nice car, etc. I don't want to sound like "that guy" and granted I don't expect these things to affect my dating life, although I'm just throwing them out there.

 

 

Desperation is an understatement at this point. I can't get laid, period. More importantly, I can't get a girlfriend. Girls sometimes give me looks when I'm out in public or at the gym, but I'm way too shy to talk to them. More importantly, I don't want to bother them especially if they aren't actually interested. The last thing I want is to be the creep at the gym. It should also be noted that I have matched with some extremely attractive women on Tinder but again, they won't hold a conversation with me. They just ignore everything or disappear after a few sentences.

 

 

At this point, I don't think all the advice in the world could help me. I'm more interested in learning if there are others out there with a similar problem to mine. It's 2018 and sex is running rampant. People are ****ing like jack rabbits and I literally can't get laid. There is nothing else in the world that destroys my self esteem more than this. Worthless, desperate, etc. Awful feelings that I don't think anybody deserves to feel, yet my mind is battered with these emotions on a daily basis. Please tell me somebody else is in this boat so I can at least know I'm not alone.

 

 

I think the thing that kills me the most is seeing all of the couples out and about when I leave the house. I see them at the gym, out at restaurants...Just everywhere. Sometimes I see gorgeous women with run of the mill guys that don't even look half as good as them. I think to myself, how in the world did a guy like that score a girl like her? I must be a real loser.

[ZA Dater]

So it's been about 2 years since I've posted here or spent any time on this site but I feel drawn back to voice my thoughts and see what others have to say. I'm 30 now and still single. I haven't had a girlfriend or any sexual relations with a female in over 2 years. This is officially the longest time span I've ever gone without a woman in my life. Needless to say, I'm about ready to put my head through a wall.

 

 

Long story short, I have an extremely small friend group. To be honest, it's tough to even deem them "friends" any more. The few that I have are either married or happily taken and/or have kids and never leave their house. My only resources for meeting women are online dating sites/apps and maybe the gym. Right now I've limited myself to Tinder after getting extremely irritated and angry with other sites like plenty of fish. I have a total of 160 matches on Tinder and yet somehow things go nowhere with all of them. Most the time they will ignore my initial message or respond a couple of times and then ignore everything else there on out. The ones that I am able to score numbers from just end up bull****ting around and will never meet up with me.

 

 

Between all of the head games these girls play and the fact that they won't meet up, my patience has reached an all time low. I find myself getting pissed off at the slightest things and I've been very quick to delete these girls out of my phone and stop talking to them. I really can't take it any more. All I want is for one decent looking woman to agree to a date because I know that they will enjoy my personality if they give me a chance. I have a decent full time job, I spend 3-4 days a week in the gym, drive a nice car, etc. I don't want to sound like "that guy" and granted I don't expect these things to affect my dating life, although I'm just throwing them out there.

 

 

Desperation is an understatement at this point. I can't get laid, period. More importantly, I can't get a girlfriend. Girls sometimes give me looks when I'm out in public or at the gym, but I'm way too shy to talk to them. More importantly, I don't want to bother them especially if they aren't actually interested. The last thing I want is to be the creep at the gym. It should also be noted that I have matched with some extremely attractive women on Tinder but again, they won't hold a conversation with me. They just ignore everything or disappear after a few sentences.

 

 

At this point, I don't think all the advice in the world could help me. I'm more interested in learning if there are others out there with a similar problem to mine. It's 2018 and sex is running rampant. People are ****ing like jack rabbits and I literally can't get laid. There is nothing else in the world that destroys my self esteem more than this. Worthless, desperate, etc. Awful feelings that I don't think anybody deserves to feel, yet my mind is battered with these emotions on a daily basis. Please tell me somebody else is in this boat so I can at least know I'm not alone.

 

 

I think the thing that kills me the most is seeing all of the couples out and about when I leave the house. I see them at the gym, out at restaurants...Just everywhere. Sometimes I see gorgeous women with run of the mill guys that don't even look half as good as them. I think to myself, how in the world did a guy like that score a girl like her? I must be a real loser.

 

 

 

I can relate to all of this however I am 34 and have never been laid at all.

 

 

Tinder is a lot of rubbish in my opinion, its the equivalent of the store you get picked and when something else arrives that is better you get put back on the shelf. I feel the same way about all OLD sites.

 

 

In all respects your thinking in this post mirrors mine at the moment. All dating has become is a throw away activity, offer up nothing intellectually and pick solely based on looks. Nothing new there but OLD just makes it easier to throw away.

 

 

Like you have no real friends either or at least none who can offer any semblance of constructive help.

 

 

For me it mostly feels like I am trapped most of the time when it comes to dating, you think you are close to getting what you want but then the smack in the face arrives.

 

 

If I had the time I would seriously study the effects OLD has had on dating and my bet is that nothing positive would come from it. But like you the worst part for me is seeing couples and knowing some where the guy really doesn't appreciate his partner. I ask myself if some ladies are so desperate they tell themselves that behaviour is ok.

 

 

In short, you aren't alone.

[NEG]

I can relate to all of this however I am 34 and have never been laid at all.

 

 

Tinder is a lot of rubbish in my opinion, its the equivalent of the store you get picked and when something else arrives that is better you get put back on the shelf. I feel the same way about all OLD sites.

 

 

In all respects your thinking in this post mirrors mine at the moment. All dating has become is a throw away activity, offer up nothing intellectually and pick solely based on looks. Nothing new there but OLD just makes it easier to throw away.

 

 

Like you have no real friends either or at least none who can offer any semblance of constructive help.

 

 

For me it mostly feels like I am trapped most of the time when it comes to dating, you think you are close to getting what you want but then the smack in the face arrives.

 

 

If I had the time I would seriously study the effects OLD has had on dating and my bet is that nothing positive would come from it. But like you the worst part for me is seeing couples and knowing some where the guy really doesn't appreciate his partner. I ask myself if some ladies are so desperate they tell themselves that behaviour is ok.

 

 

In short, you aren't alone.

 

 

I can relate to all of this however I am 34 and have never been laid at all.

 

 

Tinder is a lot of rubbish in my opinion, its the equivalent of the store you get picked and when something else arrives that is better you get put back on the shelf. I feel the same way about all OLD sites.

 

 

In all respects your thinking in this post mirrors mine at the moment. All dating has become is a throw away activity, offer up nothing intellectually and pick solely based on looks. Nothing new there but OLD just makes it easier to throw away.

 

 

Like you have no real friends either or at least none who can offer any semblance of constructive help.

 

 

For me it mostly feels like I am trapped most of the time when it comes to dating, you think you are close to getting what you want but then the smack in the face arrives.

 

 

If I had the time I would seriously study the effects OLD has had on dating and my bet is that nothing positive would come from it. But like you the worst part for me is seeing couples and knowing some where the guy really doesn't appreciate his partner. I ask myself if some ladies are so desperate they tell themselves that behaviour is ok.

 

 

In short, you aren't alone.

 

 

So glad that I'm not alone...That was very well written and you definitely raise some valid points to go along with what I was saying. I couldn't agree more with you especially at the fact that OLD has boiled down to looks only. I just question what humanity has come to and where this world is going if it keeps on this path. People in general and more specifically these women don't seen to care about anything. Everything with them is materialized and glamorized and that is the only desirable factor with anything. It's bad, worse than ever.

[nospam99]

Okay, 'grasshoppers' (both OP and ZD). I'll preface my remarks with a caveat about demographics because I'm old enough to be your dad, physically old enough to be your granddad.

 

OLD works for me. Bang. Maybe it's the demographics. If it is then freely blow me off as an old codger who doesn't understand s--- about what you're going through.

 

But maybe other than demographics it's what you're looking for (this more directed at OP than ZD). What I read between the lines is that you're looking to get laid rather than a relationship.

 

If that's the case, that you're looking to get laid, you have another reason to ignore me. Plenty of other guys here on LS, your age and mine, that can give you suggestions about getting laid.

 

But if your interest in meeting women is to try to form a relationship, I've got to ask how you are using POF (or any other dating site, but I've had my best 'success' with POF).

What Intent and 'For' did you select in your profile?

Have you taken the relationship and chemistry questionnaires?

Do you use UltraMatch to guide your selections?

What do you filter on in the women's profiles (ESPECIALLY whether or not the woman is regularly logged onto the service)?

Do you Message the women you're interested in meeting?

Are your messages more 'substantial' that something like 'Hey, beautiful' or 'Wanna go out?' or a simple 'I'd like to meet'?

What is your response rate (percentage)?

How MANY women have responded?

How many of the responses have been positive?

How many first meeting dates have you had?

 

 

After the first meeting date, it's not on the dating site any more. It's on you. If you come across as looking to get laid and you happened to have picked a woman who wants to 'go slow', you're probably DOA. And vice versa.

[d0nnivain]

Two major things jump out at me as a woman:

 

1. The "extremely small friend group." That has to be expanded. More on how in a minute.

 

2. The attitude. Hopefully you are using LS to vent which is great. Vent away. Have all the attitude you want here. In public you can't let people sense that you are upset, frustrated, disappointed, entitled or looking for sex only. You have to present as happy, confident, like you have the world on a string even when you don't

 

 

OLD / apps are fine. They have a place but you can't use them as your only option. Try a combination of these things to meet all sorts of people -- new friends as well as potential dates:

 

1. bars

 

2. MeetUps (not the singles ones; groups that do something you are interested in)

 

3. Singles events. Try the odd ball ones, not the traditional meat markets. I joined one called Leashes & Lovers because you could bring your dog. Guys were all over me because I had a Dalmatian & most of the women had little dogs. Another one I found interesting was one where they pair you up to play golf with somebody. I figured even if the company wasn't great, at least I'd get in 9 holes.

 

4. Join a co ed sports team of some sort

 

5. Check out alumni groups. I attended a Big-10 school so there is always something going on during Football season

 

6. Join a civic group: the Rotary, the Lions, the Kiwanis, the Elks, the local VFW, whatever floats your boat. I think this would be perfect for you. These groups really plug you into the community & give you a sense of belonging.

 

7. Protest something. Something about what is going on in the world today aggravates you. Go make your voice heard & find like minded people.

 

8. Get involved in politics. Campaigns always need help. It's primary season. So it's busy now. Then there will be a lull until the big push for November.

 

9. Business organizations: Chambers of Commerce, networking groups etc

 

10. Industry events. Dating within your company isn't so hot but people you meet at conferences or continuing education events are fair game. You already have work in common

 

11. Getting fixed up by friends & family. Tell everybody you know that you are open to introductions. You never know who knows somebody who may be perfect for you.

 

12. Look around at work, not your company but in the elevator, or parking lot; where you get your lunch or morning coffee, on the train / bus during your commute

 

13. Speed dating

 

14. Volunteering doing something you care about: rescuing animals, raising money to fight disease, being a docent at a local museum or an usher at the community theater.

 

15. Take or teach a community enrichment class.

 

The key is putting yourself out there in the real world rather than isolating yourself behind your phone or keyboard. When you are more active in general you will feel more grounded & fulfilled as a person. That inner radiance will attract happier, healthier, more stable people to your energy & make it easier to find a quality partner.

[Streetlight23]

I know how you feel OP. My own relationship struggles seem to mimic your own with some slight differences. I have had some success with OLD dating and meeting in real life. Throughout all my successes and failures though, I am starting to realize that it really has nothing to do with all these women, it really has to start with you.

 

OLD is a battlefield. I feel 80% of the people on there are using it to try to fill some void in their own life rather then use it to actually meet someone and build a relationship. Examples being too busy to actually date but cant stand being alone, not over their ex but need the validation that they are still desirable, looking just to hook up and never talk to you again, etc. All of these examples are reflections of those people, not you, but they come at the cost of your self esteem. This is not just women either, guys do this on OLD all the time as I am sure women on this forum can attest to.

 

What all these people lack, at least in my opinion, is a sense of self worth. They are using others to find their worth and that is a recipe for disaster.

 

My best successes have generally came from when I felt at my most highest point of self worth. Example, years ago a bunch of buddies I worked with got invited to go to a strip club that we use to get kickbacks when we were all valets for this hotel we worked at and they offered to treat us to free drinks and free food. Those places are designed for men to get some female attention, but this time when we went, we didn't really go for the women. We went to hang out and have free drinks and free food. Nearly the entire time we didn't talk to any of the girls, we were there telling stories and having a great time. What ended up happening by the end, is we literally had every girl in the place hanging out with us, not dancing but just enjoying our company. By this point, they weren't dancers, they were just like any other girl. Most of them had already gotten off and were in their street clothes! At the end of the night, a bunch of us and the girls went to get some breakfast after the club closed down. At the restaurant, it came out that the girls were so attracted to us having fun without them that they wanted to come hang out with us. I even ended up dating one of them for a few months!

 

That was when I learned that if you go out seeking a relationship or have any type of agenda (or what my buddies like to call a 'vagenda' ), you are doing it wrong. The goal is to go out and have fun! Have fun being yourself, have fun with your friends, have fun doing you and THAT is what attracts others to you. Go to the gym because YOU want to. Go do all the events d0nnivain suggested because YOU want to.

 

You have to be happy with yourself and be able to be completely fine without having a woman in your life. When you stop going out to get laid and start going out doing things you enjoy because YOU enjoy them, things will turn around drastically.

 

As for OLD, I keep mine around but have learned not to put value of my self worth into it. Dont use it everyday, dont even message everyday, but keep it around in case someone of value reaches out to you. Have a good profile and anyone worth it will see it and reach out. The ones that dont, you dont want to get involved with anyways. You think you feel bad now, believe me, it could be 100000% worse. If you need any evidence of that, go read the Infidelity forum.

Edited May 23, 2018 by Streetlight23

[Mysterio]

If I were you. I would take a break to clear your head/heart. Just find other hobbies and focus on that.

 

If a Woman really likes you. She will let you know.

[ZA Dater]

Two major things jump out at me as a woman:

 

1. The "extremely small friend group." That has to be expanded. More on how in a minute.

 

2. The attitude. Hopefully you are using LS to vent which is great. Vent away. Have all the attitude you want here. In public you can't let people sense that you are upset, frustrated, disappointed, entitled or looking for sex only. You have to present as happy, confident, like you have the world on a string even when you don't

 

 

OLD / apps are fine. They have a place but you can't use them as your only option. Try a combination of these things to meet all sorts of people -- new friends as well as potential dates:

 

1. bars

 

2. MeetUps (not the singles ones; groups that do something you are interested in)

 

3. Singles events. Try the odd ball ones, not the traditional meat markets. I joined one called Leashes & Lovers because you could bring your dog. Guys were all over me because I had a Dalmatian & most of the women had little dogs. Another one I found interesting was one where they pair you up to play golf with somebody. I figured even if the company wasn't great, at least I'd get in 9 holes.

 

4. Join a co ed sports team of some sort

 

5. Check out alumni groups. I attended a Big-10 school so there is always something going on during Football season

 

6. Join a civic group: the Rotary, the Lions, the Kiwanis, the Elks, the local VFW, whatever floats your boat. I think this would be perfect for you. These groups really plug you into the community & give you a sense of belonging.

 

7. Protest something. Something about what is going on in the world today aggravates you. Go make your voice heard & find like minded people.

 

8. Get involved in politics. Campaigns always need help. It's primary season. So it's busy now. Then there will be a lull until the big push for November.

 

9. Business organizations: Chambers of Commerce, networking groups etc

 

10. Industry events. Dating within your company isn't so hot but people you meet at conferences or continuing education events are fair game. You already have work in common

 

11. Getting fixed up by friends & family. Tell everybody you know that you are open to introductions. You never know who knows somebody who may be perfect for you.

 

12. Look around at work, not your company but in the elevator, or parking lot; where you get your lunch or morning coffee, on the train / bus during your commute

 

13. Speed dating

 

14. Volunteering doing something you care about: rescuing animals, raising money to fight disease, being a docent at a local museum or an usher at the community theater.

 

15. Take or teach a community enrichment class.

 

The key is putting yourself out there in the real world rather than isolating yourself behind your phone or keyboard. When you are more active in general you will feel more grounded & fulfilled as a person. That inner radiance will attract happier, healthier, more stable people to your energy & make it easier to find a quality partner.

 

 

 

In many ways this advice is so good its worth printing and reading multiple times!

 

 

OP I would try some of this if you are the type who isn't shy and is outgoing, if you are shy its a very tall order but worth a try nonetheless. I wish I had read this advice when I was 30...

 

 

The bold part is for me the absolute truth there is simply no debate there in my opinion. For some of us its simply too late but I hope OP you can reverse your fortunes.

[Mysterio]

You know whats more depressing. Not having a lot of friends. That more than lack of Sex and a GF.

 

All of us have been brianwashed to think that we are really missing out on not having a love match.

 

I just found out my ex GF is having a child. She wanted one all this time. Either artificial insemination worked, or the guy she is with now got her pregnant. If he did. Then he would have know her for about 3 months or so. She showed the fetus on her Facebook page, but there is no mention of the father.

 

So be happy your not in that situation. Its nice and great to have sex and companionship, but it has to be a best of best situations.

[NEG]

Two major things jump out at me as a woman:

 

1. The "extremely small friend group." That has to be expanded. More on how in a minute.

 

2. The attitude. Hopefully you are using LS to vent which is great. Vent away. Have all the attitude you want here. In public you can't let people sense that you are upset, frustrated, disappointed, entitled or looking for sex only. You have to present as happy, confident, like you have the world on a string even when you don't

 

 

OLD / apps are fine. They have a place but you can't use them as your only option. Try a combination of these things to meet all sorts of people -- new friends as well as potential dates:

 

1. bars

 

2. MeetUps (not the singles ones; groups that do something you are interested in)

 

3. Singles events. Try the odd ball ones, not the traditional meat markets. I joined one called Leashes & Lovers because you could bring your dog. Guys were all over me because I had a Dalmatian & most of the women had little dogs. Another one I found interesting was one where they pair you up to play golf with somebody. I figured even if the company wasn't great, at least I'd get in 9 holes.

 

4. Join a co ed sports team of some sort

 

5. Check out alumni groups. I attended a Big-10 school so there is always something going on during Football season

 

6. Join a civic group: the Rotary, the Lions, the Kiwanis, the Elks, the local VFW, whatever floats your boat. I think this would be perfect for you. These groups really plug you into the community & give you a sense of belonging.

 

7. Protest something. Something about what is going on in the world today aggravates you. Go make your voice heard & find like minded people.

 

8. Get involved in politics. Campaigns always need help. It's primary season. So it's busy now. Then there will be a lull until the big push for November.

 

9. Business organizations: Chambers of Commerce, networking groups etc

 

10. Industry events. Dating within your company isn't so hot but people you meet at conferences or continuing education events are fair game. You already have work in common

 

11. Getting fixed up by friends & family. Tell everybody you know that you are open to introductions. You never know who knows somebody who may be perfect for you.

 

12. Look around at work, not your company but in the elevator, or parking lot; where you get your lunch or morning coffee, on the train / bus during your commute

 

13. Speed dating

 

14. Volunteering doing something you care about: rescuing animals, raising money to fight disease, being a docent at a local museum or an usher at the community theater.

 

15. Take or teach a community enrichment class.

 

The key is putting yourself out there in the real world rather than isolating yourself behind your phone or keyboard. When you are more active in general you will feel more grounded & fulfilled as a person. That inner radiance will attract happier, healthier, more stable people to your energy & make it easier to find a quality partner.

 

 

 

This is all really good advice - Impressive to say the least. You sound like you really know your stuff. I appreciate you taking the time to write to me as well as the others that replied in this thread. As far as the bars are concerned, I have nobody to go to them with. Trust me there are weekends where I want nothing more than to hit the bars and have a good time, but I simply don't have anyone to go with. I can't bring myself to go alone either. As for the singles events, I feel like those would be geared for older people 40+ but then again I could be wrong. I also don't really know the first place to go to find out where there would even be one to attend, so I'll have to try to do some research on that. The protesting and politics are two fields I have zero interest in so those probably wouldn't work for me. I do however like the sound of those civic groups so I will be doing some digging into those to see what they are all about. As for the friends and family and work environment, I've exhausted all possibilities on both fronts. I've stated my cause to everyone I know and nobody knows any females that they can introduce me to. I also know every person that works at my building and there are no single women available in my age group. I've just felt so utterly alone for so long now, that it's almost as if I've accepted this fate. Memorial day weekend is here and I have absolutely zero plans. I will be sitting in my room the entire weekend with the exception of leaving the house for food and to go to the gym at night. I definitely need to find purpose in my life, but on the flip side I am not the type to walk into a room of people and start talking. This will be a challenge but I'm happy to say you've given me a starting point. Again, thank you.

[d0nnivain]

At least most Elks Lodges will be open this weekend & having some type of open house for Memorial Day. Walk in & get a free hot dog.

 

There are singles events for all ages.

 

Since you know everybody in your building, have you asked them to fix you up? Try eating lunch somewhere new to vary the people you meet.

 

On some level it's a process. When I was single I made a point to do at least 1 thing per week to try to meet somebody. Some times it was hard & I had to push myself but perseverance paid off when I met the man who is now my husband at a business card exchange.

[CrazyKatLady]

I agree, just have fun. Life is short, don't spend it worrying about all the B.S. I asked myself, "Would I date me?" When the answer was Heck no! I decided to lighten up, love myself first and now I am relaxed and happier.

[babysacay]

So it's been about 2 years since I've posted here or spent any time on this site but I feel drawn back to voice my thoughts and see what others have to say. I'm 30 now and still single. I haven't had a girlfriend or any sexual relations with a female in over 2 years. This is officially the longest time span I've ever gone without a woman in my life. Needless to say, I'm about ready to put my head through a wall.

 

 

Long story short, I have an extremely small friend group. To be honest, it's tough to even deem them "friends" any more. The few that I have are either married or happily taken and/or have kids and never leave their house. My only resources for meeting women are online dating sites/apps and maybe the gym. Right now I've limited myself to Tinder after getting extremely irritated and angry with other sites like plenty of fish. I have a total of 160 matches on Tinder and yet somehow things go nowhere with all of them. Most the time they will ignore my initial message or respond a couple of times and then ignore everything else there on out. The ones that I am able to score numbers from just end up bull****ting around and will never meet up with me.

 

 

Between all of the head games these girls play and the fact that they won't meet up, my patience has reached an all time low. I find myself getting pissed off at the slightest things and I've been very quick to delete these girls out of my phone and stop talking to them. I really can't take it any more. All I want is for one decent looking woman to agree to a date because I know that they will enjoy my personality if they give me a chance. I have a decent full time job, I spend 3-4 days a week in the gym, drive a nice car, etc. I don't want to sound like "that guy" and granted I don't expect these things to affect my dating life, although I'm just throwing them out there.

 

 

Desperation is an understatement at this point. I can't get laid, period. More importantly, I can't get a girlfriend. Girls sometimes give me looks when I'm out in public or at the gym, but I'm way too shy to talk to them. More importantly, I don't want to bother them especially if they aren't actually interested. The last thing I want is to be the creep at the gym. It should also be noted that I have matched with some extremely attractive women on Tinder but again, they won't hold a conversation with me. They just ignore everything or disappear after a few sentences.

 

 

At this point, I don't think all the advice in the world could help me. I'm more interested in learning if there are others out there with a similar problem to mine. It's 2018 and sex is running rampant. People are ****ing like jack rabbits and I literally can't get laid. There is nothing else in the world that destroys my self esteem more than this. Worthless, desperate, etc. Awful feelings that I don't think anybody deserves to feel, yet my mind is battered with these emotions on a daily basis. Please tell me somebody else is in this boat so I can at least know I'm not alone.

 

 

I think the thing that kills me the most is seeing all of the couples out and about when I leave the house. I see them at the gym, out at restaurants...Just everywhere. Sometimes I see gorgeous women with run of the mill guys that don't even look half as good as them. I think to myself, how in the world did a guy like that score a girl like her? I must be a real loser.

 

I feel your pain, NEG. Except for me, I don't have an issue getting laid since I'm an attractive 27 yo woman, my issue is starting and forming a lasting relationship; my last real relationship ended a little over a year ago. I've hit it off really well with a few guys, only to have them turn me down because of distance. And we hit it off REALLY WELL, like the last one was talking about me to mutual friends. But in the end, he ended up not liking me enough because of distance, probably because he has wayyy more options than I do (I live in the middle of nowhere and can't date locally due to the nature of my work) and he lives in a city where he has lots of options. I'm sure if he were surrounded by old women and dudes, the distance wouldn't be an issue lol. Feel free to private message me if you'd like to talk/vent.

[ZA Dater]

This is all really good advice - Impressive to say the least. You sound like you really know your stuff. I appreciate you taking the time to write to me as well as the others that replied in this thread. As far as the bars are concerned, I have nobody to go to them with. Trust me there are weekends where I want nothing more than to hit the bars and have a good time, but I simply don't have anyone to go with. I can't bring myself to go alone either. As for the singles events, I feel like those would be geared for older people 40+ but then again I could be wrong. I also don't really know the first place to go to find out where there would even be one to attend, so I'll have to try to do some research on that. The protesting and politics are two fields I have zero interest in so those probably wouldn't work for me. I do however like the sound of those civic groups so I will be doing some digging into those to see what they are all about. As for the friends and family and work environment, I've exhausted all possibilities on both fronts. I've stated my cause to everyone I know and nobody knows any females that they can introduce me to. I also know every person that works at my building and there are no single women available in my age group. I've just felt so utterly alone for so long now, that it's almost as if I've accepted this fate. Memorial day weekend is here and I have absolutely zero plans. I will be sitting in my room the entire weekend with the exception of leaving the house for food and to go to the gym at night. I definitely need to find purpose in my life, but on the flip side I am not the type to walk into a room of people and start talking. This will be a challenge but I'm happy to say you've given me a starting point. Again, thank you.

 

 

 

In my respects this sounds a lot like me. I want to go out sometimes but have nobody to go with and yes I have been out on my own but when its hard to meet people you end up spending the evening being very self conscious.

 

 

Another solution is to just keep busy doing things.

[outwithpeterpan]

At this point, I don't think all the advice in the world could help me. I'm more interested in learning if there are others out there with a similar problem to mine. It's 2018 and sex is running rampant. People are ****ing like jack rabbits and I literally can't get laid. There is nothing else in the world that destroys my self esteem more than this. Worthless, desperate, etc. Awful feelings that I don't think anybody deserves to feel, yet my mind is battered with these emotions on a daily basis. Please tell me somebody else is in this boat so I can at least know I'm not alone.

 

Just wanted to highlight the bolded. According to every study, the amount of sex people have has been steadily decreasing for decades, and millennials are the most sexless generation since WW2. It's like the Facebook effect. Everyone's life looks "cooler" on Facebook than it really is. So you just see your own real life with perfect clarity, and filtered versions of other people's lives, and your life looks dull.

 

That said, I feel your pain, I've been there. It seems like you know what you've gotta do (get out socially) and just don't know how to do it. It's the worst feeling.

[NEG]

In my respects this sounds a lot like me. I want to go out sometimes but have nobody to go with and yes I have been out on my own but when its hard to meet people you end up spending the evening being very self conscious.

 

 

Another solution is to just keep busy doing things.

 

 

If you were even remotely closer to me I'd say lets go hit the town together. All it takes is a +1 with just about anything in life. Whether that +1 be a friend or a woman, essentially having a single person is succeeding to some degree. My co-worker snags rides with me to and from work every day. I definitely consider him a good friend now. We shoot the **** and laugh and talk all the way there and back every day. He tells me about all his bar and club fun back in the day. He's only a few years older than me...I've tried to get him to go out with me but he's got a wife and kids so he can't/won't do it any more. I guess what I'm saying is that sometimes it's easy to make a friend, especially at work, but the real challenge is making a friend that's on the same page as you in life. Obviously a single man and a married man will not be hunting chicks together.

[NEG]

I feel your pain, NEG. Except for me, I don't have an issue getting laid since I'm an attractive 27 yo woman, my issue is starting and forming a lasting relationship; my last real relationship ended a little over a year ago. I've hit it off really well with a few guys, only to have them turn me down because of distance. And we hit it off REALLY WELL, like the last one was talking about me to mutual friends. But in the end, he ended up not liking me enough because of distance, probably because he has wayyy more options than I do (I live in the middle of nowhere and can't date locally due to the nature of my work) and he lives in a city where he has lots of options. I'm sure if he were surrounded by old women and dudes, the distance wouldn't be an issue lol. Feel free to private message me if you'd like to talk/vent.

 

 

Not gonna lie, sometimes I envy you guys because it's so easy for you to get laid lol. I mean, I can't even imagine what it would be like as a man to go out into the world and know that we could have our pick of the litter. To be completely honest with you - The day that I find a kind/attractive woman is the day I call it quits on trying to date other people. Just give me my girl and I'll be a made man. I was going to private message you but I'm feeling like a real dummy right now. I don't see any option on here to send a PM even when I click on your username and go to your profile. Did they remove private messaging from this site or am I just an idiot?

[ZA Dater]

If you were even remotely closer to me I'd say lets go hit the town together. All it takes is a +1 with just about anything in life. Whether that +1 be a friend or a woman, essentially having a single person is succeeding to some degree. My co-worker snags rides with me to and from work every day. I definitely consider him a good friend now. We shoot the **** and laugh and talk all the way there and back every day. He tells me about all his bar and club fun back in the day. He's only a few years older than me...I've tried to get him to go out with me but he's got a wife and kids so he can't/won't do it any more. I guess what I'm saying is that sometimes it's easy to make a friend, especially at work, but the real challenge is making a friend that's on the same page as you in life. Obviously a single man and a married man will not be hunting chicks together.

 

 

In that bold line you have summarised my issue with dating too. I don't find anyone on the same page, well when I do they aren't into me so its very much one way fruitless attraction.

 

 

When I think about it nobody I know is really on the same page as me in life so perhaps that's what my entire problem is, thanks I had not actually thought about things this way before.

[Teknoe]

NEG,

I was single from December 2004-December 2015, but really, I was single until September 2017. I've had many first (and second) dates via OLD. But nothing came of it.

 

I learned bit by bit with each experience though. Some girls wanted to continue seeing me, but I wasn't feeling them so I ended it. And vice versa. And then there were times where both of us mutually agreed there was nothing there to further pursue.

 

Finally met my current GF at a time in my life where I was doing me. Going to the gym, being happy with where I was in life and taking life risks such as quitting my job blind and having faith to find a better paying better job overall, and then doing it.

 

I was on a roll and then I met someone who liked me back. When a girl likes you, you won't have to second guess every possible move or gesture. It becomes as natural as breathing.

 

All I can say is get out of your own head and live your life, GF or not. All the best.

[babysacay]

Not gonna lie, sometimes I envy you guys because it's so easy for you to get laid lol. I mean, I can't even imagine what it would be like as a man to go out into the world and know that we could have our pick of the litter. To be completely honest with you - The day that I find a kind/attractive woman is the day I call it quits on trying to date other people. Just give me my girl and I'll be a made man. I was going to private message you but I'm feeling like a real dummy right now. I don't see any option on here to send a PM even when I click on your username and go to your profile. Did they remove private messaging from this site or am I just an idiot?

 

I tried PM'ing you but got this message:

 

"NEG has chosen not to receive private messages or may not be allowed to receive private messages. Therefore you may not send your message to him/her."

 

How are you doing?

[NEG]

I tried PM'ing you but got this message:

 

"NEG has chosen not to receive private messages or may not be allowed to receive private messages. Therefore you may not send your message to him/her."

 

How are you doing?

 

That's really weird...I emailed the administrators on here to find out why my PM's aren't working. And eh I'm doing alright, just checking this out for a few before I head to bed. How are you doing? Up to anything exciting this week? If you have kik messenger we could talk on there too.

[babysacay]

That's really weird...I emailed the administrators on here to find out why my PM's aren't working. And eh I'm doing alright, just checking this out for a few before I head to bed. How are you doing? Up to anything exciting this week? If you have kik messenger we could talk on there too.

 

That's really weird...I emailed the administrators on here to find out why my PM's aren't working. And eh I'm doing alright, just checking this out for a few before I head to bed. How are you doing? Up to anything exciting this week? If you have kik messenger we could talk on there too.

 

I don't have kik lol. And I'm doing okay. Went home and went out with friends last weekend; the guy who didn't want to do the distance was there too. We were so close to just seeing each other without the label...we'd talked about it while we were still under the influence and tired (bad idea) and then hooked up. The next morning he was distant and not even looking at me, just had his back to me looking at his phone so I asked what he was thinking. He said he shouldn't have said some things about making a mistake by not giving us a chance, even though he meant it. Said even though he's thinking it doesn't mean it should be said. Then he said he'd lost attraction for me and it was the first time that had happened to him. I'm not sure why, I was doing my best to not pressure him for anything and let him know I was okay with just going with the flow and seeing what happened but at least he was honest with me. He couldn't even pinpoint why he lost attraction either.

 

I'm just trying to focus on myself for now. I noticed that when I'm not focused on being with someone, I enjoy work a lot more. I'm just kind of lonely because I live in a rural area and all I know in the area are coworkers and clients. I don't socialize where I'm at because I'm a mental health therapist and need to maintain professional boundaries with clients and their friends/families. So it's been tough without having friends and family around.

[NEG]

I don't have kik lol. And I'm doing okay. Went home and went out with friends last weekend; the guy who didn't want to do the distance was there too. We were so close to just seeing each other without the label...we'd talked about it while we were still under the influence and tired (bad idea) and then hooked up. The next morning he was distant and not even looking at me, just had his back to me looking at his phone so I asked what he was thinking. He said he shouldn't have said some things about making a mistake by not giving us a chance, even though he meant it. Said even though he's thinking it doesn't mean it should be said. Then he said he'd lost attraction for me and it was the first time that had happened to him. I'm not sure why, I was doing my best to not pressure him for anything and let him know I was okay with just going with the flow and seeing what happened but at least he was honest with me. He couldn't even pinpoint why he lost attraction either.

 

I'm just trying to focus on myself for now. I noticed that when I'm not focused on being with someone, I enjoy work a lot more. I'm just kind of lonely because I live in a rural area and all I know in the area are coworkers and clients. I don't socialize where I'm at because I'm a mental health therapist and need to maintain professional boundaries with clients and their friends/families. So it's been tough without having friends and family around.

 

 

Very nice about being a therapist. And sorry about what happened with you and him. Keep your head up, I'm sure you will find someone nice soon! By the sounds of it you seem like an attractive lady with a great career, so from my standpoint I'd say that you have all the opportunity in the world when it comes to dating.

[babysacay]

Very nice about being a therapist. And sorry about what happened with you and him. Keep your head up, I'm sure you will find someone nice soon! By the sounds of it you seem like an attractive lady with a great career, so from my standpoint I'd say that you have all the opportunity in the world when it comes to dating.

 

That's the exact feedback I got from him lol. And yeah, I just have to find someone who is okay with a little geographical distance. Have you had any recent luck?

[NEG]

That's the exact feedback I got from him lol. And yeah, I just have to find someone who is okay with a little geographical distance. Have you had any recent luck?

 

 

 

Why exactly do you look for someone with geographical distance? And no, I have not had any luck.