babysacay Posted June 7, 2018 Share Posted June 7, 2018 Why exactly do you look for someone with geographical distance? And no, I have not had any luck. Because I can't date locally lol. Anyone I see has to be okay with at least an hour's drive due to the nature of where I live and my job. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NEG Posted June 7, 2018 Author Share Posted June 7, 2018 Because I can't date locally lol. Anyone I see has to be okay with at least an hour's drive due to the nature of where I live and my job. That makes sense. Are you born and raised in Kansas? Link to post Share on other sites
Chris2016 Posted June 8, 2018 Share Posted June 8, 2018 Wow, that's a long time ... single essentially until 2017. What changed after 2015? NEG, I was single from December 2004-December 2015, but really, I was single until September 2017. I've had many first (and second) dates via OLD. But nothing came of it. I learned bit by bit with each experience though. Some girls wanted to continue seeing me, but I wasn't feeling them so I ended it. And vice versa. And then there were times where both of us mutually agreed there was nothing there to further pursue. Finally met my current GF at a time in my life where I was doing me. Going to the gym, being happy with where I was in life and taking life risks such as quitting my job blind and having faith to find a better paying better job overall, and then doing it. I was on a roll and then I met someone who liked me back. When a girl likes you, you won't have to second guess every possible move or gesture. It becomes as natural as breathing. All I can say is get out of your own head and live your life, GF or not. All the best. Link to post Share on other sites
babysacay Posted June 8, 2018 Share Posted June 8, 2018 That makes sense. Are you born and raised in Kansas? Nah, I'm actually from another state in the Midwest. Stuck around in Kansas for work Link to post Share on other sites
Author NEG Posted June 9, 2018 Author Share Posted June 9, 2018 Nah, I'm actually from another state in the Midwest. Stuck around in Kansas for work Ah ok, cool deal. My best friend moved to Springfield, Missouri a couple years ago which is basically next door to you. I took a road trip out there and visited him. Seemed like the people in general were a lot friendlier there than they are here on the east coast. I feel like that's probably another contributing factor to my struggles. People here are mostly a-holes and everything is fast paced. Everyone is on a mission and going at the speed of light. I feel like the Midwest just has a slower pace of things all together, which can be nice. Link to post Share on other sites
Teknoe Posted June 9, 2018 Share Posted June 9, 2018 Wow, that's a long time ... single essentially until 2017. What changed after 2015? Chris, I stated in my post that you quoted why I found success. I stayed the course, I stayed positive and I didn't focus as much on landing a relationship as I did just wanting to have good experiences meeting cool new people. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
babysacay Posted June 9, 2018 Share Posted June 9, 2018 Ah ok, cool deal. My best friend moved to Springfield, Missouri a couple years ago which is basically next door to you. I took a road trip out there and visited him. Seemed like the people in general were a lot friendlier there than they are here on the east coast. I feel like that's probably another contributing factor to my struggles. People here are mostly a-holes and everything is fast paced. Everyone is on a mission and going at the speed of light. I feel like the Midwest just has a slower pace of things all together, which can be nice. I've heard that from a few people! That life in the Midwest is slower and people are nicer lol. I at least have nice neighbors in the tiny town I live in thankfully Link to post Share on other sites
Author NEG Posted June 9, 2018 Author Share Posted June 9, 2018 I've heard that from a few people! That life in the Midwest is slower and people are nicer lol. I at least have nice neighbors in the tiny town I live in thankfully That's awesome :-) Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 9, 2018 Share Posted June 9, 2018 Seemed like the people in general were a lot friendlier there than they are here on the east coast. I feel like that's probably another contributing factor to my struggles. People here are mostly a-holes and everything is fast paced. Everyone is on a mission and going at the speed of light. I feel like the Midwest just has a slower pace of things all together, which can be nice. NEG sometimes you just have to find "your people" -- that group with whom you are compatible. Maybe you do need to move to the Midwest if the pace of the NE is making you crazy. Personally I find the Midwest & deep south maddening because nobody moves fast enough. If you can't move you still need to build yourself a social circle where you are. So what do you like to do? Who are you as a person? Where do you think like minded people are? Go there. I found some friends through alumni associations. I found some friends through networking, business development & industry events. You don't have to tell me (or anybody else) where you are looking but you do have to be looking. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NEG Posted June 10, 2018 Author Share Posted June 10, 2018 (edited) NEG sometimes you just have to find "your people" -- that group with whom you are compatible. Maybe you do need to move to the Midwest if the pace of the NE is making you crazy. Personally I find the Midwest & deep south maddening because nobody moves fast enough. If you can't move you still need to build yourself a social circle where you are. So what do you like to do? Who are you as a person? Where do you think like minded people are? Go there. I found some friends through alumni associations. I found some friends through networking, business development & industry events. You don't have to tell me (or anybody else) where you are looking but you do have to be looking. Honestly I mainly keep to myself. I'm shy at first around new people but I open up fully once I've established some sort of connection with someone. The only places I'm actually trying to meet females right now is online, which I have zero expectations for. I go to a couple local pizza shops every day where I eat most of my meals (sadly) and I feel like the girls there are always smiling at me and chatting me up. One of them is a family owned shop and I'm friends with the owner. His daughter always chats me up when I go in. I was in there one day and she was like "Heyyy I saw you driving to work yesterday morning, where do you work?" etc etc. But that would never go anywhere. I'd never ask the girl out and neither would she ask me, lol. I was eating at another place today and I would glance up in between taking bites of my food and I see the waitress staring me down. When she left me the check she wrote on top "Have a great weekend!". Now I wonder if that's just to get a better tip, just being friendly, or if it was a hey I like you. Who knows. I feel like girls are checking me out more often than not whether they are giving me the eyes and/or a big smile...but again, that's all it would ever be and would never go further. Dating is really impossible IMO Edited June 10, 2018 by NEG Link to post Share on other sites
babysacay Posted June 10, 2018 Share Posted June 10, 2018 Honestly I mainly keep to myself. I'm shy at first around new people but I open up fully once I've established some sort of connection with someone. The only places I'm actually trying to meet females right now is online, which I have zero expectations for. I go to a couple local pizza shops every day where I eat most of my meals (sadly) and I feel like the girls there are always smiling at me and chatting me up. One of them is a family owned shop and I'm friends with the owner. His daughter always chats me up when I go in. I was in there one day and she was like "Heyyy I saw you driving to work yesterday morning, where do you work?" etc etc. But that would never go anywhere. I'd never ask the girl out and neither would she ask me, lol. I was eating at another place today and I would glance up in between taking bites of my food and I see the waitress staring me down. When she left me the check she wrote on top "Have a great weekend!". Now I wonder if that's just to get a better tip, just being friendly, or if it was a hey I like you. Who knows. I feel like girls are checking me out more often than not whether they are giving me the eyes and/or a big smile...but again, that's all it would ever be and would never go further. Dating is really impossible IMO I'm wondering how much of this is a self-fulfilling prophecy? If you think it would never go anywhere so then you never take the shot with anyone? Couldn't hurt to try, right? If anything, you could make new friends 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NEG Posted June 10, 2018 Author Share Posted June 10, 2018 I'm wondering how much of this is a self-fulfilling prophecy? If you think it would never go anywhere so then you never take the shot with anyone? Couldn't hurt to try, right? If anything, you could make new friends I would never try. It's not worth making a fool of myself and getting rejected. Especially not in today's society with everyone being connected and communicating online. Talking to somebody in person is almost unheard of in this day in age. There are a million things that run through my head when I even do as little as think about asking a stranger out. What if I'm too old for her? What if she thinks I'm a creep? What if she laughs at me? Also, if I did come off as any of those things, my reputation in these restaurants would be ruined and I need to eat. LOL Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 11, 2018 Share Posted June 11, 2018 Chat her up anyway. Ask her what she does for fun, where she hangs out. If she names a bar or place you have never been to, go check it out, not necessarily to meet her but to have a place where you know people your age congregate. If you have to see her there, chat with her in this different social setting when she is not at work. See if the vibe changes. Link to post Share on other sites
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