Starting Out In Life

[Vagabond Loner]

I moved to a new state in high school and never fit in at that school. I dropped out of college and I'm still living in that college town. I'm not close to my family (I don't want to get too personal about that in this message). I do have 2 friends who I am slowly feeling more comfortable around. I just don't feel like I belong anywhere. It seems like everyone is living where they are because they have family there or they went to high school there. People question my right to exist sometimes. They'll say,"Why are you here?" with a look on their faces that judges and condemns me. They can almost smell that I don't belong there. What are you're reasons for living where you are? I don't know where I can live that I'll have a belief that I have a right to live there. It feels like Nativism is a natural force in life that I have to find some way to deal with. Any advice.

[Opium]

I'm sorry to hear that you feel as if you don't fit in. But I will tell you this, where you live doesn't make you a happier person or makes you feel better about yourself, you do.

 

Instead of wondering where to live and how many friends you have or don't have why don't you look a little deeper and find out why you seem so down on yourself. When I read you post I feel as if I need to run and take the knife out of your hand before you do something crazy.

 

Just cheer up and find out what you're good at. What are your hobbies and who is interested in the things you like? Find a place you can go and feel comfortable. But as far as moving or being happy where you live, that all will come in time. Just try and be happy with who you are now and where you are.

[bluechocolate]

From one fellow vagabond to another. I live where I do now because I followed my heart. Until then I have lived all over the world, rarely at the same address for more than 12 months & rarely in the same country for more than 2 years. My accent is so screwed up that it doesn't "fit" anywhere, even my place of birth!

 

Sometime I used to feel very lonely, especially when living in a country where I didn't speak the native tongue. Even when I visited home I no longer felt that I belonged there. What I learned was that one's sense of belonging doesn't come from a tribe, a town, a city or a country. It comes from within.

 

It feels like Nativism is a natural force in life that I have to find some way to deal with. Any advice.

 

Move to a big city. Seriously though, if you like where you're living & want to stay there then try & get involved in something you like doing or even something you think you would like doing - take a night class, join a hiking group - the more people you get to know, especially people with similar interests, the more you'll begin to feel a sense of belonging.

 

And you know what - some people stay where they were born & where they went to high school 'cause they're too chickensh*t to push their boundaries or too dull-witted to entertain the notion that there may be world beyond Rural Route #2. Seems to me that it's these types you describe here:

 

People question my right to exist sometimes. They'll say,"Why are you here?" with a look on their faces that judges and condemns me. They can almost smell that I don't belong there.

 

Treat them with the contempt they deserve, then forget about them.

[Vagabond Loner]

Thanks for the encouragement and the quick replies too. Yeah, believe it or not my self-confidence used to be very high. It was when I dropped out of college that I felt like I had no reason to live anywhere. I don't mean "no reason to live" , I would never ever commit suicide. But, I went through a period of about 2-3 years with no friends at all and very little positive social contact and a lot of negative social contact.

I felt a whole lot of different things. I felt alone, sad, angry, and defensive. I lost my ability to communicate and I felt like a savage sometimes, almost despising people, and wanting to beat the crap out of someone. My thoughts were always defensive though, they weren't malicious. Honestly, I feel angry as hell sometimes. I'm trying hard to not let my fear and anger consume me. As the wise Yoda once said, "Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to the dark side." And I don't want any part of the dark side.

It just seems that nativism is a wall between me and people that I meet. Maybe when I get peace of mind with myself and my past baggage it won't seem like as big of a deal. This is hard stuff for me, but I'm doing a lot of thinking to try to resolve my issues.

[EIN]

You are not alone, there are people jsut like you out there. Dont ever question yourself or care from someone who questions whether you have the right to live where you live. People laugh at me because Im different, I laugh at them because they are the same. As for those people, I say "Solo Dios Me Puede Juzgar" which when they ask what thta means and I say "Only God can Judge Me."

[Gold Pile]

In a big city, you can go about your business, and do your thing. Nobody will bother you.

 

As far as dating, you'll find more women in your same situation than in other places.

 

Oddly enough, the 2 places you can be alone, are the city or the deep woods.