Mr. Lucky Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 But I'd rather have her in my life an be out some money than lose a friend and maybe still not have the money. LOL. I'd write off the money - and the friend too. KB, based on your description, she's a user. Not what I'm looking for in a close friend... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author KBarletta Posted May 30, 2018 Author Share Posted May 30, 2018 I'd write off the money - and the friend too. KB, based on your description, she's a user. Not what I'm looking for in a close friend... Mr. Lucky Maybe you're right, I don't know. I feel like some people just have a very different approach to money than I do. Like I would be overwhelmed with guilt if this were me, but I also would use friends as an absolute last resort if I needed money. That isn't the case with her in either instance, that I can tell. Having been her friend a long time, I don't feel like she's a user. I do feel like her values and mine don't always line up when it comes to this kind of thing, which to me doesn't necessarily mean she's a bad person, just that we're very different. I still value her as a friend, as she's been there for me in a number of other ways over the years and goes out of her way to look after me on other levels. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 I think you misunderstood my post. I turned over my delinquent promissory note over to a collection agency. I did not file in small claims court. They take a percentage of what they collect. I don't remember if there was a minimum amount for the debt, this was many years ago. They were able to collect on the van loan, that I had made to a "friend"; and I received my money (less their collection fee). I had no clue you could do that! Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 I had no clue you could do that! Yes there are companies that specialize in debt collection. Some will even purchase the debt for a discounted amount, then what they collect is theirs. I chose to let them keep a percentage of what they collected as their fee and send me the rest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 Maybe you're right, I don't know. I feel like some people just have a very different approach to money than I do. Like I would be overwhelmed with guilt if this were me, but I also would use friends as an absolute last resort if I needed money. That isn't the case with her in either instance, that I can tell. Having been her friend a long time, I don't feel like she's a user. I do feel like her values and mine don't always line up when it comes to this kind of thing, which to me doesn't necessarily mean she's a bad person, just that we're very different. I still value her as a friend, as she's been there for me in a number of other ways over the years and goes out of her way to look after me on other levels. How are you going to feel next time she goes on a big shopping spree, or goes on holidays? Have you talked to her about any of this? If not, then let her know that the money was a gift to help her out but that was a one time thing. Otherwise she may ask again in the future. If you don't talk about it with her eventually you will feel some resentment, even though you value her friendship, it could change things and the dynamic of your friendship too. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 hardly worth the filing costs and time to take her to Judge Judy I wouldn't rule that out! Both plaintiff and defendant get an appearance fee, you get inclusive overnight accommodation paid for, and the production company pays any awards. You get your money back, she doesn't have to pay anything, and you both get an expenses paid trip to LA plus a sweetener. If you don't want to do that then seeing as she's a friend you can just say look you owe me $X, when are you going to pay me back? If she chooses not to pay you back and ends the friendship then it's on HER! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author KBarletta Posted June 4, 2018 Author Share Posted June 4, 2018 How are you going to feel next time she goes on a big shopping spree, or goes on holidays? Have you talked to her about any of this? If not, then let her know that the money was a gift to help her out but that was a one time thing. Otherwise she may ask again in the future. If you don't talk about it with her eventually you will feel some resentment, even though you value her friendship, it could change things and the dynamic of your friendship too. I've reminded her a few times about it, most recently after Christmas when the subject of money came up organically in conversation. That was the third, maybe fourth time I'd brought it up. Since then, she's mentioned it once or twice to assure me she hasn't forgotten. But none of those instances resulted in any money changing hands. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KBarletta Posted June 4, 2018 Author Share Posted June 4, 2018 If she chooses not to pay you back and ends the friendship then it's on HER! It's funny, the past couple weeks I've noticed a change in our friendship, but I don't think it has anything to do with the money. I happened to stop seeing a woman that was a mutual friend of ours, and the two of them have confided in each other about their relationships. So there have been conversations between the two of them recently that I think served to further put ice on our relationship. I can't say for certain that's the reason, but that plus the money probably are both factors. This is someone I used to spend time with at least once sometimes twice a week, now I haven't really seen her for any length of time for maybe three weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 4, 2018 Share Posted June 4, 2018 This is someone I used to spend time with at least once sometimes twice a week, now I haven't really seen her for any length of time for maybe three weeks. Then I'd start typing up a formal invoice and demand letter. Not much to lose at this point ... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
SunnyWeather Posted June 4, 2018 Share Posted June 4, 2018 holding resentment is not good for a genuine relationship or for your well being. it's clear this is bothering you. that means it's time for a heart-to-heart. tell her you're having some financial issues and ask her when she thinks she can pay you back. and wait for her response. having difficult conversations is never easy, but it is good for the soul, and potentially a path to healing. it also allows for the other to step up and be honest--or not...that way you will know if this is the kind of friend you really value in your life. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted June 5, 2018 Share Posted June 5, 2018 tell her you're having some financial issues and ask her when she thinks she can pay you back. To which she will of course say she hasn't forgotten and will promise to pay you back as soon as she can. And you're back to square 1. Since you work together you're presumably paid at the same time so you know when her payday is. Tell her you're happy to accept $100 a month which shouldn't be too much for her, and you'll expect the first $100 this payday. On payday ask her for the money. Don't accept "I'll pay you when I can" any ore! That's clearly not working! Set an exact date and hold her to it. Link to post Share on other sites
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