What is true love? Any happily married/long-term partnered people who found it?

[thefooloftheyear]

There is much to be said about the way people "throw away" others and don't really give a relationship a chance...This is generally not really a good thing,but with options abound, its likely to happen...

 

That being said..

 

There is no honor in "sticking it out" with someone that you are constantly at odds with..In my parents generation, most people stuck it out for a variety reasons...Money, fear of being alone, uncertainty of what's out there..etc..They also talk of "honoring the marriage vows"...

 

So does that mean God wants us all to live the rest of our lives unhappy because we made a mistake? I dunno...I just don't see that as something noble...And even though its considerably more than a 50% chance the marriage wont last, divorce is still a bit of a stigma and feeling of failure for many...That's unfortunate..

 

Point is that I don't really see true love as being something you have to really work hard at or something that is applied to a relationship that has "stood the test of time"...Many people stayed in lousy/abusive relationships over a long haul....Some forever....No prize, IMO, for doing that...

 

TFY

[No_Go]

I think it happens when you reach a point of complete trust, whenever this is.

You can't truly love someone if you constantly doubt them and impose requirements on them... When trust and acceptance are there, love follows...

 

Do you feel that the loss of ego is something a person undergoes at any given time in life and it stays with him or her until the next relationship, or is it something that develops throughout a relationship, after the two have gotten to know each other?

 

The reason I ask is because very few single people that I have come across seem to be of that mindset.

[Els]

Do you feel that the loss of ego is something a person undergoes at any given time in life and it stays with him or her until the next relationship, or is it something that develops throughout a relationship, after the two have gotten to know each other?

 

The reason I ask is because very few single people that I have come across seem to be of that mindset.

 

 

IME it develops after a certain point in a particular relationship, when enough emotional intimacy and trust has developed, and you know for sure that the other person also prioritizes your own happiness and well-being through their actions.

 

A single person perpetually in this mindset would likely be taken advantage of by a person who doesn't really care about them, and the resulting trauma would likely make them lock up completely for a very long time. If you are single, you have to take care of yourself first, of course.

[Prudence V]

What is true love? Do you want it? Do you have it? Silly teenage notion?

 

I'm guessing it's probably 5% of people or less who do.

 

I'm curious to hear from anyone who's been with their partner for 5 years or more and feels they found TRUE LOVE Tell me about it!

 

We’ve been together for about a decade and a half, married for ten years. And it’s definitely true love. We’ve both been married before, both been around the block and we were older when we met so knew who we were and what we wanted. It’s been great.

[Leigh 87]

Wow, good for you! That's some serious stuff to go through and come out stronger for it. Congrats .

 

Good podiatrists rock . I've never been for myself, but my son looooovees going even when it involves injections in his toes for ingrown toenail issues. All doctors we've encountered are so personable! And I think the field needs more women for sure .

 

Wow you managed to have a child who "loves" the visits that involve injections? We are at the stage of practicing the injections on each other and to say I am not looking forward to it, is an understatement. But just 1 year to go so the years of pain will be worth it haha.

 

I love podaitry and talking to the patients is my favourite part

 

I didn't believe my relationship was going to work, and by all accounts it really shouldn't have. We started out dirt poor and sleeping on a dirty matress on the floor. He now earns 2k a week and totally changed careers, and landed the best of the best job with the company everyone wants to work for. I am even more proud of him for the fact he managed all this whilst simultaneously battling drug addiction.

 

Does true love involve planning and actively searching? I think it does for some people.

 

We were both totally fine with the relationship ending. In fact, we were both excited at the prospect of getting to meet new people and experience the thrill of new chemistry again.

 

It just so happened to work but I don't take it for granted at all, and am forever amazed at how happy we are.

 

It really feels like we can/would stick by each other through anything. This is probably going to serve us well at the end of next year when we start the IVF cycles; which we will, more than likely, be needing to do to have a family.

[Leigh 87]

Great for you Leigh! I was wondering about your story.

 

I found the meaning of true love too. I was in denial for a while that this relationship is even possible , there were so many prohibiting circumstances, but what we have I believe is an exceptionally solid connection. There was never the ‘will he call’ or ‘will he keep his word’ anxiety, he telepathically gets my mood before even telling him how my day was and vice versa. We haven’t had a single argument and I don’t see it happening because we’re aligned on nearly everything and putting the well-being of the other as a priority. It started off as friendship but the chemistry was there throughout, so it all feels very natural - like it was something that just had to happen and the life so far was preparing us for this time:)

 

The main thing that IMO distinguishes true love from other forms is the loss of ego- my main priority is him / us, not achieving some artificial ‘milestones’ or appearing ‘perfect’ in the eyes of others.

 

 

 

Thanks very much. I am glad you have met someone that you feel the right kind of feelings for and who returns them. Very good news indeed. I too wished for u among some other posters, would find happiness in love.

 

I am a different person to when I used to need loveshack. Maybe it pays to meet a partner who is at the same lifestage. Well obviously that makes sense, but that is something I never factored in previously; I was all about the spark.

 

It was extremely turbulent for us for a while as we were poor, sh*t jobs, not close to owning a home or getting a comfortable life. Plus his addiction to hard drugs.

 

Trying to find money to book a hotel room and find accommodation for the dogs due to him having a drug binge/losing his job and experiencing paranoid delusions (hence the need for him to need a hotel to hide from the "drones")... all happening the day of a major podiatry exam, was less than the "happy ending" I was hoping for.

 

Everything is so... stable now. We just both worked really hard to get good jobs (with my degree nearing an end).

 

We are even boring and eat healthy and do everything "right" and "responsible" now days.

 

I think going through a major crisis together made us believe that "true love" can sometimes, for some couples, mean getting through the worst, most pathetic and most embarrassing (financially and career wise), times in each others lives.

 

Most people would have called it quits and by all intents and purposes, people really SHOULDN'T stick around when both of your lives are fcked up individually....

 

We just got lucky I think because we were both equally messed up, our lives were both equally screwed and directionless. We just wanted more out of life and made it happen together.

 

Thanks for the well wishes.