Missing a partner

[heavenonearth]

Tell yourself.........

 

 

 

And then? You'll be hurt, you'll get over it, and life will go on. You've had heart-breaks before and you've survived them all and you'll survive this one as well. You'll still be a gorgeous young woman with her whole life in front of her and love will come again. You need to stop convincing yourself that this man has the power of life or death on you.

 

 

Well that’s not really the issue.

The issue is that these thoughts are overbearing and keeping me from enjoying my life right now. I just want to be able to be carefree.

Especially because they are completely unfounded.

 

But that’s not somethin for loveshack. Rather for my new therapist. Lol.

[Gaeta]

Well that’s not really the issue.

The issue is that these thoughts are overbearing and keeping me from enjoying my life right now. I just want to be able to be carefree.

Especially because they are completely unfounded.

 

But that’s not somethin for loveshack. Rather for my new therapist. Lol.

 

 

A way to battle anxiety is to derail the story you tell yourself in your head. I am giving you trick on how to de-dramatize the situation when you're anxious. It works for me.

[No_Go]

"he will stop loving you while he's gone for 2 weeks"

Heaven, this statement is by default impossible. Think about it - would you fall out of love with someone you're crazy about during 2 weeks separation? No way! Other way round, you'd miss them badly. The only scenario in which (short) time apart can lead to 'falling out of love' is if the person is actually not in love to start with.

 

Hey 10 more days right? From tomorrow it will be a single digit number

 

oh trust me, i have been there many times.

often i was broken up with when there was a temporary spacial distance between me and my partners, so i have a lot of abandonment anxiety, which aggravates my 'missing'... even though i should know my boyfriend is not like my past boyfriends, and even though i do trust him that he would never hurt me, there is something inside of me that tells me "he will stop loving you while he's gone for 2 weeks" - and that's really, really making me anxious.

[DontBreakEven]

Well that’s not really the issue.

The issue is that these thoughts are overbearing and keeping me from enjoying my life right now. I just want to be able to be carefree.

Especially because they are completely unfounded.

 

But that’s not somethin for loveshack. Rather for my new therapist. Lol.

 

I completely get this. Every time I even TALK to someone new these days, these are the feelings of terror I get.

 

And why not? I mean, my most recent just ghosted me as well lol.

 

I totally understand the anxiety. It's ridiculous that we are conditioned to feel this way.

[heavenonearth]

I completely get this. Every time I even TALK to someone new these days, these are the feelings of terror I get.

 

And why not? I mean, my most recent just ghosted me as well lol.

 

I totally understand the anxiety. It's ridiculous that we are conditioned to feel this way.

 

Yes, especially after dating him for 1 year already. I should feel more secure. It's not his fault, though. It's all the buttholes' fault who I dated before him! URGH!

Edited May 29, 2018 by heavenonearth

[heavenonearth]

JUST GOT A BOYFRIEND PILLOW! Can't wait to cuddle it all night.

[Happy Lemming]

JUST GOT A BOYFRIEND PILLOW! Can't wait to cuddle it all night.

 

That's GREAT!!

 

In addition to tricking my brain into thinking there is someone next to me in bed, I notice I toss and turn less. I wonder if my brain thinks I will disturb the person (body pillow) next to me, thus my sleep is less fitful.

 

I really do hope this helps you sleep better.

[heavenonearth]

That's GREAT!!

 

In addition to tricking my brain into thinking there is someone next to me in bed, I notice I toss and turn less. I wonder if my brain thinks I will disturb the person (body pillow) next to me, thus my sleep is less fitful.

 

I really do hope this helps you sleep better.

 

Hmmm will see, I am excited about it tho!!

My boyfriend's friends that he was on the trip with left yesterday (they were only together for one week), and now the second week he is going to be by himself. Since they left, he's contacted me more frequently, which is nice.

[heavenonearth]

Six more days.

 

I am getting more anxious by the day.

 

 

How silly is this feeling of “thinking he will forget about me”?

So irrational and yet so omnipresent.

 

I hate my brain.

[No_Go]

Six more days.

 

I am getting more anxious by the day.

 

 

How silly is this feeling of “thinking he will forget about me”?

So irrational and yet so omnipresent.

 

I hate my brain.

 

It’s silly Heaven. No way he’ll forget about you:)

 

Maybe focus on the celebration preparations for him - so you can enjoy getting ready for his return.

[heavenonearth]

It’s silly Heaven. No way he’ll forget about you:)

 

Maybe focus on the celebration preparations for him - so you can enjoy getting ready for his return.

 

I know, I am trying.

he went into the wilderness today with a bunch of guys he met through a friend, for a cycling trip.

Probably wont hear from him for a few days, which makes me more anxious!!

 

 

Just went on a long bike trip myself to his city (70km), will stay here tonight. Wish he was here

[No_Go]

It’s almost time for him to get back, right? Think about that, and the things you’re going to do when he’s back:) You’ll have lots to catch up on

 

I know, I am trying.

he went into the wilderness today with a bunch of guys he met through a friend, for a cycling trip.

Probably wont hear from him for a few days, which makes me more anxious!!

 

 

Just went on a long bike trip myself to his city (70km), will stay here tonight. Wish he was here

[heavenonearth]

Hello everyone

 

 

I am in a downward spiral with my anxiety.

So he has not contacted me yesterday at all.

He left for the bike trip early morning.

 

I checked the bike clubs instagram and found that they arrived at the camp site. I also saw on the picture some women and one of them was really pretty.

 

I am now worrying that he maybe fell for her and that’s why he has his phone off since yesterday. That he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore.

 

I can’t shake my anxiety. I hate this.

[Happy Lemming]

He's coming home EARLY for you!!

 

Keep telling yourself that!!

 

RELAX!!

 

Are you sure he has signal (for his phone)?? or a place to charge it??

 

Personally, I've forgotten to turn my phone back on many occasions.

 

Is it possible he dropped his phone or broke it while cycling??

[lana-banana]

Your anxiety is completely disproportionate to the situation. It's eleven days, not eleven weeks. My husband and I have been separated by a 15-hour plane trip for months at a time. You may not travel that much, but eleven days is not really a big deal.

 

Also, worrying about being left for someone else after a year of dating isn't healthy. What would it take to feel comfortable in your relationship? If the answer is "nothing, I'll always worry", would you be willing to consult with a professional? You cannot be this anxious every time your boyfriend is away, it'll eat you alive.

[heavenonearth]

Your anxiety is completely disproportionate to the situation. It's eleven days, not eleven weeks. My husband and I have been separated by a 15-hour plane trip for months at a time. You may not travel that much, but eleven days is not really a big deal.

 

Also, worrying about being left for someone else after a year of dating isn't healthy. What would it take to feel comfortable in your relationship? If the answer is "nothing, I'll always worry", would you be willing to consult with a professional? You cannot be this anxious every time your boyfriend is away, it'll eat you alive.

 

I have crippling abandonment anxiety and i was in therapy for it for over two years and it helped a lot. But my therapist left and i have been without one for a good six months now. This is why i have not been able to continue using be tools i learned in therapy - i unlearned them almost. I am starting therapy with a new therapist again but the intake is no two weeks.

So in the meantime my inner demons continue to haunt me.

[heavenonearth]

He's coming home EARLY for you!!

 

Keep telling yourself that!!

 

RELAX!!

 

Are you sure he has signal (for his phone)?? or a place to charge it??

 

Personally, I've forgotten to turn my phone back on many occasions.

 

Is it possible he dropped his phone or broke it while cycling??

 

I was able to get in touch with him today. He said he had no reception yesterday when they arrived at he campsite. Gosh i really drove myself nuts over night.

 

Well at least i got another long bike ride out of it.

Cycled 130km this weekend. Yay!!!

[Happy Lemming]

I was able to get in touch with him today. He said he had no reception yesterday when they arrived at he campsite. Gosh i really drove myself nuts over night.

 

Well at least i got another long bike ride out of it.

Cycled 130km this weekend. Yay!!!

 

There you go... Logical explanation as to why you didn't hear from him.

 

Great job on the bike ride...

 

I cycled this weekend, as well. No where near your distance, but I had a lot of fun and enjoyed my quiet time on the bike.

[heavenonearth]

There you go... Logical explanation as to why you didn't hear from him.

 

Great job on the bike ride...

 

I cycled this weekend, as well. No where near your distance, but I had a lot of fun and enjoyed my quiet time on the bike.

 

 

What kind of cycling do you do ?

It was indeed a big cycle weekend for many.

I only wanted to do 70 but ended up going another 60 the day after.

It’s the best feeling in the world!!!!

 

This week is super difficult for me though.

I barely hear from my boyfriend because he is camping in state parks and i am just here living my normal every day life. It’s so weird that i am not with him right now.

[Happy Lemming]

What kind of cycling do you do ?

It was indeed a big cycle weekend for many.

I only wanted to do 70 but ended up going another 60 the day after.

It’s the best feeling in the world!!!!

 

This week is super difficult for me though.

I barely hear from my boyfriend because he is camping in state parks and i am just here living my normal every day life. It’s so weird that i am not with him right now.

 

I've just been fun-riding in my little town (in the morning before it gets hot). There are "bicycle lanes" here, so I can also run errands while I'm riding. Post Office, Grocery store, Public Library, etc.

 

You've been doing great, slowly but surely the time is passing and your boyfriend will be home soon, enough.

 

I'm sure he will communicate with you when he gets a signal.

 

Hang in there!!

[whichwayisup]

Hello everyone

 

 

I am in a downward spiral with my anxiety.

So he has not contacted me yesterday at all.

He left for the bike trip early morning.

 

I checked the bike clubs instagram and found that they arrived at the camp site. I also saw on the picture some women and one of them was really pretty.

 

I am now worrying that he maybe fell for her and that’s why he has his phone off since yesterday. That he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore.

 

I can’t shake my anxiety. I hate this.

 

If you've answered this, sorry to ask again, but have you seen a therapist? one who specializes in anxiety disorders? CBT, aka cognitive behavioral therapy.

 

The insecurity you have about yourself is making your anxiety much worse. Your boyfriend hasn't done anything wrong. Respectfully and gently I say this, but please do the counseling and possibly the need to go on meds (OCD thoughts that are out of control) to help you through this. You can't go on living life worrying about if he is going to stop loving you after not hearing from him for a day. It's not healthy for you or for your relationship.

 

Try to keep busy, spend time with your friends and family, go have fun! Sitting at home waiting by the phone and worrying about him serves no good purpose, it's damaging you.

[whichwayisup]

I have crippling abandonment anxiety and i was in therapy for it for over two years and it helped a lot. But my therapist left and i have been without one for a good six months now. This is why i have not been able to continue using be tools i learned in therapy - i unlearned them almost. I am starting therapy with a new therapist again but the intake is no two weeks.

So in the meantime my inner demons continue to haunt me.

 

Heaven, what you put into therapy is what you get out of it. Remember the tools you learned before. Journal your thoughts and feelings on paper. Why did you unlearn the tools so quickly? Fight hard!

[heavenonearth]

If you've answered this, sorry to ask again, but have you seen a therapist? one who specializes in anxiety disorders? CBT, aka cognitive behavioral therapy.

 

The insecurity you have about yourself is making your anxiety much worse. Your boyfriend hasn't done anything wrong. Respectfully and gently I say this, but please do the counseling and possibly the need to go on meds (OCD thoughts that are out of control) to help you through this. You can't go on living life worrying about if he is going to stop loving you after not hearing from him for a day. It's not healthy for you or for your relationship.

 

Try to keep busy, spend time with your friends and family, go have fun! Sitting at home waiting by the phone and worrying about him serves no good purpose, it's damaging you.

 

Yes I was in therapy, but my therapist changed her specialty/changed the clinic, so I stopped the therapy to see how I can do without.

But I noticed my anxiety is getting worse again.

I am starting again in 1,5 weeks, it takes some time to get a new intake, and also to find a new therapist...

[heavenonearth]

Heaven, what you put into therapy is what you get out of it. Remember the tools you learned before. Journal your thoughts and feelings on paper. Why did you unlearn the tools so quickly? Fight hard!

 

 

I know, I am trying to work with that, and I have days where it works, but on others it doesn't.

 

Have not heard from him today and saw he was online, so I am already downward spiraling again

[No_Go]

I know, I am trying to work with that, and I have days where it works, but on others it doesn't.

 

Have not heard from him today and saw he was online, so I am already downward spiraling again

 

Sometimes you appear to be online when you get reception.

 

But it is just a couple of days left, right?

 

Just think about it, rationally, nothing that will happen in these last couple of days will have any effect on your relationship, because the ratio time apart over time of relationship is small - ~3% only If it was early on - maybe. Now it is really a drop in the sea.