married for wrong reasons should i stay or leave

[lost-dolphin]

I am a 28 yr old mother of 5 boys. 5 yrs ago i was in a abusive relationship and needed out. I met an older man and he was my out at the time i had 4 kids we got married shortly after I thought at the time that i needed to settle down for my boys. shortly after our marriage we seperated. I did not love him and he was not what he led me to believe .I got into another relationship months later and got pregnet man left me i went back to husband out of fear because i was to sick to do it at the time. He was really hard on me wich i understand he didnt want no more kids he has a son that is 26 and a daughter that is 11 but he did finally exept the baby as his. We have been through counseling but he stopped going because she said most of the issuese had to do with him.I have stayed this long for the boys but i am very unhappy we dont fight but we dont do much anything else unless im faking being a happy wife.i guess my ? is should i stay for the kids sake and give up my chances for real love and to be happy?

[Maria46]

I want you to know that you are not the only person that has entered a marriage because of convenience sake. Sometimes life gets tough and we take a little shortcut.

 

Why stay in an unhappy relationship because of your children? Children can tell when things are not right and you are not happy.

 

IMO, children are much happier when their mother (or father) is happy. They also adjust to change easier than some think.

 

My children blossomed when I divorced their father. We became closer than ever. We had tough times, but we were happy.

 

Good Luck to you!!

[crazy_grl]

I think you should get out. Is the relationship you have with the man one that you’d want your children to have when they get married? If not, leave and focus on loving and caring for your children. Letting your children grow up with such an unhealthy and unhappy relationship as their example is not good for them. A loving relationship with one parent who's happy is a lot better than having to deal with the tension and pain of two parents faking happiness and staying together out of convenience.

 

Just make sure you focus on your children, giving them the attention they deserve, and making them feel loved before you go searching for a man to make you happy. I'm not saying that I think you personally would be that selfish as to not consider your children first, but some people out there really are.

 

I hope you and your children get through this together well.

[RecordProducer]

This is a more complex question than what you asked. It's not just about real love or convenience. You seem to make bad choices without thinking twice. First you had 4 kids with an abusive man then you married without love then you met some guy and had his baby right away then went back to your ex-husband.

 

For some reason I think that if you decide to leave your husband you will find another jerk and have his baby. If you have a job and are able to support yourself and your five children then leave and think about love later.

 

However, if you're going to abandon your kids or starve them then you should stay with your husband. But he isn't their father anyway and hopefully he doesn't molest them. Make sure that's not the case. It happens to about 30% of children.

 

You have to take responsibility for your actions. And you have huge responibility - your five children. By jumping from one man to another you won't solve any problem. They all feel that you depend on them completely and soon enough start manipulating you.

 

Perhaps you could move in with some woman with children and share costs of life with her. You can find her through the associations that help abused women, for example. If you don't work, you should find a job and perhaps think of some additional training that will open some new opportunities for you.

 

You also need to build your self-confidence and self-respect and not let men treat you like trash. You're only 28 but you need the maturity of a 58-year old in a life situation like yours. Good luck!