E-Squared Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 This is something that sprung to mind recently. Okay, I understand that some people have standards and would prefer if their partner was working and/or earning a stable income. But then there are times when someone gets laid off or terminated, and then the person leaves his/her partner because of it. What do you think of all of this? I can understand if someone is unemployed because of lack of motivation, but because someone lost a job, whether the person was laid off or fired, I really don't think it's justified to dump the person because of it. Where do you stand? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 This is something that sprung to mind recently. Okay, I understand that some people have standards and would prefer if their partner was working and/or earning a stable income. But then there are times when someone gets laid off or terminated, and then the person leaves his/her partner because of it. What do you think of all of this? I can understand if someone is unemployed because of lack of motivation, but because someone lost a job, whether the person was laid off or fired, I really don't think it's justified to dump the person because of it. Where do you stand? I agree with you. Do you know someone who actually did this? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 This is something that sprung to mind recently. Okay, I understand that some people have standards and would prefer if their partner was working and/or earning a stable income. But then there are times when someone gets laid off or terminated, and then the person leaves his/her partner because of it. What do you think of all of this? I can understand if someone is unemployed because of lack of motivation, but because someone lost a job, whether the person was laid off or fired, I really don't think it's justified to dump the person because of it. Where do you stand? a lot of women will leave the man if he loses his job or income. that's just the way it is. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 It's so vague and generic and hypothetical, how can we have a meaningful opinion? Like, sometimes the reason WHY someone lost the job is actually responsible for the breakup. Or in cases I've actually seen, it wasn't that they lost that one job, it was because they went into a depressed funk after losing their job and started drinking heavily and causing other problems which destroyed the relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 a lot of women will leave the man if he loses his job or income. that's just the way it is. You're not necessarily wrong, but where's your evidence? Is there data showing this? Do you at least know someone personally that it happened to? How many people do you know that it's happened to? How does that compare to how many people you know overall? It's the "a lot" and "just the way it is" that makes me dig in my heels Because I don't doubt for a minute that it happens sometimes, but I think it's dangerous to overgeneralise. One thing that we definitely hear about in the news now and then is men who are AFRAID that they will be left if they lose their job/income and therefore they lie about losing their jobs, run up debts they can't afford, and sometimes kill themselves or their families because they're too scared to face up to the mistake. Everyone would have been a LOT better off if they'd just admitted they had a problem and dealt with it. For that reason I think it's important not to encourage people to think that they will be immediately dumped if they lose their jobs. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 a lot of women will leave the man if he loses his job or income. that's just the way it is. Yes... happened to me!! The company I was working for was downsizing. I was told my job was "safe", but that wasn't the case. I got laid off in the third/final wave of layoffs. My girlfriend (at the time) immediately dumped me. I mean I got laid off at 5:00pm on a Friday and she dumped me when I called & told her at 6:00pm, when I got home from work. Oddly, that company re-hired me about a month later. I quit that job, when I found a more stable company about 3 months later. And no I didn't contact that girlfriend when I was re-hired or changed companies. She showed her "true colors"... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ItsJustMyOpinion Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 a lot of women will leave the man if he loses his job or income. that's just the way it is. Quoted for truth. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 You're not necessarily wrong, but where's your evidence? see posts 6 & 7. also, I have seen this happen many times. women want a provider and when he can't "provide" any more they split Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 You're not necessarily wrong, but where's your evidence? Is there data showing this? Do you at least know someone personally that it happened to? How many people do you know that it's happened to? How does that compare to how many people you know overall? It's the "a lot" and "just the way it is" that makes me dig in my heels Because I don't doubt for a minute that it happens sometimes, but I think it's dangerous to overgeneralise. In addition to my previous post, there was another instance where I was living with someone and got laid off (small company went out of business). My live-in girlfriend (at the time)who did not financially contribute to the household started giving me crap about the financial picture of my household. I told her between unemployment and an "under the table" job I was working on the weekends, everything was covered. I actually was bringing enough home to cover all of the household expenses and send in a small principle reduction on my mortgage. That wasn't good enough for her and she hounded me until I took this low paying crappy job, that I really didn't want to take. I wish I had taken the time to search out a better paying job from a more stable company. Eventually she left me, for some attorney that made much more money. Going forward, I never lived with anyone, again and won't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 I wouldn't, but he would have to be very proactive and do everything in his power to get a new job. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 It depends. If you also aren't made of money, then you can't support that person and ruin your own self financially in the process. You can't let someone drag you under. If the person is ambitious and willing to take jobs they don't want, they can take two and get back on their feet while looking for the right one. If they're making excuses, I can see dumping them. One of my good friends' first husband was a fun guy, but kind of a stoner, and he had no ambition beyond keeping a $7 an hr flipping burgers job. It wasn't enough to live on. She had her job and she didn't make a lot of money either. The real problem came in when instead of just admitting he wasn't interested in getting serious about a career, instead he would start doing things like say he didn't need a car (they lived 20 miles from where they both worked) so he wouldn't contribute to the car expenses like insurance because SHE's the one who wanted a car. Even though she drove him to work most of the time. Then come tax time, he didn't see why he should pay a bunch of taxes since she made more money than him. Quick round of marital counseling and then divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 I would be interesting to see how the genders differ on this topic... I'd expect most women to have the opinion that ES does...That would be what I would consider "normal" behavior for a woman that was over the age of....say...24/25... I'd expect guys to be FAR more tolerant in this area....And the better looking they(women) are, it probably wouldn't even register on the radar... TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gone_girl Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 I had this boyfriend who was building his career as a freelancer. At first he didn't make much money, and often I treated him dinner or gave him some gas money. Then his work went great and he wouldn't let me treat him again and bought me expensive gifts. No kidding. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 When my bf moved to Canada from Europe he struggled with finding a good job and he quit a couple that rendered him miserable. Because there is nothing lazy in my boyfriend I had faith in him I stood by him, he proved himself to be the solid man I thought he was. He is now employed by a big corporation and he's loving it and of course I also benefit from it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 A lot of it is stage of life as well....Most people my age(middle age) aren't looking to sponge off of their partner(at least you would want to run far away from that deal if so).. What's theirs is theirs and whats yours is yours...There aren't usually kids to take care of and by that time most of us have sizable assets/homes/retirement accounts, etc.... I know a few guys who got financially bludgeoned in divorce settlements, and have to live a way more meager existence than they used to, but are having no trouble getting in the game and attracting quality women......Most of these guys are telling me that the same judgement they would have had when they are younger is really not an issue now.. What I am seeing is as long as the other person isn't a mooch, then its not that much of an issue ....I guess one of the few benefits of getting older..*shrug*... TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 In addition to my previous post, there was another instance where I was living with someone and got laid off (small company went out of business). My live-in girlfriend (at the time)who did not financially contribute to the household started giving me crap about the financial picture of my household. I told her between unemployment and an "under the table" job I was working on the weekends, everything was covered. I actually was bringing enough home to cover all of the household expenses and send in a small principle reduction on my mortgage. That wasn't good enough for her and she hounded me until I took this low paying crappy job, that I really didn't want to take. I wish I had taken the time to search out a better paying job from a more stable company. Eventually she left me, for some attorney that made much more money. Sorry she was so nasty and demanding about it. OTOH this shows that she didn't immediately dump you for losing your job. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 Sorry she was so nasty and demanding about it. OTOH this shows that she didn't immediately dump you for losing your job. No, she threatened to leave me, if I didn't take the crappy low paying job, that I didn't want to take, which I found in less than a week after my layoff. She wouldn't even give me a couple of weeks to "test" the waters for a better company. After I took that crappy job, she went looking for a new guy (without me knowing about it and while still living in my home). Less than 2 months later, she left me for the attorney. I don't think I was asking for too much to "test the waters" for 3 weeks to a month. In addition to my unemployment and "under the table" income, I also had more than enough in savings to cover my "rainy day" expenses. We would not have starved or did without. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 It sounds like you’re supporting her financially (she lives in your house, etc.), so I’m not surprised she’s looking for money in a relationship. No, she threatened to leave me, if I didn't take the crappy low paying job, that I didn't want to take, which I found in less than a week after my layoff. She wouldn't even give me a couple of weeks to "test" the waters for a better company. After I took that crappy job, she went looking for a new guy (without me knowing about it and while still living in my home). Less than 2 months later, she left me for the attorney. I don't think I was asking for too much to "test the waters" for 3 weeks to a month. In addition to my unemployment and "under the table" income, I also had more than enough in savings to cover my "rainy day" expenses. We would not have starved or did without. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 It sounds like you’re supporting her financially (she lives in your house, etc.), so I’m not surprised she’s looking for money in a relationship. For the record, this is in the past and happened over 20 years ago. Yes... her money was her money and my money was her money. She didn't even offer to help out, when I got laid off. Its always about the money. That was the LAST person I lived with and will never allow anyone to live in my home, again. Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 OTOH this shows that she didn't immediately dump you for losing your job.She needed time to secure the attorney. It's called monkey-branching. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 26, 2018 Share Posted May 26, 2018 Its always about the money. indeed HL, indeed 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hoosfoos Posted May 26, 2018 Share Posted May 26, 2018 When the going gets tough, the women start quitting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 26, 2018 Share Posted May 26, 2018 When the going gets tough, the women start quitting. well, first they withhold sex and then they start quitting 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted May 26, 2018 Share Posted May 26, 2018 I stayed with my ex-husband for several years after he stopped working (he was unwell) when he was well enough to work again, he refused to. I paid all of the mortgage and bills for years. I eventually left him because he was abusive. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 26, 2018 Share Posted May 26, 2018 I stayed with my ex-husband for several years after he stopped working (he was unwell) when he was well enough to work again, he refused to. I paid all of the mortgage and bills for years. I eventually left him because he was abusive. if he was abusive but making $250K per year would you have still left him? Link to post Share on other sites
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