What do you consider long distance?

[babysacay]

Hi all, I'm wondering what everyone considers long-distance. One hour? Two or more?

 

I live i a rural community that I interact with professionally so I date outside my area and often get rejected because of distance, even when the other person lives only an hour away. I'm feeling really frustrated so I postponed dating until I move closer to the city. Just wanted some input out of curiosity.

[Happy Lemming]

I'm OK driving an hour, any more than that is a bit too much for me.

 

I did date someone that was about 5-6 hours away and the drive got to be too much (for me).

 

She was a great person, but the logistics of leaving work early on a Friday and then leaving her place Sunday afternoon were taxing.

[central]

A two hour drive is my limit, and I much prefer closer if possible. It really depends on how well matched we are, and if we can find that out soon enough to make it worth continuing. In order to see each other during the week, or spontaneously, I prefer someone within 30 minutes in the usual traffic conditions that would prevail when I'd be going there, and if they aren't willing to make the same effort to come see me as well, then they are not as committed, and I won't continue to see them.

 

I have traveled 8000 miles for dates, but again, that's after some kind of relationship has already been established.

[d0nnivain]

Geographically undesirable (GUD): anything over an hour

 

 

Long distance : more than a 4 hour drive or requiring a plane ride. I maintained an LDR for about 1.5 years. I lived in the NYC metro area; he lived in Southern California. We did it before cell phones; staying connected through 1 late night long distance call per week & lots of snail mail.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Geographically undesirable (GUD): anything over an hour

 

 

Long distance : more than a 4 hour drive or requiring a plane ride.

 

I agree with this.

 

Although 1 hour is still too far, because it's too far away for convenient weeknight dates, and you have to reserve all weekends to spend with that person and don't get any of your "stuff" done on the weekends. I find it stressful to be in a relationship where I either have a weekend guest or am a weekend guest every weekend (although for me, it's every other since I have the kids every other).

 

I'd be perfectly fine with a long distance beau who flies me somewhere to meet him one weekend a month!

 

So, the ideal distance is 10 or 1000 miles apart :love:

[snowboy91]

When I think long distance I think international. As in, very difficult to make it permanent due to work/visa requirements etc.

 

But I suppose across the country can be considered long distance - if it takes more than about 3 hours each way to get to the partner. Or if it involves flying - unless the flights are super cheap.

[hippychick3]

Well, my bf and I are 3 hours apart (driving) and consider ourselves long distance. When he moved away 4 1/2 years ago, we saw each other every other weekend. Now we see each other almost every weekend. We are used to the drive now.

[Chilli]

Wellllll . mine was on the other side of the world so nope , l don't call a few hours or even in the same country long distance. All visitable/doable/solvable in time.

The other side of the world on the other hand,or at least in different countries, now that get tricky.

[Tearknee]

A long distance relationship to me is when the two people cannot see each other whenever they need to see each other. I wouldn't consider an hours drive a long distance relationship since most people wouldn't find it difficult to drive that and then drive back to there destination at the end of the day. When you get into 2 hours or more that is where it gets a bit of a touchy subject. If someone likes to drive then a 2 hour drive after a long day together would be no problem, but to some it would. I had a guy friend who loved to drive and lived in the Cleveland area and dated one of my girlfriends in the Northern Virginia area and he thought nothing of it making a day trip to visit her quite frequently.

[Els]

It's a relative thing. IMO, there's a big difference between considering an hour's travel for a person you don't even know, compared to travelling for a person whom you already know and are attracted to.

 

My partner and I were long distance for 2 years - and by long distance I mean it takes a whole day of flying to get to them. It was worth it because we already knew each other and both felt that what we had was worth going the distance for. On the other hand, I wouldn't have wanted to take a 1 hour drive to meet a man whom I didn't even know, had never spoken to and didn't even know if I would be attracted to.

[babysacay]

I was just curious because I met a guy a month ago through my brother and a mutual friend. There was definitely an attraction between us and he asked to see me three times, each time he asked about a week in advance. And he knew these times that I live about 5 hours away and would be moving closer a couple hours in the fall. Even told our friend about us talking/seeing each other.

 

But all of a sudden earlier this week, after asking on Sunday to visit this weekend (would have been our 3rd time alone), he got distant and told me he doesn't want things to get serious because of the distance, even though we can easily see each other on weekends. Told me this week that he likes to meet up during the work week because that's how he gets to know the other person better. But I think he just lost interest, because this came out of nowhere; he was making plans way in advance and texting me daily before and there was a definite connection in person, so given the circumstances, his reasoning isn't making sense in my mind. Especially since I am originally from the state he lives in; my family is an hour away from him. And I'll be 3 hours from him in a few months. I just get the sense that he wasn't feeling it anymore and saying it was the distance to try to let me down easy.

[babysacay]

Not to mention the fact that there were a few guys who are completely put off by just the hour, which is weird to me. My last relationship started with a distance of 2 hours and the distance wasn't even why we broke up.

[Romantic_Antics]

Her in the bedroom, me on the couch.

[bathtub-row]

For me, it would be anything over a 45-minute drive.

[BluEyeL]

I had the exact same problem back when I was dating. Living in a small town and too limited options here so I was dating men from the nearest city, 1h away. Yes lots would say it was far but I just said they are wimps then and who needs them? My now husband lived 40 min away from me and worked I that city 1h away. He never complained, moreover we now live in my town and he commutes 1h each way and doesn’t complain at all. It was his idea to move here.

 

So while I don’t think 1 h is far and I was regularly going to meet ups , dates and speed dates in the city 1h away , some people think it’s far and you must say to each their own and be confident that someone who is not afraid to drive 1h will find you.

[babysacay]

I had the exact same problem back when I was dating. Living in a small town and too limited options here so I was dating men from the nearest city, 1h away. Yes lots would say it was far but I just said they are wimps then and who needs them? My now husband lived 40 min away from me and worked I that city 1h away. He never complained, moreover we now live in my town and he commutes 1h each way and doesn’t complain at all. It was his idea to move here.

 

So while I don’t think 1 h is far and I was regularly going to meet ups , dates and speed dates in the city 1h away , some people think it’s far and you must say to each their own and be confident that someone who is not afraid to drive 1h will find you.

 

That's really comforting to hear from someone who has been in a very similar situation, thank you so much BluEyeL!

[Els]

I was just curious because I met a guy a month ago through my brother and a mutual friend. There was definitely an attraction between us and he asked to see me three times, each time he asked about a week in advance. And he knew these times that I live about 5 hours away and would be moving closer a couple hours in the fall. Even told our friend about us talking/seeing each other.

 

But all of a sudden earlier this week, after asking on Sunday to visit this weekend (would have been our 3rd time alone), he got distant and told me he doesn't want things to get serious because of the distance, even though we can easily see each other on weekends. Told me this week that he likes to meet up during the work week because that's how he gets to know the other person better. But I think he just lost interest, because this came out of nowhere; he was making plans way in advance and texting me daily before and there was a definite connection in person, so given the circumstances, his reasoning isn't making sense in my mind. Especially since I am originally from the state he lives in; my family is an hour away from him. And I'll be 3 hours from him in a few months. I just get the sense that he wasn't feeling it anymore and saying it was the distance to try to let me down easy.

 

Oh, that does change things somewhat. I definitely agree with you that he wasn't feeling it - an hour's drive is very little IMO for a person whom you are already interested in.

 

I guess I would define "long distance" as a situation where you wouldn't be able to see each other more than once a month or thereabouts. A few years ago, the SO and I also did a stint of living a 1.5 hrs drive apart for a year due to our job situations. We were able to meet most weekends, so it didn't feel like a long distance relationship to me at all. If it had been a 5 hr drive or a flight apart, then I would consider it a LDR.

[coolheadal]

Hi all, I'm wondering what everyone considers long-distance. One hour? Two or more?

 

I live i a rural community that I interact with professionally so I date outside my area and often get rejected because of distance, even when the other person lives only an hour away. I'm feeling really frustrated so I postponed dating until I move closer to the city. Just wanted some input out of curiosity.

 

That hour is 2 hrs round trip. Not easy to overcome..

[I'veseenbetterlol]

I tried dating a guy in another state, he was emotionally unavailable. I also dated a guy, in the same state, an hour plane ride away from me. He was also emotionally unavailable. Both of these situations have turned me off of long distance. If I was single, I would only date someone an hour or less away, I don't trust anyone enough anymore to date someone a plane ride away.

[Agonistes]

To me, long distance is any distance in which it is impractical to travel to the other person's house for an evening and not stay the night.

 

More than an hour gets very old very fast so I won't start dating anyone more than that far away no matter how desirable she seems.

Edited May 29, 2018 by Agonistes

[babysacay]

Oh, that does change things somewhat. I definitely agree with you that he wasn't feeling it - an hour's drive is very little IMO for a person whom you are already interested in.

 

I guess I would define "long distance" as a situation where you wouldn't be able to see each other more than once a month or thereabouts. A few years ago, the SO and I also did a stint of living a 1.5 hrs drive apart for a year due to our job situations. We were able to meet most weekends, so it didn't feel like a long distance relationship to me at all. If it had been a 5 hr drive or a flight apart, then I would consider it a LDR.

 

We were able to talk about things in person this weekend amd he told me he lost attraction to me but didn't know why because I have a lot of positive qualities which he then listed off. He seemed really bothered by not knowing why he lost attraction but I'm glad he was honest and we're cool now. It was a good ending at least.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

A two hour drive is my limit, and I much prefer closer if possible. It really depends on how well matched we are, and if we can find that out soon enough to make it worth continuing. In order to see each other during the week, or spontaneously, I prefer someone within 30 minutes in the usual traffic conditions that would prevail when I'd be going there, and if they aren't willing to make the same effort to come see me as well, then they are not as committed, and I won't continue to see them.

 

I have traveled 8000 miles for dates, but again, that's after some kind of relationship has already been established.

 

I agree. I put on well over 20k miles driving about 240 miles roundtrip to go and see my ex. I went through 2 cars.

 

Guess how many times she's been to my city to see me this past year? I can count on one hand! (The other times I saw her in my city was because she was meeting this dude with a wine bottle in her hand down from my place. LOL!)

 

Yeah, I realize now that putting that much effort into a woman who doesn't even care about how many miles and cars I went through to develop a relationship with her is a waste of time and effort. Lesson learned!

[Better]

We all have our tolerance limits. I live in a very large city so the amount of time it takes to get from one place to another is heavily dependent on the day and time. I had a long relationship with someone who was about an hour from me with no traffic. It could be up to three hours on a Friday evening and in stop and go traffic from door to door. We eventually broke up. While that wasn't the primary factor, it was certainly a contributing cause for me. Doing something spontaneous on a week night was difficult if not impossible. On the weekends we would just stay at each others' places. As someone mentioned above, it is difficult to do that and get all of the weekend chores done when you are either hosting a house guest or being a house guest.

 

Now I prefer to date close by within the city. If we can walk, bike, or take public transportation back and forth then that is ideal. It's also nice not having to tailor your schedule around the commute to the other place just to do something quick like dinner, a happy hour, or an event.

 

Long story short, an hour is too long for me. Anything beyond that I would consider long distance.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I've done my fair share of LD dating. It's never been something I deliberately sought out of course. For me, I'm quite particular about the kind of man I want and am attracted to in terms of personality, character, etc. If I get the opportunity to meet someone who captures and holds my attention, it's hard to let distance get in the way of getting to know them better which is why I've always navigated online with an open mind.

 

And I'm glad I did. Ironically, all of my best relationships and experiences with men have been with those who were long distance.

 

As someone already said, LD is very subjective. Some people think 40 minutes is too much while others don't let an ocean or different time zone get in the way of getting to know someone better. I think you risk missing out on some pretty spectacular people and experiences when you date inside such a small box.

 

For me, I've done it all from an hour away to an ocean between us and 6 hours time difference and all with great success. LD no matter how long or short, isn't for everyone but if it is and when it's right, it can be an awesome experience.

Edited June 8, 2018 by Michelle ma Belle

[carhill]

ExW and I did the two-hour roundtrip thing for about 18 months until we got married. I didn't really consider that long distance. In fact, part of the reason I chose her over another lady was how close by she was.

 

We were able to talk about things in person this weekend amd he told me he lost attraction to me but didn't know why because I have a lot of positive qualities which he then listed off. He seemed really bothered by not knowing why he lost attraction but I'm glad he was honest and we're cool now. It was a good ending at least.

 

Glad you were able to talk things out. These things happen sometimes. IMO I wouldn't let the experience sour me on the non-local thing.

 

The lady I chose my exW over was really long distance, about 12 hours by plane each way. She was one helluva lady though. I'll bet she made some guy a really good wife. Your positive qualities will be valued by someone who finds you attractive and sexy too. Lots of guys out there. Keep on keepin' on.