My friends' irresponsibility is costing me time and money

[Ana-Iva]

I have very few friends having just moved to a new country 2.5 years ago, we are all in our 30s, so not young people any more.

 

Friend 1: every time we arrange something, she cancels, or doesn't feel good, or doesn't feel like, or something... last thing that pissed me off was that I arranged tickets for stand-up comedy for the two of us as a present for her birthday, she knew about the date for weeks. A day before the event, I asked her are we going with my car tomorrow, and she told me she cannot come because her husband is starting a new job tomorrow and she has to stay home with baby. She couldn't bother telling me this before. So there goes 35 EUR worth ticket, I could not find anyone else on such short notice, and ended up going alone. She did not even apologize but is acting like it is all normal part of life, and people's plans change so why should i be pissed. Well, it is because at least half a time she cancels. Highly unreliable.

 

Other two friends are a bit of a similar story. I cannot rely on them. I understand that sometimes things can interfere but half of the time?? I cannot take this any more and am now properly pissed after it's been done to me three times in a week by three different people. Everyone only thinks about their maximum comfort and if they don't feel like leaving the bed or if they just "kinda wanna stay tucked in" they will not hesitate to screw you over. No responsibility at all.

 

In the meanwhile, I now figured that this week cost me money too, not just cancelled planes, being left alone, ruined days and weekends... Worst is when I say no to someone else because I made plans with one of my friends, and then they cancel on me yet again.

 

I think I need to slowly push them out of my life and find more decent people. People don't change and it is easier to change friends.

 

Thoughts?

[d0nnivain]

I understand your frustration. It's why I stopped making one on one plans with the people in my life who act like that. I just assume they are going to flake & stop counting on them. If they show up, great but they are forever relegated to plan B. It really has lowered my stress

[bathtub-row]

Yeah, just distance yourself and definitely don’t spend any more money on them. If your friend didn’t even apologize, I’d say there’s a bigger problem here. Either she’s incredibly rude or she actually doesn’t like you.

[preraph]

Stop doing things for them. Don't spend ANY money on them. They're not good friends and are treating you like you're their very last thought and giving you no consideration or priority. These are not your friends. Start looking for new friends. It was her birthday, so she should have either told you, No, me and the husband will be doing something that day, or, arranged a babysitter. End of story. She doesn't care.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Several months ago my friend asked me to go to a concert with her next week. I said yes even though it's not at all my favorite band (it is hers) and I'm not fond of having to wait 2 hours after a concert to get out of the stadium lot and then drive an hour home. It's important to her so I said yes. I do not want to go AT ALL. I'm dreading the all afternoon hot parking lot tailgating and staying until the end of the show and then driving home (she's a terrible driver so I'll be driving). But, guess what? I'm doing it because I'm a good friend, she bought the tickets and is expecting me to pay for mine, and she'd do the same for me. THIS IS WHAT FRIENDS DO.

 

You need new ones .