I dont know what to think.

[382384]

Hi I've been married for close to three years and I have a daughter.

Before my marraige my then GF was a interesting person who I loved, and we had accidently gotten preguant, so we got married. A couple of months into it I relized that I dont have the same ammount of love for her as I did when I meet her. And as time grew on, the feeling grew small. Now I dont know wethere I love her or not. Some days I do and most days I dont.

Anyways about a year ago I meet a wonderful girl who in lame -in-terms was a female version of me. She started a job were I worked and from there we fell in love. Now I find my self more in love with my OW the I do my wife, and Im lost. I ammited to my wife that I dont know if I love her or not, and she replied that I should leave and figure things out. I would love to but I dont want to cause of my daughter.

[2ndgenrationOW]

Can anyone help him?

[LonelySoul]

This is a hard sitaution and a very uncomfortable one at that. Your daughter is forever going to be in your life, she's a part of you and she's your responsiblity. Just because you have a daughter doesn't mean you have to be unhappy in your life.

 

Divorces happen all the time and children come out fine as long as both parents are happy and are in the child life. You need to find your happiness and not worry about your daughter. Their are certain sacrafises one has to give up when having children but being happy shouldn't be one.

 

Do whatever your heart feels is right. If you no longer love your wife as a "woman" but only as the mother of your child and a good friend then dont' feel guilty. Just remember no matter what your daughter should be your number one priority and you don't have to stay in a marriage just because of her. My parents got a divorce when I was 5 and I love them both dearly and they were both in my life. My parents didn't skip a beat when it came to me.

[quankanne]

don't stay in a marriage just for a child ... but don't toss aside a marriage just because you *think* you've found something better, a situation that is *more* of what you want.

 

marriage is waking up every day saying, "this is where I want to be and who I want to be with." It's easy to let outside influences sway you into thinking otherwise. This other woman isn't the answer, she's just a wake-up call ...

 

love doesn't die in a healthy marriage – people lose their sense of communication (or maybe even the desire for it), which can lead one or both parties into thinking the love has died. Couple that with a situation that gets you wondering "what if the grass truly is greener on the other side?" and you REALLY convinced yourself the love is "gone."

 

before you married this woman, SOMETHING about your relationship led you to the decision that this was the person you wanted to be yoked with. Not the fact that she was pregnant, because you don't necessarily have to be married to have a baby, but something about spending a future together that made you take the leap.

 

you owe it to yourself do everything you can to reconnect with your wife and make your marriage what you've always hoped for. Counselling is a wonderful tool, and many churches offer retreat weekends that look at marriage from a perspective other than just social. It's less about finding a situation better to your liking or finding someone who "gets" you, and more about honestly assessing what you have and being willing to work hard to make it what you want it to be.

 

if, after you've done everything you can to rebuild your relationship with your spouse, things just don't work out, you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you gave it your best shot.

 

you prolly will also set a healthier tone for the new relationship you will continue to have with her as your "baby-mama." Most often, divorce will leave one or both parties bitter and the kids become the pawns, even if parents don't realize it. Lonely Soul admitting that her parents "didn't skip a beat" when it came to her is one of those rarer instances where a divorced couple put their differences aside to do their best to continue to raise their child together in a positive way.