calvin94 Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 Hi everyone, My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost two years now and last night she told me that she's started to feel attracted to girls. She isn't sure if it is phase or not but feels that she might want to experience it once to see how she feels. We have a really good relationship.. we have talked about living together and having a long future together so this is kind of out of the blue for me. She said she still sees a future and wants to be with me and loves me but has been wondering recently if those feelings she has are real and not just a phase. She doesn't want to break up or anything but more so wanted to know how I felt about that and how I would feel if she wanted to explore that. I honestly have no idea how to take this. One side of me says it could be just a phase and something she would need to do, other side is, if she really did want to be with me for the long future, would she be thinking about this? I don't want to hold her back here because I don't want to hold her back, but does that mean we should consider ending this relationship until she figures this out? Any advice here would be super helpful... thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
FilterCoffee Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 Would you be ok with having a threesome? That way she gets to explore this side of her personality and at the same time you won’t feel like she’s doing something when you’re not around. If this is a problem for you and she’s clear she wants to experience being with women then you’ll have to call it quits. Link to post Share on other sites
Author calvin94 Posted May 28, 2018 Author Share Posted May 28, 2018 Would you be ok with having a threesome? That way she gets to explore this side of her personality and at the same time you won’t feel like she’s doing something when you’re not around. If this is a problem for you and she’s clear she wants to experience being with women then you’ll have to call it quits. I think I would be yeah.. I don't know why I didn't think to ask her if she would be interested in that as well. Just thinking now, if she says no and that she wants to do it on her own then what? Like I said, I really want to support her but I guess I just have to figure out what is in the best interest of both of us. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 Any advice here would be super helpful... thank you. she's trying to find a way to break up with you 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author calvin94 Posted May 28, 2018 Author Share Posted May 28, 2018 she's trying to find a way to break up with you why do you say that? (not coming at you, just curious) any recommendations on how to handle the situation? Link to post Share on other sites
FilterCoffee Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 I think I would be yeah.. I don't know why I didn't think to ask her if she would be interested in that as well. Just thinking now, if she says no and that she wants to do it on her own then what? Like I said, I really want to support her but I guess I just have to figure out what is in the best interest of both of us. If I were in your shoes, I would be ok with a threesome where the other girl is into both of us. I wouldn’t like it if the other person just wanted to be with my partner or if my partner wanted alone time with the other girl. But that’s just me. Whatever you’re comfortable with, make it known to her and stand your ground. If she doesn’t accept it, don’t be afraid to walk. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 why do you say that? (not coming at you, just curious) if she wants to be with you why would she say she's attracted to girls? any recommendations on how to handle the situation? tell her to find a girl and that you'll step aside and see what happens 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 I am not in the least bit saying that a woman can't truly be a bi sexual... But.... In my own experience with guys I know personally that went through this, all it really amounted to was that they really weren't into guys, but wanted the "traditional" aspects of a M/F relationship...So they(wives of these guys) wound up with gf's and the guys were just around to make everything look "normal",,, I say be careful here...this could cause you a lot of grief in the end.. TFY 2 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 It's VERY common for women to decide they're a bit bi-curious and would like to fool around with a girl at least in theory, this does not mean she wants to break up. 90% of the time in my experience she doesn't. I mean, she might, but I wouldn't suggest it's a strong sign, because this kind of thing is SO ridiculously common that there are big warnings all over many relationship communities about the potential pitfalls of the threesome solution. The big thing about threesomes is that it is generally considered super-rude to women for your girlfriend to try and pick them up and then say "Oh by the way can my boyfriend join?" This happens a lot, and is one of the reasons that bisexual women are often looked down on in dating communities. And it's rude! If your girlfriend finds some girl who is attracted to HER, that doesn't mean that other girl is attracted to YOU. And if that other girl feels like she's just being used as a prop or a sex toy, imagine how that would make her feel? And of course if she DID have a mutual friend in mind then that's when you start worrying that actualy she might in fact want to break up with you to date this other person, because she's clearly thinking about it. People can be bisexual without acting on it. You don't have to date a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead to know that you find all three attractive. Being bi is not a license to cheat. She wants to know if she's into girls? Show her some naked girls. Find them sexy? Great, you're into girls, at least a little. Mystery solved. If she wants to know what it's like to be with a girl, that's a slightly different question than wanting to know if her feelings are real. And it's understandable that people want to have experiences. However, YOU should not feel pressured to let her sleep with someone else just because she's bi, any more than you should feel obligated to let her sleep with another man. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 If she had told you she's in a phase where she finds bold men attractive would you let her go have sex with one so she 'experience' it? No difference with your example. Monogamous is monogamous no matter the phase you feel you're going through. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 It's VERY common for women to decide they're a bit bi-curious and would like to fool around with a girl at least in theory, this does not mean she wants to break up. 90% of the time in my experience she doesn't. Heart somanymistakes...but disagree. Not common for women in a long term relationship. It's fence straddling, at best. If the lady wants to explore, she should end things with calvin first. It's cheating, plain and simple. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted May 29, 2018 Share Posted May 29, 2018 I don't mean common like "most women" or anything, just that it happens a LOT, so much that it's in the frequently-asked-questions section of some relationship forums. A lot of men are into it if they think they're going to get a threesome out of it. But like I said, being bi does not give you a license to cheat. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted May 29, 2018 Share Posted May 29, 2018 Monogamous is monogamous no matter the phase you feel you're going through. Agreed. Tell her it's an amazing coincidence, you're attracted to girls also and you'd like equal rights to explore your feelings. Commitment is a gender-neutral term. So she either is or she isn't. And if she's not, the implications for you are pretty clear. Do you really want to be the third wheel in your own relationship? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted May 29, 2018 Share Posted May 29, 2018 Monogamous is monogamous no matter the phase you feel you're going through. But like I said, being bi does not give you a license to cheat. True... But does the label of monogamy need to be adhered to absolutely, if both parties are comfortable to deviate from it? OP - as you said yourself, you will need to decide for yourself what you expect out of this relationship given this new information. It's possible that your partner is just curious, or actually bi or even closeted lesbian. You need to work out what kind of experimenting you are comfortable with her doing while still in a relationship with you. And whether you feel the need to request your own level of experimenting. If you can come to an arrangement that works for both of you, then that can only be a good thing for the relationship. But just be wary that not every third person will be keen for a threesome - a lot of guys fall into that trap. It's surprising how many open relationships I've seen recently that seem to work. It does take a certain kind of person though - and it needs to be very carefully considered and discussed. Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted May 29, 2018 Share Posted May 29, 2018 Firstly, this is perfectly normal so don't get too panicked about it. A lot of girls are bisexual to greater or lesser degree, but most still end up in monogamous relationships with guys. Secondly, it doesn't indicate she's not attracted to you, doesn't care about you, or is going to cheat on you. Integrity is not dependent on sexuality. So the question is, how do you feel about it? Would you be happy to let her explore things? I would not suggest framing it as a potential threesome. You'll most likely find she either never actually goes through with it, or loses interest quickly. On the other hand if you're not okay with letting her try it, you can still at least check out girls together Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted May 29, 2018 Share Posted May 29, 2018 I agree with the previous poster regarding a threesome. It also sounds a little controlling to me. Like, yes of course, explore that part of your sexuality but only if I'm around or can get something out of it. Is it just theory at this point, or is she seriously giving some thought? All you can do is let her figure it out. I personally wouldn't hang around if someone told me that and most importantly, was planning on acting on it with someone they have in mind. I would also respect their choice entirely and remove myself from the equation until things are clearer in their mind. Link to post Share on other sites
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