Guy Friend Wrote Me a Letter and I am

[FilterCoffee]

I know. How should I respond? Email, text, call him, or wait until I see him tomorrow at a school function?

 

My mother is literally telling me to not tell him anything, but just flirt with him a little more than usual. I think he might just interpret that as toying with him if I do that. He already said he has a crush on me and he would always welcome my feelings, so I just want to say something like that in return.

 

Haha your mom’s enjoying torturing him. I’d hold back bringing him home for a while!

 

Give him a warm hug tomorrow when you see him and tell him you want to meet him alone after the function. When you’re alone with him, start flirting and give him a kiss. If you don’t feel comfortable initiating it, then bring your face close to his and hopefully he’ll let go of his inhibitions.

[natalie2018]

Haha your mom’s enjoying torturing him. I’d hold back bringing him home for a while!

 

Give him a warm hug tomorrow when you see him and tell him you want to meet him alone after the function. When you’re alone with him, start flirting and give him a kiss. If you don’t feel comfortable initiating it, then bring your face close to his and hopefully he’ll let go of his inhibitions.

 

I will email him something tonight to tease him about tomorrow. I was thinking about doing what you mentioned, but I just hope there is an area where I can do it privately. I tried leaning to get him to kiss me and I could tell he wanted to do it, but I think he thought I was a tease. Lol.

 

I need to tell him I am single just so he understands, but I do not want to be too obvious.

[Romantic_Antics]

Hey Natalie?

 

Stop torturing this young man. You've already teased him enough, while playing hard to get, and had him chase you more than cops after holding up a liquor store and fleeing across the country. His letter was to tell you that he likes you and even that he loves you, but he did it in such a way as to protect himself from rejection. Why? Because you've played enough games with his mind and his heart, and he's shy enough already, that he has no idea whether you like him or not and he's terrified of trying to take the next step.

 

You have 3 options right now: 1) Meet up with him, tell him how much you appreciated his letter, and tell him "I like you too, J. I've liked you for a long time and I want to be your girlfriend." 2) Meet up with him, tell him how much you appreciated his letter, say "I have something to tell you too", and kiss him. 3) Continue to tease him and let him chase you until he eventually loses interest altogether, finds another girl, and you're left regretting that you didn't do anything.

 

Since #3 is a terrible option, but is exactly what will happen and then you'll never be together, that kind of narrows it down, doesn't it?

 

Do #1 or #2 and thank me later.

[FilterCoffee]

I will email him something tonight to tease him about tomorrow. I was thinking about doing what you mentioned, but I just hope there is an area where I can do it privately. I tried leaning to get him to kiss me and I could tell he wanted to do it, but I think he thought I was a tease. Lol.

 

I need to tell him I am single just so he understands, but I do not want to be too obvious.

 

I don’t think telling him you’re single will cut it. Try this:

 

1. With both of you standing face to face, step close to him.
   
2. Take both his hands and place them on your lower back.
   
3. Smile and bring your face closer to his.
   
4. Rub your noses together in a playful way and remain that close to him while maintaining eye contact.
   

 

Hopefully after all this, he’ll go for it. You can’t do more to prompt a kiss. If you need privacy, do it in a park or a parking lot.

[JuneL]

OP: Did you have much success getting dating advice from your mother in the past?

[natalie2018]

Hey Natalie?

 

Stop torturing this young man. You've already teased him enough, while playing hard to get, and had him chase you more than cops after holding up a liquor store and fleeing across the country. His letter was to tell you that he likes you and even that he loves you, but he did it in such a way as to protect himself from rejection. Why? Because you've played enough games with his mind and his heart, and he's shy enough already, that he has no idea whether you like him or not and he's terrified of trying to take the next step.

 

You have 3 options right now: 1) Meet up with him, tell him how much you appreciated his letter, and tell him "I like you too, J. I've liked you for a long time and I want to be your girlfriend." 2) Meet up with him, tell him how much you appreciated his letter, say "I have something to tell you too", and kiss him. 3) Continue to tease him and let him chase you until he eventually loses interest altogether, finds another girl, and you're left regretting that you didn't do anything.

 

Since #3 is a terrible option, but is exactly what will happen and then you'll never be together, that kind of narrows it down, doesn't it?

 

Do #1 or #2 and thank me later.

 

The strange part is that I never really considered him shy. Someone in class pointed it out. He had a stutter when he was little and people teased him about it, so he said he keeps his mouth shut, but when he talks there is no trace of a stutter and he sounds so professional. Around me, he never seemed to be nervous. Like "zero" nervousness. He was literally cool as can be. When he said he helped me out on that project, we were reading something and he sat shoulder to shoulder with me and guided my hand over the page with his. I was shocked because there was no hesitation until I tried leaning in to see if he would kiss me. I don't know, but I sometimes get the feeling that he may be playing dumb, but he might just be overly cautious.

[natalie2018]

OP: Did you have much success getting dating advice from your mother in the past?

 

I've never dated unless you count the guy that took me to prom after my parents asked his parents. Lol.

[marky00]

I don't know what to say! I think he'll think I'm toying with him! I want to say thank you, but would it be wrong to say "I like you too"? My mother says I'll be giving away all of my power if I say that and he needs to chase me...but that is her opinion.

 

too much game playing on your part.

 

when that backfires and blows up in your face, you will regret it. The guy has written probably the longest and most touching letter a girl could receive and yet your still worried about giving up your power. Say something to him for heaven's sake.

[JuneL]

Okay, I see the two of you are super inexperienced in dating. Either one of you might not be a shy person in general, but you are super shy as far as dating is concerned. Just make things as straightforward as possible. I think going on a cute date (e.g., perhaps getting ice-cream?) and holding hands would be a great first step. Don’t overthink about kissing or making out yet...

[FilterCoffee]

Okay, I see the two of you are super inexperienced in dating. Either one of you might not be a shy person in general, but you are super shy as far as dating is concerned. Just make things as straightforward as possible. I think going on a cute date (e.g., perhaps getting ice-cream?) and holding hands would be a great first step. Don’t overthink about kissing or making out yet...

 

This is great advice OP.

[preraph]

Don't write or text anything. You've got to get you both out the door meeting for a coffee or ice cream. YOU are going to have to ask him because obviously he will do anything except ask you out at this point. I do think it's odd that if he's that afraid of rejection, he'd write a three-page flowery tomb, but people draw their lines in weird places. If you have been flirting but then acting like you like some other guy and that scared him off (I seriously think his issues are much bigger than anything that simple), then the ball is in your court. If he isn't capable of asking a woman out, then the ball is still in your court. You are interested enough to get to the bottom of it and see if he is worth all this mental exercise. So get him out of the house and to meetup and don't prolong this insanity any more. Seems like the more you communicate, the more misunderstanding there is. This does not bode well for your compatibility already. But maybe you can have a summer fling if you asking him out will make him then step up and in turn ask you on a real date and act like a grown man.

 

Good luck. Do not start asking him questions about his letter. He's too wound up.

[natalie2018]

Don't write or text anything. You've got to get you both out the door meeting for a coffee or ice cream. YOU are going to have to ask him because obviously he will do anything except ask you out at this point. I do think it's odd that if he's that afraid of rejection, he'd write a three-page flowery tomb, but people draw their lines in weird places. If you have been flirting but then acting like you like some other guy and that scared him off (I seriously think his issues are much bigger than anything that simple), then the ball is in your court. If he isn't capable of asking a woman out, then the ball is still in your court. You are interested enough to get to the bottom of it and see if he is worth all this mental exercise. So get him out of the house and to meetup and don't prolong this insanity any more. Seems like the more you communicate, the more misunderstanding there is. This does not bode well for your compatibility already. But maybe you can have a summer fling if you asking him out will make him then step up and in turn ask you on a real date and act like a grown man.

 

Good luck. Do not start asking him questions about his letter. He's too wound up.

 

Well, some of that has been solved. One of my "friends" said he asked if I was single and she said that she thought I only wanted to focus on school right now. He told her that he wanted to take me to Disneyland, but he did not know if I just saw him as a really good friend or something else. That explains why he thought asking me out would be a distraction. I guess my lack of response to him telling me how he felt last week may have made him think he was on the path to rejection.

Edited May 29, 2018 by natalie2018

[natalie2018]

This is great advice OP.

 

I'm thinking of sending him an email. He did not bother me after he gave it to me, but I know he might be stressing out. Should I send this just to hold him over until I see him?:

 

Hi J,

 

I read your letter and I am very flattered by your words which were elegant and expressed like a gentleman.

 

First, I would like to apologize if I misled you with my attitudes. You are an incredible person who is both smart and respectable. I am convinced that you will make a great partner for someone, but I never intended for it to seem as if I was playing with your emotions. If I gave that impression, then I apologize.

 

I hope that even my failures in life can bless those around me. To hear that our time together has inspired you truly brings me tears of joy. I am convinced that you are seeing a reflection in me of what God truly sees in you, so I am not as amazing as you think! I am blessed everyday with God's love, same as you. You only see me as beautiful because I wear a gown made from the blood of Christ. I pray that God will keep forming you into the person he wants you to be.

 

Thank you for sharing yourself with me and our friends and thank you for your friendship. I am so excited to see what God will accomplish through you!

 

Wishing you the very best!

 

N

 

P.S. See you tomorrow!

Edited May 29, 2018 by natalie2018

[JuneL]

Sounds like both of you are comedians :laugh:

[natalie2018]

Sounds like both of you are comedians :laugh:

 

Is that good or bad? My response does not sound like a rejection, right?

Edited May 29, 2018 by natalie2018

[Romantic_Antics]

I'm thinking of sending him an email. He did not bother me after he gave it to me, but I know he might be stressing out. Should I send this just to hold him over until I see him?:

 

Hi J,

 

I read your letter and I am very flattered by your words which were elegant and expressed like a gentleman.

 

First, I would like to apologize if I misled you with my attitudes. You are an incredible person who is both smart and respectable. I am convinced that you will make a great partner for someone, but I never intended for it to seem as if I was playing with your emotions. If I gave that impression, then I apologize.

 

I hope that even my failures in life can bless those around me. To hear that our time together has inspired you truly brings me tears of joy. I am convinced that you are seeing a reflection in me of what God truly sees in you, so I am not as amazing as you think! I am blessed everyday with God's love, same as you. You only see me as beautiful because I wear a gown made from the blood of Christ. I pray that God will keep forming you into the person he wants you to be.

 

Thank you for sharing yourself with me and our friends and thank you for your friendship. I am so excited to see what God will accomplish through you!

 

Wishing you the very best!

 

N

 

P.S. See you tomorrow!

 

No, don't send that. Saying things like "I am convinced you will make a great partner for someone", "thank you for your friendship", "wishing you the very best", and even "I would like to apologize if I mislead you" only serve to create additional confusion and further misleading. It sounds like you're firmly planting him in the friend zone in that email. You've already sent him that message and we've been telling you it's time to send him a different one.

 

If you insist on sending him something to hold him over until tomorrow then just send him something like, "I'm looking forward to seeing you tomorrow! ;)". That plus the wink will show that you're excited to spend time with him and is just flirty enough to get him thinking. When you see him tomorrow, TELL HIM THAT YOU LIKE HIM!

 

If there's any confusion, kiss him or tell him that you'd like to be his girlfriend. He's nervous and inexperienced, you're nervous and inexperienced, but you have the power to change that and it will be you taking power and being empowered, not giving it away or losing it since you mentioned that previously.

 

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[nospam99]

Is that good or bad? My response does not sound like a rejection, right?

 

Old 'mercan dude here. If I got an email like that it would sound like rejection to me. At the very least friendzoning. I haven't read this whole thread, certainly did not read the Wall of Text that he sent you. Gotta ask, are you and this 'gentleman' in the US or some other, possibly non-Western, culture? I get that you and he are late teens to early twenties. In 'merca (LS ladies correct me if I misspeak) a 'young lady' of that age can straightforwardly tell a 'young man' 'I would like to spend time with you so we can get to know each other outside of academic situations. What kinds of outside interests do you have? Would be like to discuss this over coffee/ice cream/whatever?'

[Marc878]

I'm thinking of sending him an email. He did not bother me after he gave it to me, but I know he might be stressing out. Should I send this just to hold him over until I see him?:

 

Hi J,

 

I read your letter and I am very flattered by your words which were elegant and expressed like a gentleman.

 

First, I would like to apologize if I misled you with my attitudes. You are an incredible person who is both smart and respectable. I am convinced that you will make a great partner for someone, but I never intended for it to seem as if I was playing with your emotions. If I gave that impression, then I apologize.

 

I hope that even my failures in life can bless those around me. To hear that our time together has inspired you truly brings me tears of joy. I am convinced that you are seeing a reflection in me of what God truly sees in you, so I am not as amazing as you think! I am blessed everyday with God's love, same as you. You only see me as beautiful because I wear a gown made from the blood of Christ. I pray that God will keep forming you into the person he wants you to be.

 

Thank you for sharing yourself with me and our friends and thank you for your friendship. I am so excited to see what God will accomplish through you!

 

Wishing you the very best!

 

N

 

P.S. See you tomorrow!

 

It's too wordy and doesn't get to the point.

 

Cut out the middle two paragraphs and say. I'd like to get to know you better. How about getting coffee or lunch together?

[natalie2018]

No, don't send that. Saying things like "I am convinced you will make a great partner for someone", "thank you for your friendship", "wishing you the very best", and even "I would like to apologize if I mislead you" only serve to create additional confusion and further misleading. It sounds like you're firmly planting him in the friend zone in that email. You've already sent him that message and we've been telling you it's time to send him a different one.

 

If you insist on sending him something to hold him over until tomorrow then just send him something like, "I'm looking forward to seeing you tomorrow! ;)". That plus the wink will show that you're excited to spend time with him and is just flirty enough to get him thinking. When you see him tomorrow, TELL HIM THAT YOU LIKE HIM!

 

If there's any confusion, kiss him or tell him that you'd like to be his girlfriend. He's nervous and inexperienced, you're nervous and inexperienced, but you have the power to change that and it will be you taking power and being empowered, not giving it away or losing it since you mentioned that previously.

 

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

 

Sorry! I was just trying to respond to his last paragraph! See:

 

"Every moment with you has made feel as if I am getting closer to becoming the person I want to be one day. Hopefully, we can keep in touch. I will leave my contact information if you want to keep in touch. Rock on, Superwoman! All I ask is for the permission to continue regular correspondence with you because of your great value to me as a friend and more. Hopefully, we can talk sometime soon, go for a run, grab some tea, see a movie, or just hang out. As a friend, I would definitely like to show you around some of the great places around here that you may have not visited yet. As anything more to you, I will not let you down if called upon. If you notice a little spot on the envelope, I am sealing this envelope with a tear because I feel that tears are the only way to signify gratitude towards another person after one journey ends and another begins, but believe me, these tears that I shed as I think about my time with you are tears of pure joy."

[natalie2018]

Old 'mercan dude here. If I got an email like that it would sound like rejection to me. At the very least friendzoning. I haven't read this whole thread, certainly did not read the Wall of Text that he sent you. Gotta ask, are you and this 'gentleman' in the US or some other, possibly non-Western, culture? I get that you and he are late teens to early twenties. In 'merca (LS ladies correct me if I misspeak) a 'young lady' of that age can straightforwardly tell a 'young man' 'I would like to spend time with you so we can get to know each other outside of academic situations. What kinds of outside interests do you have? Would be like to discuss this over coffee/ice cream/whatever?'

 

He is American from Southern California. I moved to Southern California 13 years ago from Puerto Rico.

[preraph]

It sounds exactly like a rejection! Stop beating around the bush. You can't tell him he'd be good for "someone." That's saying but not for you. Ask him out.

 

Neither of you seem to be able to just get to the point. Just say, "Let's go have ice cream on Saturday." You need to do something soon because yes, he has by now felt humiliated he hasn't heard back.

 

And no, do NOT try to respond to any of the drivel he wrote in his crazy letter! Just ask him out and do it right now. You have got to stop all this confusing nonsense and just get face to face.

[natalie2018]

It sounds exactly like a rejection! Stop beating around the bush. You can't tell him he'd be good for "someone." That's saying but not for you. Ask him out.

 

Neither of you seem to be able to just get to the point. Just say, "Let's go have ice cream on Saturday." You need to do something soon because yes, he has by now felt humiliated he hasn't heard back.

 

And no, do NOT try to respond to any of the drivel he wrote in his crazy letter! Just ask him out and do it right now. You have got to stop all this confusing nonsense and just get face to face.

 

So just say "Hey, I'd love to take you up on your offer for a movie and tea this weekend. Are you free this weekend?"

[JuneL]

I seriously thought these two young people are living in the Victorian Era

 

Old 'mercan dude here. If I got an email like that it would sound like rejection to me. At the very least friendzoning. I haven't read this whole thread, certainly did not read the Wall of Text that he sent you. Gotta ask, are you and this 'gentleman' in the US or some other, possibly non-Western, culture? I get that you and he are late teens to early twenties. In 'merca (LS ladies correct me if I misspeak) a 'young lady' of that age can straightforwardly tell a 'young man' 'I would like to spend time with you so we can get to know each other outside of academic situations. What kinds of outside interests do you have? Would be like to discuss this over coffee/ice cream/whatever?'

[natalie2018]

I seriously thought these two young people are living in the Victorian Era

 

Well...California is strange

 

Honestly, I thought he was from the Victorian Era when I met him. He handwrote all of that! I prefer texting and phone calls and electronic communication. He is always about handwritten, face to face, or video chat. He says he likes to look someone in the eye when talking to them. He has never had alcohol either and he ballroom dances. He says he joined a lot of military prep organizations in high school, so he has never been much of a party person.

[preraph]

I think that would be fine, but would prefer you just did something cheap and you pay for it this first time since you'll be doing the asking. If his offer for movie was recent, then I guess that's fine, but if it's even a few days old, he might not have the money right this minute. Just see if he will go for coffee or ice cream and break the ice. Then you can talk about whatever and say you're open to date him if you want or just see if he can pick up the ball and run with it his own self.