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[b52srock]

Well, been a while since I've posted here, but this has been one helluva day.

 

Divorce was final July 1st. A little messy, but I've bought a new house, moved in, gotten the kids settled in and school has started. I'd even gotten to the place where I wasn't nasty to him when I'd see him...we actually communicated about the kids, although it had to be either through text messaging on our phones or by email, otherwise I'd just get all pissed off again for ridiculous reasons.

 

Anyhoo....had a crappy day at work...went to get my hair cut...and the stylist tells me her husband saw the ex with my daughter and his wh*re at Water World and a football game over the weekend. Totally and completely shot me down. I thought I was doing so well...now...can't stop crying thinking about what a "beautiful little family" they must have been parading around the park.

 

My son didn't go with them as he told his father's wh*re (to her face!) that he absolutely detested her, didn't want to be anywhere near her, and she was the reason he now comes from a broken home. I'm sure it was hard for his father to hear those things come out of his son's mouth, but I'm proud that he finally stood up for himself and told his father and the wench exactly what he thought. He did this just a few days after the divorce when "father of the year" took them all camping. I went out to the lake to pick my son up because he was so upset.

 

So...probably shouldn't have done this...but I sent him an email a little while ago letting him know tha I knew they'd been there together (this was a school trip for God's sake!) and I would appreciate it if he'd let me know when the wedding date was so I wouldn't be blindsided by that bit of news, too.

 

I know...shouldn't have done it...but what I really want to do is slap the crap out of him!

[Art_Critic]

Your children are going to believe what you tell them to believe about your ex's girlfriend.

 

So if they detest her it is you that gave them the impression to detest her.

 

you seem very angry and by the sounds of it you could use a decent therapist.

 

You are calling his GF a whore and using your children to drive a wedge between your ex and his GF.

 

Obviously you are hurt and it will take time to come to terms with it and all that has happened or that he did to you ..

 

But remember this .. Practice acceptance and patience when dealing with your children.. they are parrotting your feelings right now. and they need you to be there for them ..Strong ..

 

I hope you get some peace in your life ...

[Devildog]

Art Critic, you seem to have a good head on your shoulders for the most part. You have given some pretty good advice here. But methinks you might be a bit hasty in this particular situation. Certainly b52srock is upset. She has every right to be. Emotions are not that easy to turn off and on. Some people walk the path to emotional recovery and others run and still others crawl. It all depends on the person.

 

Kids are smart. They can see through alot of the BS we adults tell them for their own benefit. I think it is more an issue of her son seeing what is going on rather than b52srock putting anything in his head. He can most likely see that his father is out with this other woman, and has been with her for some time now, while his mother is hurting. No matter how hard we try to hide it, being sad or depressed is the most difficult of emotions to hide. It wouldn't take much for her son to do the math here.

 

b52srock, we all have our days where we slip back abit. My XW left me, and she is the one who ended up getting upset and jealous when I was moving on with my life. We don't call it the roller coaster for nothing. It will pass and each day you get stronger. Keep your chin up girl!

[Maria46]

Art Critic knows what he is talking about. One thing you have to be VERY careful about when going thru separation and divorce is to keep the children out of it.

 

The problem is between the parents and needs to stay that way. I hope your son can realize that as, no matter what, he only has one father.

 

I know you will have to bite your tongue over and over again. I know you just want to strangle him and lash out at him. But please, direct it at him only.

 

I have been in the same boat as you and it was so hard to keep my mouth shut when I just wanted to rip him a new one. I just waited til the kids weren't around.

 

I am sorry you are hurting!!

 

Take care!

[b52srock]

Art Critic-

Perhaps you should know a little bit of the background here with my kids. My son knew his father was having an affair long before I did. Had seen them together more than once, was taking hell for it at school, and not once did this 16 year old boy breathe a word of it to me. He carried that burden for nearly a year before it all came out. He has been stronger than you can imagine for his age. You see, he lost his best friend, holding his hand at his hospital bedside as he passed on to better things....a week after his father walked out on us. An awful lot for his young shoulders. He knows exactly what his father has been doing, and it did not come from me. He had no contact with them for weeks at a time when he first left. No phone calls, no emails, didn't bother to stop by to see them even though he was mere blocks from our home.

 

My daughter is too young yet to realize what all of this really means. She likes dad's girlfriend and wants to know if I "like" somebody, too. Trust me when I say as a mother that its like having a knife twisted in your stomach every time she says something like "I want a Jeep when I grow up", just because daddy's little bitch has one. Live it, then tell me, OK?

 

I never say anything derrogatory about their father in front of them, period. I went through that with my grandmother bashing my absent father my entire life and I've sworn I won't do that to my children.

 

Devildog-

Thank you for understanding that depression is hard to hide from your kids and everyone else. While medication keeps me from being completely unscrewed, there are times when it is just unavoidable. And its always the little things that set it off!

 

I have every right in the world to hate this woman. There aren't enough nasty words in the dictionary to describe her. Wh*re just happens to be my favorite. Although I've likened her to a pinata at a birthday party, too...everyone's had a whack at her. A little hard to deal with the "cute little family picture" when the woman in it has slept with half the men in town just because she could. She started in High School and has continued into her adult life. A leopard doesn't change its spots.

 

As for the ex...he was a decent, loving, caring, HONEST man until he got caught up with her. Now he feels its OK to leave his wife, his children, everyone who loved him....just because this bitch tells him his life was so horrible.

[Mz. Pixie]

B52- I know you're angry and rightfully so but let's place the blame on your exh's shoulders. He is the one who had vows with you and who left. She is what she is. If she's a wxore, then she is. Other than the contact she has with your children you shouldn't care one way or the other.

 

You were the prize. He was obviously not man enough to have a relationship with a good solid woman like you. Have faith that one day you will find someone who deserves you. He doesn't. As far as I'm concerned, they deserve each other!