Family Guy Posted May 29, 2018 Share Posted May 29, 2018 I'm here for advice, I'm 27 and my wife is 26 we have been together six years and have two beautiful girls, she is an amazing mother. The problem is that ive got a high sex drive and my wife is a pretty selfish lover. It sounds ridiculous but she orgasms way too fast, I'm talking 10mins maximum and once she reaches orgasm she literally can't bear to have me inside her or even touching her she loses all interest in being intimate. It's like the classic sex scene on films with the guy blowing his load rolling over and going to sleep except the opposite way around in my case. The last time we had sex she tried to finish me off with her hand after she orgasmed but she was literally layed watching tv while tendorising my manhood, it got to the point where I got offended and asked her to stop because it was obviously a chore for her. It probably all sounds like I'm whining but sex and intimacy is a big part of a relationship for me and I just feel unwanted, in a selfish way I want it to be like early in the relationship when we lusted after each other and i felt desired by my wife. Has anyone gone through this kind of thing and come out the other side, or should I just come to terms with how things are? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 29, 2018 Share Posted May 29, 2018 Early on in the relationship, was she able to continue if she got to the finish line before you? How exactly have things changed from those early days... Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 29, 2018 Share Posted May 29, 2018 This behavior is flat-out selfish . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Family Guy Posted May 29, 2018 Author Share Posted May 29, 2018 Early in the relationship it wouldn't be unusual for us to literally spend the entire day having sex and she would last a long time before orgasm, obviously things change we have more responsibilities and children. It isn't the amount we have sex that is the problem it just literally feels as though there is no effort put in anymore on my wife's part. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 29, 2018 Share Posted May 29, 2018 Early in the relationship it wouldn't be unusual for us to literally spend the entire day having sex and she would last a long time before orgasm, obviously things change we have more responsibilities and children. It isn't the amount we have sex that is the problem it just literally feels as though there is no effort put in anymore on my wife's part. Have you tried talking to her about it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Family Guy Posted May 29, 2018 Author Share Posted May 29, 2018 We have had calm conversations about it arguments about it and we have given each other the silent treatment over it. I've told her how I feel and nothing has changed, I've even tried not trying and we went a month without any intimacy, the strange thing is I know my wife loves me and I love her and I know she still fancies me because of how her body reacts when we do get intimate (maybe I'm over analysing) Link to post Share on other sites
FilterCoffee Posted May 29, 2018 Share Posted May 29, 2018 Maybe with more fore play on her part you can orgasm before or at the same time as her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Family Guy Posted May 29, 2018 Author Share Posted May 29, 2018 Maybe with more fore play on her part you can orgasm before or at the same time as her? That might work but I've not seen a position other than missionary or doggy in over a year... Both of which involves me doing all the work, so the chances of me swindling a cheeky bj or any other job before intercourse are slim to none Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted May 29, 2018 Share Posted May 29, 2018 Could she be faking the early orgasm just to get it over with? Also, just because she may physiologically show the signs of arousal, doesn't mean she's necessarily "into it." I get like a flooded basement even after some kissing. Doesn't matter how into the guy I am or not, it just happens. Sorry you're going through this! It sounds awful. Having an ungiving partner is worse in my mind than someone unskilled, because skills can be learned. I was once with a guy who tried to get me to finger myself while giving him a handjob. I was like, dude, not only am I not that coordinated, I am NOT doing all this work by myself. I wouldn't let him leave until he got me off. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FilterCoffee Posted May 29, 2018 Share Posted May 29, 2018 That might work but I've not seen a position other than missionary or doggy in over a year... Both of which involves me doing all the work, so the chances of me swindling a cheeky bj or any other job before intercourse are slim to none I mean she does tendorise your manhood right? Just ask her to do it before her show begins 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Family Guy Posted May 29, 2018 Author Share Posted May 29, 2018 Could she be faking the early orgasm just to get it over with? Also, just because she may physiologically show the signs of arousal, doesn't mean she's necessarily "into it." I get like a flooded basement even after some kissing. Doesn't matter how into the guy I am or not, it just happens. Sorry you're going through this! It sounds awful. Having an ungiving partner is worse in my mind than someone unskilled, because skills can be learned. I was once with a guy who tried to get me to finger myself while giving him a handjob. I was like, dude, not only am I not that coordinated, I am NOT doing all this work by myself. I wouldn't let him leave until he got me off. God I hope she isn't... If she is then she is a very good actress and I do put some serious effort in for those 10mins haha. And you have hit the nail on the head with the unskilled partner vs ungiving it's worse that I know she can rock my world if she wants but just can't be bothered. I'm going to have to ask her if she fakes orgasms now lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Family Guy Posted May 29, 2018 Author Share Posted May 29, 2018 I mean she does tendorise your manhood right? Just ask her to do it before her show begins Not in a good way! I still have bruises in surprising places. Link to post Share on other sites
FilterCoffee Posted May 29, 2018 Share Posted May 29, 2018 Not in a good way! I still have bruises in surprising places. I feel for you bro. I hope you start coming faster. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 29, 2018 Share Posted May 29, 2018 I feel for you bro. I hope you start coming faster. Thing is, you are still a young guy... but as guys age, it often takes longer and requires more stimulation to get there... Which should make her more willing to put in the effort to help you to get there. I don’t have the answer... but the fact that you have told her what you want, argued about it, and she is still unwilling to change tells you a lot. No doubt about it, she is being very selfish. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Family Guy Posted May 29, 2018 Author Share Posted May 29, 2018 Thing is, you are still a young guy... but as guys age, it often takes longer and requires more stimulation to get there... Which should make her more willing to put in the effort to help you to get there. I don’t have the answer... but the fact that you have told her what you want, argued about it, and she is still unwilling to change tells you a lot. No doubt about it, she is being very selfish. It's honestly just a relief that other people think it's selfish and I'm not just being completely self centred and entitled. I don't know what to do but at least I've got it off of my chest. (Still a silly problem to have) maybe I should start being more selfish in bed and hopefully she will then understand how it makes you feel. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 29, 2018 Share Posted May 29, 2018 How's the intimacy outside the bedroom? The non-sexual emotional and physical intimacy. Do you get the sense she's longing for your presence and touch outside the sex part? Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 29, 2018 Share Posted May 29, 2018 It's honestly just a relief that other people think it's selfish and I'm not just being completely self centred and entitled. I don't know what to do but at least I've got it off of my chest. (Still a silly problem to have) maybe I should start being more selfish in bed and hopefully she will then understand how it makes you feel. I was thinking maybe you should just roll over and say a cheery goodnight the second she finishes so she might see how ridiculous that is! Also, how long does it take you? Are we talking an extra 10 minutes or an extra 60 minutes here? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Family Guy Posted May 29, 2018 Author Share Posted May 29, 2018 How's the intimacy outside the bedroom? The non-sexual emotional and physical intimacy. Do you get the sense she's longing for your presence and touch outside the sex part? To be honest the physical intimacy outside the bedroom is pretty bad, I really enjoy cuddling up and all that touchy feely stuff, where as she isn't really into it (I sound like the woman in this relationship don't i) The emotional intimacy as far as sharing feelings and thoughts is really good we share anything and everything... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Family Guy Posted May 29, 2018 Author Share Posted May 29, 2018 I was thinking maybe you should just roll over and say a cheery goodnight the second she finishes so she might see how ridiculous that is! Also, how long does it take you? Are we talking an extra 10 minutes or an extra 60 minutes here? LMAO I'll give it a go and let you know how it goes down. And without getting too weird I can pretty much pop as fast or slow as I want... I would probably be happy with 30min but tbh it's the lack of effort on her part that is the killer. I wouldn't be happy with 30min of missionary potato sack pumping, I just want to know how I can get her to try like she used to. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 29, 2018 Share Posted May 29, 2018 LMAO I'll give it a go and let you know how it goes down. And without getting too weird I can pretty much pop as fast or slow as I want... I would probably be happy with 30min but tbh it's the lack of effort on her part that is the killer. I wouldn't be happy with 30min of missionary potato sack pumping, I just want to know how I can get her to try like she used to. Gotcha. I don't think this is trivial at all. You're not being silly in wanting this to change. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted May 29, 2018 Share Posted May 29, 2018 My ex was selfish, when she would even have sex, which was rare. I put up with this for too long, and tried everything to get things to change, including counseling. The only thing that worked was divorcing her and finding a better match. I hope you have better luck, but you will need to be clear and assertive in communicating and proposing changes and counseling as needed. And you need to be clear in your mind what you will do if nothing does change, despite any sincere effort. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted May 29, 2018 Share Posted May 29, 2018 Could she be faking the early orgasm just to get it over with? This was also my first thought when I read the OP's initial post. The last time we had sex she tried to finish me off with her hand after she orgasmed but she was literally layed watching tv while tendorising my manhood, it got to the point where I got offended and asked her to stop because it was obviously a chore for her. Why is the TV on when you're having sex? If you're going to tell me she rolled over and turned it on after she finished, my head may explode... My. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ICEMAN69 Posted May 29, 2018 Share Posted May 29, 2018 (edited) It's honestly just a relief that other people think it's selfish and I'm not just being completely self centred and entitled. I don't know what to do but at least I've got it off of my chest. (Still a silly problem to have) maybe I should start being more selfish in bed and hopefully she will then understand how it makes you feel. I was thinking the same thing. Get to a point where you can cum quickly, finish, then roll over and say you're done. Someone else mentioned this and reading your post I was thinking the same thing. Perhaps she's faking it by reaching climax so quickly. Perhaps to just get it over with and move on? I hope that's not the case but it's worth considering. You probably know this but there are signs that you can look for to know if she's really climaxing. Such as the feeling of her vagina contracting and pulsating when you're holding very still right after she cums; blushing on her chest and face, nipples will often change just before and during climax; pupils will dilate (you might have to tell her to look into your eyes as she's cumming to see this one if she prefers to have her eyes closed). Overall you're describing a fairly selfish lover I'm afraid. And the fact that she will only do missionary and doggy means she's missing a smorgasbord of physical delight. But that's also somewhat of a tell. Because most women in a loving and giving physical relationship aren't going to mind a man moving to several different positions so long as she knows you'll end up in a position that helps her cum eventually. Edited May 29, 2018 by ICEMAN69 Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 This happens to me & completely not made up!!! Most women won’t understand bc it takes them a long time to get excited. Women like me enjoys sex so much that even before it starts I’m so excited, I’m practically almost there before I begin. I’ve heard your complaints & I honestly can’t help it. It’s like a guy that goes too fast, he’s not going to be able to continue to perform & would you call him selfish? What I do is give oral sex before we start so I can some what time it to when he’s ready....you could bring it up. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 Sounds pretty terrible, OP. I'm not even talking about the orgasms - sounds like she just views sex as a chore that needs to be "gotten over with" and there's no real intimacy whatsoever. Can you talk to her about what can be done to take your relationship back to the earlier days? The answer might lie outside the bedroom. You probably know this but there are signs that you can look for to know if she's really climaxing. Such as the feeling of her vagina contracting and pulsating when you're holding very still right after she cums; blushing on her chest and face, nipples will often change just before and during climax; pupils will dilate (you might have to tell her to look into your eyes as she's cumming to see this one if she prefers to have her eyes closed). Lol... if you have to look for all of that to even know that she's cumming - either she's not cumming, or the relationship is screwed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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