Selfish in the sheets

[Family Guy]

This was also my first thought when I read the OP's initial post.

 

 

 

Why is the TV on when you're having sex? If you're going to tell me she rolled over and turned it on after she finished, my head may explode...

 

My. Lucky

 

She can be loud and we have children and neighbours so the tv and volume normally get cranked up lol (no need for head fireworks). I honestly don't think she is faking guys and girls... So I don't think that isn't the problem, I think I'm just going to try being more selfish in bed so that if she wants to climax she's going to have to put some effort in.

[Family Guy]

This happens to me & completely not made up!!! Most women won’t understand bc it takes them a long time to get excited. Women like me enjoys sex so much that even before it starts I’m so excited, I’m practically almost there before I begin.

 

I’ve heard your complaints & I honestly can’t help it. It’s like a guy that goes too fast, he’s not going to be able to continue to perform & would you call him selfish? What I do is give oral sex before we start so I can some what time it to when he’s ready....you could bring it up. Good luck

 

This is interesting because that's pretty much how she gets, really flushed and frantic which is great! If it lasted longer haha. And yeah oral before would be a great way around the problem but like I said earlier she just isn't interested in doing it.

 

I'm just going to put my foot down and if it doesn't work then I'm going celibate until she caved in

[carhill]

Ever tried giving her blue balls? In fun My exW played some of the same games as you're apparently sharing so I mapped her orgasmic response and titillated the heck out of her and left her hanging, temporarily anyway. Else she'd literally be snoring 30 seconds after her own orgasm by whatever method. if you want to play around, do so with the full knowledge that she can replace you as a mate without effort or care. Will varies by individual but can is all wrapped up in female reproductive power.

 

Does she have any ugly/psychologically painful sexual stuff in her history?

[Family Guy]

Ever tried giving her blue balls? In fun My exW played some of the same games as you're apparently sharing so I mapped her orgasmic response and titillated the heck out of her and left her hanging, temporarily anyway. Else she'd literally be snoring 30 seconds after her own orgasm by whatever method. if you want to play around, do so with the full knowledge that she can replace you as a mate without effort or care. Will varies by individual but can is all wrapped up in female reproductive power.

 

Does she have any ugly/psychologically painful sexual stuff in her history?

 

Unfortunately she finds this kind of thing a massive turn on and ends up climaxing without me even moving (I wish I was making this up).

 

Was it the sexual issues that led to you and your ex splitting? I don't think it would cause is to split, we are still very much in love, there is just a lot of frustration on my part. And hope no ugly psychological skeletons in her closet.

Edited May 30, 2018 by Family Guy
Didn't fully answer the question

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Unfortunately she finds this kind of thing a massive turn on and ends up climaxing without me even moving (I wish I was making this up).

 

Was it the sexual issues that led to you and your ex splitting? I don't think it would cause is to split, we are still very much in love, there is just a lot of frustration on my part. And hope no ugly psychological skeletons in her closet.

 

Is she capable of lasting longer/holding out?

[Whoknew30]

This is interesting because that's pretty much how she gets, really flushed and frantic which is great! If it lasted longer haha. And yeah oral before would be a great way around the problem but like I said earlier she just isn't interested in doing it.

 

I'm just going to put my foot down and if it doesn't work then I'm going celibate until she caved in

 

That’s a good idea! Although I thought It was a good thing for awhile bc how many woman are “just ready” from speaking to many in my personal experience (& statistically) it’s not the norm...drive her crazy & then with gold at that moment, then you should be able to ask for whatever you’d like! good luck

[carhill]

I tend to see sex as a canary of other things, rightfully or wrongfully. Our M didn't go south because of sex. However, as it did go south, that selfishness in the sheets became more marked, something I now term 'souring the milk'.

 

Blue balls best works IME when she is submitting to cunnilingus. Tip: Start at the toes

 

I doubt you'll be able to fix anything but hey have some fun with it.

 

I remember, towards the end, when she'd roll over into the snooze-fest, since we'd leave the lights on low all the time, one time propping up the wedding picture of her and H2 so she'd be gazing at it when drifting off to snore land. You can imagine how that went over

 

I presume you want to stay married so try some stuff but don't go too far out.

 

The lack of physical intimacy outside the bedroom is a bit concerning. I know some people aren't demonstrative but I've met very few women, exW included, who didn't like to feel connected to their BF/H physically in everyday life. That and emotional closeness have been the two major screams for attention I've seen in MW's over the decades. Even though they're married, the ladies feel alone. Tricky though. Touch them too much and they'll jump you

[S2B]

Tell her she must finish with you before she starts penetration.

 

If she isn't willing to consider your feelings then the marriage isn't a loving one.

 

Basically... if you're in a one sided marriage - consider being single!

 

 

A selfish partner = being alone. May as well KNOW you're alone than pretend you're with someone who cares about you.

[Family Guy]

I tend to see sex as a canary of other things, rightfully or wrongfully. Our M didn't go south because of sex. However, as it did go south, that selfishness in the sheets became more marked, something I now term 'souring the milk'.

 

Blue balls best works IME when she is submitting to cunnilingus. Tip: Start at the toes

 

I doubt you'll be able to fix anything but hey have some fun with it.

 

I remember, towards the end, when she'd roll over into the snooze-fest, since we'd leave the lights on low all the time, one time propping up the wedding picture of her and H2 so she'd be gazing at it when drifting off to snore land. You can imagine how that went over

 

I presume you want to stay married so try some stuff but don't go too far out.

 

The lack of physical intimacy outside the bedroom is a bit concerning. I know some people aren't demonstrative but I've met very few women, exW included, who didn't like to feel connected to their BF/H physically in everyday life. That and emotional closeness have been the two major screams for attention I've seen in MW's over the decades. Even though they're married, the ladies feel alone. Tricky though. Touch them too much and they'll jump you

 

I'm going to try this "blue ball" technique out when I next get the opportunity lol. And thanks for sharing, all the advice and a chance to have a whine about it has made the issue feel a lot smaller than it originally did.

[Family Guy]

Tell her she must finish with you before she starts penetration.

 

If she isn't willing to consider your feelings then the marriage isn't a loving one.

 

Basically... if you're in a one sided marriage - consider being single!

 

 

A selfish partner = being alone. May as well KNOW you're alone than pretend you're with someone who cares about you.

 

I honestly think love and lust are two separate things we still love each other.... But god I miss the lust haha. I wouldn't ever consider leaving for the sake of a better sex life, I love my children and home life too much.

Edited May 30, 2018 by Family Guy
Typo

[S2B]

I honestly think love and lust are two separate things we still love each other.... But god I miss the lust haha. I wouldn't ever consider leaving for the sake of a better sex life, I love my children and home life too much.

 

But her behavior is not loving, correct?

 

Loving behavior would consider your feelings above hers - or at LEAST equal consideration about your needs being met!

 

 

And she knows you're not leaving = that's why she's making no effort to make sure you have supreme pleasure between the sheets.

 

You're your own problem... IF she believed you would leave her due to needs not being met - she would make more effort to be certain you stay happy!

 

 

Act happy = she knows nothing is wrong! Act mad as a hornets nest = she knows things need to change in order for you to stay.

 

 

Your bar is set so low - she can treat you worse than the pet and have you stay... mainly because you don't allow her to understand how much she hurting you by ignoring your very basic needs.

 

You sit her down and spell it out for her - IF you don't intend to keep my needs met on an ongoing basis/and a level that's satisfactory to me - then you're leaving me no choice but to either:

 

a) leave the marriage

b) find a gal who will meet my needs

 

Make her choose to either participate on a satisfactory level or choose between a and b!

 

Do that today man!!!!

[FMW]

Of course it's selfish. I'm not happy unless I make sure my partner is satisfied, no matter how exhausted I am from him doing a good job to make sure I'm happy! Was she never interested in performing oral on you?

 

Loving their children and home life (and of course their wife) is what results in married men having secret affairs to take care of what is missing. You are already missing sexual satisfaction. Don't let it continue.

[preraph]

As you obliquely pointed out, literally every woman in the world has been there. I suggest you fake orgasm to end the carnage. Or finish yourself after she passes out. Plenty of women have gone that route. It would be a wonderful world if we were all simultaneous climaxers who required nothing but the basics, wouldn't it? It's things like this that have convinced me there is no God. I mean, why, if you're going to create Adam and Eve, not make them sexually compatible. As Ricky Gervais says in his "Humanity" Netflix special, it's like why did God make dogs die if they ate chocolate. Cruel. It's just cruel.

[Mr. Lucky]

I suggest you fake orgasm to end the carnage. Or finish yourself after she passes out.

 

And, after decades of doing so, gently slink off into the sunset?

 

No thanks...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Family Guy]

Of course it's selfish. I'm not happy unless I make sure my partner is satisfied, no matter how exhausted I am from him doing a good job to make sure I'm happy! Was she never interested in performing oral on you?

 

Loving their children and home life (and of course their wife) is what results in married men having secret affairs to take care of what is missing. You are already missing sexual satisfaction. Don't let it continue.

 

Yes our sex life was brilliant up until the point that we got married had children and I left the military to settle down. She knows I won't ever cheat and I think that is probably part of the issue, I would end the marriage long before I was tempted to cheat (if it ever got to that point).

[Family Guy]

As you obliquely pointed out, literally every woman in the world has been there. I suggest you fake orgasm to end the carnage. Or finish yourself after she passes out.

 

Just the thought of faking an orgasm depresses me, and I've not had a decent sh#g in over a year, I'm well versed in finishing myself off lol.

Edited May 31, 2018 by Family Guy
Typo

[preraph]

Having kids changes things. Her energy is all going to the kids. She may be exhausted. There's lots of women who become mommies as their first identity, more than not, probably. And being one doesn't necessarily make you feel sexy, sad to say. I's too exhausting and your focus is on those kids. I hope things get better. I understand you don't want her to feel it's a chore. It may very well be a chore at this point, sadly. But she's getting off, so you should get to kind of take turns being the one. Maybe you should put it to her like that. Say, Hey, I'm jealous. You're getting off more often than me. Can we take turns and you get me off first every other time?" Just tell her. I mean, women have to negotiate that way more often than men because like others said, men barely touch the bases and then get off and fall asleep. So women are familiar with the concept of "taking turns." It's worth a try. Don't come at her when you're mad though. Do it sometime when sex isn't even on the table but the kids are out of earshot and you're both relaxed.

 

Thanks for your service, by the way.