tuvalu Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 I have been working with this woman over a year and for the majority of the time we have been very close. She is a little younger than me and got married about the same time we met but we developed a bond which eventually turned into love. We became inseparable at work, going to lunch everyday, calling each other after work and non stop texts and pictures. At this point she probably talks to me more than him in a normal week. Over time it turned physical with everything except sex but she still says she is happy with her husband and will not leave. She expresses her love to me everyday and finds ways to be alone with me outside of work but there are so many mixed signals. Just recently she said she wants to "make love" to me one time and even tried to set a time but in the same day talked about getting pregnant on an upcoming trip with her husband. We kiss often now and get very touchy feely when we can but I don't see how this can end well for me. I am truly in love with her and although it will hurt should I just walk away? Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 I have been working with this woman over a year and for the majority of the time we have been very close. She is a little younger than me and got married about the same time we met but we developed a bond which eventually turned into love. We became inseparable at work, going to lunch everyday, calling each other after work and non stop texts and pictures. At this point she probably talks to me more than him in a normal week. Over time it turned physical with everything except sex but she still says she is happy with her husband and will not leave. She expresses her love to me everyday and finds ways to be alone with me outside of work but there are so many mixed signals. Just recently she said she wants to "make love" to me one time and even tried to set a time but in the same day talked about getting pregnant on an upcoming trip with her husband. We kiss often now and get very touchy feely when we can but I don't see how this can end well for me. I am truly in love with her and although it will hurt should I just walk away? Brother, how old are you? Less than 25? Have you ever had a real relationship. She does not LOVE you, she is playing with you, you are fun to play with. You give her ego kibbles and tell her how beautiful she is. Want to know how much she loves you, tell her you cannot be around her unless she leaves her husband. Try that and see what happens... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 (edited) Yes. She belongs to another man, not yours to have. You should end it. Look at the post a little further down the board by a man who was messing with another man’s girl... she is now pregnant, he thinks he may be the father, but she won’t talk to him anymore... Do you want this to be your future? And like men who cheat on their pregnant wives are a special kind of man... women who cheat on their husband while planning to have their child are a special kind of woman. Why would you want to be involved with such a disloyal and untrustworthy woman... Edited May 30, 2018 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 End it. You are right, you will get hurt and no good can come of this. Love and respect yourself more than what your heart and body desires. Link to post Share on other sites
grass-hopper Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 Walk away. Run away. Fast. The hurt you experience now while getting away will be minimal compared to the hurt if you continue this affair. I rolled in here 7 months ago asking similar questions and I wish I would have taken the advice of everyone on here. It’s not worth it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 Just recently she said she wants to "make love" to me one time and even tried to set a time but in the same day talked about getting pregnant on an upcoming trip with her husband. We kiss often now and get very touchy feely when we can but I don't see how this can end well for me. I am truly in love with her and although it will hurt should I just walk away? where are you going to walk to? aren't you at work? have you asked her what she and her husband decided about your future? cuz that's what she's doing. she gets to have a baby. and if you stay with her, you don't. and you might want to check out the parenting section here. i see people poasting how they don't even have a chance to shower once the baby comes, let alone run around. protect yourself and your job. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author tuvalu Posted May 30, 2018 Author Share Posted May 30, 2018 Thank you to everyone who responded. To answer some of the questions asked: I am 37 and she is 28. This is her first relationship (1 year of marriage but 9 years together) and I have been in a few including 1 very long term which ended due to my gf cheating.Yes we work together and very closely all day long in an office which further complicates things.Yes I am aware of how of how ridiculous I am being but love is a stupid thing I would never put myself into a situation like this normally and would get myself out quickly if it was easy but the work thing is the monkey wrench. She has initiated everything in this and the only reason I have a hard time letting go is because despite past relationships this is the only person I have ever been around that I feel fully complete with which is something she agreed with also. I know it sounds stupid but I feel like we have been in a relationship awhile already. I need to try and wrap my head around the fact that even though all her words and actions may indicate love she is most likely never going to leave him and I will be the only one in pain. Maybe I am just misinterpreting her lust for me as love...idk. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 But, her actions don't indicate love... She married another man and she is planning to have his baby. How does that indicate love to you? You've got that right, love is a stupid thing alright... Which is why your head is there to tell your heart that this isn't a smart decision. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 If you have been cheated on, why then are you okay doing that to someone else? Often times FBS engage in behaviours that seek to soothe the rejection to self that they felt when they were betrayed. If the relationship with your former gf ended due to her cheating...what makes this MW any better in regard to character? Workplace affairs are common place, nothing special at all. People spend more time at work than they do at home. People generally bring the best version of themselves to work due to consequences (loss of promotions, special projects, fired)....most of us are not as “fabulous” at home. Obviously her husband would not think that she is that great of a wife, friend or person right now if he knew. Would you...if you were him? You can course correct anytime you want. Whether or not if she instigates...you have cosigned everything. You are just as culpable. You have to decide WHO you want to be. You have to DECIDE if you are okay hurting her husband. You have to decide if losing your job is worth it. You have to decide if you will be okay when/if her husband, your boss, or HR confronts you. Try to figure out how that will make you feel about yourself. Does this relationship in the larger picture of your life add or subtract from who you want to be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 this is the only person I have ever been around that I feel fully complete with which is something she agreed with also. This is a problem - no one else can complete you. Like attracts like - sounds like you both have issues and the chemistry is based on that dysfunctional connection. I have experienced the same thing, believe me I get it, including having been cheated on and then ending up on the other side. My MM compares it to the "dark matter" that holds the universe together. Completely inexplicable but impossible to break. It's not romantic - just completely dysfunctional, painful and destructive. Do your best to end it now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheRainbow Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 She doesn't love you, anymore than I loved the other man. I had an affair for three years with my former boss, my husband found out, I ended the affair, then after my husband and I wanted to try for another baby. After 9 months, we found out male-related infertility. After dealing with that issue we tried again when I "hooked" up again with the other man, lasting two months which resulted in my now "4 month old" baby who is not my husbands. Like you're describing this other woman, I'd bet she is looking to you for attention. Link to post Share on other sites
Onedaysoon Posted June 16, 2018 Share Posted June 16, 2018 where are you going to walk to? aren't you at work? have you asked her what she and her husband decided about your future? cuz that's what she's doing. she gets to have a baby. and if you stay with her, you don't. and you might want to check out the parenting section here. i see people poasting how they don't even have a chance to shower once the baby comes, let alone run around. protect yourself and your job. good luck That's great..... is there not a like button I can just click on instead of having to quote and bold the comments?? Link to post Share on other sites
brokenandhopeless Posted June 18, 2018 Share Posted June 18, 2018 Run away faaast like the other folks are saying. You will only end up getting hurt big time. She wants to have a baby with her husband and she won't leave him...big red flags. Trust us folks who are out there going through misery and cut the cord as fast as you can. Link to post Share on other sites
OneLov Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 Immediately exit stage left. Let's look at the possible outcomes: 1. You end it. It hurts, but you can at least feel some empowerment in that you made the right choice for everyone involved. 2. She ends it. She will likely disappear, and you will be the one left with no easy answers. You will feel hurt but also all the negative emotions on the path of acceptance that you have nobody but yourself to blame. The common theme is either way, you must accept there is no future. Each day you will become more and more involved emotionally. Each day it will be that much harder to climb out of this pit of misery. Please find the courage to start today. Take back your power in the situation and cut the strings. Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 Try this. Distance yourself emotionally from the situation and imagine that you are married to a woman and there's a guy she works with who is single and is trying to steal her away from you and have sex with her at the very first opportunity. What would you think of that other guy? Do you want to continue to BE that guy? There's a billion women on the planet. Lots of them are single. Link to post Share on other sites
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