Ghosted and having a sad moment

[DontBreakEven]

Basically just came here to vent.

 

I just feel like I want to give up trying to find love. The sh*t that one has to go through in the modern-day dating scene is just too much to handle at times.

 

Three years ago my favorite love and I broke up. She wanted to live thousands of miles away with her family, and I couldn't move. So, she left.

 

Since then, my life has just been a mess. I have been trying SO hard to move on, but I just keep running into roadblocks. I've been ghosted more times than I can even probably count on one hand, but for some reason, this most recent one is just shaking me to my core.

 

Not like she was anything any more special than any of the others. It's just that I feel like I've stuck my neck out enough, and this was just the final straw that all but makes me want to just give up, and accept a life of solitude.

 

I'm just having the roughest of nights. And it hurts to once again look at my phone and see it unfold, as yet another person callously just discards me out of the blue with no explanation after a couple weeks of talking.

[Marc878]

The "one" happens when you least expect it.

[FilterCoffee]

Hey OP,

 

I’m sorry you’re having such a rough night. This girl was not worth it anyway being that she also lived thousands of miles away and didn’t like to communicate. Just be glad you only knew her for a few weeks!

 

What you’re feeling happens to the best of us. I find my neediness is under control when I’m talking to multiple girls. That way, when one starts acting flakey, I have others to have fun with. Plus the lack of neediness frees me up and makes me more confident.

[DontBreakEven]

Hey OP,

 

I’m sorry you’re having such a rough night. This girl was not worth it anyway being that she also lived thousands of miles away and didn’t like to communicate. Just be glad you only knew her for a few weeks!

 

Yes, thank you. I was actually just thinking this tonight - how I'm grateful that I have only talked to her for a few weeks, and didn't actually wait the 3 or so months she wanted me to, while she was going out the country, before meeting in person.

 

Or even grateful that I didn't Skype with her, and then get ghosted after that. Because that would've hurt worse. (I've been there too, so I know).

 

I'll be over it in a few days like I always am, but it just really stings right now. I think what hurts even worse is just the disappointment. Just another let down when my hopes got a little up that maybe something good was about to happen. :\

[FilterCoffee]

Yes, thank you. I was actually just thinking this tonight - how I'm grateful that I have only talked to her for a few weeks, and didn't actually wait the 3 or so months she wanted me to, while she was going out the country, before meeting in person.

 

Or even grateful that I didn't Skype with her, and then get ghosted after that. Because that would've hurt worse. (I've been there too, so I know).

 

I'll be over it in a few days like I always am, but it just really stings right now. I think what hurts even worse is just the disappointment. Just another let down when my hopes got a little up that maybe something good was about to happen. :\

 

Yeah I get the disappointment. All I can say is try multi dating. Setbacks like this won’t matter so much. I understand that you’re in a unique dating situation which makes it harder for you to meet more girls so consider moving to one of the four larger cities. It’ll be a fresh start with lots of new girls to date!

[Happy Lemming]

I just feel like I want to give up trying to find love. The sh*t that one has to go through in the modern-day dating scene is just too much to handle at times.

 

... but for some reason, this most recent one is just shaking me to my core.

 

Not like she was anything any more special than any of the others. It's just that I feel like I've stuck my neck out enough, and this was just the final straw that all but makes me want to just give up, and accept a life of solitude.

 

I'm just having the roughest of nights. And it hurts to once again look at my phone and see it unfold, as yet another person callously just discards me out of the blue with no explanation after a couple weeks of talking.

 

Yes... been there, done that... I agree with you, sometimes those 1-2 date people we go out with, blind side us and it throws us for a loop. And I don't know why, either... it just does.

 

Take a month off from dating, take the money you would have spent dating that month and treat yourself to something. Something just for you.

 

Just a thought...

[DontBreakEven]

Yes... been there, done that... I agree with you, sometimes those 1-2 date people we go out with, blind side us and it throws us for a loop. And I don't know why, either... it just does.

 

Take a month off from dating, take the money you would have spent dating that month and treat yourself to something. Something just for you.

 

Just a thought...

 

It is SO weird how they throw us for a loop. Like, in the long run, they are nothing. But in the moment it's just such a mindf*ck.

 

I think I am going to take a month to myself to cool down. That was actually my plan. Need to regain my confidence and get my groove back, because this really kinda messed with it.

 

Thank god for work - I have a lot going on right now at the office (my company is going through a major acquisition), so I can at least take my mind and focus it on more productive things.

 

I still feel so low though. But, it's actually been spurring me to do some things about other sh*t in my life that makes me feel low - like social media. I am just going on a rampage right now cutting all these women from my past that are no longer in my life. It feels nice.

[CrazyKatLady]

Good for you! I blocked all the men in my life who just wanted to post pics of themselves dressed for the bars...as happy lemming always says, "Next!" Lol.

Hope it gets better for you.

[Logo]

Yes... been there, done that... I agree with you, sometimes those 1-2 date people we go out with, blind side us and it throws us for a loop. And I don't know why, either... it just does.

 

Take a month off from dating, take the money you would have spent dating that month and treat yourself to something. Something just for you.

 

Just a thought...

 

 

I think I know why.

 

 

On a couple of occasions I went out on dates with women who I thought, "This is the one."

 

The first date was great and my hopes and expectations went up a notch.

 

On the second date, she opened up to me a little more and I realized that the only reason she "threw me for a loop" on the first date, was because she was at her best. She summoned all her energy and used everything in her bag of tricks to make herself seem like the best thing since....

 

But then I realized that it wasn't real and came to the conclusion that it's only real when people are consistent and you're both into each other.

 

I've learned not to kick myself when things don't go as expected. Because when they do go well, it means that the relationship has a greater chance of succeeding. It means, she's fully invested, too.

 

I've also learned to lower my expectations until someone amazing comes along and shows me that she's genuinely the one for me.

 

So now I'm of the mindset that, "Oh well. I tried. If it was meant to be, it would have happened."

 

DontBreakEven, don't feel bad when someone ghosts you. Sure it's bad manners and insensitive, but they don't know you and you don't know them. It takes months and sometimes years to really know someone. So it's nothing personal against you. You just happened to have run into a few bad apples. It's not you. It's them. Don't forget that.

[DontBreakEven]

I think I know why.

 

 

On a couple of occasions I went out on dates with women who I thought, "This is the one."

 

The first date was great and my hopes and expectations went up a notch.

 

On the second date, she opened up to me a little more and I realized that the only reason she "threw me for a loop" on the first date, was because she was at her best. She summoned all her energy and used everything in her bag of tricks to make herself seem like the best thing since....

 

But then I realized that it wasn't real and came to the conclusion that it's only real when people are consistent and you're both into each other.

 

I've learned not to kick myself when things don't go as expected. Because when they do go well, it means that the relationship has a greater chance of succeeding. It means, she's fully invested, too.

 

I've also learned to lower my expectations until someone amazing comes along and shows me that she's genuinely the one for me.

 

So now I'm of the mindset that, "Oh well. I tried. If it was meant to be, it would have happened."

 

DontBreakEven, don't feel bad when someone ghosts you. Sure it's bad manners and insensitive, but they don't know you and you don't know them. It takes months and sometimes years to really know someone. So it's nothing personal against you. You just happened to have run into a few bad apples. It's not you. It's them. Don't forget that.

 

Awe thank you so much for this.

 

And I completely agree with everything you say. You're totally right, that IS why. And while disappointing that for whatever reason they didn't want to be/couldn't be as invested as I was, you are correct - no reason crying over it, because if the relationship was right, it wouldn't have happened like that.

[Beachead]

Basically just came here to vent.

 

I just feel like I want to give up trying to find love. The sh*t that one has to go through in the modern-day dating scene is just too much to handle at times.

 

Three years ago my favorite love and I broke up. She wanted to live thousands of miles away with her family, and I couldn't move. So, she left.

 

Since then, my life has just been a mess. I have been trying SO hard to move on, but I just keep running into roadblocks. I've been ghosted more times than I can even probably count on one hand, but for some reason, this most recent one is just shaking me to my core.

 

Not like she was anything any more special than any of the others. It's just that I feel like I've stuck my neck out enough, and this was just the final straw that all but makes me want to just give up, and accept a life of solitude.

 

I'm just having the roughest of nights. And it hurts to once again look at my phone and see it unfold, as yet another person callously just discards me out of the blue with no explanation after a couple weeks of talking.

 

Been there my friend. The dating world is a brutal place today.

 

Makes you feel worthless because that time invested, no matter the duration, simply wasn't worth a reason or a goodbye from their end. We sit there blaming ourselves for their departure, thinking if we had done something differently, it would have changed the outcome. Truth is if we gave our all, what else is there for us to do?

 

For the ghosters, they show us what kind of a person they are. They show no respect. No basic manners. No communicational skills. Even if they get along with someone new, they have this disgusting side to them that they're hiding which will be a testament to the kind of relationships they will have. It speaks volumes about them and nothing about us really.

 

Imagine being wih someone like that for months or years and not even knowing they were like that until they revealed themselves. How much more worse would it feel then?

 

I know the emptiness is there. I know that the best outcome when dating would be to meet someone amazing whom stays for the longterm. But in the event that doesn't happen as is the case for you, then the second best outcome is for the person to reveal their true colours and leave as quickly as possible. Saves time wasted.

 

There are people out there in marriages and long-term relationships whom are unhappy and miserable and stuck (Their choice really). They're a prisoner to their obligations and fears. We might be sad, but atleast we're bound to no one. We have the freedom to go anywhere and do as we please.

 

Keep your head up.

 

- Beach

Edited June 4, 2018 by Beachead

[DontBreakEven]

Well, the ghost came back after 9 days.

 

Told me a verified true story about how her dog attacked her friend (not the first attack), and she ended up having to put the dog down, and on top of that there were a few other things I won't go into detail about, but yea she's having a rough time in life right now. She said she tends to hide away from the world when that happens, but she's sorry for ghosting me and didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings.

 

She also said that during that time she started thinking that keeping up this talking when she goes out of the country for 3 months with limited wifi access, seems far-fetched.

 

Anyway, I responded and told her that I was so sorry to hear about her dog, that we can move forward however she wants, and that if we cut ties now good luck on her travels and no hard feelings at all.

 

She then said she still wanted to meet me when she got back. Suggested we be pen pals over email for the summer, since her access to wifi will be limited it would be easier to send detailed messages when she can rather than attempting to text and chit chat. I said I was cool with that.

 

So she sent me an email with her email address. I sent her an email the next day kinda kicking off the penpal relationship (she hasn't left the country yet - not sure when she is I think today or tomorrow).

 

Anyway, my friend told me that I look crazy and desperate for already sending an email out to her. I disagree. And seriously think it's SO STUPID to have to analyze every little move with someone. If she thinks it's crazy and overwhelming that I already emailed her, I honestly just don't care. She can just not respond. It's not like she hasn't ghosted me once already lol.

 

Like it's just so dumb - these "rules" people impose. I want to be myself. If someone isn't into the way that I am, or the way I communicate, it seriously would never work in the long run anyway, so who friggin cares.

[Beachead]

Well, the ghost came back after 9 days.

 

Told me a verified true story about how her dog attacked her friend (not the first attack), and she ended up having to put the dog down, and on top of that there were a few other things I won't go into detail about, but yea she's having a rough time in life right now. She said she tends to hide away from the world when that happens, but she's sorry for ghosting me and didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings.

 

She also said that during that time she started thinking that keeping up this talking when she goes out of the country for 3 months with limited wifi access, seems far-fetched.

 

Anyway, I responded and told her that I was so sorry to hear about her dog, that we can move forward however she wants, and that if we cut ties now good luck on her travels and no hard feelings at all.

 

She then said she still wanted to meet me when she got back. Suggested we be pen pals over email for the summer, since her access to wifi will be limited it would be easier to send detailed messages when she can rather than attempting to text and chit chat. I said I was cool with that.

 

So she sent me an email with her email address. I sent her an email the next day kinda kicking off the penpal relationship (she hasn't left the country yet - not sure when she is I think today or tomorrow).

 

Anyway, my friend told me that I look crazy and desperate for already sending an email out to her. I disagree. And seriously think it's SO STUPID to have to analyze every little move with someone. If she thinks it's crazy and overwhelming that I already emailed her, I honestly just don't care. She can just not respond. It's not like she hasn't ghosted me once already lol.

 

Like it's just so dumb - these "rules" people impose. I want to be myself. If someone isn't into the way that I am, or the way I communicate, it seriously would never work in the long run anyway, so who friggin cares.

 

Precisely.

 

Personally, I would tread real carefully with this girl but I agree in the sense that you need to be yourself and do it your way. I didn't acquire my knowledge by playing it safe. I understood being with someone involved risks and I was prepared for it. Sure it didn't work out for me and I cried but I learned tremendously from all my experiences and I am better for it. If I felt I had to give it a try and see, that's what I did despite everyone's warnings and advice.

 

So if giving this another go helps you figure things out and grow as a person, then that'll be good. If it doesn't work out..atleast you know for sure. Goodluck

 

- Beach

Edited June 5, 2018 by Beachead

[DontBreakEven]

[/b]

 

Precisely.

 

Personally, I would tread real carefully with this girl but I agree in the sense that you need to be yourself and do it your way.

 

 

That's EXACTLY what I told my friend. Me being my complete and utter self with her is actually my way of treading carefully. If I played this out with some sort of "seduction" strategy that might appeal to her - an air of aloofness and an arms length - I actually might snag her. For the short term. Why would I want to pander to her communication levels and present myself as someone I'm not? So I can get her and ultimately be completely dissatisfied with the way the relationship is structured?

 

If this girl is truly into me, the fact that I emailed her already to start off our little pen pal situation should and would totally make her smile.

 

And that's exactly why I did it. If she thinks it's too much and doesn't respond, or takes weeks to respond and is super short in response, then there's my answer right there.

 

That's my way of playing it safe. Putting a feeler out there so I know exactly what's up.

 

Trust me, I already am pretty much 98% certain that this won't work out. She has already exhibited questionable behavior and hurt my feelings. I'm a very open person, so I'll let her have another shot and I'll take a pen pal for the summer and see if she really wants to pick it all back up when she gets over her dog and gets back in the country.

 

But yeah, in the meantime, I'm still 100% looking elsewhere.

Edited June 5, 2018 by DontBreakEven

[DontBreakEven]

So, you can see how this has recently unfolded in the post here

 

But basically, after the ghost suggested we be pen pals while she was out of the country, she ghosted again after an email or two.

 

I told myself I was letting it go, but for some reason I just couldn't. 2.5 months went by, and I found myself visiting my hometown (only a few hours from where she lives), and decided to send her a text since I knew she was back in the country by then.

 

To my surprise, she responded (albeit after a couple days of course lol), and suggested that we meet up. We did. I went into it without much hope/expectation.

 

Then she continued contact after the meetup. She was interested. The contact was still ridiculously sporadic, but whatever. Then she told me she was coming down to my part of the country within the next couple of weeks and suggested we have a visit. So she came and stayed with me for a few days. We were intimate. She was asking me to come back and visit her in her hometown. I will say, that we talked A LOT about exes ... like to the point where I had to say something about it - it was too much. So she stopped that a bit.

 

She left ... kicked the communication up quite a bit for someone who "hates" texting ... it was still sporadic, but consistent, if that's possible. Let's just say, she was showing serious interest.

 

I finally went to visit her in her hometown last week. And that's where my other thread leaves off. The visit was great (though, again, a LOT of ex talk ... which was so weird to me, as she's been single for over a year. But the most recent ex, she still had a lot of obvious bitterness towards). Other than that though, the visit was great.

 

As soon as I got back, however, she got distant again. Which was so weird to me, since the first two times we hung out in person, she was getting closer to me after we left each time. She finally called me and told me her ex had emailed her after all this time and wanted to meet up (coincidentally the day after I left). Said she wasn't going to meet up, but the email really affected her, and she realizes she's just not over it. That was that. It was a four minute phone call, very matter-of-fact, no consolation of what a great person I am or how great it was getting to know me, etc ... nope just that this is what has happened, and she can't do this with me.

 

Please feel free to tell me how dumb I was to give her a THIRD chance. Shocking, a girl who had prompted me back in MAY to come to Loveshack after just a couple weeks of texting bs, has now managed to completely screw me over, huh?

 

Sad part is, I'm so upset about it. I'm an idiot for taking it so far and getting attached to a known flake who clearly doesn't have much investment in how others feel.

 

Anyway, the point is, I'm not doing well. :( My anxiety is just through the roof, and even though I shouldn't be shocked, I feel betrayed and dropped on my head. Days after I spend time and money to visit her, and she just disappears after a callous phone call.