HEA11 Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 I need some advise. I am super embarrassed and I don't feel I can share with any friends or family. I'm sorry its gonna be long.. I have been in a relationship with this man for 5 years and we live together. Our relationship has been great we get along great and are the best of friends we do everything together, we have a great sex life (usually at least once a day!). Some mornings I get up for work way before he is awake and a couple months ago when I was up I heard his phone go off and it was a strange number that texted him with a reply that simply said 'no not ever' but there was no conversation. Of course I thought it was strange i googled the number and it was connected to the backpage escort website! I snooped so much further I looked at his search history that he had visited backpage and craigslist casual encounters then i logged into his email and I found a lot... I found messages of him responding to CL adds about sex. Of course I was devastated and confronted him about it. He admitted that he contacted these people but he claimed he never went through with seeing them and "Idk why i did it". I decided to give him a chance and stay. Fast forward to now. He recently went to another state for business for a night and when he returned, (again this happened in the morning while I was the only one up) he got a text from a number (an advertisement looking picture that said happy "hump" day). The number was on a prostitute cite based from the state that he just went to. Then snooping through his call history I found one other number (an outgoing call) that was connected to an escort website in the area that we live. I am planning on leaving him and told him today. He wants me to give him another chance and he says he never slept with anyone else. I need advise! I can see what's in front of me that most likely hes having sex with other people but what if he really is just talking to them. Idk maybe I just need someone else's input to get me to leave. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 Whether he did or did not have sex, he has very poor judgment. Is this the kind of man you want to be with? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HEA11 Posted May 30, 2018 Author Share Posted May 30, 2018 Whether he did or did not have sex, he has very poor judgment. Is this the kind of man you want to be with? You're right. It's so crazy and shocking to me though. He is very smart with a lot of stuff and makes good decisions with money and other things in our life. It's so out of character now I wonder if I really know him at all. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 You're right. It's so crazy and shocking to me though. He is very smart with a lot of stuff and makes good decisions with money and other things in our life. It's so out of character now I wonder if I really know him at all. I hear ya, girl. My ex-husband did this . (Craigslist....he was also posting ads himself) It was the reason for our divorce, eventually. It's shocking and hurtful and disgusting. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 (edited) I mean, he's probably not sleeping with them each and every time, but he's definitely seeking them out and sleeping with some of them. This isn't some social media chat room or like Facebook or anything. It's more or less just like it is called, akin to the back pages of a magazine where advertising is. The traffickers post a random photo of a woman and wait for someone to contact them. Then they drive a woman to a motel or someplace to go have sex with the guy. Hope he doesn't get hold of one of the undercover officers working those sites, because they are well aware of them and they are a huge human trafficking hub. There's been quite a few busts on people advertising on Backpage and some new legislation was just passed regarding those sites. April 9, 2018 Department of Justice seized Backpage. https://www.justice.gov/opa/pr/justice-department-leads-effort-seize-backpagecom-internet-s-leading-forum-prostitution-ads New legislation permitting victims to sue the website and others like it is now in place, as of recently. Your man is playing with fire. No doubt he is already on the DOJ or FBI radar. Backpage is notorious for not only adult but child prostitution and forced sex trafficking. There have been prior busts and charges on the individuals participating, and now there will be on the websites as well. I hope you don't have kids to complicate leaving him. He's not being at all careful. If he was, he'd have googled this stuff first. Get distanced from him so that if he does get busted and it's all over the media, your name won't also be sullied. Edited May 30, 2018 by preraph Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 I could have written that story myself 15 years ago. He gave me the same excuse as your boyfriend. We had been living together for a few years and turned out he had been using escort since day 1 of our relationship. He also convinced me to give him a chance and I did. I caught him again and again. Long story short, leave. Now we're 15 years later and he has not changed at all, he's doing the same thing to his currrent wife. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ItsJustMyOpinion Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 That's funny, I tried out craigslist personals a few times. It was scary how many wierdos you talk to. Imagine my surprise when I found an ex of mine posting! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HEA11 Posted May 30, 2018 Author Share Posted May 30, 2018 I mean, he's probably not sleeping with them each and every time, but he's definitely seeking them out and sleeping with some of them. This isn't some social media chat room or like Facebook or anything. It's more or less just like it is called, akin to the back pages of a magazine where advertising is. The traffickers post a random photo of a woman and wait for someone to contact them. Then they drive a woman to a motel or someplace to go have sex with the guy. Hope he doesn't get hold of one of the undercover officers working those sites, because they are well aware of them and they are a huge human trafficking hub. There's been quite a few busts on people advertising on Backpage and some new legislation was just passed regarding those sites. April 9, 2018 Department of Justice seized Backpage. https://www.justice.gov/opa/pr/justice-department-leads-effort-seize-backpagecom-internet-s-leading-forum-prostitution-ads New legislation permitting victims to sue the website and others like it is now in place, as of recently. Your man is playing with fire. No doubt he is already on the DOJ or FBI radar. Backpage is notorious for not only adult but child prostitution and forced sex trafficking. There have been prior busts and charges on the individuals participating, and now there will be on the websites as well. I hope you don't have kids to complicate leaving him. He's not being at all careful. If he was, he'd have googled this stuff first. Get distanced from him so that if he does get busted and it's all over the media, your name won't also be sullied. Were not married or have any kids thank goodness. I know about the busts with backpage and my dad is high up in law enforcement in our area, I'd hope if that name was on the radar he'd tell me if he knew. Hopefully he gets smart and stops after I'm gone and maybe he can have a good relationship with someone else in the future. Sadly most of the time people dont change. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HEA11 Posted May 30, 2018 Author Share Posted May 30, 2018 I could have written that story myself 15 years ago. He gave me the same excuse as your boyfriend. We had been living together for a few years and turned out he had been using escort since day 1 of our relationship. He also convinced me to give him a chance and I did. I caught him again and again. Long story short, leave. Now we're 15 years later and he has not changed at all, he's doing the same thing to his currrent wife. It sucks so bad. I'm going to leave It's just going to be so hard but I dont think he can change if I give him more chances. I've spent my whole adult life with him and have never lived on my own. Maybe I need to move away and get a fresh start. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 It sucks so bad. I'm going to leave It's just going to be so hard but I dont think he can change if I give him more chances. I've spent my whole adult life with him and have never lived on my own. Maybe I need to move away and get a fresh start. If that's an option for you, I think that's a great idea . Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 It sucks so bad. I'm going to leave It's just going to be so hard but I dont think he can change if I give him more chances. I've spent my whole adult life with him and have never lived on my own. Maybe I need to move away and get a fresh start. Yes it's hard, I had a real hard time leaving we had a good life and had just bought a beautiful house, It's hard to leave even when we know we have no choice. Time took care of everything. Now I am in a loving relationship and my ex is a distant memory. My only regret is to not have left him sooner. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 I've learned that there's the full spectrum of men and women in terms of faithfulness and commitment to monogamy, from 100% loyalty to 0%. Some men and women have a deep desire for random sexual encounters and other fringe experiences that most people won't ever do. Because of mainstream society's judgment, they tend to go along with the mainstream on the surface, and indulge in their deeper desires in secret. It's highly likely he'll never change and will always seek out these encounters. You're smart to move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 Were not married or have any kids thank goodness. I know about the busts with backpage and my dad is high up in law enforcement in our area, I'd hope if that name was on the radar he'd tell me if he knew. Hopefully he gets smart and stops after I'm gone and maybe he can have a good relationship with someone else in the future. Sadly most of the time people dont change. That's good. If your dad is police, he probably isn't privy to what FBI or DOJ is doing. They sometimes work together, but it's usually a secret up to a point, to protect the operation. Anyway, dump him and you won't have to worry about it. I'm sure your dad is a valuable resource in vetting any new boyfriends you are interested in. It never hurts to just do a background check before you get in too deep, because you never know about people. I'm sorry this is turning your life upside down. Go to some of those police community meetings and find yourself a nice "protect and serve" guy. Not to say they all have stellar ethics, but it's a better gamble than the general population. Link to post Share on other sites
Veronica73 Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 Even if he is “just” talking to them (which is unlikely)... he’s still contacting prostitutes. Not okay in any way, shape, or form. WTH? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 Some guys feel entitled, or play by a different set of rules, and will indulge in other sexual activity....he's lying about it no doubt. I hope you find happiness in going forward. Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 Have you made an appointment with your doctor for a full STD panel? That needs to be in your immediate plans just as much as actually leaving this creep seems to be. Link to post Share on other sites
lostmyway82 Posted July 29, 2018 Share Posted July 29, 2018 Your bf is looking for alternative for sex, clearly your sex life is not as great as you claim it to be. For a guy who has sex once a day and still go out looking for more, he is not getting what he really want. It is not easy for your guy to fk you everyday and still have more reserved for other girls especially since he know the other girl are prostitute visited by many other men. Exclusivity does have a certain value. It is not a matter of how often you fk him or he fk you, it more of how good it was. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 29, 2018 Share Posted July 29, 2018 Your bf is looking for alternative for sex, clearly your sex life is not as great as you claim it to be. For a guy who has sex once a day and still go out looking for more, he is not getting what he really want. It is not easy for your guy to fk you everyday and still have more reserved for other girls especially since he know the other girl are prostitute visited by many other men. Exclusivity does have a certain value. It is not a matter of how often you fk him or he fk you, it more of how good it was. Chronic cheaters are addicted to sex and addicted to the chase. It doesn't matter how often you have sex with them or how good the sex is, they will still go chase another conquest. You know the first symtoms of sex addiction? Lost of desire for their own partner. It's an addiction that is extremely hard to fight back and these men will cheat on their partner all through their life. My ex is married to his 4th wife now and he's cheating on her the same way he cheated on his 3 previous wives. Link to post Share on other sites
lostmyway82 Posted July 30, 2018 Share Posted July 30, 2018 (edited) I like it when women blame it on sex addiction, so sex addiction it is. I like it even better when they know that their exs are cheating on their new partners. You said it yourself lost of desire for their own partners. Maybe sometimes their partners should look into what the cause the lost of desire instead. Seeing that you seem to know quite alot of the symptoms of sex addiction maybe you can give me a pre diagnose. I am at number 456. Edited July 30, 2018 by lostmyway82 Link to post Share on other sites
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