Myasylum Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 Well it's never that easy... I told my ex I never want to talk with her, nothing until I hear an apology from her. Well... Narcissist as they are NEVER apologize. They are too prefect, and never wrong.... so I never expected one. Well... here we are 1 week away from our child's graduation and now she wants us to get together so she can apologize. I mean the timing couldn't be more perfect. Family will be there and she can walk in mother of the year, and hide the fact she hasn't been around for the past 6 months. My son lives with me and he doesn't want to deal with her either. However... maybe I should listen to her half baked apology? Maybe it world be good for the kids. Maybe she'll surprise me and it will be sincere. Maybe it world be a good restarting point for the kids? Idk? It's got to be tough explaining to your kids why you cheated and left their father. Yet... I'm afaid this is just all a show. I said I'd like to talk too her first, she said no. She doesn't want too meet one on one... for whatever reason?? What do you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 Does she have a clinical diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder? Link to post Share on other sites
fredflint Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 Well it's never that easy... I told my ex I never want to talk with her, nothing until I hear an apology from her. Well... Narcissist as they are NEVER apologize. They are too prefect, and never wrong.... so I never expected one. Well... here we are 1 week away from our child's graduation and now she wants us to get together so she can apologize. I mean the timing couldn't be more perfect. Family will be there and she can walk in mother of the year, and hide the fact she hasn't been around for the past 6 months. My son lives with me and he doesn't want to deal with her either. However... maybe I should listen to her half baked apology? Maybe it world be good for the kids. Maybe she'll surprise me and it will be sincere. Maybe it world be a good restarting point for the kids? Idk? It's got to be tough explaining to your kids why you cheated and left their father. Yet... I'm afaid this is just all a show. I said I'd like to talk too her first, she said no. She doesn't want too meet one on one... for whatever reason?? What do you guys think? So she wants to apologize to all of you at once? I wouldn't have thought it was good to bring the kids into a potentially explosive situation... it sounds reasonable to me that you want to talk to her one on one first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myasylum Posted May 31, 2018 Author Share Posted May 31, 2018 (edited) No, she's not clinical diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Tried that. They are expert liars and know how to tell people what they want to hear. That would also have to make then admit something is wrong with them. Its never them. It's you! Anyway... I think she feels to angry with me (Of course) to meet me one on one... somehow I think she'll feel more comfortable with the children there. They are teenagers. Not sure what kind of apology it will be, if she's that angry with me?? But? Edited May 31, 2018 by Myasylum Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 I said I'd like to talk too her first, she said no. She doesn't want too meet one on one... for whatever reason?? She wants the kids there so you can't ask hard questions or lead the discussion into an uncomfortable direction. In other words, not really an apology... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 What do you guys think? It's all calculation with those. Benefit. Equation. What do you have that she wants? I've had BPD'ers apologize when in engulfment. They're incredibly convincing. Combine it with feminine wiles, hard to resist even. Probably healthier to resist though. Pulled back more than one bloody stump on those deals. I'd focus on your son's graduation and consider the rest noise. It's his day. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 I told my ex I never want to talk with her, nothing until I hear an apology from her. And yet, you are talking? I think if she wanted to apologise she could quite easily do so without meeting up. How are you communicating now? Why is that medium insufficient for an apology? I think she is going to go ahead with the public show anyway, whether you agree to "let" her apologise or not. I would have a response planned for the most likely circumstances so you're not taken by surprise. And as carhill says, make sure your responses emphasise that this is your son's big day and not the right time/place for this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SpecialJ Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 I don't think you should meet with her if you truly believe she has NPD. Nothing good will come of it longer-term because that would mean she lacks the capacity to do what you're hoping for. However, if you're going to give into your curiosity no matter what we say, I'd suggest offering to meet her -- a week or two after the graduation. See if she's still interested in apologizing if it would be after her time to shine as mom of the year has passed. And I agree with the posters above: don't let her derail the graduation at any rate or take the spotlight away from your son. Link to post Share on other sites
Tonofbricks Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 and if you get that all elusive apology what does it change..? Does her saying oops I'm sorry for doing bad things to you make your life better in anyway? I've been here.. that apology will be a hollow one at best... that feeling of vindication you think will right everything and prove that she was really in the wrong will be short lived.. Any parent that would step out of their kids lives is worthless, why do you need an apology from someone like that? Move on to better things for you and your kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 Stay NC. From reading your past threads you are to easily manipulated and I suspect that's all this is. She probably wants to cake eat. This will be all for her not you or your kids. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 She could easily say “I’m sorry” over the phone. She’s trying to create drama and shift the focus of the current events onto her. I wouldn’t agree to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myasylum Posted May 31, 2018 Author Share Posted May 31, 2018 She did text, "I'm sorry" over the phone. And I just chuckled like... ok? For what? And she just went on this rampage that nothing is good enough for me, and went on to list how terrible I am. I'm like yeah... that's not an apology. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 Why are you even engaging with her? Baiting / playing with her might seem fun at first but it's like poking a bear and at the end of the day you'll just get wound up and frustrated. Silence speaks volumes. Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 If it were me, I'd reply that sure I will listen to your reply but not before the graduation...a week after the graduation would work. This would serve to see if this is a "stand-alone" apology or grandstanding. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 You share children. Never speaking again is not an option. You are required to do what is in the best interests of your kids. You don't have to listen before the graduation but it would not hurt you to listen. Letting her say her piece does not mean you accept her apology or that you believe her. All you have to do is listen & not argue. Then go back to your life. Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 Dude, this is so classic. You said that your offspring's graduation is near? She is very narcissist in your opinion? You said something about walking in "mother of the year"? Well she is probably feeling excluded..self inflicted obviously..and she wants to not only get herself back into the loop, but she is really trying to bring attention back to herself, and control the type of attention she is getting. She is trying to be portrayed in the best possible light, and if she doesn't get her way, she will blow up the whole graduation thing and ruin it for everyone since it is ruined for her anyway. It's a trap man...stay away. The only possible winner is her, and you and the rest of the family lose either way. Do not give her this platform. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 She did text, "I'm sorry" over the phone. And I just chuckled like... ok? For what? And she just went on this rampage that nothing is good enough for me, and went on to list how terrible I am. I'm like yeah... that's not an apology. It doesn’t really matter. Most of us know how these people operate. I wouldn’t meet with her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 This is a big fat no, no, no... First off, why do you even care, I mean really. Secondly, this is a chance for her to try and make herself look good and be some type of martyr. Just don't. Most importantly, for you... is that why should you care now, or ever. You know what she has done, you know she is a pathological liar. Just don't even get in the same room with her. Pretend like she is dead as much as you can... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 I think you give her the air time, mostly for your Son's sake and some for your own mental health.. Just listen and go from what you hear to how you respond. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 She did text, "I'm sorry" over the phone. And I just chuckled like... ok? For what? And she just went on this rampage that nothing is good enough for me, and went on to list how terrible I am. I'm like yeah... that's not an apology. Ya, proof that having any conversation with her on this subject isn't worth your time. A simple "no" is your answer. She's not sorry - she's just being manipulative, again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myasylum Posted May 31, 2018 Author Share Posted May 31, 2018 I thank you guys for your answers. I appreciate every one of them! Ultimately this really hurts my son, who wants to believe her, but he's scared to let her back in himself. I feel bad for him that he even needs to worry about this. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 If she apologizes, she probably is not a real narcissist, though she can be in the middle of the scale. I'm high on the scale, at least the one test I gave myself, but I can and do apologize, but I've read that real narcissists find it impossible. They may start acting nice or do something nice to make up for it. Anyway, doesn't matter. You can have the apology. You don't have to change whatever your plans are just because she apologizes though. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted June 4, 2018 Share Posted June 4, 2018 Not only no but hell no. Your son will be ok. Just takes some time. Yea for what? That is awesome. Best way to answer the “I’m sorry”. Link to post Share on other sites
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