Why can't people be liked for who they are

[ZA Dater]

I must admit that the bolded stood out to me. I love reading Motortrend, Car & Driver, and the rest of the magazines. I have watched countless videos of Randy Pobst flogging a terrific car on the track.

 

Anyway, *ahem* steering back on course to the topic, the great writers are extremely adept at letting you know what it is like to drive the car. They are also terrific conveying their energy and enthusiasm onto the reader/viewer. The way they talk in details about steering feel, the way the suspension feels compliant but controlled, how the car digs out of the corners, makes them just a lot of fun to watch. Their joy becomes the viewers' joy.

 

I bring this up because if you were to talk about what you do with enthusiasm and excitement, your dates would respond to you differently. I mean, have you tried talking to your dates about how it feels going 280 (km/hr) in a 720S and you are still being pushed back into your seat? Or the way the 911 GT3 pulls to 9000rpm like it is nothing.

 

But, you have to help your dates out. Most people outside your specific field just have no idea what goes into mergers and acquisitions or what to ask about "corporate finance". Meanwhile, most of us don't get to drive a McLaren or Lotus or top-of-the-line Porsche.

 

*******

Meanwhile the rest of your post outside the bolded reads to me as just your usual (sorry). Another extremely long-winded justification as why you don't like your dates either, and yet here you are again on Tinder, trying again. So it just comes across as Sour Grapes on your part.

 

BTW I did comment on your text exchange. Her not replying back to you may be a mystery to you, but it is quite clear to the rest of us. The good news is that you can change your results if you actually listen this time, instead of refuting and arguing against.

 

 

Great post! Ok I get what you are saying and I might be over stretching but tell me honestly, I take you for a "car guy" how many ladies are really interested in this? I can sit and go on and on about the virtues of a Alfa 4c versus a Ferrari 430. Or how I rate the 488 spider against the 458 spider.

 

 

Or how a GT3 RS sticks to the road like glue.

 

 

I don't lack enthusiasm for this, not at all but I never see the same sort of enthusiasm in my dates or any sort of interest either. One I didn't post about here was a "car girl" I tried to charm and tried to flirt with, I really did try this time but even that shared interest wasn't enough to get things going. This was one of the times where I just threw everything at it, I know the guy she is dating now and its interesting to compare myself to him.

 

 

In some ways in that sort of situation the only way I work out positive and negatives is to compare myself to the people these people end up dating. Its the only real way for me to try and get some constructive critique from the whole situation.

 

 

There was another situation, I had a Ferrari 458 Speciale to drive at a track, as a car its so good whatever you imagine, its better than that. Nevertheless I met two ladies the track and got talking, ended up getting along really well with the one and after a few laps got along even better, got a number (the first and only time I have managed to accomplish this) but turned out she wasn't single and was super religious so those were both deal breakers. The irony was the other one was single so I just simply picked wrong.

 

 

 

Sure I agree results can be changed but somehow I need to meet the right people to begin with, people where I actually want to put the effort in rather than take the half hearted approach I did here. To a large extent that's the other big problem I admit I don't really put the effort in for these Tinder dates because, well one is much the same as the next. I did meet someone on Okcupid and I did text for nearly two weeks but she apparently didn't want a relationship or even friends so that was that.

 

 

Your post has made me think about how I deliver things and I can think of many times now where I under delivered which is actually quite frustrating, the most irritating thing is to think "I should have said this or I should have said that" after the fact.

[ZA Dater]

This is what I got

 

 

420 being a big no no - made me wonder why you mailed her in the first place as that's only going to colour your judgement of her if you had met.

 

 

Within the above there were a lot of things you could have picked up and rolled with conversation wise - Ewoks could have led to a conversation about films, scenic places could have led to a conversation about one of the things you like to do where you go off for a day driving to find places like that. Horses sounds like quite a passion for her and her family too.

All of those things could have extended the conversation out over a longer time period.

This meet quickly thing is something to gauge on a case by case basis - within one to three days but there should always be a phone call before meeting and the meeting quickly thing doesn't mean meeting the very day you've made first contact.

 

 

For this part I have put myself in her shoes, I'm 24, you're 34, we're on Tinder (a hookup app essentially - or in other words how many people view it) and I don't know you at all.

 

'perhaps in detail.' Crikey! That's creepy! Sounds like you want the chance to get your hands all over me. You saw this as something she should ask about though - well there is no way I would want to ask questions about that and I wouldn't want you to elaborate on it because the only route I can see that going is sexual because I am 24, you are 34, we are on Tinder and I don't know you.

A guy I was chatting with - I would let that go just one time and see if he veered that direction again.

 

'Not much I am going to chill today' This was actually her plan for the day but the way you interpreted that was 'time for me then'. Had she said 'I'm bored, doing nothing, what are you up to?' then you can take up the how about meeting stuff.

 

'Would you like to chill with me, depending on how soon you want to get to know me.'

'Chill with me is not the safest phrase to use these days. Presumably you have heard of Netflix & Chill and that it can be construed in two completely different ways, yes?

 

This part was strike #2 and she cut you off

You actually came over as sexually aggressive and in a real hurry to meet - in context of a 24 year old woman talking to a 34 year old man, on Tinder who don't know each other.

 

 

 

Well I admit it was a very half hearted attempt by me at best. Here I was simply trying to do the whole try something different approach. The 420 was a complete put off but I thought I'd keep my mind open.

 

 

I don't believe anything would have come of meeting her anyway to be honest.

 

 

I generally don't extend the conversation too far because then I sit with little to talk about if we did meet or what happens then is the intangibles and body language become more important and that never works to my favour.

[GemmaUK]

Your post has made me think about how I deliver things and I can think of many times now where I under delivered which is actually quite frustrating, the most irritating thing is to think "I should have said this or I should have said that" after the fact.

The 'i should have said this or that' is where EVERY SINGLE date you go on could be used as practice.

 

You say you get puzzled looks from women - I agree with another that they are most likely incredulous looks.

Try out ways to talk about things - see what facial reactions you get (keep reading about facial expressions and what they mean - they're universal after all!).

Then, on another date you adapt and deliver differently and see what reaction she gives facially - practice!

[BaileyB]

My approach is what it is really. I don't deny you are right because you are but in the past all I did was over invest myself in these people with no real benefit so now my approach is to invest nothing, if she wants to chat to me great, if not well then so be it. Of course the old argument of what you put in you get out does hold some water here but equally when I am always investing and not getting much then it is perhaps silly to keep investing.

 

With all due respect, you don't invest in people. You don't present as someone who is curious about people, genuinely interested in getting to know someone, and willing to put in the effort required to develop a relationship.

 

You have had more than enough feedback to know that you present as someone who is opinionated, rigid in your thinking, and very set in his ways. You expect women to entertain you - to be beautiful, interesting, and challenge you intellectually. And then, when they don’t meet your standards, you complain that there are absolutely no available women with whom you are compatable.

 

You put yourself out there but you do it with women with whom you have no hope of establishing the kind of connection that you want to share - women who are significantly younger than you or not single. If you are investing in these women, and using that experience as your justification not to invest any more, that’s clearly not a wise thing to do.

 

So now, you say "Hey, it is what it is. I can't help it if I put myself out there and nobody responds to me." My friend, people won't come to you. You have to go to them.

 

And people who don't learn from their past mistakes, adapt, and change their ways get left behind... Which is what is happening to you. It is a simple thing, take the feedback that is being offered about the language you used in this conversation and change your approach next time. What do you have to lose?

Edited June 19, 2018 by BaileyB

[ZA Dater]

With all due respect, you don't invest in people. You don't present as someone who is curious about people, genuinely interested in getting to know someone, and willing to put in the effort required to develop a relationship.

 

You put yourself out there but you do it with women with whom you have no hope of establishing the kind of connection that you want to share - women who are significantly younger than you or not single. That's clearly not been a successful strategy for you.

 

So now, you say "Hey, it is what it is. I can't help it if I put myself out there and nobody responds to me." My friend, people won't come to you. You have to go to them.

 

And people who don't learn from their past mistakes, adapt, and change their ways get left behind... Which is what is happening to you. It is a simple thing, take the feedback that is being offered about the language you used in this conversation and change your approach next time. What do you have to lose?

 

 

 

Ah so now age is a problem. The problems they keep stacking up!

 

 

You are mostly right, I am not very curious about people in the dating context in general, I think the allure largely vanished when I realised they were all much of the same and all wanted the same thing.

 

 

Dating works well with people who have significant value in the generic sense, that guy who wears Levies will always have an advantage over someone who doesn't. Its not right and its not wrong its just the way things are.

 

 

I just choose not to partake in that. I meet people and sure, even if I don't find them attractive there is something nice about most of them, nobody walking this planet, perhaps barring criminals and the depraved lacks value. The lady walking down the road with DD's, most guys see her only for that, I wonder more about who she is as a person. Likewise the lady who is out of shape, I have been out with many of the latter and none of the former but despite the lack of physical attraction few were what I would term bad people, they were simply uninteresting to me. Which is what I am to 100% of people I meet.

 

 

So the options seem to go like this

Be content being who you are and dateless

Be unhappy being something else in the hope you might find a date.

 

 

What is ok to me is not to others and is ok to others but not to me so there will forever be this difference and I reckon if you look at most guys who cannot date you find the same commonalities.

 

 

Happy to change approach, heck am happy to take any approach. Did I put in a lot of effort, not really, should I have done more possibly but as 420 was already a deal killer I had nothing to gain and nothing to loose.

[BaileyB]

You are mostly right, I am not very curious about people in the dating context in general, I think the allure largely vanished when I realised they were all much of the same and all wanted the same thing.

 

Dating works well with people who have significant value in the generic sense, that guy who wears Levies will always have an advantage over someone who doesn't. Its not right and its not wrong its just the way things are.

 

So the options seem to go like this

Be content being who you are and dateless

Be unhappy being something else in the hope you might find a date.

 

OMG! I’m honestly not sure what to say...

 

If you think women are all the same and want the same thing, that just proves my point.

 

And, individuals who wear Levies have no advantage over others who do not. It’s not just “the way things are...”

 

And, as has been discussed at nauseum, those are not the only two options in dating/life. If you want to argue that point again, you will have to do it with someone else...

[ZA Dater]

OMG! I’m honestly not sure what to say...

 

If you think women are all the same and want the same thing, that just proves my point.

 

And, individuals who wear Levies have no advantage over others who do not. It’s not just “the way things are...”

 

And, as has been discussed at nauseum, those are not the only two options in dating/life. If you want to argue that point again, you will have to do it with someone else...

 

 

 

Well based on the other poster it does seem what is clear no matter what I present or show they aren't interested in me. Part of me cares and part of me doesn't.

 

 

No of course you sit and read books, see dating coaches, see therapists and generally do everything you can to ADAPT to apparently what you need to be in the eyes of the general population.

 

 

Or you lower your standards and simply make do with whoever will like you.

 

 

Care to name a few more options?

[BaileyB]

 

No of course you sit and read books, see dating coaches, see therapists and generally do everything you can to ADAPT to apparently what you need to be in the eyes of the general population.

 

 

Care to name a few more options?

 

Have you actually done any of those things?

 

I don’t know what to say... As has been said before, you could always try to lighten up and have a little fun with life. Be genuinely interested in new people and trying new experiences. Accept the fact that not everything is a problem that needs to be analyzed and solved... get out of your head and more involved in life.

 

Although, I can appreciate how that must feel to you that by doing these things, you are having change who you are. It feels a little like trying to get a leopard to change his spots.

 

To be very honest, not a lot of women will have the patience to tolerate a man who is this opinionated, belabours a point the way that you do, and is so rigidly set in his ways...

[GemmaUK]

ZA, your love life 100% works for you and for what you want.

You have no need to change a thing.

 

Debating, is also a passion of yours and this is your outlet.

[Imajerk17]

Great post! Ok I get what you are saying and I might be over stretching but tell me honestly, I take you for a "car guy" how many ladies are really interested in this? I can sit and go on and on about the virtues of a Alfa 4c versus a Ferrari 430. Or how I rate the 488 spider against the 458 spider.

 

 

Or how a GT3 RS sticks to the road like glue.

 

 

I don't lack enthusiasm for this, not at all but I never see the same sort of enthusiasm in my dates or any sort of interest either. One I didn't post about here was a "car girl" I tried to charm and tried to flirt with, I really did try this time but even that shared interest wasn't enough to get things going. This was one of the times where I just threw everything at it, I know the guy she is dating now and its interesting to compare myself to him.

 

 

In some ways in that sort of situation the only way I work out positive and negatives is to compare myself to the people these people end up dating. Its the only real way for me to try and get some constructive critique from the whole situation.

 

 

There was another situation, I had a Ferrari 458 Speciale to drive at a track, as a car its so good whatever you imagine, its better than that. Nevertheless I met two ladies the track and got talking, ended up getting along really well with the one and after a few laps got along even better, got a number (the first and only time I have managed to accomplish this) but turned out she wasn't single and was super religious so those were both deal breakers. The irony was the other one was single so I just simply picked wrong.

 

 

 

Sure I agree results can be changed but somehow I need to meet the right people to begin with, people where I actually want to put the effort in rather than take the half hearted approach I did here. To a large extent that's the other big problem I admit I don't really put the effort in for these Tinder dates because, well one is much the same as the next. I did meet someone on Okcupid and I did text for nearly two weeks but she apparently didn't want a relationship or even friends so that was that.

 

 

Your post has made me think about how I deliver things and I can think of many times now where I under delivered which is actually quite frustrating, the most irritating thing is to think "I should have said this or I should have said that" after the fact.

 

Well, the old 458 had 9000rpms to play with but the 488 has only 8000rpms so sad! Maybe the stronger midrange makes up for it though.

 

I'm sure the Speciale had to be amazing to drive. The 911 GT3 RS as well. I wish I had a chance to get to pilot either one of those cars and you worked it so you actually get paid to do this. That's terrific, I imagine that you had to work very hard to make this happen for yourself.

 

Anyway getting back on topic, your job has to provide a treasure-trove of stories that you can share with your date. No you aren't going to go on a 20-minute diatribe about how natural aspiration is always/never preferable to forced induction or about how 60% of great handling is really about how the rear suspension is tuned.

 

But surely you can tell a story about how (say) you piloted a 911 GT3 RS and the car's handling limits were so high that you had to keep going faster and faster, and then you finally found them when the rear felt like it was gonna step out at you at 250km/hour, but fortunately you have quick hands and you kept that car in line with one smooth countersteering move and maybe some throttle to keep the rear-end planted.

 

Or maybe about the different personalities of the sales reps you come across.

 

So much material for you to go with!

Edited June 19, 2018 by Imajerk17

[Imajerk17]

^This guy's good

 

Says the same thing as I do but more succinctly.

 

ZA could talk for hours about his car testing and his dates would be riveted to the spot begging for more and anxiously awaiting what he might have in store for them in the bedroom, and yet all that happens is he talks about his job with cars and they look at him with an air of puzzlement and he never hears from them again because either they go dark or he doesn't find that they have anything interesting to add to the conversation because they are at a loss for words.

 

It's all about the delivery. It won't get better on it's own, you need assistance and it's more than you'll get from a handful of helpful internet posters.

 

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dating_coach

 

 

Dating coaches offer coaching and related products and services to improve their clients' success in dating and relationships. Through discussion, role-playing, behavior modeling, and other forms of direction, a dating coach trains clients to meet and attract romantic partners. Dating coaches may focus on topics important to the art of dating: interpersonal skills, flirting, psychology, sociology, compatibility, fashion and recreational activities. As dating coaches are unlicensed, their methods vary widely.

 

Thank you Normm I really like your posts as well!

 

I absolutely agree. It's all about engaging the woman's emotions. If ZA talked about his job like it was the most fascinating thing ever, the woman would follow suit and find herself fascinated.

 

Besides everyone knows that, to be a really good driver, you have to be good with your hands. I don't think I need to say much more.

[normal person]

Me: Hi S, how is your day going, nice to meet you.

 

Your only chance to make a great first impression and set yourself apart, and you say the same thing anyone else would say. You should say something to grab attention, make her laugh, or provide any kind of differentiation to let her know that she's not going to have the same conversation that she had with the last 50 guys.

 

Me: I see you have a cat in your profile, what is his or her name? Have you had a good weekend so far

 

What does the cat's name matter? It's just mindless noise. You need to start making an emotional connection or start generating emotional responses. Start throwing some opinions out there so she gets to see you have a personality and realizes you aren't a robot. Tell her what you think about cats/pets/etc. Make it concise and funny if possible. Anything is better than "what's the cat's name?" It'd be better if you offered a suggestion: "What's the cat's name? Kevin? It looks like a 'Kevin' to me." It's not hilarious, but it's not robotic.

 

 

Her: Its been pretty good and yours? His name is Ewok.

Me: Mine has been good, though went cycling yesterday and got caught in this monster rain story, which was fun! PS his name is cool like yours.

 

Just relaying what happens isn't nearly as engaging as talking about your opinions about it. Why was it fun? She'll learn something about you, like you're easy going or unbothered, etc. Also, she handed you an opportunity to make a joke on a silver platter "the cat's name is Ewok," and you took absolutely no advantage.

 

Her: Ah I see, hope you didn't get too cold. Haha, than you, wink.

Me: I see we are fairly close to each other, I live in ABC and no I didn't get too cold was decently layered but still froze a bit

 

Try and add some character to each text. Don't just relay events. "Are you saying I'm soft? Haha, nah, I didn't get too cold but I appreciate the concern."

 

Her: Ah shame. Oh and nice area we are super close, so what are your hobbies.

Me: I like outdoors, I write bit and am currently working on a novel, I run a car club and I attempt to try keep fit!

 

Cool, but next time, try and inject some personality. Say what you like about those things.

 

Me: What are your hobbies?

 

Again, this sounds robotic. Maybe take a tongue-in-cheek guess. "You look like a wind surfer."

 

Her: I like horse riding and my mom trains horses in ABC area.

Me: That's a very scenic location.

Me: You look very pretty too!

Her: Why thank you, so do you

Me: Well I try, I'd want to get to know you, perhaps in detail.

Her: And me about you!

Me: What you up to?

Her: Not much I am going to chill today

Me: Would you like to chill with me, depending on how soon you want to get to know me.

 

To be honest I don't think you committed any cardinal sin in this section, but maybe she was just on the fence and not ready to go for it. But the "depending on how soon you want to get to know me" makes you sound less than confident. I would've just suggesting going out at a later date.

[ZA Dater]

Your only chance to make a great first impression and set yourself apart, and you say the same thing anyone else would say. You should say something to grab attention, make her laugh, or provide any kind of differentiation to let her know that she's not going to have the same conversation that she had with the last 50 guys.

 

 

 

What does the cat's name matter? It's just mindless noise. You need to start making an emotional connection or start generating emotional responses. Start throwing some opinions out there so she gets to see you have a personality and realizes you aren't a robot. Tell her what you think about cats/pets/etc. Make it concise and funny if possible. Anything is better than "what's the cat's name?" It'd be better if you offered a suggestion: "What's the cat's name? Kevin? It looks like a 'Kevin' to me." It's not hilarious, but it's not robotic.

 

 

 

 

Just relaying what happens isn't nearly as engaging as talking about your opinions about it. Why was it fun? She'll learn something about you, like you're easy going or unbothered, etc. Also, she handed you an opportunity to make a joke on a silver platter "the cat's name is Ewok," and you took absolutely no advantage.

 

 

 

Try and add some character to each text. Don't just relay events. "Are you saying I'm soft? Haha, nah, I didn't get too cold but I appreciate the concern."

 

 

 

Cool, but next time, try and inject some personality. Say what you like about those things.

 

 

 

Again, this sounds robotic. Maybe take a tongue-in-cheek guess. "You look like a wind surfer."

 

 

 

To be honest I don't think you committed any cardinal sin in this section, but maybe she was just on the fence and not ready to go for it. But the "depending on how soon you want to get to know me" makes you sound less than confident. I would've just suggesting going out at a later date.

 

 

 

Thank you! I admit it wasn't my best effort, mind wasn't really in the game that day but at least it wasn't terrible either. Considering we never agree on anything this is surprising to say the least.

 

 

Absolutely could have done better in that situation. Oddly I have had some decent text exchanges with dates but its fallen quite flat in person.

 

 

Anyway with a family member at deaths door at the moment I am just contemplating the fragility of life.

[ZA Dater]

Well, the old 458 had 9000rpms to play with but the 488 has only 8000rpms so sad! Maybe the stronger midrange makes up for it though.

 

I'm sure the Speciale had to be amazing to drive. The 911 GT3 RS as well. I wish I had a chance to get to pilot either one of those cars and you worked it so you actually get paid to do this. That's terrific, I imagine that you had to work very hard to make this happen for yourself.

 

Anyway getting back on topic, your job has to provide a treasure-trove of stories that you can share with your date. No you aren't going to go on a 20-minute diatribe about how natural aspiration is always/never preferable to forced induction or about how 60% of great handling is really about how the rear suspension is tuned.

 

But surely you can tell a story about how (say) you piloted a 911 GT3 RS and the car's handling limits were so high that you had to keep going faster and faster, and then you finally found them when the rear felt like it was gonna step out at you at 250km/hour, but fortunately you have quick hands and you kept that car in line with one smooth countersteering move and maybe some throttle to keep the rear-end planted.

 

Or maybe about the different personalities of the sales reps you come across.

 

So much material for you to go with!

 

 

 

My day job allows me to indulge in my car review passion, its been down to networking so contrary to what this forum may think I do in fact have some social skills...I just happen to find a date more intimidating than driving a supercar!

 

 

I will try spin things a bit differently, look I have tried it before with I will admit some degree of success, just haven't had much of it lately due to not really meeting anyone I liked enough to try hard enough with.

 

 

Of course I will have to resist my normal temptation to go after the most impossible situation I can find, probably because nothing I have ever done has come easily, I watched people get thing easily, few appreciated them and perhaps the same is true in dating, if everything is too easy maybe you don't appreciate it enough.

 

 

You certainly have given me food for thought. Thanks!

 

 

PS: The 458 Speciale is far more emotive than the 488, you truly feel alive driving it.

[Adiron]

Hello I am a new member but I've been lurking a while and I have read several of your threads and I am puzzled.

 

Could you elaborate on these comments of yours?

 

My day job allows me to indulge in my car review passion

 

You say you review cars as your day job but you also run 6 companies? How is that possible there aren't enough hours in a day for that also if you do run 6 companies you must be very well off financially but from things you have written you don't seem to have a lot of extra cash laying around.

 

I will try spin things a bit differently, look I have tried it before with I will admit some degree of success, just haven't had much of it lately

 

I haven't read one thread of yours where you were successful in anything more than a second date which also resulted in her disappearing afterwards, in what ways have you been successful?

 

Thanks for clearing this up!

 

 

-A

[ZA Dater]

Hello I am a new member but I've been lurking a while and I have read several of your threads and I am puzzled.

 

Could you elaborate on these comments of yours?

 

 

 

You say you review cars as your day job but you also run 6 companies? How is that possible there aren't enough hours in a day for that also if you do run 6 companies you must be very well off financially but from things you have written you don't seem to have a lot of extra cash laying around.

 

 

 

I haven't read one thread of yours where you were successful in anything more than a second date which also resulted in her disappearing afterwards, in what ways have you been successful?

 

Thanks for clearing this up!

 

 

-A

 

 

 

Well its not how many hours in a day its rather how effectively one used those hours. Everything I do I strive to do efficiently. Cars are a passion and hobby and have enabled to me to network fairly well.

 

 

I am happy to spend but not for the sake of, sure I could go to a bar and throw money around but I just look like another idiot trying to buy attention.

 

 

Some of the latter responses to this thread have actually been very helpful in the sense I am re focussing on the things I really enjoy.

[Adiron]

What kind of car do you drive?

[bene]

 

 

So I go and tell them I am into corporate finance, mergers and acquisitions and run half a dozen companies. Then what? I get this puzzled expression and then I tell them I review and write about supercars? More puzzled expressions. Ok so I tell them I like world affairs, more puzzled expressions.

 

 

As we speak, there are probably a hundred guys complaining on internet that they can’t get a date because all women are into guys who run half a dozen companies, drive fast supercars and are familiar with world affairs.

 

Yet you manage to turn all this into a disadvantage. Do you see anything wrong in this picture?

 

Maybe your picker is off and you should focus more on professional women similar to you. I know dating is a numbers game but I read you contact women who have already big no-no’s on their profile picture (the 420 example). So clearly you are already going in with some prejudice.

 

But I can guarantee that even professional intelligent women just want to have fun and light conversation on first dates, not being judged or examined.

Edited June 23, 2018 by bene

[Adiron]

But I can guarantee that even professional intelligent women just want to have fun and light conversation on first dates, not being judged or examined.

 

I can guarantee that any woman worth dating who is sitting face to face with a guy with questionable social skills who says he runs 6 companies and reviews high end cars is going to have her BS meter on red alert.

 

Especially since he's probably driving a Ford.

[ZA Dater]

As we speak, there are probably a hundred guys complaining on internet that they can’t get a date because all women are into guys who run half a dozen companies, drive fast supercars and are familiar with world affairs.

 

Yet you manage to turn all this into a disadvantage. Do you see anything wrong in this picture?

 

Maybe your picker is off and you should focus more on professional women similar to you. I know dating is a numbers game but I read you contact women who have already big no-no’s on their profile picture (the 420 example). So clearly you are already going in with some prejudice.

 

But I can guarantee that even professional intelligent women just want to have fun and light conversation on first dates, not being judged or examined.

 

 

 

It is a huge disadvantage in this dating pool or for me at least. Well I did try something new this morning which seemed to work relatively well, though I suppose its hard to tell in a situation where someone is trying to tell you something. Just something simple I picked up from body language guide I have been reading.

 

 

What was interesting about this situation was there were two ladies, I decided to try this banter everyone talks about with the one and the other one immediately zoned in and tried to cut the other off. Granted the other was an absolutely stunning Italian lady. Banter seemed to work well enough but I guess they are selling so I could have said anything really. Am seeing her again soon so will try my luck and see, at least this time I didn't go down the thinking road of "well she definitely isn't single" so I guess that's some accomplishment.

 

 

Complaining doesn't really change anything ultimately we can all make ourselves happy or make ourselves sad I am going to do more of the former and less of the latter.

 

 

You either present a product people want to buy or you don't.

[Adiron]

You either present a product people want to buy or you don't.

 

 

Not everyone is interested in the same products.

 

 

 

If your product isn't selling then another option is to target a different market.

 

 

Surely a person who runs 6 companies knows this.

[JuneL]

I read your very first thread and this one, so I probably have missed quite a bit of your background information. A few quick comments, which you may find annoying:

 

Like many posters have stated, you showed an utter lack of interest in the girl. It's quite obvious the reason she took the initiative to ask about your hobbies was that she was eager to talk about her horse riding passion, and you completely missed it. However, unlike other posters, I don't see your last line as sexually suggestive. Rather, it's a very creepy way to impose yourself on her, when she already said she just wanted to chill. Truth be told, if your had already exuded a very alpha vibe in the convo, chances are you might get away with an assertive statement like "Why don't you just chill with me ;)"; you know, the girl might even be intrigued! Those minor comments like "you look pretty" and "amazing tattoo" were not only pointless (if you didn't intend to follow up a bit more), but also made you look desperate: Some beta guy was trying to play alpha in a half-a$$ed manner. Paradoxically, in this sense, you might do better by just being who you are (the title of this thread!).

 

I think Adiron has asked some pointed questions which I have had all along, namely your financial situation. You stated that you're running 6 companies. A company can consist of maintaining a website for, say, car reviews. But you also mentioned that you enjoy corporate finance, as well as mergers and acquisitions. Assuming you're not talking about buying and selling companies in the board game Monopoly, so you want us to believe that you're a pretty successful youngish entrepreneur equivalent to at least a multi-millionaire in the US. So it's puzzling that your concept of spending money in your reply to Adiron is going to bars Relatedly, if you are as financially well off as you want us to believe, then there are high-end matchmaking services tailored to multi-millionaires -- why don't you just pay to join one?

 

If, by running multiple companies, you meant you're leading several teams of considerable size, then you at least have a number of female admirers if you're as successful professionally as you claimed. I have witnessed time and again how women are attracted to someone whom they WITNESS to have an incredibly strong work ethic (it's a sexy trait ), even though the guy may be a nerd who is socially awkward and would have very little success dating online.

 

This also leads to the supercar super question. It's not hard to imagine that most if not all girls are not that into driving supercars. However, many would probably find it fun to have a ride in your Lamborghini (or whatever supercars you own).

 

Finally, I wanted to share this from my experience: If you happen to find a woman who is both very intellectual and who can jump through your hoops of "in detail" and "depending on how soon you want to get to know me", chances are she would think of you as some weirdo who has the tendency of saying odd things.

 

GOOD LUCK!

 

Some background she is 24 and while not the sort of look I would normally go for me there was something about interesting and different about her. One of her profile pictures is fairly provocative. Her profile also mentioned 420 which is a big no no for me but I thought ok lets.

 

 

Amazingly we matched (Tinder) and started chatting.

 

 

Me: Hi S, how is your day going, nice to meet you.

Her: Hey, I am good thanks and you, yeh nice to meet you too (wink)

Me: I see you have a cat in your profile, what is his or her name? Have you had a good weekend so far

Her: Its been pretty good and yours? His name is Ewok.

Me: Mine has been good, though went cycling yesterday and got caught in this monster rain story, which was fun! PS his name is cool like yours.

Her: Ah I see, hope you didn't get too cold. Haha, than you, wink.

Me: I see we are fairly close to each other, I live in ABC and no I didn't get too cold was decently layered but still froze a bit

Her: Ah shame. Oh and nice area we are super close, so what are your hobbies.

Me: I like outdoors, I write bit and am currently working on a novel, I run a car club and I attempt to try keep fit!

Me: Amazing tattoo by the way in your second pic.

Her: Thank you.

Me: What are your hobbies?

Her: I like horse riding and my mom trains horses in ABC area.

Me: That's a very scenic location.

Me: You look very pretty too!

Her: Why thank you, so do you

Me: Well I try, I'd want to get to know you, perhaps in detail.

Her: And me about you!

Me: What you up to?

Her: Not much I am going to chill today

Me: Would you like to chill with me, depending on how soon you want to get to know me.

 

 

Needless to say the conversation died right there.

[ZA Dater]

I read your very first thread and this one, so I probably have missed quite a bit of your background information. A few quick comments, which you may find annoying:

 

Like many posters have stated, you showed an utter lack of interest in the girl. It's quite obvious the reason she took the initiative to ask about your hobbies was that she was eager to talk about her horse riding passion, and you completely missed it. However, unlike other posters, I don't see your last line as sexually suggestive. Rather, it's a very creepy way to impose yourself on her, when she already said she just wanted to chill. Truth be told, if your had already exuded a very alpha vibe in the convo, chances are you might get away with an assertive statement like "Why don't you just chill with me ;)"; you know, the girl might even be intrigued! Those minor comments like "you look pretty" and "amazing tattoo" were not only pointless (if you didn't intend to follow up a bit more), but also made you look desperate: Some beta guy was trying to play alpha in a half-a$$ed manner. Paradoxically, in this sense, you might do better by just being who you are (the title of this thread!).

 

I think Adiron has asked some pointed questions which I have had all along, namely your financial situation. You stated that you're running 6 companies. A company can consist of maintaining a website for, say, car reviews. But you also mentioned that you enjoy corporate finance, as well as mergers and acquisitions. Assuming you're not talking about buying and selling companies in the board game Monopoly, so you want us to believe that you're a pretty successful youngish entrepreneur equivalent to at least a multi-millionaire in the US. So it's puzzling that your concept of spending money in your reply to Adiron is going to bars Relatedly, if you are as financially well off as you want us to believe, then there are high-end matchmaking services tailored to multi-millionaires -- why don't you just pay to join one?

 

If, by running multiple companies, you meant you're leading several teams of considerable size, then you at least have a number of female admirers if you're as successful professionally as you claimed. I have witnessed time and again how women are attracted to someone whom they WITNESS to have an incredibly strong work ethic (it's a sexy trait ), even though the guy may be a nerd who is socially awkward and would have very little success dating online.

 

This also leads to the supercar super question. It's not hard to imagine that most if not all girls are not that into driving supercars. However, many would probably find it fun to have a ride in your Lamborghini (or whatever supercars you own).

 

Finally, I wanted to share this from my experience: If you happen to find a woman who is both very intellectual and who can jump through your hoops of "in detail" and "depending on how soon you want to get to know me", chances are she would think of you as some weirdo who has the tendency of saying odd things.

GOOD LUCK!

 

 

The last line....absolutely true.

 

 

Sure, I can go and do the whole superficial thing, throw money around but why? if I wanted to be liked for money I would have gone that road ages ago, my experience is I would be attracting a very particular sort of even more false person if I did that.

 

 

And yes I have done it before, as for matchmaking, again the target audience is one that tries to be something else to attract someone. All I want is someone nice that I like to like me, that is all, she doesn't have to be a model. I have friends who chase looks over all else and they do ok but ultimately it never works for them because there is nothing else but looks.

 

 

 

Cant say too many people see me working at 6.30am but point taken some may find it appealing, who they are I have no idea.

 

 

People just think I am weird and I have actually stopped caring what people thing because if I did I wouldn't get much done. One can be at war with oneself or one can be chasing an objective and so what if dating doesn't work for me. The reasons I am weird are the reasons I don't follow everyone else and anything remotely different is deemed weird in this society.

 

 

Yes, you are right I wasn't too interested in her from the off, 420 is a no for me but I thought perhaps there was some decent conversation to be had.

[Chilli]

WTF is a 420 ?

 

Weird , don't worry about it who gives an ef been proudly weird all my life and there's more than enough weird chicks out there to keep anyone busy.

The trick is , don't waste your time on the boring every day type, it ain't gonna work and she;ll be horrified at your weird , because she's a boring ahh, weird needs similar mindedness, or at the very least open mindedness are some good combos, either can work out just fine.

Edited June 28, 2018 by Chilli

[MidwestUSA]

WTF is a 420 ?

 

Weird , don't worry about it who gives an ef been proudly weird all my life and there's more than enough weird chicks out there to keep anyone busy.

The trick is , don't waste your time on the boring every day type, it ain't gonna work and she;ll be horrified at your weird , because she's a boring ahh, weird needs similar mindedness, or at the very least open mindedness are some good combos, either can work out just fine.

 

420 = marijuana.