Why can't people be liked for who they are

[Imajerk17]

Not a lot of point because she isn't single but we get along well. I just enjoy the company and I cant say that a lot of the time. I did REALLY try to do things differently this time and the win I think was the body language I got back.

 

 

I got "I didn't know you could public speak so superbly".

 

 

The thing has always been I can do really well if I can find the confidence and I detach my over thinking mind. I also did what you told me to, the comfort zone was found very quickly.

 

 

But as always there is someone else and while part of me minds that a part of me doesn't because it was a fun evening.

 

 

This was K right?

 

It's all good. The way you acted w your friend, it's not something you are doing, it is something you are *becoming*. A more confident bold relaxed version of who you were before.

 

Good update!

[ZA Dater]

This was K right?

 

It's all good. The way you acted w your friend, it's not something you are doing, it is something you are *becoming*. A more confident bold relaxed version of who you were before.

 

Good update!

 

 

 

Correct.

 

 

I just wanted to try and put into practice some of the advice I have been given here.

 

 

I also learnt something else, solid eye contact. Not sure why I never tried this before but I could get quite a good read on her doing this. Another thing I wanted to achieve was a more relaxed approach. Of course its nice because we are pretty interested in each others lives so there is that.

 

 

It wasn't a 100% performance from me, I wanted to ask her for a drink after but seeing as she had late dinner plans I decided not to. However, when this big deal I am working on concludes I am going to ask and see what sort of reaction I get.

 

 

Apparently I must have done something right because I got a proper hug.

[JuneL]

I thought you and K have been friends for a while, and each of your interactions has been good, no?

 

Correct.

 

 

I just wanted to try and put into practice some of the advice I have been given here.

 

 

I also learnt something else, solid eye contact. Not sure why I never tried this before but I could get quite a good read on her doing this. Another thing I wanted to achieve was a more relaxed approach. Of course its nice because we are pretty interested in each others lives so there is that.

 

 

It wasn't a 100% performance from me, I wanted to ask her for a drink after but seeing as she had late dinner plans I decided not to. However, when this big deal I am working on concludes I am going to ask and see what sort of reaction I get.

 

 

Apparently I must have done something right because I got a proper hug.

[GemmaUK]

I thought you and K have been friends for a while, and each of your interactions has been good, no?

 

Ditto.

 

I'm confused as to why this is a success.

 

Unless this is practice and will be used in future with women who are actually single?

K doesn't want to date the OP anyway and is in a long term relationship.

[Imajerk17]

Ditto.

 

I'm confused as to why this is a success.

 

Unless this is practice and will be used in future with women who are actually single?

K doesn't want to date the OP anyway and is in a long term relationship.

 

Interesting point.

 

I liked this update from ZA as he is acting w this newfound confidence and is seeing the results--a positive reaction from someone he respects even if it stays only at friendship. He will use this practice in the future w women who are actually single I surmise. So I took it as a Win.

 

BUT now that I think of it, I believe can recall having read updates something like this from ZA before.

 

To the point where I'd go so far to wonder if deep down ZA even really WANTS to date anyone besides K. I mean, these last posts are proof that on some level ZA already knows what he has to do and that he can do it and in fact he has been doing something like this for a while--but ONLY with K. For everyone else besides her and maybe another female friend or two, his light has been hidden under a bushel, so to speak.

Edited July 19, 2018 by Imajerk17

[GemmaUK]

Interesting point.

 

I liked this update from ZA as he is acting w this newfound confidence and is seeing the results--a positive reaction from someone he respects even if it stays only at friendship. He will use this practice in the future w women who are actually single I surmise. So I took it as a Win.

 

BUT now that I think of it, I can recall having read updates something like this from ZA before.

 

To the point where I'd go so far to wonder if deep down ZA even really WANTS to date anyone besides K. I mean, these last posts are proof that on some level ZA already knows what he has to do and that he can do it and in fact he has been doing something like this for a while--but ONLY with K. For everyone else except her and maybe another female friend or two, his light has been hidden under a bushel, so to speak.

 

Only with K.

So this is nothing new to me except for a slight step up with K because he got a genuine hug - he usually gets a hug.

[Imajerk17]

Only with K.

So this is nothing new to me except for a slight step up with K because he got a genuine hug - he usually gets a hug.

 

Only with K I think.

 

I mean, how many times has ZA told his dates that he doesn't drink but he has had a glass of wine w K.

 

So it isn't a question of can vs can't with ZA, it is really instead a question of will vs won't.

[JuneL]

Only with K I think.

 

I mean, how many times has ZA told his dates that he doesn't drink but he has had a glass of wine w K.

 

So it isn't a question of can vs can't with ZA, it is really instead a question of will vs won't.

 

I’ve only read his very first thread (it’s about K) and this one. But I can’t count the number of times he has mentioned here that he was able to deliver well when he’s with someone who can wow him; so far, among the many women he has met (single or not), only K can wow him fully, and a couple of others may wow him somewhat.

[ZA Dater]

I thought you and K have been friends for a while, and each of your interactions has been good, no?

 

 

 

Sometimes yes and sometimes no. My main objective here was to try things and see the reaction I got. Zero risk to me and zero return to me so completely worth a try.

[ZA Dater]

Ditto.

 

I'm confused as to why this is a success.

 

Unless this is practice and will be used in future with women who are actually single?

K doesn't want to date the OP anyway and is in a long term relationship.

 

 

 

Its a well known semi fact I never find anyone I like who is actually single

 

 

I may as well enjoy this practice for what it is.

[ZA Dater]

Only with K I think.

 

I mean, how many times has ZA told his dates that he doesn't drink but he has had a glass of wine w K.

 

So it isn't a question of can vs can't with ZA, it is really instead a question of will vs won't.

 

 

 

She simply had something intangible the others do not. Perhaps because she actually brings the intellectual side of things and the others do not. Its the overall here, there are much better looking people than her but its her personality which gets me. And I guess in some respects I like the idea of completely impossible to be fair I have always liked that idea.

 

 

I am going to take the advice of not investing in prospects who don't meet my criteria, maybe I should have done that years ago instead of hope I may in some way actually find any of them appealing.

 

 

Remember one thing being lonely is a double edged sword.

 

 

1: The risk is any attention at all will be lapped up.

2: You start looking for attention in the wrong places.

 

 

It appears I am going to get dragged off to a strip club to celebrate this business deal, honesty I'd be more enthusiastic to go pretty much anywhere else. Reason I mention that is I detest fake insincere attention.

 

 

I am trying more of this advice in everyday too, just trying to be less shy and more outgoing which is quite hard.

[Chilli]

l can't believe some people are suggesting he writes a fkg book.

Mannnnn, just goes to prove the crap people must read on the internet and by who ?

And yet take seriously.

When he's a success story and been happily married for 20 yrs later on , yeah maybe he could tell the story of how he overcame this and that , but until then , l just mean wtf ?

Gobsmacked . :bunny:

Edited July 20, 2018 by Chilli

[brigit87]

Its a well known semi fact I never find anyone I like who is actually single

 

 

I may as well enjoy this practice for what it is.

 

This doesn't sound good. You only like what you can't have?

 

It might be a good idea to stop using K for practice.

[brigit87]

l can't believe some people are suggesting he writes a fkg book.

Mannnnn, just goes to prove the crap people must read on the internet and by who ?

And yet take seriously.

When he's a success story and been happily married for 20 yrs later on , yeah maybe he could tell the story of how he overcame this and that , but until then , l just mean wtf ?

Gobsmacked . :bunny:

 

 

I suggested he write a book as a good exercise to pinpoint behaviors that appear to help him in his quest. He seems to enjoy breaking down his actions and it would be a healthy endeavor.

 

That being said I do think he needs to "practice" on available women and not his friend.

[Normm]

I suggested he write a book as a good exercise to pinpoint behaviors that appear to help him in his quest

 

 

Have you seen his posts? The book is already written.

[Miss Spider]

At this point it's just an echo chamber and there's nothing anyone can say that you haven't already heard in the three years you've been here making threads about this. I can vent about how I don't understand why things can't be always fair or why can't there be world peace, but the bottom line is that the universe isn't always the way I want it to be.

 

You either change things you can to make yourself more desirable to the market or you don't and continue to be unsuccessful at dating, while hoping things change on their own. That's basically it.

Edited July 20, 2018 by Cookiesandough

[brigit87]

Have you seen his posts? The book is already written.

 

Nope. I didn't know he already wrote a book.

[GemmaUK]

I am trying more of this advice in everyday too, just trying to be less shy and more outgoing which is quite hard.

 

If you tried being as you are with K with others - other people as well as other women then you would see results and your confidence would grow too.

 

But you will only try things out with K.

That ship has sailed, she isn't going to date you and it's clear (she talks to you about her boyfriend as if you are her best girlfriend or her best gay friend).

 

If that is what you are happy with then great, no need for this thread to continue or any more to begin.

[JuneL]

If you tried being as you are with K with others - other people as well as other women then you would see results and your confidence would grow too.

 

But you will only try things out with K.

That ship has sailed, she isn't going to date you and it's clear (she talks to you about her boyfriend as if you are her best girlfriend or her best gay friend).

 

If that is what you are happy with then great, no need for this thread to continue or any more to begin.

 

Is K’s bf aware that his gf confides in and hangs out with a guy with a serious crush on her? Not trying to judge here, as they’re not married after all. I wouldn’t condemn it as long as you don’t cheat. But let’s be honest here: You want to know how to steal away K from her bf, right? You’re not open to meeting other women.

[Normm]

Nope. I didn't know he already wrote a book.

 

 

All of his posts and all of his threads are a book.

[GemmaUK]

Is K’s bf aware that his gf confides in and hangs out with a guy with a serious crush on her?

 

All I know is that the bf doesn't like him very much and ZA appeared pleased about that.

 

But then, a guy chasing/flirting with coupled up ladies never gets a good reputation and that reputation carries a long long way.

OP posted that he chased after K and her best female friend too so he is not to be taken seriously by either.

I suspect K tells her bf a whole different story when she gets home.

[brigit87]

All I know is that the bf doesn't like him very much and ZA appeared pleased about that.

 

But then, a guy chasing/flirting with coupled up ladies never gets a good reputation and that reputation carries a long long way.

OP posted that he chased after K and her best female friend too so he is not to be taken seriously by either.

I suspect K tells her bf a whole different story when she gets home.

 

Well...Jim ended up with Pam in The Office but Pam was ALWAYS into Jim. This K girl sounds like she's not interested at all. And nobody wants a guy who is obviously into some other girl who's taken. But maybe the OP doesn't really want to date anyway. Maybe he just likes talking about dating.

[ZA Dater]

All I know is that the bf doesn't like him very much and ZA appeared pleased about that.

 

But then, a guy chasing/flirting with coupled up ladies never gets a good reputation and that reputation carries a long long way.

OP posted that he chased after K and her best female friend too so he is not to be taken seriously by either.

I suspect K tells her bf a whole different story when she gets home.

 

 

 

Completely untrue.

[ZA Dater]

If you tried being as you are with K with others - other people as well as other women then you would see results and your confidence would grow too.

 

But you will only try things out with K.

That ship has sailed, she isn't going to date you and it's clear (she talks to you about her boyfriend as if you are her best girlfriend or her best gay friend).

 

If that is what you are happy with then great, no need for this thread to continue or any more to begin.

 

 

Find them and I will gladly date them or try to. Unfortunately I have not met anyone like K, I wish I could find one so until I do I guess my flawed version of friendship/dating practice will have to suffice.

 

 

Nothing in life is clear or certain, things change, people change, times change so my view is I'll chase until the ring goes on and well then I will admit defeat.

 

 

What you don't get is I do try with others and I have extremely poor experiences with them. Point being K doesn't care about society, she does things most people in their 20's don't, have beliefs few have, has knowledge I haven't found anywhere else AND she is highly driven to succeed and add multi talented.

 

 

So yes, when I sit down in front of a teacher who is trundling through life I don't feel that excited or interested. I can sit down and list the many things I have on the go and it doesn't work with someone like that. What I want probably above all else is someone to build and share things with. With K I get to do that in a different way, we are building the club, its growing well, the events are getting better and both of us have complimentary talents.

 

 

At first she came because it was an opportunity to network, now by her own admission she comes because she "enjoys spending time with me". The way I see it that's a win.

 

 

I can be totally unserious because there is a friendship foundation, I cannot ever even get to that with these dates. I refuse to see it as a complete reflection of me because if I was so terrible nobody would want to be around me and that isn't the case.

 

 

I do try a lot mentioned in this thread, often I think of particular user names here when I do (yes that's you Gemma, Iamajerk, normal person, June etc.). The advice is good but it really, really means something if you have the right person to use it with, there needs to be some philosophical common ground in my opinion.

 

 

Of course I might be completely wrong with this whole idea but after years and years of being lonely its pretty nice to know there is someone who does care, extends that arm of support, those words of wisdom and just takes an interest in me. Nice because I have never had any of it before.

[normal person]

I do try a lot mentioned in this thread, often I think of particular user names here when I do (yes that's you Gemma, Iamajerk, normal person, June etc.). The advice is good but it really, really means something if you have the right person to use it with, there needs to be some philosophical common ground in my opinion.

 

I'm as picky as anyone when it comes to life philosophy, personality, intelligence, looks, etc. But I don't have anywhere near the problem you do finding partners. Are there any plausible alternatives to your search methodology that could be used to broaden your horizons?

 

For example, I don't know how true it is, but it was alluded to (in jest, but was there some truth to it?) that you're very successful. Could you, say, travel for an extensive period of time to see what it's like in other places and meet new people? Consider opening another office for your company (companies?) somewhere where it might be a better fit for you? Get on an international dating site for successful men (not a mail order bride type thing, just a "normal" one)? Just honest questions.

 

And just out of curiosity, are you of Dutch ancestry? All this time, that's how I've pictured you, for whatever reason.