Why can't people be liked for who they are

[Chilli]

Really , well blow me down.

Never heard that one , but l'm not in the US.

Disappointing really l was hoping it might be something exiting .

[MidwestUSA]

Really , well blow me down.

Never heard that one , but l'm not in the US.

Disappointing really l was hoping it might be something exiting .

 

What? That's not exciting? :lmao:

[Adiron]

Sure, I can go and do the whole superficial thing, throw money around but why? if I wanted to be liked for money I would have gone that road ages ago, my experience is I would be attracting a very particular sort of even more false person if I did that.

 

At least you'd be attracting somebody. You already acknowledge that you come across as weird, you have zero success at dating and meeting women whatsoever, so why not use one of your only positive attributes which is your money from the 6 companies you run and the high end sports cars you drive and review every day?

 

In fact, I did just that when I was dating. I picked the highest income bracket on Match (which was the truth), and clearly stated in my profile that I make good money "but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm going to share it with you" which was part of a larger, tongue in cheek profile that got a lot of hits.

 

I've got more than enough in the way good looks, intelligence and charm, but I figured why not let potential dating partners know I make good money too? I'd rather cast a wider net, bring in more fish, some of whom were real hotties who know they don't have to settle for some broke guy- doesn't mean they're necessarily money grubbers or gold diggers either- quality women often won't settle for loser guys who live from one paycheck to the next, because they don't have to. My current girlfriend of 6 years told me she didn't even message with guys who make less than 100k. Why? Because SHE makes more than that and she isn't looking to be a bank like she was with her loser exhusband.

 

People just think I am weird and I have actually stopped caring what people thing because if I did I wouldn't get much done.

 

Dude, be honest, at least with yourself. Of course you care. You start approximately 25 threads per year each one detailing another dating failure and asking what you can do to change it. If you didn't care you wouldn't be on this site in the first place!

 

The reasons I am weird are the reasons I don't follow everyone else and anything remotely different is deemed weird in this society.

 

That's not the reason but it's irrelevant because you have no interest in changing how you come across regardless of the your continued failures. If someone said, hey ZA Dater, the way you talk, the way you act, and the things you say leave people confused, puzzled, and even afraid- you'd say "that's because they don't understand me and I'll never change" so it doesn't matter in the end. The only chance you have of not coming across as weird is to utilize the services of a dating coach or therapist who can guide you in improving and perfecting your approach but you have dismissed that as an option for reasons that are unclear, other than saying "it's not you" or "it won't work for me". Or, don't do the dating coach/therapist suggestion but make it clear that you are loaded. But you won't do that either will you. You'll just start more threads about your continued failures and ask what you should do differently.

Edited June 28, 2018 by Adiron

[bene]

May I ask, what is your purpose when posting on the forum?

 

Are you really looking for advice or do you approach arguing as some kind of sport or maybe you just want to chat? Nothing wrong with any of those options really but I see a lot of people earnestly trying to give you advice so I’m wondering what is it all really about.

[JuneL]

There are different levels of being weird: One can certainly be weird in a unique, cute and intelligent way. As a guy wanting to meet potential romantic partners, you don't want to come across as some weirdo in a creepy or worse dangerous way.

 

From what I understand, those very high-end matchmaking services will do the VETTING, among other things, for you and that's what you're paying them so much money for. How hard is it to state your preferences, e.g., if you are looking for an intellectual type instead of a model type? In your very first thread, your friend introduced a woman to you who was exactly your dream girl. Imagine that, plus the added service that they can give you pointers on how not to act weird to ruin your date, and provide you constructive feedback for improvement. Of course, it's a moot point if you can't afford their fees...

 

 

The last line....absolutely true.

 

 

Sure, I can go and do the whole superficial thing, throw money around but why? if I wanted to be liked for money I would have gone that road ages ago, my experience is I would be attracting a very particular sort of even more false person if I did that.

 

 

And yes I have done it before, as for matchmaking, again the target audience is one that tries to be something else to attract someone. All I want is someone nice that I like to like me, that is all, she doesn't have to be a model. I have friends who chase looks over all else and they do ok but ultimately it never works for them because there is nothing else but looks.

 

 

 

Cant say too many people see me working at 6.30am but point taken some may find it appealing, who they are I have no idea.

 

 

People just think I am weird and I have actually stopped caring what people thing because if I did I wouldn't get much done. One can be at war with oneself or one can be chasing an objective and so what if dating doesn't work for me. The reasons I am weird are the reasons I don't follow everyone else and anything remotely different is deemed weird in this society.

 

 

Yes, you are right I wasn't too interested in her from the off, 420 is a no for me but I thought perhaps there was some decent conversation to be had.

[ZA Dater]

At least you'd be attracting somebody. You already acknowledge that you come across as weird, you have zero success at dating and meeting women whatsoever, so why not use one of your only positive attributes which is your money from the 6 companies you run and the high end sports cars you drive and review every day?

 

In fact, I did just that when I was dating. I picked the highest income bracket on Match (which was the truth), and clearly stated in my profile that I make good money "but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm going to share it with you" which was part of a larger, tongue in cheek profile that got a lot of hits.

 

I've got more than enough in the way good looks, intelligence and charm, but I figured why not let potential dating partners know I make good money too? I'd rather cast a wider net, bring in more fish, some of whom were real hotties who know they don't have to settle for some broke guy- doesn't mean they're necessarily money grubbers or gold diggers either- quality women often won't settle for loser guys who live from one paycheck to the next, because they don't have to. My current girlfriend of 6 years told me she didn't even message with guys who make less than 100k. Why? Because SHE makes more than that and she isn't looking to be a bank like she was with her loser exhusband.

 

 

 

Dude, be honest, at least with yourself. Of course you care. You start approximately 25 threads per year each one detailing another dating failure and asking what you can do to change it. If you didn't care you wouldn't be on this site in the first place!

 

 

 

That's not the reason but it's irrelevant because you have no interest in changing how you come across regardless of the your continued failures. If someone said, hey ZA Dater, the way you talk, the way you act, and the things you say leave people confused, puzzled, and even afraid- you'd say "that's because they don't understand me and I'll never change" so it doesn't matter in the end. The only chance you have of not coming across as weird is to utilize the services of a dating coach or therapist who can guide you in improving and perfecting your approach but you have dismissed that as an option for reasons that are unclear, other than saying "it's not you" or "it won't work for me". Or, don't do the dating coach/therapist suggestion but make it clear that you are loaded. But you won't do that either will you. You'll just start more threads about your continued failures and ask what you should do differently.

 

 

Actually I have taken the advice of some and made simply made peace with a few things, made peace with the fact I am weird, made peace with the fact the chances anyone will ever want to date someone with zero dating experience are practically zero.

 

 

Its ok, let people judge me, its really not that important so long as I reserve the right to judge back.

 

 

 

As for dating profiles I have done exactly that before and sure, people can chase money but they need to actually bring something to the table but very few actually do. I think I have just become cynical.

 

 

I have lots of positive attributes, they are just simply ones the market puts no premium on but that doesn't make them negative. Further, I have never judged people by material items.

 

 

Dating coaches, nobody I know has needed one and I can assure you if I went to 5, all would say something different which basically means there is no science to the approach which then means it falls into subjective.

 

 

6 years, good going....

[ZA Dater]

There are different levels of being weird: One can certainly be weird in a unique, cute and intelligent way. As a guy wanting to meet potential romantic partners, you don't want to come across as some weirdo in a creepy or worse dangerous way.

 

From what I understand, those very high-end matchmaking services will do the VETTING, among other things, for you and that's what you're paying them so much money for. How hard is it to state your preferences, e.g., if you are looking for an intellectual type instead of a model type? In your very first thread, your friend introduced a woman to you who was exactly your dream girl. Imagine that, plus the added service that they can give you pointers on how not to act weird to ruin your date, and provide you constructive feedback for improvement. Of course, it's a moot point if you can't afford their fees...

 

 

 

I just don't see the point in it. I have spent enough years pulling myself apart, soul searching as to why I can date anyone I want and feeling like that just isn't nice, I can simply choose not to participate. Everything I do is driven by the rational.

 

 

And yes I did once try this sort of introduction system and all I really landed up with were ladies only interested in money which would have been ok if they were interesting, they weren't.

 

 

My problem is I am jaded, some would say its luck but I think of it as a curse because I have met people I did like but the reality is I don't appeal to them so its actually pointless, I tried with most of them but all I did was try what amounted to the impossible. The problem is when you meet people you like, nothing else really will do. You start to look for people with similar attributes but I'd argue its easier to find a physically attractive person than find an attractive personality.

 

 

Maybe one day I'll find mutual attraction but I certainly wont be holding my breath, in the meantime I'll just have to live with the regrets I have.

[ZA Dater]

If I could go back I would have changed many thing and to some extent I think I am being punished for the choices I made. The sacrifices I chose to make re relationships/friends are what has brought me to this position of being alone.

 

 

There is a lot of wisdom in this thread and much of it I wish I had heard 10 years earlier, one thing is true, the older you get the harder it becomes and I look at it from time versus reward basis. I can devote my life to dating and just feel completely worthless or I can do things I like and accomplish things which I do enjoy.

 

 

I'll never understand why people like who they do, why I never seem to be in the running and maybe that's the point, its impossible understand everything. I cannot fathom why my friend married the lady he did, I cannot fathom why my other friend has 4 kids. They probably cannot fathom why I simply don't settle for anyone.

 

 

See for me things are like this, things need to be an experience, only two people have ever given me that vibe, that each moment really counts, you really enjoy each moment, no matter how mundane, for me that will always be the dream, one which I probably get to live more vicariously than I could hope for.

 

 

Its possible to find huge amounts of happiness with people, the right people. I just wish I had met the people which inspire me so much now, perhaps 10 years ago.

 

 

I wont stop trying to be a better person but that will be under the proviso I am never expecting to ever be wowed consistently. If you are one of those people who has found that wow, I envy you because you have found something no amount of money can buy.

[normal person]

As for dating profiles I have done exactly that before and sure, people can chase money but they need to actually bring something to the table but very few actually do. I think I have just become cynical.

 

Your money will attract both the people who "chase" it and those who see and respect it as a sign of your competence. The latter group will feature plenty of people who have similar mindsets, goals, abilities, etc. You'll have to weed through some gold-diggers to find them, but they're there without a doubt. Those people will bring a similar approach to life to the table.

 

I have lots of positive attributes, they are just simply ones the market puts no premium on but that doesn't make them negative. Further, I have never judged people by material items.

 

If you make good money, you have the most desirable attribute.

Edited June 28, 2018 by normal person

[Adiron]

Dating coaches, nobody I know has needed one and I can assure you if I went to 5, all would say something different which basically means there is no science to the approach which then means it falls into subjective.

 

No one You know needed one. You haven't had a second date in your entire life, if anyone needs a dating coach it's you. Not anyone you know. You.

 

How do you know if you went to 5 dating coaches 5 would say something different which means there's no science which means it's subjective which means it's useless? You didn't even TRY you already talked yourself out of it by convincing yourself of something that is not necessarily the least bit true.

 

I wish I had heard 10 years earlier, one thing is true, the older you get the harder it becomes

 

Aren't you in your mid 30s? If so you aren't that old you've got plenty of life ahead of you. It doesn't get harder to date as you get older, I was back out there at 50 years of age and did fine. It gets harder as you get more convinced you're a failure and bad at dating and develop such a hard nosed attitude about it that you stifle your own attempts.

 

 

They probably cannot fathom why I simply don't settle for anyone.

 

 

Do your friends know you've never gotten a second date in your entire life? If so they aren't wondering why you don't settle for anyone- you haven't settled because you don't have that decision to make, because no one is interested.

Edited June 28, 2018 by Adiron

[Chilli]

lt only gets harder because the choices are pretty bad, there;s plenty out there , there's more divorced women than men so there ya go.

The good ones left though, that special one is the hard part.

 

At your age though , that's about the best age ever l found , mid 30s is absolute primo

 

What you need is someone that understands all this stuff standing in front of you. Not someone you know , someone that can be totally objective. l bet they'll spot what the hold up is in 2 seconds flat.

All the internet bs and threads and descriptions in the world can't even come close to that one person standing in front of you for a few seconds, not if they know what they're talking about anyway.

Edited June 29, 2018 by Chilli

[Chilli]

Dunno about some guru,l mean wtf , a dating coach , what next.

But what about a women and say someone a bit older , know any pretty cool older women you'd trust enough to have chat too.?

[LightWave93]

lt only gets harder because the choices are pretty bad, there;s plenty out there , there's more divorced women than men so there ya go.

The good ones left though, that special one is the hard part.

 

At your age though , that's about the best age ever l found , mid 30s is absolute primo

 

What you need is someone that understands all this stuff standing in front of you. Not someone you know , someone that can be totally objective. l bet they'll spot what the hold up is in 2 seconds flat.

All the internet bs and threads and descriptions in the world can't even come close to that one person standing in front of you for a few seconds, not if they know what they're talking about anyway.

 

Dunno about some guru,l mean wtf , a dating coach , what next.

But what about a women and say someone a bit older , know any pretty cool older women you'd trust enough to have chat too.?

 

But if this ends up anything like my thread, he may get some decent feedback from friends / a dating coach but you all will crap all over it and accuse him of lying.

 

 

 

OP;

 

Not exactly in the best of positions to advise you myself, but despite the clear frustration and disappointed in some of your posts, you seem like a decent guy. I'd advise you keep on trying different things, making sure to implement feedback in this thread, and hopefully you'll get somewhere.

[Adiron]

I'd advise you keep on trying different things

 

 

If you've read enough of his threads you would know better than to advise him to try different things. Despite dozens of ideas that he could implement to improve his dating success, he refuses, as it's "not him and he won't pretend to be something he's not, he'd rather be alone than settle", typically followed by "I never get any advice, people are just judgmental".

[Chilli]

l haven't accused him of anything , l've only read a bit of the thread.

Or dis guarded any tips people have mentioned, just saying that some real time with someone could really help nut it out.

 

Think l read somewhere though his friends just said he was too fussy. But personally l wouldn't depend on friends being 100% up front either anyway or seeing things with a clear head.

He doesn't have to mention anything here.

[ZA Dater]

No one You know needed one. You haven't had a second date in your entire life, if anyone needs a dating coach it's you. Not anyone you know. You.

 

How do you know if you went to 5 dating coaches 5 would say something different which means there's no science which means it's subjective which means it's useless? You didn't even TRY you already talked yourself out of it by convincing yourself of something that is not necessarily the least bit true.

 

 

 

Aren't you in your mid 30s? If so you aren't that old you've got plenty of life ahead of you. It doesn't get harder to date as you get older, I was back out there at 50 years of age and did fine. It gets harder as you get more convinced you're a failure and bad at dating and develop such a hard nosed attitude about it that you stifle your own attempts.

 

 

 

 

 

Do your friends know you've never gotten a second date in your entire life? If so they aren't wondering why you don't settle for anyone- you haven't settled because you don't have that decision to make, because no one is interested.

 

 

 

Anything based on subjectivity where there isn't the slightest bit of fact to back up that subjectivity is in my view of limited value. My view remains the same, you can ask 5 dating coaches and you will get 5 different answers. Sure, if I can select anyone from a crowd and the person can charm them and get a date with them, then I might take any advice offered seriously but lets be honest that's hardly practical. Heck people in this thread could qualify as dating coaches.

 

 

Sure, I have a hard nosed attitude, its a lot better than mooching and feeling down all the time.

 

 

You are right nobody is interested at least nobody I would be interested in even meeting up with. Sure I might be in my 30s but in dating age I am 16 and nobody really wants that lets be totally honest here.

[Adiron]

My view remains the same

 

No question about it.

 

Heck people in this thread could qualify as dating coaches.

 

Some random people on the internet who have never so much as spoken to you or seen you "in action" cannot possibly coach you in respect to potential dating partners. It's all about mannerisms, body language, the things you say and the way you say them, they way you listen and respond; things that require actually seeing you in action in order to diagnose and work towards improving.

 

Sure, I have a hard nosed attitude, its a lot better than mooching and feeling down all the time.

 

It won't get you any closer to a second date.

 

Sure I might be in my 30s but in dating age I am 16 and nobody really wants that

 

Your so-called "dating age of 16" is not causing you nearly as many problems as your unwillingness to change your approach towards the women you meet.

[Blanco]

I think these threads feel so unsatisfying to you because even your best-case scenario (e.g. people telling you it's everyone else who is wrong) doesn't do anything to solve the lack of companionship.

 

You do tend to come off as someone who likes to engage in circular "discussion" for sport in these threads. I guess that makes sense, given your fortified attitude that women of the world should acclimate to your rigid standards rather than you making any sort of adjustments.

 

I mean, it's good to have convictions and after three years, it's clear you have no interest or intention to modify yourself in any substantial manner in the name of dating. But I think that means you have to accept that the cost of being so unwilling to make even minor compromises means you will continue to be alone.

[Adiron]

you have to accept that the cost of being so unwilling to make even minor compromises means you will continue to be alone.

 

 

This sums it up rather nicely.

[ZA Dater]

lt only gets harder because the choices are pretty bad, there;s plenty out there , there's more divorced women than men so there ya go.

The good ones left though, that special one is the hard part.

 

At your age though , that's about the best age ever l found , mid 30s is absolute primo

 

What you need is someone that understands all this stuff standing in front of you. Not someone you know , someone that can be totally objective. l bet they'll spot what the hold up is in 2 seconds flat.

All the internet bs and threads and descriptions in the world can't even come close to that one person standing in front of you for a few seconds, not if they know what they're talking about anyway.

 

 

I have actually had that once and it was actually quite useful but what someone doesn't like someone else might like so there is seemingly no universal attractive quality here.

 

 

Choices have pretty much vanished to be honest, at one stage there were some people I liked and had a genuine belief I could get things to work but it never happened like that, I always lost out to someone else. Worse of all each time this happened I look at the people I lost out to and I could never understand why until I realised most of the time it was simply experience and confidence which killed any chances I may have had. I its have sat and chatted to ladies, ones who have dated a lot and its always those two things, experience and confidence, those seem to be the fundamentals, if you don't have those you are not really viable at all.

 

 

Every single thread here relating to people who battle, its always those two traits. The reality seems to be, you can be a total clown but so long as you have confidence you will always be at the front of the line.

[ZA Dater]

No question about it.

 

 

 

Some random people on the internet who have never so much as spoken to you or seen you "in action" cannot possibly coach you in respect to potential dating partners. It's all about mannerisms, body language, the things you say and the way you say them, they way you listen and respond; things that require actually seeing you in action in order to diagnose and work towards improving.

 

 

 

It won't get you any closer to a second date.

 

 

 

Your so-called "dating age of 16" is not causing you nearly as many problems as your unwillingness to change your approach towards the women you meet.

 

 

I don't agree at all. There are millions upon millions of people who haven't needed to change there mannerism to date, millions more who don't need to coached what to say. I am sorry but to one person "you look radiant in that dress" will be a compliment to another they wont ever know the meaning of "radiant". Yes you right I need to be coached what to say, perhaps I need to include an entire script for the date. Find me a dating coach in 1970. I suspect you wont find such a thing, why the relevance now?

 

 

Its exactly this I have a major issue with and why I simply am at the point of simply not caring, let everyone else have the apparent fun, I am sure they spend hours upon hours rehearsing what to say and how to walk and how to smile etc. Equally I am sure the spend hours upon hours pretending to fit in with everyone else in case miss whoever over there will give them the time of day.

 

 

Oh lets not forget date one MUST be a coffee date, date two MUST be a dinner etc. For something that's apparently subjective there seems to be a lot of regimentation.

 

 

You know what, I am not sorry I have not had a second date because 99% of the time I didn't want one anyway and I am sure they felt the same barring some who were simply desperate.

[ZA Dater]

I think these threads feel so unsatisfying to you because even your best-case scenario (e.g. people telling you it's everyone else who is wrong) doesn't do anything to solve the lack of companionship.

 

You do tend to come off as someone who likes to engage in circular "discussion" for sport in these threads. I guess that makes sense, given your fortified attitude that women of the world should acclimate to your rigid standards rather than you making any sort of adjustments.

 

I mean, it's good to have convictions and after three years, it's clear you have no interest or intention to modify yourself in any substantial manner in the name of dating. But I think that means you have to accept that the cost of being so unwilling to make even minor compromises means you will continue to be alone.

 

 

 

I have been out there and I have been smiling, I have been making eye contact, I have tried to present as less serious, I have tried to make them laugh, I have tried to be confident.

 

 

None of this makes any difference at all but I am never not going to be just ever so slightly awkward. I went on one date once, I think she expected me to kiss her and I didn't because guess what I didn't know how to or if I should. I hugged her instead.

 

 

What do you expect me to compromise on? I have met enough people I like to actually know what I like when I see and meet that person, I know instantly if I do or if I don't.

 

 

Sure, I see the cost and I have been paying it for years but I have also been working to try and reverse the trend but when I do chase as I have before and I see what I ultimately loose out to I wonder why I even bother. Seemingly nothing I can say or do will make a difference when I see the last 3 people I chased what they ended up dating. What I don't get is why people don't try get the best they can and settle for what quite obviously isn't that, sure don't date me but when I sit and hear "oh he doesn't speak to me " "oh he was too busy to do this can you help me" "oh I am moving but he cant help me he is busy" "oh I had a car crash and he couldn't come see in hospital".

 

 

I cannot fathom why people would settle for people like that. Sure, don't date me but there are better people than that. There is someone I chased for a while , she is devoted to this guy, he lives 1000 miles away and sees her once a year but boy dare not say anything because he is the next best thing to sliced bread, years go by and he promises to move closer and never does, she moves to where he is and he moves away. Its bizarre but apparently she is in love with him. For what its worth the fact she condones this would make me give her a big pass if she ever became single.

 

 

Another once had a bf she wouldn't introduce me to because "I know you wont do it intentionally but intellectually he wont look good in a conversation with you and others" great I saw her but never with him, again why date someone like this?

 

 

The only thing I can guess is the physical is more important than anything else.

[Blanco]

Oh lets not forget date one MUST be a coffee date, date two MUST be a dinner etc. For something that's apparently subjective there seems to be a lot of regimentation.

 

I have never been on a "coffee date."

[Adiron]

I don't agree at all. There are millions upon millions of people who haven't needed to change there mannerism to date, millions more who don't need to coached what to say

 

Millions of people get second dates. A VERY small fraction of the population in their mid 30's have never had a second date or a relationship with their preferred gender.

 

Find me a dating coach in 1970. I suspect you wont find such a thing, why the relevance now?

 

There never used to be color TVs and microwave ovens and personal computers either. Technology improved. Services and products that exist today did not exist 20 years ago. Just as Amazon, Ebay and FaceBook did. There was a need. They met that need. It's called marketing. You should know that from the 6 companies you run.

 

You know what, I am not sorry I have not had a second date because 99% of the time I didn't want one anyway

 

In an old fable by Aesop a hungry fox noticed a bunch of juicy grapes hanging from a vine. After several failed attempts to reach the grapes, the fox gave up and insisted that he didn't want them anyway because they were probably sour.

 

Nowadays when somebody expresses sour grapes it means that they put down something simply because they can't have it.

This example is from the same link I got the rest of this. No kidding.

 

A boy fancied a girl,but another boy took her.He pretended not to care,but his friends said 'sour grapes'.

 

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Sour%20Grapes

[Blanco]

I have been out there and I have been smiling, I have been making eye contact, I have tried to present as less serious, I have tried to make them laugh, I have tried to be confident.

 

 

None of this makes any difference at all but I am never not going to be just ever so slightly awkward. I went on one date once, I think she expected me to kiss her and I didn't because guess what I didn't know how to or if I should. I hugged her instead.

 

 

What do you expect me to compromise on? I have met enough people I like to actually know what I like when I see and meet that person, I know instantly if I do or if I don't.

 

 

Sure, I see the cost and I have been paying it for years but I have also been working to try and reverse the trend but when I do chase as I have before and I see what I ultimately loose out to I wonder why I even bother. Seemingly nothing I can say or do will make a difference when I see the last 3 people I chased what they ended up dating. What I don't get is why people don't try get the best they can and settle for what quite obviously isn't that, sure don't date me but when I sit and hear "oh he doesn't speak to me " "oh he was too busy to do this can you help me" "oh I am moving but he cant help me he is busy" "oh I had a car crash and he couldn't come see in hospital".

 

 

I cannot fathom why people would settle for people like that. Sure, don't date me but there are better people than that. There is someone I chased for a while , she is devoted to this guy, he lives 1000 miles away and sees her once a year but boy dare not say anything because he is the next best thing to sliced bread, years go by and he promises to move closer and never does, she moves to where he is and he moves away. Its bizarre but apparently she is in love with him. For what its worth the fact she condones this would make me give her a big pass if she ever became single.

 

 

Another once had a bf she wouldn't introduce me to because "I know you wont do it intentionally but intellectually he wont look good in a conversation with you and others" great I saw her but never with him, again why date someone like this?

 

 

The only thing I can guess is the physical is more important than anything else.

 

Plenty of people settle and end up in relationships that make other people scratch their heads. But guess what? There will probably always be someone better out there, so it's equally futile to hold off in the name of waiting for the absolute "best" we can do.