To all the orphans

[Fair]

How do you cope with the loss of both your parents? When I first lost them, I thought then, and I still do, that no one is ever going to love me like that again. And I found it interesting to see a video of Whoopi Goldberg on youtube, who voiced those exact same thoughts when she lost her mother. So, there's some comfort in knowing it's not an uncommon thought to have.

 

But I find I'm a bit without hope regarding men, and don't have children. I have no siblings, either, you might as well say. And I often find myself crying missing my mother, thinking it's hopeless, that no one is ever going to really care about me again.

 

How many of you are in the same boat. And how do you cope with finding your footing after the loss of your parents if you have no family of your own? I feel like my world is upside down since I lost my dad and the only sister I had a relationship with last year. My mom died in 2011. There's nothing and no one to grab onto. How do you stop the world from spinning after a great loss?

 

I've mentioned it before, but I have no friends to turn to ... and friends are hard to find at this age. It's like it HAS to be a man in romantic sense or you're destined to be alone. Your female friends won't fill the void, even if you're lucky enough to have some. And men don't care unless they think they can get something out of you. I'm really struggling, like I've been cast into space with no firm foundation to stand on. How many of you can relate? How do you cope?

[nospam99]

I can't relate directly because even though I have no SO I have plenty of family including three children I feel very close to.

 

But if I was truly 'alone', I would have no qualms turning to religion. Not for the comfort of faith, though that would be a benefit, too, but for the human support of people I'd expect to connect to in the congregation. FWIW, I'm not a religious person. Never have been. But I love going to fund-raising pasta dinners. As often as not these dinners are sponsored by a local church. They are served family style so I end up sitting at a table with people who are otherwise total strangers. The people (and clergy) I've met at these dinners are the kindest, friendliest people in the world. All the more reason to expect that a religious congregation would be a place to turn to for someone who is alone.

[Hopeful714]

Hi Fair-

 

I used to come here often but don't anymore. Anyhow I happened to pop in today and saw your post.

 

I am an orphan. Parents died when I was a young child. Raised by siblings who are quite older than I and are still alive so I'm not completely alone, but someday I suspect I will be if I am the sole survivor of my family. I'm 52.

 

I never married or had kids either. I think it was because I never got to see a normal household with the interaction of my parents as man/wife. I dated quite a bit back in the day, but I wasn't good at choosing men and picked the bad boys. On top of that I suffered from separation anxiety that made for messy relationships. I'm single now and for the most part well adjusted and happy. I try not to worry too much about the future as I know it will somehow work out.

 

Sounds like you need to work on you. A man is not the answer to all problems. Heck, many people get divorced and or stay together and aren't really happy. I understand the void you speak of. I have had it all my life. Everyone will feel that void at one time or another. Don't let it consume you. Your parents are watching over you from above I promise.

 

You need to get some friends. Yes, church is a good idea but also are hobbies, school, exercise, travel, volunteer work etc. Your situation is what it is so try to make the most if it. Seek counseling if you think it may help.

 

For now, until you make friends, you will need to be strong and be your own foundation. Choose wisely what you do and those you mingle with so you are not taken advantage of.

 

I hope this helps you a little. Recently, I read a book called "the alchemist" and really enjoyed it. I think you may too....check it out.