Is it mandatory for there to be physical contact on a first date?

[callinglondon]

I was discussing this was a friend last night. He said that if you are interested in a girl on teh first date you SHOULD always make physical contact. I disagree. Sure I'll give a hug if the date went well and I am interested but other that I don't got for a kiss, or anything physical. I might put my hand on the small of her back, but i don't hold hands, go for a kiss, try to rub her neck or back or anything like that. Yea I'll hold the door open, and pay and everything and tell her she looks pretty but I just dont feel comfortable trying to make alot of physical contact. To me it comes off like maybe I'm wanting sex quickly. I wanna get to know the girl before I make any physical contact with her before it leads anywhere

 

To me I make the date a relaxed get to know each other type of thing. I know it sounds like an interview but it's not. Like usually on first dates I do something like mini golf, darts and drinks, play pool, something where we can both talk and be doing a activity and joke around.

 

So tell me. Is it bad that I don't really enjoy physical contact on the first date

[fredflint]

I was discussing this was a friend last night. He said that if you are interested in a girl on teh first date you SHOULD always make physical contact. I disagree. Sure I'll give a hug if the date went well and I am interested but other that I don't got for a kiss, or anything physical. I might put my hand on the small of her back, but i don't hold hands, go for a kiss, try to rub her neck or back or anything like that. Yea I'll hold the door open, and pay and everything and tell her she looks pretty but I just dont feel comfortable trying to make alot of physical contact. To me it comes off like maybe I'm wanting sex quickly. I wanna get to know the girl before I make any physical contact with her before it leads anywhere

 

To me I make the date a relaxed get to know each other type of thing. I know it sounds like an interview but it's not. Like usually on first dates I do something like mini golf, darts and drinks, play pool, something where we can both talk and be doing a activity and joke around.

 

So tell me. Is it bad that I don't really enjoy physical contact on the first date

 

First dates can vary widely in this regard. I don't think you need to stick to any script. Just go with the flow.

[carhill]

Since you have a girlfriend, apparently your style is working for you...

 

IMO, if one feels the desire to connect physically, follow it. It depends on the individual situation. Dating is about getting to know and we're all generally strangers at first. Some folks mesh physically more immediately than others and some are more touchy/feely than others.

 

Historically, I rarely kissed on the first date though I would make physical contact as I felt it and the lady accepted it/initiated. I always have felt kissing is very intimate and rarely feel that kind of intimacy with someone I've just met. Others vary in style. That probably cost me some second dates over time and I know some women commented on that so it definitely cost me in those cases.

 

I get the impetus of 'mandatory' as it establishes or refutes initial attraction so the parties don't waste their time. For some time is important. Society moves at warp speed today. Fair enough.

[somanymistakes]

There's very little int he way of mandatory/rules because people are different and they want different things.

You can't follow a script and expect 100% success with every date.

 

There are definitely people who want physical contact early. There are others who don't. You be you. The point of dating is to find someone who is a GOOD match for you, not to try and trick someone into liking a fake you

[act00]

I think it's personal, and this can vary from date to date. I remember back in high school being taught to never kiss on the first date...you don't want to appear "easy" and he only wants sex. Personally, I'd rather have some physical contact if things are going well, and not groping and butts and boobs or anything, but holding my hand, a touch on the arm or even knee, the back, offer an arm while walking or hand, touch the back. I want that kiss at the end of a date if the date went well and a hug. Sometimes a kiss doesn't happen, and this leaves me wondering if he felt the date went as well as I did. Whether they kiss you or not, this isn't an indicator of whether or not they want to see you again, so you can't put a lot of stock on that.

 

I generally tend to be more affectionate and touchy-feely, so having that contact during a date to me indicates an interest level and also a comfort level and good rapport, and it just feels good. Some people are going to be more reserved while others more bold. I'd say you be you, and adjust yourself on an individual basis and personal comfort level...maybe she seems more reserved or maybe she's more outgoing and extending physical contact herself.

[preraph]

I think the gentlemanly polite touching is all that you have to do on a first date unless the date goes especially well and things just seem to escalate. Putting your hand on her back to guide her to her chair, touching her arm briefly while just emphasizing a point or agreeing with her about something in conversation. If you end up needing to walk to a car, it's a good time to take her arm or hand if you feel she's warmed up enough for that. A hug at the end of the first date is fine, but get with the kissing if there's a second date.

[BaileyB]

I would not say it was mandatory, no.

 

In fact, it may be a little off putting if the two individuals barely know each other.

[alphamale]

Nothing is mandatory except death and taxes

[d0nnivain]

It's not mandatory but it is recommended.

 

However, if you don't like it, don't force the issue. You have to be true to yourself above all else.

[Logo]

I always kiss on the first date, but only when I know we’re both interested in a second date. And by the end of the first date, you usually know.

 

The kiss tells her that I’m attracted to her, that I’m romantically interested in her and it leaves her with a good feeling, anticipation, wanting more. It’s also a great way to check her tonsils and make sure she’s healthy.