Facebook and breaking apart

[GeorgiaPeach1]

Long story short, the man I was seeing and I broke things off a month ago. Technically, I was the one who pulled the plug. I did so out of frustration because we'd been having the same issue over and over. I offered to remain friends, but he said goodbye/take care and got rid of me on Facebook. My question is this: within a few days of the split, he made his private Facebook page public and has been posting openly almost daily. Before, he only posted somewhat. His posts consist of handsome selfies, him out at fun events, him attending weddings, compliments he has given to other women, accomplishments in his career (which I'm very happy for him), posts of him kissing babies and helping people, and other posts that remind me of things we did together. What does this all mean? Is he turning over a new leaf, or is he hoping I will notice? If he's hoping I will see the posts, is it to make me jealous or to prompt me to reach out to him? Being that I was the one who left him, I know that his ego will not allow him to contact me first. I do get the feeling like he's checking my page too, though there's no way for me to be able to tell for sure. Thoughts? (If you're going to tell me that I shouldn't be checking his page, yes I know this already.)

[Lezbhonestaye]

He 100% is doing it to get your attention.

 

I know this because when my latest left me and deleted me off fb I instantly started posting public too lol..want to know what she did then to really get me... she told me she was checking my fb... and I made the mistake of saying yes I know that is why I post for you public... (should never of admitted that) anyway next time I post a ****ty post about her not being around and BOOM I'm blocked hahaha. Touche .... so if you want to give him a freak out and watch your phone blow up... block him for a while.

 

He will squirm via text ..m that I bet you

 

 

Good luck

[GeorgiaPeach1]

He 100% is doing it to get your attention.

 

I know this because when my latest left me and deleted me off fb I instantly started posting public too lol..want to know what she did then to really get me... she told me she was checking my fb... and I made the mistake of saying yes I know that is why I post for you public... (should never of admitted that) anyway next time I post a ****ty post about her not being around and BOOM I'm blocked hahaha. Touche .... so if you want to give him a freak out and watch your phone blow up... block him for a while.

 

He will squirm via text ..m that I bet you

 

 

Good luck

 

Thank you for answering and not giving me a speech about checking his page. So when you were posting for your ex to see, was it because you wanted her back? Or were you trying to give off the impression you were doing great since the breakup and didn't need her?

[Lezbhonestaye]

Thank you for answering and not giving me a speech about checking his page. So when you were posting for your ex to see, was it because you wanted her back? Or were you trying to give off the impression you were doing great since the breakup and didn't need her?

 

Ummm..... you only do it because you want them back. I wanted her back so I would post **** to make her think I dont care... it's the treat her mean keep her keen thing. It works... if hey see you living your life and looking good... they regret their decisions ..

But mine outsmarted me... obviously she xouldnt deal so blocked me Haha it's not really funny as I miss her like crazy... but just typical of me to do that one overboard post that imply she is useless and can get gone... and boom she goes. Oh well lesson learned. But yes in your case ... you left him now he is trying to catch your attention. Are you keen to go back?

[GeorgiaPeach1]

Ummm..... you only do it because you want them back. I wanted her back so I would post **** to make her think I dont care... it's the treat her mean keep her keen thing. It works... if hey see you living your life and looking good... they regret their decisions ..

But mine outsmarted me... obviously she xouldnt deal so blocked me Haha it's not really funny as I miss her like crazy... but just typical of me to do that one overboard post that imply she is useless and can get gone... and boom she goes. Oh well lesson learned. But yes in your case ... you left him now he is trying to catch your attention. Are you keen to go back?

 

That's a good question. I really miss him for sure, but I don't want to reach out only to be rejected or ignored. That would make me feel like a big fool. At the same time, I know I can't expect him to reach out first being that I'm the one who ended things. I did make one "Life is AWESOME" type public post lol, but for the most part I'm keeping posts private. This is all so immature, I know.

[d0nnivain]

He's living his life & may be using FB to attract other women. It has very little to do with you but he has to know that you may be checking his page since it's public.

 

Assuming you & Lezbhonestaye are correct about his motives & he is doing this to get you back, why would you want him back? You broke up with him. Presumably you did that for valid reasons. Those reasons have not been resolved because he made his FB public & is posting handsome pictures. Also would you want to date a man who is manipulative & indirect? If he is mature & worthy, I'd expect him to step up & say something. Some kind of perceived game playing on social media makes him way more unattractive in my eyes; I don't know about yours.

[Beachead]

Long story short, the man I was seeing and I broke things off a month ago. Technically, I was the one who pulled the plug. I did so out of frustration because we'd been having the same issue over and over. I offered to remain friends, but he said goodbye/take care and got rid of me on Facebook. My question is this: within a few days of the split, he made his private Facebook page public and has been posting openly almost daily. Before, he only posted somewhat. His posts consist of handsome selfies, him out at fun events, him attending weddings, compliments he has given to other women, accomplishments in his career (which I'm very happy for him), posts of him kissing babies and helping people, and other posts that remind me of things we did together. What does this all mean? Is he turning over a new leaf, or is he hoping I will notice? If he's hoping I will see the posts, is it to make me jealous or to prompt me to reach out to him? Being that I was the one who left him, I know that his ego will not allow him to contact me first. I do get the feeling like he's checking my page too, though there's no way for me to be able to tell for sure. Thoughts? (If you're going to tell me that I shouldn't be checking his page, yes I know this already.)

 

Hey GeorgiaPeach1,

 

Being this is was a month ago, he's gotten over the initial shock of breaking up and is attempting to distract himself. It's unlikely he has moved on in this short period of time so I do believe he is still thinking about you. But just because he is thinking about you, doesn't mean he will reach out. Doesn't mean he wants you back either. To answer your question, he's aware you can see his page so it is possible that his increased online activity could have something to do with you but, this is all speculation at best. There's no way to tell for sure.

 

If he hasn't reached out nor mentioned anything about wanting to get back together, it means nothing because there is nothing concrete you can extract from an assumption. Nothing of value you can use. If you wish to speak to him, reach out, otherwise expect that he won't since you're the one that ended it with him.

 

And no. He hasn't turned over a new leaf. People don't change in a month. Fundamental underlying behaviors take a long time to work on. Whatever broke you two up in the first place is still there.

 

- Beach

Edited June 5, 2018 by Beachead

[GeorgiaPeach1]

He's living his life & may be using FB to attract other women. It has very little to do with you but he has to know that you may be checking his page since it's public.

 

Assuming you & Lezbhonestaye are correct about his motives & he is doing this to get you back, why would you want him back? You broke up with him. Presumably you did that for valid reasons. Those reasons have not been resolved because he made his FB public & is posting handsome pictures. Also would you want to date a man who is manipulative & indirect? If he is mature & worthy, I'd expect him to step up & say something. Some kind of perceived game playing on social media makes him way more unattractive in my eyes; I don't know about yours.

 

Yes, it's crossed my mind he's attempting to attract new women. Which in a way is comforting because that means he hasn't replaced me yet. In a perfect world, he would reach out, let me know he's going to improve the issue that caused the split, and we'd reconnect. But I think he feels very rejected--who wants to risk more rejection??

[d0nnivain]

Yes, it's crossed my mind he's attempting to attract new women. Which in a way is comforting because that means he hasn't replaced me yet. In a perfect world, he would reach out, let me know he's going to improve the issue that caused the split, and we'd reconnect. But I think he feels very rejected--who wants to risk more rejection??

 

 

He's the dumpee. He "can't" reach out. To do so looks like he's a doormat, begging & pleading. From his side he has no reason to believe you would do anything other than reject him again & as you said, who wants to risk that.

 

Whatever the issues were that caused you to break up you have to assume they aren't going to be fixed because he doesn't want to change.

[GeorgiaPeach1]

Hey GeorgiaPeach1,

 

Being this is was a month ago, he's gotten over the initial shock of breaking up and is attempting to distract himself. It's unlikely he has moved on in this short period of time so I do believe he is still thinking about you. But just because he is thinking about you, doesn't mean he will reach out. Doesn't mean he wants you back either. To answer your question, he's aware you can see his page so it is possible that his increased online activity could have something to do with you but, this is all speculation at best. There's no way to tell for sure.

 

If he hasn't reached out nor mentioned anything about wanting to get back together, it means nothing because there is nothing concrete you can extract from an assumption. Nothing of value you can use. If you wish to speak to him, reach out, otherwise expect that he won't since you're the one that ended it with him.

 

And no. He hasn't turned over a new leaf. People don't change in a month. Fundamental underlying behaviors take a long time to work on. Whatever broke you two up in the first place is still there.

 

- Beach

 

Good points. I need to do some soul searching to figure out if it would even be worth it to reconnect. I don't want to end up facing the same issue.

[winny]

Please leave him alone so that he can move on.

He is doing all these activities to move on from you and keep his mind off the break up and maybe also attract someone else who will not dump him. Stay out of it.... don't interfere with his moving on process and please don't bring him back to square one by contacting him ever again!

[ExpatInItaly]

What was the issue that led to the break-up?

[GeorgiaPeach1]

What was the issue that led to the break-up?

 

Him being a severe workaholic.

[d0nnivain]

Him being a severe workaholic.

 

He'll always be a workaholic so what are you going back to? The pictures you are seeing are from his limited free time which was never enough for you.

 

Stop looking at his social media & move forward in your life.

 

Workaholics have goals. They know how to achieve those goals & they know how to solve problems & over come obstacles. He knew what the problem in your relationship was & what you wanted -- more of his time. He chose not to reduce his hours for you. If he changed his priorities & now is willing to work less, he knows how to communicate that to you, even as the dumpee. The fact that he's on FB tells me he sees that as a tool to expediently find a new person to date & it has nothing to do with wanting you back. Sorry.

[stillafool]

Long story short, the man I was seeing and I broke things off a month ago. Technically, I was the one who pulled the plug. I did so out of frustration because we'd been having the same issue over and over. I offered to remain friends, but he said goodbye/take care and got rid of me on Facebook. My question is this: within a few days of the split, he made his private Facebook page public and has been posting openly almost daily. Before, he only posted somewhat. His posts consist of handsome selfies, him out at fun events, him attending weddings, compliments he has given to other women, accomplishments in his career (which I'm very happy for him), posts of him kissing babies and helping people, and other posts that remind me of things we did together. What does this all mean? Is he turning over a new leaf, or is he hoping I will notice? If he's hoping I will see the posts, is it to make me jealous or to prompt me to reach out to him? Being that I was the one who left him, I know that his ego will not allow him to contact me first. I do get the feeling like he's checking my page too, though there's no way for me to be able to tell for sure. Thoughts? (If you're going to tell me that I shouldn't be checking his page, yes I know this already.)

 

It sounds like he is trying to make himself appealing to attract a new woman. It has nothing to do with you since you dumped him. I can't blame him for not wanting to be friends as that normally doesn't work out after a break up. It's best to move on to someone who is more compatible with you which is what he appears to be trying to do.

[GeorgiaPeach1]

It sounds like he is trying to make himself appealing to attract a new woman. It has nothing to do with you since you dumped him. I can't blame him for not wanting to be friends as that normally doesn't work out after a break up. It's best to move on to someone who is more compatible with you which is what he appears to be trying to do.

 

Thank you for your feedback. I really do need to put a period and move on. His life, his health, his business.

[Beachead]

For better advice, you'll have to unfortunately share a bit more of the story so that those who are trying to help have a better picture and can give you a closer approximation to a solution for your problem.

 

- Beach

Edited June 6, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[GeorgiaPeach1]

You were asked for clarity by ExpatInItaly but you responded with "He was a Severe Workaholic." There was no further elaboration. DOnnivain was only advising based on that alone.

 

We're here to listen and try to provide some incite or direction.

 

For better advice, you'll have to unfortunately share a bit more of the story so that those who are trying to help have a better picture and can give you a closer approximation to a solution for your problem.

 

- Beach

 

I will keep that in mind. Thanks.

[BC1980]

Thank you for your feedback. I really do need to put a period and move on. His life, his health, his business.

 

That’s a good outlook on it. It’s perfectly normal to be curious about an ex after a breakup and check social media. I think most people are probably lying if they say they’ve never done this. But at a certain point, you do have to close the book. Social media makes it really easy to prolong a breakup or stay stuck in the past. I’ve seen so many posters over the years who can’t move on because they never disconnected from an ex on social media.

 

You’ll never know why he’s posting stuff on social media unless you ask him directly. You can ask several people and get several different answers. It’s all speculation that leads nowhere and just keeps you emotionally involved with him.

[GeorgiaPeach1]

That’s a good outlook on it. It’s perfectly normal to be curious about an ex after a breakup and check social media. I think most people are probably lying if they say they’ve never done this. But at a certain point, you do have to close the book. Social media makes it really easy to prolong a breakup or stay stuck in the past. I’ve seen so many posters over the years who can’t move on because they never disconnected from an ex on social media.

 

You’ll never know why he’s posting stuff on social media unless you ask him directly. You can ask several people and get several different answers. It’s all speculation that leads nowhere and just keeps you emotionally involved with him.

 

You're right. I'm really glad for this forum. Putting everything into words helped me see that I'm keeping myself stuck by trying to analyze him. What he posts is none of my business. I feel better on the days when I don't check.

[BC1980]

You're right. I'm really glad for this forum. Putting everything into words helped me see that I'm keeping myself stuck by trying to analyze him. What he posts is none of my business. I feel better on the days when I don't check.

 

 

You need people on the outside that can be objective to give you advice.

 

We've all looked our exes up on social media and been down the rabbit hole of analyzing our exes. It can be really easy to do all of that, and I certainly did a lot of the analyzing bit. What helped me was getting advice on here and talking it out with some of my friends who I knew would give me tough but honest advice.

 

 

 

Trying to analyze someone else's actions is a fool's errand and serves no purpose in the end. It's one of those things you can't help yourself from doing but need to be able to move on from as quickly as possible. Honestly, the worst cases of not getting over exes I've seen on this board are the ones who keep on looking at their exes' social media or remaining friend with an ex on social media. Those people never move on and are still getting upset about things a year later. Social media is a mind warp eve if you aren't going through a breakup. It's about 100 times worse during a breakup.

[Beachead]

You need people on the outside that can be objective to give you advice.

 

We've all looked our exes up on social media and been down the rabbit hole of analyzing our exes. It can be really easy to do all of that, and I certainly did a lot of the analyzing bit. What helped me was getting advice on here and talking it out with some of my friends who I knew would give me tough but honest advice.

 

 

Trying to analyze someone else's actions is a fool's errand and serves no purpose in the end. It's one of those things you can't help yourself from doing but need to be able to move on from as quickly as possible. Honestly, the worst cases of not getting over exes I've seen on this board are the ones who keep on looking at their exes' social media or remaining friend with an ex on social media. Those people never move on and are still getting upset about things a year later. Social media is a mind warp eve if you aren't going through a breakup. It's about 100 times worse during a breakup.

 

I agree. People choose to only show their best self on these kinds of sites. A filtered version of what they want their life to look like to everyone. You'll never see the truth. You'll never see anything about the breakups. Divorce. Illness. Struggle. Pain. Heartache. Other problems they are going through. Always the best sides. We unknowingly end up comparing our actual self to this false misrepresentation and develop inaccurate ideas about ourself, of them, of our relationship with them.

 

Back in the day, when it was over, it was over. You wouldn't see or hear from your ex again unless they called you, saw them at a mutual event, or visited you. Analyzing was therefore minimal because they were out of sight/out of mind. With social media, contact continues after a breakup because we can see their post-breakup life. We see the updates. The people they friend. The adventures they have. If we unfriend..we still run the risk of seeing things that aren't our business really. It makes it hard to detach and carry on.

 

The way around it is to block them for sanity's sake. Treat it as though social media didn't exist for you and them. Everyone I cut off from social media, I moved on from much more quickly. It was painful but so much better in the long run.

 

That's the way I look at it.

 

- Beach

Edited June 7, 2018 by Beachead

[BC1980]

I agree. People choose to only show their best self on these kinds of sites. A filtered version of what they want their life to look like to everyone. You'll never see the truth. You'll never see anything about the breakups. Divorce. Illness. Struggle. Pain. Heartache. Other problems they are going through. Always the best sides. We unknowingly end up comparing our actual self to this false misrepresentation and develop inaccurate ideas about ourself, of them, of our relationship with them.

 

Back in the day, when it was over, it was over. You wouldn't see or hear from your ex again unless they called you, saw them at a mutual event, or visited you. Analyzing was therefore minimal because they were out of sight/out of mind. With social media, contact continues after a breakup because we can see their post-breakup life. We see the updates. The people they friend. The adventures they have. If we unfriend..we still run the risk of seeing things that aren't our business really. It makes it hard to detach and carry on.

 

The way around it is to block them for sanity's sake. Treat it as though social media didn't exist for you and them. Everyone I cut off from social media, I moved on from much more quickly. It was painful but so much better in the long run.

 

That's the way I look at it.

 

- Beach

 

Yup, social media allows people to live in a fantasy world.