One of the smartest things I've done

[Aloha123]

I have a secret email account with my MM that I constantly, compulsively checking for emails, that, on a bad day, I stare at blankly for hour upon hour waiting for a message.

So, when I discovered this forum, I emailed a link to myself through the secret email account, so now, when there are no messages from MM (as is usually the case given that I check it every 5 minutes), I click on the email with the link to this forum, and wow does that immediately snap me back into reality!

Especially because there are always new messages and threads, now it feels like I am just compulsively checking this forum, which is a much, much, much healthier habit!

So thank you to everybody on these forums who tries to help people like me from falling further down the rabbit hole, by sharing your own stories of pain and/or redemption.

[carhill]

Your idea points to one of the inequities I historically identified with MW's, in that contact both ways was often one-sided, something a person wouldn't accept if in a regular dating situation. As example, no biggie for a MW to call me at midnight but hell to pay or no answer if I happened to call her at that time.

 

It goes back to power dynamics. Whoever cares the least has the most power.

 

Something else to try. Go to the OM/OW forum title bar and look for 'forum tools' and select 'subscribe to this forum'. Here's a direct link that should work:

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/subscription.php?do=addsubscription&f=57

 

I've noted if one selects 'daily e-mail updates' it appears the system generates updates more often than daily. Great way to tickle that secret e-mail box with discussions of the realities, good and bad, of affairs and being involved with a committed partner.

 

These days I tend to view it as therapy. A lot of life under the bridge, BTDT, it is what it is. There is no nirvana. Just life. Good luck!

[Aloha123]

Your idea points to one of the inequities I historically identified with MW's, in that contact both ways was often one-sided, something a person wouldn't accept if in a regular dating situation. . .

It goes back to power dynamics. Whoever cares the least has the most power.

!

 

Isn't that the truth! I really have shocked myself in terms of what I put up with, the compromises I have been willing to make, not to mention what I have up to this point been risking for very little in return . . .