Struggling

[TurntSloth1]

Hey guys, I'm going through a pretty bad patch at the moment and I just need some advice and would love to talk really!

 

I just can't get this girl out of my head and shift this ache from the pit of my stomach - I'm sure you all know the feeling.

 

There's no particularly bad time of day for me:

 

• I wake up, I instantly think of her
  

 

• I go to work and I can't even listen to music on the train because I'm thinking about her too much (I can't enjoy music when I'm stressed)
  
• At work my productivity sucks because I'm feeling depressed and I end up on here at every given opportunity
  
• I go on my lunch break and end up going on long walks where I just go over the situation in my head and struggle to make peace with it
  
• I end up taking about 2 bites of a sandwich then not eating anything else. People are starting to comment but I just make out I'm busy or something.
  
• I think about her all the way home again.
  
• I get home and just lie on my sofa depressed about the whole thing. Thinking about it I guess these times are the worst as I have no distraction from myself. I have no motivation to cook proper meals or go to the gym right now either which is a genuine concern
  
• I eventually go to sleep and toss and turn all night, waking up maybe 3-4 times before the cycle starts again.
  

Everywhere I go in my city reminds me of her and that's not an exaggeration, we've dated pretty intensely and there's barely a street that we haven't shared a memory on, even my own flat and the bar at my office.

 

I've come to dread the evenings and weekends both because it's when I have nothing to distract me from her, and because my mind constantly wonders what she's up to and who with - at least during working hours I know she's not dating someone else, right?

 

 

I've taken up hiking and exploring new places during the weekends, something I discovered a love of a few months back. I've been seeing my friends, going to the cinema, having nights out and generally keeping myself as busy as possible, but... I'm still always thinking of her.

 

During nights out I've even caught myself looking through old messages on my phone.

 

 

 

I'm thinking of using meetup.com and trying to find a new hobby, but is there any point if I'm already making myself busy and can't shake her? Do I just need to tackle this head on instead of trying to distract myself?

 

Sometimes I think I'd like to cry about it but I physically can't make myself - how sad!

 

I've met girls, exchanged numbers, even slept with a couple and been on dates, but there's just no spark and she remains on my mind the entire time. No-one compares, not even close.

 

 

I'm just in a really sucky stage at the moment. I've genuinely never met anyone I've clicked with like her before and having met several people since then with no spark, it's hard to imagine a future where I find that happiness again right now.

 

 

 

Does anyone have any advice on how to get over someone when you're feeling like this? What worked/is working for you? Discussion appreciated!

[JP92]

We are in this battle together, my friend. You sound a lot like me. It's been a little over two weeks since she dumped me via text message(ouch) and it's still very hard. When I am at work, I can only think about her most of the day because she'd visit me all the time on lunch breaks or text me about my day. I had a dream about her the other night and woke up in a cold sweat. It ruined my day. It's tough. But I've been given some great advice on this forum and have made self-improvement my #1 priority. Not for her, but for me. I am setting daily goals and occupying as much of time with things that'll improve my mental and physical states. I'm staying away from dating for a long time because it wouldn't be fair to myself or the other person with my heart still set on another person.

 

Delete her number. Or at least, delete those text messages. I caught myself going back through texts for awhile looking at breadcrumbs from her and allowing them to give me false hope. Not healthy for recovering. I had to block her number because I realized I couldn't be her friend. It was hard to do but necessary for the healing process. I am still hurting a lot as the breakup is still fresh so I really don't have a true answer to how long it takes to shake a thing like this but time has healed all of my wounds in the past. If we can find daily joy in things that we control, we can ensure that we'll be happy in the present and future. Easier said than done, but the last thing we should do is give up on exploring life and improving ourselves because then we are just hurting ourselves in the present and future. When you're at your place, watch TV shows that make you laugh, listen to enjoyable music, do whatever you can to ease your mind.

 

We can get through this

[d0nnivain]

When you find yourself thinking of her, stop what you are doing acknowledge that you are thinking about her then give yourself a stern talking to (in your head)

 

Say to yourself that you have been thinking about her too much & it's time to pull yourself together. Then force yourself to think about anything else.

[escapedmelody]

I went through this when my breakup was fresh, but talking about the situation with friends and my therapist helped. If you Google "how to get over your ex" there are some helpful tips, like writing out a list of all of the negative things you didn't like about the person. I wrote my list a month or so after the breakup and whenever I miss him or feel sad, I look at the list and remind myself just how bad he was and the feelings go away.

 

 

Going through a breakup is tough, but we all go through it and have come out stronger than before.

[Daisy2013]

When you find yourself thinking of her, stop what you are doing acknowledge that you are thinking about her then give yourself a stern talking to (in your head)

 

Say to yourself that you have been thinking about her too much & it's time to pull yourself together. Then force yourself to think about anything else.

 

Good words.

 

Acknowledge how you are feeling, I forget what it is called, but it is being in the moment. Then, redirect your thoughts. It is ok to feel sad, mad or whatever. But then, name the feeling, acknowledge it, and change your thought. Don't ruminate. I have read wearing a rubber band and saying "stop" and redirecting your thoughts work, too. Not overnight, but in time.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

When you find yourself contemplating and ruminating,

Be sure to objectively remember the parts you're illuminating,

For those parts are the fuel to the fire in which you've already made,

So continue to develop your life and move on until her memory begins to fade.

[TurntSloth1]

Thanks all, some nice advice here which I'll aim to put into action.

 

I'm really going to try hard to change the subject when I start thinking about her, but I know I'll struggle with this the most - may have to invest in a pretty solid set of elastic bands or some kind of shock bracelet!

 

I think I'd struggle to write a list to be honest - maybe I'll come back to this one with a clearer head when a few more weeks have passed and I can be a bit more objective about the whole thing, I don't think I'm there just yet

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Thanks all, some nice advice here which I'll aim to put into action.

 

I'm really going to try hard to change the subject when I start thinking about her, but I know I'll struggle with this the most - may have to invest in a pretty solid set of elastic bands or some kind of shock bracelet!

 

I think I'd struggle to write a list to be honest - maybe I'll come back to this one with a clearer head when a few more weeks have passed and I can be a bit more objective about the whole thing, I don't think I'm there just yet

 

Let time do it's thing, keep getting back on the ride,

Life will wait for no one, so don't go sit on your couch inside!