Jörmungandr Posted June 6, 2018 Share Posted June 6, 2018 Hey! My wife and I filed for divorce a few days ago and i would like to hear some input from others since I honestly don't have many people I can talk to about this. We were married for five and a half years and have a child. Her reason for divorce was that she doesn't have any romantic feelings for me anymore due to a variety of different issues we've had in the past. She wants us to remain close friends and work on a good co parenting strategy for our daughter. Our main issues, like it happens to quite a few people, were missing or failed communication and the fact that my mind wasn't in the right place at times. She said it's been going downhill for close to two years now and I know things weren't always 100% perfect but I never realized how bad it actually was. Without realizing it I was fairly self centered but I never had any bad intentions or wanted to hurt anyone, least of all my family. She felt ignored, isolated and somewhat alone, which in retrospect I can more than understand. Her problem was that she didn't want to talk about some of the problems in the past because she didn't want to make me feel bad. That's usually how things work, it's got something to do with both sides. The good thing is that we spent the last two days talking about all kinds of problems, all the good and the bad things. I understand that this may sound like I'm not the greatest person but again, my mind was in a place where I didn't realize what I was doing. I still love her very much, always have and this tears me up like nothing else, especially since she said she can't see us getting back together. I understand it's way too early to be hopeful that things might get better and I know I can't change her feelings. What makes things even harder is that we're currently living here in the US and I will be leaving to move back to Europe next week. I know there is a lot I have to work on, I will have to change for myself before I can ever hope that something will change with my relationship. We both agreed to stay in good contact and stay in a good relationship to each other, and not only because we have a child together. I want my family back together and I know that it will take time and a lot of effort for that to happen, or better said to have a slight chance, but it would also be nice to hear from someone who may have experienced something similar, went through a situation like this and gotten things back on track. I feel incredibly lost at the moment because there are so many things going on right now, but I'm more than willing to fight with everything I've got. I want to try and be a better person everyday, to be better and stronger than the day before. I know I have to show actions rather than words, but I can't help but feel miserable about everything thsts going on. Thanks so much for reading. Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted June 6, 2018 Share Posted June 6, 2018 Check your phone bill... Not that it matters, because she is done. She is having an affair. When is the last time you look through her phone? Oh, never? It is too late now, she is gone... Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 6, 2018 Share Posted June 6, 2018 What makes things even harder is that we're currently living here in the US and I will be leaving to move back to Europe next week. Why would you return to Europe with a young child here? You wife may not need you but your kid definitely does... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jörmungandr Posted June 6, 2018 Author Share Posted June 6, 2018 Why would you return to Europe with a young child here? You wife may not need you but your kid definitely does... Mr. Lucky It's not something I want to do, it's partially out of financial reasons. Of course I'd like to be as close to my child as possible but it's not a realistic option at the moment as much as I hate to admit that. It's definitely something I would like to change at some point but this move seemed like the best way to make things work for the time being. Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted June 6, 2018 Share Posted June 6, 2018 It may be financially necessary but it pretty much removes any hope of restoring the relationship. She needs people and support, she said so. With you now far away, it's almost certain that she will get into a new relationship. After all, you've filed for divorce, so it's 'okay' now. Now, apparently she's still fond of you, and if you manage an amicable divorce, she may still keep you on her list of "possibly, maybe, someday in the future". Exes do get back together, sometimes just for hookups, sometimes for more. If you come back three years from now, stronger and more awesome, and whatever new relationship she's had has fizzled out, then maybe you could woo her all over again. But you can't count on that. Link to post Share on other sites
WorstFeelingEver Posted June 6, 2018 Share Posted June 6, 2018 Sorry you are going through this, it is hard, we all know. <<Her problem was that she didn't want to talk about some of the problems in the past because she didn't want to make me feel bad.>> ___She did not want to talk about the problems, b/c she didn't want to make you feel bad or hurt you, so..... lets file for divorce to hurt you & your child? <<She felt ignored, isolated and somewhat alone>> ___Will she still not feel ignored, isolated & somewhat alone after the divorce? <<My wife and I filed for divorce a few days ago>> ___you both can't file for divorce. So who is the Petitioner & who is the Defendant? Sorry, dude____she has someone else already in waiting, OR is already involved with. (Grass is greener on other side of fence, syndrome). She is playing the ol card, "lets be friends, close relationship & involved Co-Parenting", b/c you are now the back-up plan, #2,___to her new interest, her affair partner (AP). How do I know? I went through something similar, a year ago & I am now divorced. After 18 years of marriage together, 2 kids, house, etc... exW wanted a divorce. I later found out she had been going out with MM (AP) several times & she wanted nothing more with me. NewsFlash____EVERY marriage is going to have failed & mis-communication issues. Women want their Husband to provide for them & the kids. So, the Husband goes to work, to provide for his family, BUT the wife also wants him to be around for communicating, all her emotions, spending time with her, keeping her company, and for them not to be alone or bored. regarding the grass is greener syndrome____women will monkey branch from one guy to another to get that NEW feeling, fun, exciting, attention on them___but that green color of grass will fade___always does. Today's women, do not value marriage, commitment or their vows anymore. Social Media is a big blame to that, where they get attention from a man, then xchange #'s to stay in contact with AP, w/o their spouse knowing. 20 years ago, the only way to keep in contact with their AP is by land line phones, which was harder to communicate with their AP, when their spouse was around. I agree with Blues__check her cell phone OR if you pay her cell phone bill, request a copy from carrier of detailed calling information. Link to post Share on other sites
WorstFeelingEver Posted June 6, 2018 Share Posted June 6, 2018 Sorry you are going through this, it is hard, we all know. <<Her problem was that she didn't want to talk about some of the problems in the past because she didn't want to make me feel bad.>> ___She did not want to talk about the problems, b/c she didn't want to make you feel bad or hurt you, so..... lets file for divorce to hurt you & your child? <<She felt ignored, isolated and somewhat alone>> ___Will she still not feel ignored, isolated & somewhat alone after the divorce? <<My wife and I filed for divorce a few days ago>> ___you both can't file for divorce. So who is the Petitioner & who is the Defendant? Sorry, dude____she has someone else already in waiting, OR is already involved with. (Grass is greener on other side of fence, syndrome). She is playing the ol card, "lets be friends, close relationship & involved Co-Parenting", b/c you are now the back-up plan, #2,___to her new interest, her affair partner (AP). How do I know? I went through something similar, a year ago & I am now divorced. After 18 years of marriage together, 2 kids, house, etc... exW wanted a divorce. I later found out she had been going out with MM (AP) several times & she wanted nothing more with me. NewsFlash____EVERY marriage is going to have failed & mis-communication issues. Women want their Husband to provide for them & the kids. So, the Husband goes to work, to provide for his family, BUT the wife also wants him to be around for communicating, all her emotions, spending time with her, keeping her company, and for them not to be alone or bored. regarding the grass is greener syndrome____women will monkey branch from one guy to another to get that NEW feeling, fun, exciting, attention on them___but that green color of grass will fade___always does. Today's women, do not value marriage, commitment or their vows anymore. Social Media is a big blame to that, where they get attention from a man, then xchange #'s to stay in contact with AP, w/o their spouse knowing. 20 years ago, the only way to keep in contact with their AP is by land line phones, which was harder to communicate with their AP, when their spouse was around. I agree with Blues__check her cell phone OR if you pay her cell phone bill, request a copy from carrier of detailed calling information. Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted June 6, 2018 Share Posted June 6, 2018 Today's women, do not value marriage, commitment or their vows anymore. Yeah, they're almost as bad as men. At least, if you look at young women. Move up so you're not talking about twenty-somethings anymore and men are twice, three times, even four times more likely to cheat. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 6, 2018 Share Posted June 6, 2018 People don't change overnight. Even if she came back, you'd fall into your normal habits after awhile. Work on being cooperative coparents. Women don't like being disrespected the way sometimes men do by taking them for granted or not doing their part or only being focused on sex. It's no life. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 6, 2018 Share Posted June 6, 2018 It's not something I want to do, it's partially out of financial reasons. Of course I'd like to be as close to my child as possible but it's not a realistic option at the moment as much as I hate to admit that. It's definitely something I would like to change at some point but this move seemed like the best way to make things work for the time being. All excuses, my friend. You brought this young life into this world, you have a responsibility to be there for him/her. Man up and figure it out... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
springy Posted June 8, 2018 Share Posted June 8, 2018 I cannot imagine there is a real possibility of a “comeback “ with you living on another continent & being physically & emotionally unavailable to your child. It’s just a matter of time before another man is raising him/her, but you’re entitled to determine your own priorities. Link to post Share on other sites
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