Structuring Dates In person

[Mysterio]

As I often read here about the plight of men trying to date and what not. From cold turkey to avoiding the friendzone.

 

I have come up with some ideas and I would like input into what you all think is the best ideas to ask someone out.

 

This is what I think. Forget about doing dates cold turkey. I think it does not work wel.

 

I say have at least 3 to four interactions with the woman you want to ask out first. Make it light and playfull. Make sure your at least well dressed and groomed. Not decked out like James Bond. Yet not grubby looking as well.

 

The wording and attitude should be up beat and playful. not over the top, do or die Soap Opera.

 

Say something like this. I don't know if you have a BF, but if your free next week. I would like us to get together and do something fun.

 

Any other ideas feel free to state so.

[SevenCity]

I don’t agree with some. There is no rule saying you have to establish a rapport over 3-4 interactions. Trust me, if a woman is interested, she will go out with you when you first meet her.

 

I’ve done that a ton in my past and ended up with some good experience as a result. I remember being a particularly cocky 20 something on a trip to California with a friend. I got up from the dinner table at the steakhouse and said “Excuse me for a moment, I am going to pick up our lovely hostess”. We dated long distance for a year or so. I have many other examples of seeing what I want and going for it. I go into auto pilot.

 

Generally I suck at cold approaching but many times I had to, lest I regret it for the rest of my life (not kidding, I sill think about one girl when I was 16 that I didn’t ask out and never saw again).

 

Nowadays if I’m waiting to ask a girl out it is likely because I’m sizing her up to see if I want to date her (rather than just have sex with her). So if that is your reason for waiting it’s a good one IMO. But don’t short change yourself and think you have to wait X number of days before making a move.

 

When a woman is interested, you are doing her a disservice by not asking her out right away. And if she isn’t? Well that’s her loss and you just stopped wasting your time which you can now focus on one who is.

 

I agree it’s a good idea to smell nice and look put together - always.

[nospam99]

Repeating some observations and background ...

64 y/o male divorced a little over a year and looking to find an SO. All my friends are about my age, either attached or similarly single. They don't know 'available', compatible women to 'fix me up' with. So I have been using OLD and have been MUCH more successful meeting women than in my pre-marriage days 40 years ago. OLD's single HUGE advantage: I start with a pool of women who say they are unattached and interested in meeting a man. Beyond that I can filter on location, age, personality as described in their profiles, what they are looking for as described in their profiles, appearance, and several other demographic factors like the existence of kids and grandkids.

 

Background aside...

- In only one case has a really good woman contacted me first. So my first step is to send a message to a woman who 'sounds good'.

- If she responds we exchange (progressively) OLD messages, phone numbers, email addresses, text messages, emails and phone calls. Not all modes occur in all cases. The goal at this stage is to mutually agree we'd like to meet in person.

- If we meet in person, we do a 'short, cheap, and public'. We usually set this up so it can easily become a meal/dinner date (which does happen frequently).

- If we get this far and are interested in continuing to date, we have had ample opportunity to identify things we both like to do for fun. We select one or more of these activities for 'future' dates. Logistics (when, where, transportation) for the future may be set up at the first meeting/date or in subsequent communication. At this point 'subsequent communication' pretty much means the phone.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

 

I agree it’s a good idea to smell nice and look put together - always.

 

Yes, smelling nice is a necessity!

[Mysterio]

Seven. While I agree with your views. I do think that cold approch from the get go, where the woman has not laid eyes on you. I don't think the average single woman is going to give her number out, if a man just approches her out of the bliue like that. Even if she is physically attracted to him. Unless she really wants that type of attention.

 

In my mind. At age 47. I think I have to be way decerning. I am not out for sex. The women that I know of that are out for Sex are not the type of women that I would want a LTR with. They are too wild and restless.

 

I think that women have a lot to lose for that. I have a female co-worker that has 3 kids with 2 ex's and she has said that she has got to get her head togehter and a lot of it is letting kids into the world, without being solid with the father. No structuted plans.

 

I don't want that. So I will have to be decerning with who I got out with. Once again. I don't see or feeel or heard with the women around me that they are itching for just sex. None of my female friends are really that way anyways.

[Mysterio]

Another thing with dating which has occured to me is this. When we approch, aside from the physical attraction. We as men, don't know the scoop on the women. The only way is online dating, or some how we know that the woman is single. Now a days its hard to tell. Not every woman wears a wedding ring.

 

I also think that as men and women socialize. For the most part. We men see women as romantic prospects. Women can have us as both. I don't see any of my male friends wanting female friendships. All my female friends have one or two male friends beyond me in their lives.

 

Cutting through everything. Men from my observation. We want physical affection from our main woman, with conversations and laughs and flexability. Thats it.