My husband wants to meet with his single female friend. I need second s.

[whichwayisup]

I don't know if I sound controlling but I think there should be some boundaries when you're married. One thing is to have friends and talk to them when the opportunity comes and another thing is to constantly interract with them, especially with the opposite sex. I guess I'll have to just let him be friends with her and let him be who he is because it seems like I'm the one who is crazy for not feeling comfortable about it. I know a story about a couple who became friends with a divorced woman. She started hanging out first with the wife a lot but then started talking to the husband. Well, in the end the husband and the womanhey fell for each other and the husband left his wife and children to be with this woman. Cases like this happen in real life and that's why I believe people should avoid the trouble. That's just me but people seem to be ok with everything these days. Thanks for the advice.

 

Do the lunch or dinner at your house. Friend her on fb too.

 

I will say your husband shouldn't be texting and chatting with her daily. That is inappropriate.

[quankanne]

long-married woman here, with close friends who are male. First question to you is, "Do you trust your husband?"

 

if he's strayed before and you're automatically suspicious that it's gonna lead down that road again, I can understand why this makes you uncomfortable.

 

however, if he's friends with her and makes it a point to be transparent in that relationship because he understands that it's important to your marriage to be trust-worthy, why not join them for the meet-up, or as someone else suggested, invite mutual friends along so that they can visit her as well? A wider social gathering like this might help give you a better idea if she's looking for prey, or just genuinely likes being a friend to someone like your husband.

 

when I first started dating my husband, I told him point-blank that my two closest friends from college were guys, that they were like brothers to me, and if he had a problem with it, we weren't going to date (one of them tells every girl he dates the same thing, that I'm like his little sister, and if she doesn't like it, adios). Thankfully, my husband gets along with both of them, and my third "brother from another mother" is *our* best friend. Yeah, I know it sounds crazy, but there is a ton of transparency there. If I go visit them and their families, my husband knows where I am at all times and who I'm with, and what we do. Not because he needs to know, but because of that transparency and trust thing. So, to me, if your husband is offering that kind of transparency (and he's not doing it because he cheated on you before and feels he *must*) that tells me that he respects you and your relationship, and wants you to be her friend too, even if you two gals don't do the buddy thing.

 

ultimately, though, you're the only one who can figure out what you're comfortable with. Just let your husband know what you're thinking, and why. All about the transparency

 

p.s. Friending her on FB is a good idea, it's a good way to keep things balanced ...

Edited June 11, 2018 by quankanne

[preraph]

You go meet her. Don't leave her alone with your husband. She might get ideas, like, His wife doesn't like to participate in his life so they probably won't last long. You go meet her each time you can.

[Els]

I don't see how it's "weird" for a couple to meet with a single person. I mean, what, can you only be friends with people who are coupled up?

 

 

Omg welcome back Quankanne!!!

[quankanne]

thanks, Elswyth! Broadening my horizons again, and hoping to add some vieja-charm to the 'Shack

[quankanne]

I don't see how it's "weird" for a couple to meet with a single person.

 

I think if someone has been cheated on before, they tend to be horse-shy, so to speak. Or, if that person is a jealous type, that makes it uncomfortable. Or, bad vibes arise because that person is the cheater and suspects he or she is getting cheated on (guilt) reaction. Or, most very likely in OP's case, it's not a situation she's ever seen before, a guy-girl friendship where one is married and it's all platonic. That's what I'm guessing, because you really don't see it that often because at some point someone "gets feelings" and that throws off the dynamic.

[georgia girl]

I don't know if I sound controlling but I think there should be some boundaries when you're married. One thing is to have friends and talk to them when the opportunity comes and another thing is to constantly interract with them, especially with the opposite sex. I guess I'll have to just let him be friends with her and let him be who he is because it seems like I'm the one who is crazy for not feeling comfortable about it. I know a story about a couple who became friends with a divorced woman. She started hanging out first with the wife a lot but then started talking to the husband. Well, in the end the husband and the womanhey fell for each other and the husband left his wife and children to be with this woman. Cases like this happen in real life and that's why I believe people should avoid the trouble. That's just me but people seem to be ok with everything these days. Thanks for the advice.

 

Chloe,

 

Both my husband and I have single friends of the opposite sex and it’s really not a problem for either of us. In fact, my husband has a bombshell, femme fatale friend with whom he shares a sporting activity. This woman is gorgeous, recently divorced and highly sexual. Yet, she and my husband both participate in this sport together and I genuinely don’t mind. So why? Am I just being a fool? The answer is no.

 

First and foremost, my husband and I have some pretty clear boundaries around romantic/emotional interest. Plainly put, we settled all questions of love, sex and rock-n-roll the day we got married. In our little band, you are either all-in or get out.

 

Secondly and most importantly, I absolutely trust my husband completely. I KNOW his heart. Not only am I confident in his love but I am confident in the man he is. He values his personal integrity in such a humble and dignified way. He wouldn’t be able to violate his own principles that way. He is just not wired to do that. It simply wouldn’t be worth it to him.

 

So, I give you those things to consider. Do you guys have boundaries? Do you have reasonable expectations? Is your husband the kind of man who is committed to you?

 

While I may think you are overreacting, I can’t honestly say. I don’t know your husband. I don’t know if he’s violated your trust before. I don’t know if you are relatively sheltered and didn’t necessarily grow up seeing healthy and benign male/female relationships. I can tell you this: the concerns you are having would not be a concern I would have in my own marriage. Why is up to you and your husband to figure out.