To not want to go to my brothers wedding ?

[JamesKo]

I have a really messed up family. Ever since I was a kid, I never really got along with my older brother. It's not that I don't try but when I do, I do not get anything in return from him.

 

I have never seen anyone who is as selfish as he is. He would take things from me and I without any doubt would give him things but when it comes to him, he would simply say no. Over the past few years now this has been going on everyday now. I just don't know why he is like that.

 

I finally met someone in my life. A girl who I am dating these days. And I asked my brother if I could loan his car and I only asked him since neither of us have any car and I wanted to take her to a nice place for dinner since its her birthday. But when I told him about this, he said maybe first and then finally agreed. And when the day arrived, he came home, made plans with his fiance and left quietly, even while knowing that I was going out. I had only two hours left till I had to pick her up. And just imagine what I went through that day. I told her the honest truth and she respected me for it but the first time in my life I really hated my brother. He has met someone and is getting married but he can't see me happy.

 

Two weeks later, I again asked him for his car. It was a stupid idea doing it but this time around I wanted to make it up to her as she wanted to go to this place that is kind of a bit far away and you can only go there by a car. This time again he agreed but I kept this in the back of my head that if he treats me again I would never go to his wedding.

 

And when the day arrived, he asked me for money to take his car and I gave him the money because I had no other options. And then as soon as I was about to leave, he returned me my money and left.

 

There are many other things that he has done to ruin my life. I always see other people's older brother and how they treat their little brother but for some reason he never treated me like one. I have always been patient and I remember the days when he had no job and was going out for vacations, he used to come and ask me for anything and I used to give it to him without any hesitation. I have always been like this but he would just treat me like crap.

 

My parents know this for a fact that if anything happens to them, he would never take care of me.

 

Now the question is, is he someone that I should really go for his wedding ?

 

I really don't want.

[Happy Lemming]

If you don't want to go to the wedding, don't go...

 

If someone treats me poorly, I cut them out of my life (family included).

 

I haven't talked to my sister in 25 years, and have no desire to do so. After repeated insults (to make herself feel better); I got up from a family Thanksgiving dinner (at her house) and left. Things had been building up, and the insults were the final straw. I haven't spoken to her or seen her, since that day. Really don't care, either.

 

I would decline the invitation to the wedding. Furthermore, I would never ask to borrow his car, again. If you want a car for a special occasion, rent one.

[bathtub-row]

Nothing says you have to go but if you don’t, you might as well disown your brother while you’re at it. Not going to a sibling’s wedding is a very big deal and will create instant dissension in your family.

 

My advice - while it may sound harsh - stop acting like the little brother and stop asking your brother for favors. And stop expecting him to behave any differently than he has in the past. Remember, the best predictor to future behavior is past behavior. You seem to stand back in shock every time your brother does something hateful, like you’re surprised by it. Face it, he’s a jerk.

[Mr. Lucky]

Nothing says you have to go but if you don’t, you might as well disown your brother while you’re at it. Not going to a sibling’s wedding is a very big deal and will create instant dissension in your family.

 

I agree. Your brother aside, your absence would also punish your parents, who probably look forward to a happy day with a focus on the new extended family.

Assuming you have a decent relationship with them, I'd make nice and go.

 

You can distance yourself from your brother on your own time...

 

Mr. Lucky

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

OP, how old are you?

 

How about just calling an Uber/Lyft?

[d0nnivain]

There has to be more to the story then this. Why don't you have your own car? I agree about the ride share option or just renting a car. You didn't seem to have planned this out well. Couldn't you have asked a different family member to borrow the car? Him not loaning you his car was mean but it didn't ruin your life.

 

If you don't want to go to the wedding don't go but understand you are going to cause major upheaval in your family & your relationship with your parents may never recover.

[preraph]

You're asking him for big favors and then holding it against him. True, he shouldn't promise and then not follow through, but since he does, stop asking and find another way. If you don't have a credit card for Uber, call a cab and use cash.

 

Go to your brother's wedding. Why ruin it for everyone else by choosing that big family occasion to make a point?

[Pastypop]

My husband’s brother used the beat the living heck out of him when they lived in the same house. My husband still suffers mentally from the abuse to this day even though I’m not supposed to know that. He is such an abuser and my husband hates him to this day. His brother married a real bixxx who thought she was going to bully me. I didn’t take that too well so she isolated and embarrassed me instead. Their kids who were legal adults at the time bullied my small children when we weren't around. My husbsnd’s mother has been an enabler and supporter to all this. I had to deal with my husband’s lack of self esteem and confidence for years. It was wonderful day when I was able to kick that crappy family to curve and actually keep my marriage. Your brother will never change. Go to the wedding just to eat and then leave. You’ll have done your duty and that’s it. You don’t have to hang around or congratulate him or anything. Sometimes keeping the peace may not be the best option.