loveisgrand Posted June 6, 2018 Share Posted June 6, 2018 Hi. I met him online about three weeks ago (yes, three weeks). We slept together on our fourth date. We have been hanging out a lot. He travels from another town to see me. He's already asked me to take a four day trip with him in about a month. Not sure if this is all too fast? We are in our 30s. I am terribly insecure about this one. He is super athletic, in great shape, and I am just not. I am overweight, I hate my hair... I have no idea why he would want to be with me. And this makes me question every time he doesn't respond to me immediately. I haven't shared any of this with him and asked him if I could join the gym with him. For the last couple of days he hasn't wished me a good morning or a good night, something he did for the first couple of weeks. I feel I am the one who has to force communication and it makes me upset. And when I stop replying, I get a series of messages, going to assume him testing if I am upset. I might be overthinking, I might be pathologically insecure, but I just don't see how this could work. I think he's a great guy but analysing everything he does will drive me insane.... I have had terrible luck in love and I am so afraid to give my heart away again. Any thoughts? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Mentor99 Posted June 6, 2018 Share Posted June 6, 2018 I met him online about three weeks ago (yes, three weeks). We slept together on our fourth date. We have been hanging out a lot. He travels from another town to see me. He's already asked me to take a four day trip with him in about a month. Not sure if this is all too fast? We are in our 30s. Well there's not really such a thing as sex too fast taking day trips together to quickly, as this is going to vary from person to person and situation to situation. It is WAY too fast to be getting emotionally attached though. You barely know someone in three weeks! You barely know someone after three months!! And he barely knows you. I am terribly insecure about this one. He is super athletic, in great shape, and I am just not. I am overweight, I hate my hair... I have no idea why he would want to be with me. Insecurities will kill most relationships. You're not a mind reader and what he thinks of you is none of your business. He doesn't even know you and you don't know him. You're still in the "getting to know each other" phase. And this makes me question every time he doesn't respond to me immediately. I haven't shared any of this with him and asked him if I could join the gym with him. Are you trying to change who you are so he'll like you? Or have you been wanting to join a gym for awhile? For the last couple of days he hasn't wished me a good morning or a good night, something he did for the first couple of weeks. I feel I am the one who has to force communication and it makes me upset. And when I stop replying, I get a series of messages, going to assume him testing if I am upset. I might be overthinking, I might be pathologically insecure, but I just don't see how this could work. I think he's a great guy but analysing everything he does will drive me insane. Getting so attached to someone YOU BARELY KNOW is not a good sign. Like at this point, if he's lost interest and decided you two aren't a good match so be it! I have had terrible luck in love and I am so afraid to give my heart away again. Any thoughts? If this has been a pattern in your life, it's certainly something to look into. Sounds like you have some unhealthy thought patterns when it comes to love and relationships and that can take some work to untangle. If you've had terrible luck in love, and aren't learning from those experiences, it stands to reason that your thoughts aren't in a healthy place. Link to post Share on other sites
fredflint Posted June 7, 2018 Share Posted June 7, 2018 Hi. I met him online about three weeks ago (yes, three weeks). We slept together on our fourth date. We have been hanging out a lot. He travels from another town to see me. He's already asked me to take a four day trip with him in about a month. Not sure if this is all too fast? We are in our 30s. I am terribly insecure about this one. He is super athletic, in great shape, and I am just not. I am overweight, I hate my hair... I have no idea why he would want to be with me. And this makes me question every time he doesn't respond to me immediately. I haven't shared any of this with him and asked him if I could join the gym with him. For the last couple of days he hasn't wished me a good morning or a good night, something he did for the first couple of weeks. I feel I am the one who has to force communication and it makes me upset. And when I stop replying, I get a series of messages, going to assume him testing if I am upset. I might be overthinking, I might be pathologically insecure, but I just don't see how this could work. I think he's a great guy but analysing everything he does will drive me insane.... I have had terrible luck in love and I am so afraid to give my heart away again. Any thoughts? Thanks. All love is a risk. You just have to decide if he is worth the risk. Listen to your instinct on that. Sounds like you'd probably overthink any boyfriend. But it also sounds like he no longer feels the need to make as much effort. That doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't like you anymore, its just common behavior. In your shoes I think I would just relax, see how it goes, and don't give your heart away too quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
babysacay Posted June 7, 2018 Share Posted June 7, 2018 All love is a risk. You just have to decide if he is worth the risk. Listen to your instinct on that. Sounds like you'd probably overthink any boyfriend. But it also sounds like he no longer feels the need to make as much effort. That doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't like you anymore, its just common behavior. In your shoes I think I would just relax, see how it goes, and don't give your heart away too quickly. I agree, definitely trust your instinct. There were so many times I wish I'd trusted mine, would have saved me a lot of heartache. And I agree that all love is a risk. Unless someone is super lucky, I've come to realize that most people in the dating world will have more relationships and dating experiences end than they will have something end up in a successful, long-term, happy relationship. I don't like it and it's hard to accept, but it's just the way it is :/ Link to post Share on other sites
caveman621 Posted June 7, 2018 Share Posted June 7, 2018 I think the question you have to ask yourself is what do YOU want out of this "relationship"! If you are OK with companionship and sex and trips, then great!!!! It sounds like you are already emotionally attaching to him. I know some people can have sex strictly for pleasure, whereas a lot of people it requires or causes an almost instant connection. If you're looking at him as a LTR, then it's quite possible you'll get your heart broken. So, have fun with the sex and travel if you're OK with just that. If you're not, you need to have a "serious" conversation with him about where this is all going. But, FYI, having such a conversation three weeks in could cause the whole thing to end. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 7, 2018 Share Posted June 7, 2018 Stop analyzing. Go with the flow. You might not see your value but I think he does, otherwise he would not suggest the trip. If you hate your hair go to a high end salon & change it. It's hair. If you are overweight, eat better & start exercising. You don't have to join a gym & become a jock just walk after dinner, with him, even. Drink more water. I have a problem with drinking my calories -- soda, juice & booze. When I cut them out, I lose weight. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loveisgrand Posted June 7, 2018 Author Share Posted June 7, 2018 He asked me earlier this evening if he could call me, but I was in the middle of my dinner so I told him to call in a few minutes. He said he was exhausted and would take a nap and call later. A few hours later I go to my WhatsApp and see he is freakin' online but is not calling. I even send him a message, saying hey you up, and he doesn't respond. He still hasn't responded. Should I be upset? If he is this flakey three weeks into our situation, it can only get worse, right? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 7, 2018 Share Posted June 7, 2018 It's more of a tit for tat thing. He thinks you were blowing him off so he's blowing you off. Of course you can be annoyed; it's childish. Only you know whether that infraction is worthy of never speaking again assuming he calls tomorrow. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted June 8, 2018 Share Posted June 8, 2018 He's already asked me to take a four day trip with him in about a month. Go on the trip and see if you both have fun, that will be the true barometer for this new relationship. As far as weight, personally, I like a woman with a little "meat on the bones", maybe he does, as well. Relax & have fun, that is what dating is all about!! Just my two cents... Link to post Share on other sites
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