Are Relation Today Different and Unstable or?

[Logo]

I wonder sometimes how much of an impact my relationship with my ex has had on my long term outlook on relationships.

 

Am I looking at dysfunctional relationships or partners in relationships with a more cynical view? Am I generalizing because of how my ex was?

 

I used to have this beautiful and magical view about meeting someone new and getting to know them.

 

Now I feel like it’s just a means to an end or even a chore. And I can’t tell what’s real anymore.

 

Sure, it doesn’t help that I’m watching Gypsy on Netflix these days. But, I have this overall idea that relationships are as fragile as soap bubbles.

 

So while it sounds unpromising and exhausting, it also makes me feel genuinely scared.

 

My ex lied, was deceptive and cheated.

 

By the way, do cheaters have to be smart to get away with it, or can anyone with average intelligence cheat, lie and deceive?

[PegNosePete]

Am I looking at dysfunctional relationships or partners in relationships with a more cynical view?

Probably, yes. But is that a bad thing? More cynical but also more realistic. Many relationships are more dysfunctional than ever, and being able to spot that earlier is a good thing.

 

Really it probably depends what time frame you're talking about. Divorce rate is much higher than it used to be say 50 years ago. Divorce is much easier to get than it has ever been and that encourages people treat marriage more frivolously. So yes relationships have changed over the years. But if you're looking at the short term (last few years) then it's probably you that's changed your views, rather than the world changing around you.

 

do cheaters have to be smart to get away with it, or can anyone with average intelligence cheat, lie and deceive?

Anyone can cheat, lie and deceive. The question is, can they get away with it? And that very much depends on the BS. It's not just about intelligence; the smartest person could get cheated on because they trust their partner and don't see the signs.

 

One thing is certain though. Being more cynical makes it more difficult for you to get cheated on. Not impossible, but more difficult.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Probably, yes. But is that a bad thing? More cynical but also more realistic. Many relationships are more dysfunctional than ever, and being able to spot that earlier is a good thing.

 

Really it probably depends what time frame you're talking about. Divorce rate is much higher than it used to be say 50 years ago. Divorce is much easier to get than it has ever been and that encourages people treat marriage more frivolously. So yes relationships have changed over the years. But if you're looking at the short term (last few years) then it's probably you that's changed your views, rather than the world changing around you.

 

 

Anyone can cheat, lie and deceive. The question is, can they get away with it? And that very much depends on the BS. It's not just about intelligence; the smartest person could get cheated on because they trust their partner and don't see the signs.

 

One thing is certain though. Being more cynical makes it more difficult for you to get cheated on. Not impossible, but more difficult.

 

This guy speaks the truth.

 

The more you trust your partner, the easier it is for your partner to abuse that trust.

 

If she breaks your trust, do NOT say alright and continue the relationship (it's gotta be a lie of some magnitude here...not little white lies)!!! Just break up and move on. She clearly made her choice when she chose to lie to you about something important. Trust me on this, DO NOT break your own rules on this. JUST DON'T DO IT!

 

Additionally, As Einstein said: Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters.

[Chilli]

l'd say moreso people, society, media , me me me and the shallowness is what's different.

And that flows through to all the relationship stuff and attitudes.

Ahh , l think that makes sense.

[Logo]

I don't think cynicism is a bad thing, but it can have a detrimental effect on the way a person perceives the world around him. I've tried to stay positive and hopeful, but I'm proven wrong by the women I come across, by stories I hear from family, friends, and acquaintances. I look around me and all I see are people who can't be bothered to be genuine faithful adults.

 

Ironically, the ones who are, and I have come across a couple, I wasn't physically attracted to. It was unfortunate as I really liked them. I am at a point where I feel that the odds of finding a partner are small, or that it might take a few years, and I'm only getting older.

 

I stay hopeful by nurturing a fantasy that one day, under the most mundane and random circumstances, I will cross paths with someone who will ask me out and will be enthused to get to know me. And that we'll hit it off from the get go. But that has yet to happen and if the past is a good indicator, the odds seem low.

 

It seems to me that core values that were ingrained in us when we were young are eroding by the day. Being faithful, loyal, honest and open seem to be alien concepts in this day and age. The sad truth is that this erosion isn't limited to younger generations. It seems to be like rust eating away at steel, permeating through every society and age group.

 

How's that for cynicism?

 

 

But then again, maybe it's me. Perhaps if you look at relationships with pessimism, that's all you're going to find.

 

I also don't know if the red flags that I'm seeing early on are truly deal breakers. Although, my line of thinking NOW is "Better safe than sorry" when it comes to relationships and dating.

 

Sometimes I write about how I felt that something inside me broke after my last relationship. Now I realize that it might just as well be the unfortunate realization of reality, similar to that experienced by many when they find out that Santa isn't real. Perhaps my ex's words and actions were a rude awakening that has provided me with the skills and knowledge to protect myself in the future from a failed marriage.

 

There might be a silver lining in that lesson; these days I tend to critically listen to every word coming out of a woman's mouth when I meet her. It gives me a better insight into who she is, instead of being enamored by her looks or what seems to be a fun personality.

[Chilli]

lt sounds like an avalanche over there and l don't envy you at all but at the same time people make their own bed all over the net and everyone else is backing it, encouraging , it's even all over this forum .

Even you suggesting this thread and all the other threads around by people especially with guys shooting themselves in the foot , it;s everywhere, , the power of suggestion and influence into minds everywhere.

And if it's not on the net media do it, movies do it, governments do it, it's everywhere

And f@ckwitts listen to it , it's surreal.

 

l dunno how real it is there though in RL, people seem to be doing everything in their power to push it around the net though, whether that's just the handful of people with an axe to grind or unlucky in love or what that get involved in each forum, no idea, but it's even right here all over it, maybe that's not the general out there, l've got no clue or care.

 

But here thank God it's nothing like all that bs, never even associated with let alone been with a women with that kinda poison.Guy'sl dunno l'm not gay but l have mates and meet plenty of guys and crap going on right here and all over the net , attitudes, never heard of it.

 

You mix with like minded people and get with a like minded women. l'm sure they're still around even there, use your judgement, character .

Edited June 8, 2018 by Chilli

[Logo]

You know, sometimes I reach a conclusion about how I should feel about my relationship with my ex and stick with it, meaning, my mind settles on it and I'm comfortable with it.

 

But after a while I forget and then I'm reminded how much I wish I had never met her. So it helps to talk things through like this sometimes.

 

 

 

In the final analysis, it was a great lesson. I learned a lot. It made me stronger, less susceptible to bs and more picky. I also don't put up with lies, however small.

 

 

And just like in life, some parts of that relationship were good, some were bad. Overall, the person I was with turned out to be a proverbial dark cloud that hovered over the relationship.

 

So now that I have the luxury of emotional distance I have no regrets. I'm glad things turned out the way they did if only for the simple reason that I didn't and don't see myself spending years or decades with her. She has too many issues, commitment, narcissism.

 

She wasn't for me. I deserve better. I know myself. I know what I want. I know my value as a partner in a relationship. I know what I have to offer as a partner.

 

I feel jaded and cynical sometimes because I can't seem to find a single person out there who comes close to clicking with me. But I'm going to stay strong. Somewhere out there, there's a woman that's just right for me. It's only a matter of time. I haven't thrown in the towel yet.

Edited June 8, 2018 by Logo

[Chilli]

l don't think you've been single that long have you , if l'm thinking of the right guy, what 12mths or so?

Everyone's come across or fallen for bad apples, unfortunately it's an easy mistake to make and happens ,there's plenty of them out there and l'd say most of us have had our share of jaded moments.

 

But that's not very long you can't rush fine wine man, it takes time. Your on the right track though in those last last paragraphs , she'll come along if you feel it it'll happen.

Thing is people have to try and relax with this stuff , be still with it.

 

Hang in there.

[Logo]

About 2 years. I’m going to wait. I’m not jumping into anything just because I have to be in a relationship. It’s a waste of time and energy.

[Mysterio]

My take is this. I feel like for me, I just have two obstacles. One is myself talk in my head. I am always playing the angles when it comes to talking to women that I like.

 

The Second is that all the women I like are attached. So untill I get to know them. I don't know the dynamic of thier status.

 

I have to do some serrious soul searching. One side says, you have to go out there and find love. The other side says let it fall in to your lap. So there is a war in my mind and the older I get. The more is wears me down. Its beyond just a sex thing for me.

Edited June 8, 2018 by Mysterio

[Chilli]

l dunno , so many people here analyze analyze but from my own experience and from also always having been a pretty astute observer in life , people, couples, luck has soooooo much to do with this stuff .

 

People that have a bad run seem to be adjusting this and doing that and making themselves this and adding that and on and on.

But in my experience , it all just happens when you meet the right person you can't set out to do this or be that , l'd think if you were they must be wrong for you , it's like manufacture it.

Not saying in any relationship or marriage we don't have to think along the way and make changes , being two gets bloody complicated.

But so much has to do with plain old luck and right place time person lucky day sorta thing.

 

Seems to be so much l'm not good enough l'm not this l'm not that attractive this attractive that too .

But every day in any place you see couples by the 100s that are just any combo you could dream, there's no rules.

Just up the shops before noticed this gorgeous little Asian chick, most gorgeous taste in clothes all bright and bubbly , few minutes in pops hubby , just an over weight big fat face chubby but they were crazy about each other it was all over them. And no she wasn't an import or anything like that.You see that everywhere all types of people and couples sometimes he's the looker and she;s some fatty frump type but here they are and combo you can think of.

 

lt's truly a lucky thing to meet someone you feel all the right stuff for each other but some are trying to manufacture it. l often ask people how they met and have had hundreds ask me to over the years and so much of the real stuff just seems down to shear luck l've noticed that over and over.

Edited June 9, 2018 by Chilli