My story and rant here

[AlbertsHeart]

My name is Kamara and I have a son named Mikey. We live in San Francisco with my mother.

 

Here is my story.

 

I met my ex-boyfriend and father of my child, Albert, in April 1998 when I was 16.5 and he was 18. He had just been released from a group home and had nowhere safe to live, so I snuck him into my house every night for almost six months. My father passed away from cancer when I was 13 so it was just my mother and I in the house. My mom worked Monday through Friday 9-5 so during the day Albert would hang out at my house (eat, sleep, ****, shower, shave, do laundry and watch tv) while I went to school up the street. Each afternoon before my mother came home we would clean up the house and make it seem as if no one had been home all day and the two of us would spend the evenings going to the movies, walking all over the city, or hanging out at friend's houses. I would come home for curfew and Albert would walk up the street and call me from a payphone, and we'd talk until my mother went to bed. Then I would sneak him in and hide him under the bed or in a closet. A few times my mom would catch him so he'd have to sleep outside in a tent pitched in some bushes in a cul-de-sac across the street for a few days until my mom would trust me again. I would sleep in the tent with him on these nights, lying to my mom saying I was at a friend's house. You see, I would have died for this boy.

 

For six whole months I did this. He didn't have a job and neither did I. I took care of him in every way I could. With my weekly allowance and daily lunch money I bought him clothes, food, and monthly bus passes. We spent all of our free time together and were crazy in love.

 

Looking back I realize that he was a lazy bum and I was acting like his mama! But those were the best days of our entire relationship. The love I had for him then was purely innocent and completely unconditional. I didn't know how selfish and cruel he would become--ignorance was bliss back then. Jeez I'm crying as I write this.

 

Anyway, six months into our relationship Albert finally found a place to live; a transitional living program in the Haight for homeless youth 18-25 years old. It was a program funded and provided by Larkin Street Youth Center called Avenues To Independence. All Albert had to do to have a free room and full access to a phone, common kitchen stocked with food and living room w/ cable TV and vcr was obtain full-time employment and hand over 30 percent of his income (which was saved for him). He also had to be home by midnight each night and do weekly chores. It was a great situation and the perfect opportunity for Albert to get his life together and make a future for himself. He got a job working as a security guard, and I got a job at the Starbucks four blocks away from his job site downtown. We spent our lunch hours together and he would pick me up after work until my curfew. We finally started "dating" like a normal teen-aged couple. It was nice, and I was so proud of him.

 

Only four months later, he decided (for no apparent reason) to quit his job leave ATI. He packed his clothes and left. His clothes ended up back in my closet. He became homeless all over again. I was livid and told him, "You can't keep sneaking into my house!" so he made new friends with some youngsters he met while hanging around Powell and Market streets downtown (back in those days, that area was a real "hang-out spot"). It was at this time that I became pregnant (the condom broke and I was not on the pill, foolish me!!).

 

For the next three months Albert hung out downtown with his newfound thuggish friends. He stole a car every day to drive around and sleep in at night. He sold weed and crack in the Tenderloin. He cheated on me with a hoodrat (I found out many years later). I had no idea of what he was up to. I though he was job-searching every single day and sleeping in shelters at night. One night while Albert was selling dope he punched a homeless man and the guy fell over, hit his head on the sidewalk and died. Albert was arrested and charged with involuntary manslaughter--he was never caught with the dope.

 

I was the only person to visit Albert in jail, send him money and letters, and accept his phone calls. I was also the only one who attended his court hearings. I was the only one at his trial every single day (he turned down a deal and had a jury trial, how rare is that?!?). When he was convicted, I was ten days away from my 18th birthday and nearly seven months pregnant with our first child. The entire ordeal was devastating.

 

Albert spent the next three years in jail. Although he would have only served two years, his alleged involvement in a gang-related riot at the California Correctional Center in Susanville gave him an extra year to be served in the Security Housing Unit (SHU) at Pelican Bay.

 

I had my son two months after I turned 18 and was a single mother until our son, Michael, was 2.5. The entire time Albert was in prison, I was there for him. I visisted him with Michael every chance I got. I spent tons of money visiting him at San Quentin in San Rafael, California Correctional Facility in Susanville, and Pelican Bay State Prison in Crecent City. We live in San Francisco and while he was at San Quentin I drove over the Golden Gate bridge twice a week. Once Albert was moved hundreds of miles away, I made four day trips every three months. I took time off of work and school and spent $80 a night at economy hotels. I wrote to Albert every week and sent doubles of every role of film I took of our son. Even while he was serving SHU time, I drove almost 400 miles each way just to see him for an hour and a half behind a plexi-glass window.

 

I wanted him to know that I was willing to do whatever it took to keep our family together. What else could I have done?

 

Of course, Albert was a sweetie during the visits. He only said the things I wanted to hear; that he loved me, missed me, wanted me, needed me. He constantly told me that he was deeply sorry for hanging out with his worthless two-faced thuggish "homies" downtown instead of being with me while I was throwing up as a result of early pregnancy, and that he should have *never* quit his job, moved out of ATI, and started selling drugs and stealing cars. He promised that if I stuck by his side that he would be the man that I desired and deserved. Funny thing is, I belived him. I figured that if I gave him what he needed, he would give me what I needed. I had complete faith in him and in our relationship. I dreamed of the day when he would be released and finally take his place as my man and as Michael's father. I clung to this dream for three years. I felt like I was doing time with Albert--and that my life was on hold. But I kept strong and never gave up faith in our family.

 

The day that Albert was released was one of the happiest days of my life. I was now 20.5 and Albert was 22.5 Michael was 2.5. He moved in with my son and I in my mother's home. For the next few months he looked for work. I posted an ad on Craigslist on his behalf saying that he was available to do various odd jobs. He got some work, but didn't obtain full-time employment. He started taking GED classes (since he never finished High School) and got a part-time non-profit position with the help of the same organization that gave him a free room in the Avenues To Independence program. I was proud of him.

 

The feelings of trust and security in our relationship started suffering four months after his release. He ran into one of his old homies from his drug-dealing/car-stealing days and started hanging out with him. This concerned me but what could I do? I had to trust my man when he said he would never again do anything to jeopordize his freedom. However, he started coming home late at night and not being able to convincingly account for his whereabouts. I became suspicious, especially when his attitude towards me took a dramatic turn for the worst. One night I found scissors with the handle broken off and a crack rock in his coat pocket. I knew that he used scissors to break into old Toyota Camrys and that he used to sell rock cocaine, so my stomach got caught in my throat. When I confronted him with my find, he denied everything. He swore that the scissors meant nothing--they were just "junk". The crack rock belonged to his mother; she must have "put it in the pocket when she borrowed the coat". When I called his mother, she lied for him and took the blame.

 

Another time I found two movie ticket stubs and two vouchers for free admission to a strip club in North Beach. I began to suspect that he was cheating on me.

 

Two months of unsettling instances endured. And exactly six months after Albert got off the prison bus, he dumped me--saying he was no longer in love with me and that I deserved better. I was shocked and heartbroken. He started treating me very coldly. A week went by and he was still living with us, although he'd be out all night and ignore me when we were in the same room. I cried and begged for him to come back to me. It was so pathetic. 12 days after we broke up, he was arrested for stealing a car. He was just about to **** a girl he had been cheating on me with in a stolen camry when the cops pulled up and a high-speed police chase ensued. Albert was booked on numerous charges but took a deal. He was given a two year sentence. He called me while in booking and denied any involvement in the crime. He also begged me to forgive him for dumping him and said he still loved me. At this point, I didn't know anything about the case OR the girl he was cheating on me with. I found out the truths within a few weeks, however, and stopped accepting his collect calls. I never ONCE went to visit him while in the county jail and never went to his court appearances.

 

A few months went by and I met a new man--a single dad who had full physical and legal custody of his son, who was Michael's age. This man had an ex who cheated on him and abandoned their son--so to me, he seemed like a saint. It was very weird for me to have a new boyfriend since Albert was the only man in my life from the time I was 16 years old. Here I was newly 21, and my new boyfriend adored me and had his life togther (he had never been arrested and was a genuinely decent and good guy). He knew that Albert was in prison but never asked for details about our 4.5 years together, which was strange. He asked me to marry him and I turned him down. I cared for him but did not love him--I was still in love with Albert and had not yet closed the door to that part of my life. I was angry at Albert and swept him under the rug, so to speak; after all, as long as he was in prison, nothing had to be done concerning our relationship, anyway--especially since we couldn't even be together. But my feelings for him were "on hold" and not resolved. There was no closure, and I felt it was unfair to bring any kind of remaining "baggage" to my new relationship. As a result, my new boyfriend and I broke up after being together for only five and a half months.

 

Six months later, I heard from Albert. He called me out of the blue. He had already served 14 months of his sentence. Up until this point, we had only exchanged a few hurtful letters to each other. In these letters he made excuses for his poor behavior towards me and I lashed out at him for violating his parole and cheating on me with a "crazy skank-whore". But on this day in October 2003, we were calm. He asked me to give him another chance. He pleaded for me to give "us" another chance, for the sake of our little family. I accepted. For the next two weeks, he called me every single day and we talked about everything important. Since he happened to be on the mainline in Vacaville, only an hour and a half away, I even decided to visit him. My son and I visited him four times in the next two weeks. On the first day, we saw each other for the first time in 14 months--it was crazy! Michael was no longer a babbling toddler, he was nearly 4! And I was still so crazy about Albert. We have always had this sort of 'animal magnetism', I guess.

 

I fell in love with Albert all over again during these visits, but I was very clear about what I wanted in my future. I would NOT tolerate cheating, lying, or manipulation ever again. I would NOT support him if he violates his parole a second time and gets a third trip back to prison. We made promises to each other, laughed and cried together.

 

I should mention that even though I started to visit him, I never sent him ANY MONEY, not a cent!!

 

Just two weeks after our first visit in Vacaville, a riot broke out at the prison and Albert was, of course, involved. He was sliced with a razor on his cheek and sent to Administrative Segregation for the remainder of his sentence (which was eight months). I went to see him via non-contact visits a few times over the next five months, but didn't go regularly (or even monthly) because it was a long drive and lots of gas for just an hour-long visit. At one point he was transferred to Solano and I drove down there once, which was the last visit before he was released on June 20th 2004.

 

Although our visits were sparse and phone calls were no longer allowed as a result of his Ad. Seg. status, Albert and I wrote to each other regularly, and I sent him tons of pictures. On June 20th he called me from the bus station and told me he was on his way home. I went to pick him up at the station in the city and we talked in my car for two hours-- about what we both wanted and how we were going to make our relationship work and last, for good-- before I drove him to our home. He moved in and we began attempt #3 at a new and improved relationship. We started over.

 

Albert got a few part-time reasonably paying odd jobs in the first six weeks, and the three of us had a great summer going all over the Bay Area to parks, lakes, and swimming pools. In August he found full-time work. We made a budget and started to plan on getting our own place. We shared my car. I drove Albert to and from work and he drove me to and from school two nights a week. We were getting along and had amazing sex. Michael loved playing with his daddy and was very happy that were were a family. Things were good.

 

Even though he began his steady job, things started to get a little sketchy in August when Albert ran into a guy he grew up with (another felon on parole). He started playing basketball with this guy and a few of his buddies weekly. Every two weeks or so Albert would have "guys night out" with these basketball guys and come home a little too late for my comfort, but it was no big deal. It wasn't often enough to make an issue of it.

 

In early September Albert really pissed me off, however, when he spent hundreds of dollars of speakers and an amplifier (which he calls "beat") which he had installed in our car without consulting me first. I mean, we were poor and had a budget to stick to--we couldn't afford unecessary luxuries like speakers! We talked about it for an hour and that was it.

 

Besides Albert's occassional night outs with the boys and his frivolous speaker/system purchase, he and I were good. I was proud of him for working so hard every day (digging ditches for a plumbing company) and he was good about being at daddy to our son in the evenings and on weekends.

 

The rest of the summer went on without incident. We went to Tahoe for my 23rd birthday end of August and for Albert's 25th birthday a month later, I spolied him silly with dinner, a comedy club, a bay cruise, and an x-box with seven popular games.

 

Unfortunately, our relationship changed *dramatically* in October. He started playing basketball with his friends two or three times a week. He started going out almost every weekend. He stopped helping me clean the house and would balk at reading Michael his nightly bedtime story because he was too tired/lazy, even though he was only home a few nights a week during Michael's bedtime because of his nights out with friends. During the week, because I was in school twice a week until 9 and the other two or three nights Albert played basketball until 10pm, we never had time together before going to bed. On weekends I wanted to go out with Albert and Michael, but he had odd-jobs he had to do and at night he would go out late with his friends.

 

On Saturday October 23, I asked Albert to take me out. That week, he had seen his friends on Tuesday and Thursday while I was in school (he had Michael with him) and on Monday and Wednesday to play basketball (while I stayed home with Michael and put him to bed). He had also spent Friday night at a rap promotion with a buddy. That Saturday, I wanted US to have a night together. He refused, saying he had volunteered to pass out flyers for the Exotic Erotic Ball at the Cow Palace. I was furious. I asked him to cancel these plans and he refused. The more he insisted on leaving me to be home alone with Michael for the fifth night that week, the angrier I got. I decided to give him a taste of his own medicine. I decided to leave early that afternoon and not tell him where I was going. I yelled at Albert and cried as I left the house to go to the mall. I left Michael at home wth his dad and figured that as long as I wasn't home to watch Michael in time for Albert to leave in time for the ball that he would be forced to stay home and make it our night.

 

I was wrong. Albert simply dropped our son off at his parents place--a crack hotel in the Tenderloin. His dad called and was like, "Uh, are you coming to get Michael now?"

 

Albert had my car with him all night. He didn't call me once. I waited up for him all night. He never came. At noon the next day, he came home. I told him I wanted him to pack his **** and move out. He complied. That's when I started to get real. I told him that he was being an insensitive, inconsiderate jerk and that he had been spending too much time with his friends lately, and that it was my fault for not complaining about it until it went too far. I was trying so hard to not be the nagging/bitchy type of girlfriend that he was able to get away with too much and now I was feeling resentful.

 

I asked him if he loved me. He said, "I don't know". I couldn't believe it. He told me he wanted to move out for a while on his own and see if he missed me. He would invite me to come live with him once he was sure that he could be the commited "family man" that I deserved. I agreed to this. Five days went by. We didn't have any sex or share much affection. Every night he would come home from work and go to bed early. He didn't see his friends once, but there was a lot of tension. Things would never be the same.

 

On the fifth day he dumped me. He told me I deserved better and that he was no longer in love with me. I was beside myself. I asked questions which he could not answer. I cried and couldn't eat or sleep. I begged and pleaded.

 

Three weeks went by and he still hadn't moved out. He would come home after work and sleep in the other room three or four nights a week. He ate the food, did his laundry, and showered. He tried to f*** me a couple times. He would tell me things that lead me on and confused me, such as "One day I'll come to my senses and when I do I'll come and get you", "We are meant to be together-I just need to feel like a man before I can make you happy", and "I love you but I'm not over the guilt I feel for hurting you so many times in the past. I can't handle the guilt, and I fear that one day you will retaliate--and I won't be able to handle it. So I push you away in order to protect myself from getting hurt by you first". The next day he would completely contradict himself and tell me that he didn't want to be "tracked" and that he was a "bad boy" who wanted to do what he wanted without feeling guilty about it--such as sleeping with other women, spending his money on bull****, and hangin' with his homies all hours of the night.

 

Why did I allow him to continue staying in our house and driving my car? (yes he was still asking me drive him to work and to borrow my car) Because I thought he was out of his damn mind and just wanted a "break" to spend three or four nights a week out with his friends without feeling pressured or obligated to seek my approval. I figured that as soon as he had a few week's worth of back-to-back weekend partying with his "homies" that he would realize how lame and predictable that lifestyle really is and come crawling back to me. After all, I had always been the fun, sexy, hip girlfriend he claimed as his best friend! We were not only lovers but I was the only one who took care of him for freakin' years, dammit! Of course he would come back to me---I just needed to let him feel like he was roamin' free for a while, that's all--especially since he was only 25 and spent a total of five years locked up!

 

My thinking changed on November 22 when I heard Albert on the phone with one of his friends (the guy that called for Albert every single day asking him to "come out and play". I couldn't stand this guy). Albert was bragging about meeting some woman at a gas station. I didn't hear exactly what he was saying, but I figured out pretty quickly that Albert was already hooking up with other girls. When I confronted him he admitted that he was "getting numbers" and had already slept with a 19-year old who "has her own business and car". He said they were "getting to know each other" and that he was in a new relationship with her. I didn't get any other details than that, I swear.

 

I couldn't belive he was telling me this just three weeks after he dumped me and while he was still living in our house!

 

I kicked him out and went nuts.

 

What kind of girl would date a guy who just got out of prison?

What kind of girl would date a guy who was still living with his son and ex-girlfriend/baby's mama?

What kind of girl would f*** a guy after just meeting him?

What is her name?

What does she look like?

Where does she live?

What does she do?

How did they meet?

What is so great about her that Albert left me for her?

 

I became completely obssessed with these questions. They consumed me. I lost control of my emotions. Because I started thinking of killing him and couldn't trust myself, the very next day I took my son and flew to Canada to visit my sister and her family for emotional support. We stayed a week. I did a lot of crying and talking. My sister and I walked hand-in-hand through the forests of her British Columbian island as bald eagles soared above our heads. Albert was pissed that we left without warning but used that time to move into a a crack hotel on 6th street. We came home on December 1st. I dropped Michael off to see his dad three times in the next two weeks. We barely said a word to each other.

 

On Thursday December 16th, I dropped Michael off to see his dad a fourth time--to attend an AIDS foundation charity Christmas party with Albert and his mother (an ex heroin addict with full-blown AIDS) His mother hadn't seen me in a few weeks and asked me to join them, so I did. Albert had been cold or rude to me each of the three times we exchanged Michael and each time he called and we spoke briefly or when he left messages, so I wasn't surprised that he was wearing a mug on his face when we approached each other this night, but I ignored him. I was feeling foxy in a new sweater and jeans that made my butt look good. I figured that maybe I could make him lust after me a bit if I played the "I'm so confidant and happy without you" card. I smiled a lot and talked with his mother about my new job while at the party. Surprisingly, it worked! Albert desperately tried to get my attention--this after a whole MONTH of not seeing each other for more than a few moments during the weekly Michael drop-off/pick-up exchange in front of his hotel (he had never asked me up to his room, he would just strap Michael in after their few hours together and I would drive home).

 

While at the party, he cheerfully asked me how I was doing, gave me a lingering hug, and kneed me in the butt while we were standing in line for plates of food. While walking to my car so I could drive his mom home and drop Albert off at his hotel (yes, I offered--just to see what he would do while in my car with me), he put his arm around my shoulder. In the car he was squeezing and patting my thighs and grabbing at my crotch! I just laughed it off like, "Stop! I can't drive!" I was loving it. When I pulled up to his hotel he asked, "Do you wanna come up for a while? Ya know, just to see the room so you can know that Michael is safe when here?" Heh heh. "Yeah, sure!" I said, and parked. Up we went. Almost immediately he started to put the moves on me. He played with my hair, made me sit on his lap, he stuck his finger in my mouth, spooned me on the bed, tried to play with my nipples, suck on my neck, and make out with me. I let him do everything except get my clothes off and stick his tongue in my mouth. At one point as we were spooning (fully clothed, mind you) on his bed as our son played with the gifts he received from the party, he said, "I miss you". I pretended that I didn't hear it. When it was time to leave he tried so hard to get me to kiss him, but I refused. When I got home he called and said, "I'm sorry for being a jerk. I shouldn't have done all that. I just missed you. It won't happen again".

 

WHAT THE F***?!? I don't know why he was doing all that--it had been six weeks since he dumped me and three weeks since I kicked him out and we cut off regular contact with each other.

 

After that, Albert saw Michael two more times--on December 23rd and on December 24th. Albert was back to being a cold, rude *******. In fact, on Christmas Eve he had my son around one of his girlfriend's all day. I was pissed. I don't know anything about her but she drove Albert and Michael to my house so Albert could drop him off. She never got out of the car to show her face. I don't know anything about her accept that she drives a red car and lives in Marin. And according to my son, she has brown skin. Albert spent Christmas Day in Marin with his girlfriend.

 

In the entire month of December, Albert and I barely spoke. I NEVER called him and he mostly only called to say good-night to Michael (and I wouldn't answer my phone so he would leave it in a message). He only saw Michael six times. He never asked to have our son for more than a few hours a week and NEVER overnight. He has refused to arrange to see our son in advance-- it has only been at the last minute when he has no other plans, and I have driven our son to his dad's place and then picked him up. Visitation has never been allowed inside our home, as he is not welcome here. We even had the locks changed. He would never call ahead of time to make plans to see him. I didn't answer my phone when he called because, truthfully, I didn't want him to say good-night to Michael--it didn't do him any good. And I also didn't want to have to talk to him about anything, it was too painful; I was so jealous of his new girlfriend(s) and of how happy he was without me--so I let my voicemail pick up--and he was allowed the chance to say something like, "Hi it's me, calling to say good-night to Michael. Also, I'd like to see him on Thursday, so could you please call me to arrange a time? Thanks." No, he would only say, "Just calling to say good-night. Pease let him hear this message. Thanks."

 

After Christmas, in the week prior to New Year's, Albert called my cellphone threedifferent evenings and left mesages saying good-night to Michael. He didn't call at all on Thursday or Friday so I assumed he would just be partying the whole weekend and not make plans to see Michael. I was not prepared to just let Albert have Michael on New Year's Day at the last minute. However, Albert had different plans. On Saturday January 1st Michael and I were at home. I was taking a shower, and Michael was downstairs watching cartoons. Albert came over and started banging on the front door to the street. Then he jumped over the door into our patio and my son opened the door into our house. Albert walked in. I got out of the shower at this point and starting yelling at him to get out of our house and not to take Michael, especially since it wasn't arranged ahead of time. He yelled "**** you, bitch, I'm taking him!" I yelled that I was going to call the cops on him if he left with Michael and he told me to "Go aheah!"

 

He left with my Michael, driving off in a car I've never seen before without Michael in a car seat. I didn't know where they were going, who they were with, or what they were going to do. I called the cops. They arrived and I was taken to the station to file a report. Albert was there as I walked in and he called me a "stupid bitch". One officer told me that a 19-year-old white girl was in the car with him, supposedly his girlfriend. I'm still trying to find out of this is the same girl he's been going to Marin with. My son says there are two girls he's met--the one in Marin has brown skin. The 19-year old is white. Poor kid is probably just confused! Anyway, at the station I wrote a statement and two charges were pressed against him:

 

PC 278.5 which is Violation of Custody and Burlary. Both charges were dropped.

The day after Albert was arrested I spoke with one of his friends, who told me that Albert has been selling drugs part-time. Because of this, I have decided to get full custody of Michael and not allow Albert access to him. Albert has been such a dick to me since we broke up and he has done nothing to prove that Michael is his number one priority. It's like he lost any kind of resect for me overnight, and I don't want my son to see his father as a dru-dealing womanizer/player. Albert's employer has fired him and I'm hoping that his 19-year-old girlfriend realizes what she's gotten herself into and dumps Albert. If this is the same girl that lives in Marin, maybe she's had enough of playing around with the "bad boy fron Frisco". I truly hope that Albert is humbled by this little stint in jail and that, even though he must really ****in' hate me now because I sent his ass back to jail just as he was starting to "feel like a man" with his job, hotel room, and little girlfriend(s), that he take a look at himself and realizes that he's really done me wrong and that I deserve more reseoct. How dare he flaunt his girlfriends in front of me by having my son hang around them? How dare he refuse to pay me child support? How dare he only ask to see his son a few hours a week, if that? He's been such a cocky, inconsiderate, insensitive and arrogant bastard lately, as if he's got all these feelings of 'entitlement' or something. What an ungreatful prick. I hope he does at least a year in prison. In myu effort to help him get the max sentence for parole violation, I reported drugs that I just found in my backyard (left by him) and photographs depicting him using a crossbow and arrow recently (a violation!).

 

I went to the hotel he was living at and I spoke with the owner. She told me that a white round-faced blonde girl would regularly visit Albert at the hotel. This must be the 19-year-old. The owner also said that she didn't knw the girl's name because she doesn't have ID! What?!? If this is the same girl who owns a business, drives a red car and lives in Marin, she has an ID (her license!). Anyway, this girl came and got all of Albert's stuff. I wonder if she will support him while he's locked up!

[Mr. Lucky]

After reading (most) of your story, I would have chosen a different username.

 

You've sacrificed your life and made yourself a martyr to someone who, not only doesn't care, but is so narcissistic I doubt he notices.

 

How much longer are you going to let this poor choice define you?

 

Mr. Lucky

[DrReplyInRhymes]

My name is Kamara and I have a son named Mikey. We live in San Francisco with my mother.

 

Here is my story.

 

I met my ex-boyfriend and father of my child, Albert, in April 1998 when I was 16.5 and he was 18. He had just been released from a group home and had nowhere safe to live, so I snuck him into my house every night for almost six months. My father passed away from cancer when I was 13 so it was just my mother and I in the house. My mom worked Monday through Friday 9-5 so during the day Albert would hang out at my house (eat, sleep, ****, shower, shave, do laundry and watch tv) while I went to school up the street. Each afternoon before my mother came home we would clean up the house and make it seem as if no one had been home all day and the two of us would spend the evenings going to the movies, walking all over the city, or hanging out at friend's houses. I would come home for curfew and Albert would walk up the street and call me from a payphone, and we'd talk until my mother went to bed. Then I would sneak him in and hide him under the bed or in a closet. A few times my mom would catch him so he'd have to sleep outside in a tent pitched in some bushes in a cul-de-sac across the street for a few days until my mom would trust me again. I would sleep in the tent with him on these nights, lying to my mom saying I was at a friend's house. You see, I would have died for this boy.

 

For six whole months I did this. He didn't have a job and neither did I. I took care of him in every way I could. With my weekly allowance and daily lunch money I bought him clothes, food, and monthly bus passes. We spent all of our free time together and were crazy in love.

 

Looking back I realize that he was a lazy bum and I was acting like his mama! But those were the best days of our entire relationship. The love I had for him then was purely innocent and completely unconditional. I didn't know how selfish and cruel he would become--ignorance was bliss back then. Jeez I'm crying as I write this.

 

Anyway, six months into our relationship Albert finally found a place to live; a transitional living program in the Haight for homeless youth 18-25 years old. It was a program funded and provided by Larkin Street Youth Center called Avenues To Independence. All Albert had to do to have a free room and full access to a phone, common kitchen stocked with food and living room w/ cable TV and vcr was obtain full-time employment and hand over 30 percent of his income (which was saved for him). He also had to be home by midnight each night and do weekly chores. It was a great situation and the perfect opportunity for Albert to get his life together and make a future for himself. He got a job working as a security guard, and I got a job at the Starbucks four blocks away from his job site downtown. We spent our lunch hours together and he would pick me up after work until my curfew. We finally started "dating" like a normal teen-aged couple. It was nice, and I was so proud of him.

 

Only four months later, he decided (for no apparent reason) to quit his job leave ATI. He packed his clothes and left. His clothes ended up back in my closet. He became homeless all over again. I was livid and told him, "You can't keep sneaking into my house!" so he made new friends with some youngsters he met while hanging around Powell and Market streets downtown (back in those days, that area was a real "hang-out spot"). It was at this time that I became pregnant (the condom broke and I was not on the pill, foolish me!!).

 

For the next three months Albert hung out downtown with his newfound thuggish friends. He stole a car every day to drive around and sleep in at night. He sold weed and crack in the Tenderloin. He cheated on me with a hoodrat (I found out many years later). I had no idea of what he was up to. I though he was job-searching every single day and sleeping in shelters at night. One night while Albert was selling dope he punched a homeless man and the guy fell over, hit his head on the sidewalk and died. Albert was arrested and charged with involuntary manslaughter--he was never caught with the dope.

 

I was the only person to visit Albert in jail, send him money and letters, and accept his phone calls. I was also the only one who attended his court hearings. I was the only one at his trial every single day (he turned down a deal and had a jury trial, how rare is that?!?). When he was convicted, I was ten days away from my 18th birthday and nearly seven months pregnant with our first child. The entire ordeal was devastating.

 

Albert spent the next three years in jail. Although he would have only served two years, his alleged involvement in a gang-related riot at the California Correctional Center in Susanville gave him an extra year to be served in the Security Housing Unit (SHU) at Pelican Bay.

 

I had my son two months after I turned 18 and was a single mother until our son, Michael, was 2.5. The entire time Albert was in prison, I was there for him. I visisted him with Michael every chance I got. I spent tons of money visiting him at San Quentin in San Rafael, California Correctional Facility in Susanville, and Pelican Bay State Prison in Crecent City. We live in San Francisco and while he was at San Quentin I drove over the Golden Gate bridge twice a week. Once Albert was moved hundreds of miles away, I made four day trips every three months. I took time off of work and school and spent $80 a night at economy hotels. I wrote to Albert every week and sent doubles of every role of film I took of our son. Even while he was serving SHU time, I drove almost 400 miles each way just to see him for an hour and a half behind a plexi-glass window.

 

I wanted him to know that I was willing to do whatever it took to keep our family together. What else could I have done?

 

Of course, Albert was a sweetie during the visits. He only said the things I wanted to hear; that he loved me, missed me, wanted me, needed me. He constantly told me that he was deeply sorry for hanging out with his worthless two-faced thuggish "homies" downtown instead of being with me while I was throwing up as a result of early pregnancy, and that he should have *never* quit his job, moved out of ATI, and started selling drugs and stealing cars. He promised that if I stuck by his side that he would be the man that I desired and deserved. Funny thing is, I belived him. I figured that if I gave him what he needed, he would give me what I needed. I had complete faith in him and in our relationship. I dreamed of the day when he would be released and finally take his place as my man and as Michael's father. I clung to this dream for three years. I felt like I was doing time with Albert--and that my life was on hold. But I kept strong and never gave up faith in our family.

 

The day that Albert was released was one of the happiest days of my life. I was now 20.5 and Albert was 22.5 Michael was 2.5. He moved in with my son and I in my mother's home. For the next few months he looked for work. I posted an ad on Craigslist on his behalf saying that he was available to do various odd jobs. He got some work, but didn't obtain full-time employment. He started taking GED classes (since he never finished High School) and got a part-time non-profit position with the help of the same organization that gave him a free room in the Avenues To Independence program. I was proud of him.

 

The feelings of trust and security in our relationship started suffering four months after his release. He ran into one of his old homies from his drug-dealing/car-stealing days and started hanging out with him. This concerned me but what could I do? I had to trust my man when he said he would never again do anything to jeopordize his freedom. However, he started coming home late at night and not being able to convincingly account for his whereabouts. I became suspicious, especially when his attitude towards me took a dramatic turn for the worst. One night I found scissors with the handle broken off and a crack rock in his coat pocket. I knew that he used scissors to break into old Toyota Camrys and that he used to sell rock cocaine, so my stomach got caught in my throat. When I confronted him with my find, he denied everything. He swore that the scissors meant nothing--they were just "junk". The crack rock belonged to his mother; she must have "put it in the pocket when she borrowed the coat". When I called his mother, she lied for him and took the blame.

 

Another time I found two movie ticket stubs and two vouchers for free admission to a strip club in North Beach. I began to suspect that he was cheating on me.

 

Two months of unsettling instances endured. And exactly six months after Albert got off the prison bus, he dumped me--saying he was no longer in love with me and that I deserved better. I was shocked and heartbroken. He started treating me very coldly. A week went by and he was still living with us, although he'd be out all night and ignore me when we were in the same room. I cried and begged for him to come back to me. It was so pathetic. 12 days after we broke up, he was arrested for stealing a car. He was just about to **** a girl he had been cheating on me with in a stolen camry when the cops pulled up and a high-speed police chase ensued. Albert was booked on numerous charges but took a deal. He was given a two year sentence. He called me while in booking and denied any involvement in the crime. He also begged me to forgive him for dumping him and said he still loved me. At this point, I didn't know anything about the case OR the girl he was cheating on me with. I found out the truths within a few weeks, however, and stopped accepting his collect calls. I never ONCE went to visit him while in the county jail and never went to his court appearances.

 

A few months went by and I met a new man--a single dad who had full physical and legal custody of his son, who was Michael's age. This man had an ex who cheated on him and abandoned their son--so to me, he seemed like a saint. It was very weird for me to have a new boyfriend since Albert was the only man in my life from the time I was 16 years old. Here I was newly 21, and my new boyfriend adored me and had his life togther (he had never been arrested and was a genuinely decent and good guy). He knew that Albert was in prison but never asked for details about our 4.5 years together, which was strange. He asked me to marry him and I turned him down. I cared for him but did not love him--I was still in love with Albert and had not yet closed the door to that part of my life. I was angry at Albert and swept him under the rug, so to speak; after all, as long as he was in prison, nothing had to be done concerning our relationship, anyway--especially since we couldn't even be together. But my feelings for him were "on hold" and not resolved. There was no closure, and I felt it was unfair to bring any kind of remaining "baggage" to my new relationship. As a result, my new boyfriend and I broke up after being together for only five and a half months.

 

Six months later, I heard from Albert. He called me out of the blue. He had already served 14 months of his sentence. Up until this point, we had only exchanged a few hurtful letters to each other. In these letters he made excuses for his poor behavior towards me and I lashed out at him for violating his parole and cheating on me with a "crazy skank-whore". But on this day in October 2003, we were calm. He asked me to give him another chance. He pleaded for me to give "us" another chance, for the sake of our little family. I accepted. For the next two weeks, he called me every single day and we talked about everything important. Since he happened to be on the mainline in Vacaville, only an hour and a half away, I even decided to visit him. My son and I visited him four times in the next two weeks. On the first day, we saw each other for the first time in 14 months--it was crazy! Michael was no longer a babbling toddler, he was nearly 4! And I was still so crazy about Albert. We have always had this sort of 'animal magnetism', I guess.

 

I fell in love with Albert all over again during these visits, but I was very clear about what I wanted in my future. I would NOT tolerate cheating, lying, or manipulation ever again. I would NOT support him if he violates his parole a second time and gets a third trip back to prison. We made promises to each other, laughed and cried together.

 

I should mention that even though I started to visit him, I never sent him ANY MONEY, not a cent!!

 

Just two weeks after our first visit in Vacaville, a riot broke out at the prison and Albert was, of course, involved. He was sliced with a razor on his cheek and sent to Administrative Segregation for the remainder of his sentence (which was eight months). I went to see him via non-contact visits a few times over the next five months, but didn't go regularly (or even monthly) because it was a long drive and lots of gas for just an hour-long visit. At one point he was transferred to Solano and I drove down there once, which was the last visit before he was released on June 20th 2004.

 

Although our visits were sparse and phone calls were no longer allowed as a result of his Ad. Seg. status, Albert and I wrote to each other regularly, and I sent him tons of pictures. On June 20th he called me from the bus station and told me he was on his way home. I went to pick him up at the station in the city and we talked in my car for two hours-- about what we both wanted and how we were going to make our relationship work and last, for good-- before I drove him to our home. He moved in and we began attempt #3 at a new and improved relationship. We started over.

 

Albert got a few part-time reasonably paying odd jobs in the first six weeks, and the three of us had a great summer going all over the Bay Area to parks, lakes, and swimming pools. In August he found full-time work. We made a budget and started to plan on getting our own place. We shared my car. I drove Albert to and from work and he drove me to and from school two nights a week. We were getting along and had amazing sex. Michael loved playing with his daddy and was very happy that were were a family. Things were good.

 

Even though he began his steady job, things started to get a little sketchy in August when Albert ran into a guy he grew up with (another felon on parole). He started playing basketball with this guy and a few of his buddies weekly. Every two weeks or so Albert would have "guys night out" with these basketball guys and come home a little too late for my comfort, but it was no big deal. It wasn't often enough to make an issue of it.

 

In early September Albert really pissed me off, however, when he spent hundreds of dollars of speakers and an amplifier (which he calls "beat") which he had installed in our car without consulting me first. I mean, we were poor and had a budget to stick to--we couldn't afford unecessary luxuries like speakers! We talked about it for an hour and that was it.

 

Besides Albert's occassional night outs with the boys and his frivolous speaker/system purchase, he and I were good. I was proud of him for working so hard every day (digging ditches for a plumbing company) and he was good about being at daddy to our son in the evenings and on weekends.

 

The rest of the summer went on without incident. We went to Tahoe for my 23rd birthday end of August and for Albert's 25th birthday a month later, I spolied him silly with dinner, a comedy club, a bay cruise, and an x-box with seven popular games.

 

Unfortunately, our relationship changed *dramatically* in October. He started playing basketball with his friends two or three times a week. He started going out almost every weekend. He stopped helping me clean the house and would balk at reading Michael his nightly bedtime story because he was too tired/lazy, even though he was only home a few nights a week during Michael's bedtime because of his nights out with friends. During the week, because I was in school twice a week until 9 and the other two or three nights Albert played basketball until 10pm, we never had time together before going to bed. On weekends I wanted to go out with Albert and Michael, but he had odd-jobs he had to do and at night he would go out late with his friends.

 

On Saturday October 23, I asked Albert to take me out. That week, he had seen his friends on Tuesday and Thursday while I was in school (he had Michael with him) and on Monday and Wednesday to play basketball (while I stayed home with Michael and put him to bed). He had also spent Friday night at a rap promotion with a buddy. That Saturday, I wanted US to have a night together. He refused, saying he had volunteered to pass out flyers for the Exotic Erotic Ball at the Cow Palace. I was furious. I asked him to cancel these plans and he refused. The more he insisted on leaving me to be home alone with Michael for the fifth night that week, the angrier I got. I decided to give him a taste of his own medicine. I decided to leave early that afternoon and not tell him where I was going. I yelled at Albert and cried as I left the house to go to the mall. I left Michael at home wth his dad and figured that as long as I wasn't home to watch Michael in time for Albert to leave in time for the ball that he would be forced to stay home and make it our night.

 

I was wrong. Albert simply dropped our son off at his parents place--a crack hotel in the Tenderloin. His dad called and was like, "Uh, are you coming to get Michael now?"

 

Albert had my car with him all night. He didn't call me once. I waited up for him all night. He never came. At noon the next day, he came home. I told him I wanted him to pack his **** and move out. He complied. That's when I started to get real. I told him that he was being an insensitive, inconsiderate jerk and that he had been spending too much time with his friends lately, and that it was my fault for not complaining about it until it went too far. I was trying so hard to not be the nagging/bitchy type of girlfriend that he was able to get away with too much and now I was feeling resentful.

 

I asked him if he loved me. He said, "I don't know". I couldn't believe it. He told me he wanted to move out for a while on his own and see if he missed me. He would invite me to come live with him once he was sure that he could be the commited "family man" that I deserved. I agreed to this. Five days went by. We didn't have any sex or share much affection. Every night he would come home from work and go to bed early. He didn't see his friends once, but there was a lot of tension. Things would never be the same.

 

On the fifth day he dumped me. He told me I deserved better and that he was no longer in love with me. I was beside myself. I asked questions which he could not answer. I cried and couldn't eat or sleep. I begged and pleaded.

 

Three weeks went by and he still hadn't moved out. He would come home after work and sleep in the other room three or four nights a week. He ate the food, did his laundry, and showered. He tried to f*** me a couple times. He would tell me things that lead me on and confused me, such as "One day I'll come to my senses and when I do I'll come and get you", "We are meant to be together-I just need to feel like a man before I can make you happy", and "I love you but I'm not over the guilt I feel for hurting you so many times in the past. I can't handle the guilt, and I fear that one day you will retaliate--and I won't be able to handle it. So I push you away in order to protect myself from getting hurt by you first". The next day he would completely contradict himself and tell me that he didn't want to be "tracked" and that he was a "bad boy" who wanted to do what he wanted without feeling guilty about it--such as sleeping with other women, spending his money on bull****, and hangin' with his homies all hours of the night.

 

Why did I allow him to continue staying in our house and driving my car? (yes he was still asking me drive him to work and to borrow my car) Because I thought he was out of his damn mind and just wanted a "break" to spend three or four nights a week out with his friends without feeling pressured or obligated to seek my approval. I figured that as soon as he had a few week's worth of back-to-back weekend partying with his "homies" that he would realize how lame and predictable that lifestyle really is and come crawling back to me. After all, I had always been the fun, sexy, hip girlfriend he claimed as his best friend! We were not only lovers but I was the only one who took care of him for freakin' years, dammit! Of course he would come back to me---I just needed to let him feel like he was roamin' free for a while, that's all--especially since he was only 25 and spent a total of five years locked up!

 

My thinking changed on November 22 when I heard Albert on the phone with one of his friends (the guy that called for Albert every single day asking him to "come out and play". I couldn't stand this guy). Albert was bragging about meeting some woman at a gas station. I didn't hear exactly what he was saying, but I figured out pretty quickly that Albert was already hooking up with other girls. When I confronted him he admitted that he was "getting numbers" and had already slept with a 19-year old who "has her own business and car". He said they were "getting to know each other" and that he was in a new relationship with her. I didn't get any other details than that, I swear.

 

I couldn't belive he was telling me this just three weeks after he dumped me and while he was still living in our house!

 

I kicked him out and went nuts.

 

What kind of girl would date a guy who just got out of prison?

What kind of girl would date a guy who was still living with his son and ex-girlfriend/baby's mama?

What kind of girl would f*** a guy after just meeting him?

What is her name?

What does she look like?

Where does she live?

What does she do?

How did they meet?

What is so great about her that Albert left me for her?

 

I became completely obssessed with these questions. They consumed me. I lost control of my emotions. Because I started thinking of killing him and couldn't trust myself, the very next day I took my son and flew to Canada to visit my sister and her family for emotional support. We stayed a week. I did a lot of crying and talking. My sister and I walked hand-in-hand through the forests of her British Columbian island as bald eagles soared above our heads. Albert was pissed that we left without warning but used that time to move into a a crack hotel on 6th street. We came home on December 1st. I dropped Michael off to see his dad three times in the next two weeks. We barely said a word to each other.

 

On Thursday December 16th, I dropped Michael off to see his dad a fourth time--to attend an AIDS foundation charity Christmas party with Albert and his mother (an ex heroin addict with full-blown AIDS) His mother hadn't seen me in a few weeks and asked me to join them, so I did. Albert had been cold or rude to me each of the three times we exchanged Michael and each time he called and we spoke briefly or when he left messages, so I wasn't surprised that he was wearing a mug on his face when we approached each other this night, but I ignored him. I was feeling foxy in a new sweater and jeans that made my butt look good. I figured that maybe I could make him lust after me a bit if I played the "I'm so confidant and happy without you" card. I smiled a lot and talked with his mother about my new job while at the party. Surprisingly, it worked! Albert desperately tried to get my attention--this after a whole MONTH of not seeing each other for more than a few moments during the weekly Michael drop-off/pick-up exchange in front of his hotel (he had never asked me up to his room, he would just strap Michael in after their few hours together and I would drive home).

 

While at the party, he cheerfully asked me how I was doing, gave me a lingering hug, and kneed me in the butt while we were standing in line for plates of food. While walking to my car so I could drive his mom home and drop Albert off at his hotel (yes, I offered--just to see what he would do while in my car with me), he put his arm around my shoulder. In the car he was squeezing and patting my thighs and grabbing at my crotch! I just laughed it off like, "Stop! I can't drive!" I was loving it. When I pulled up to his hotel he asked, "Do you wanna come up for a while? Ya know, just to see the room so you can know that Michael is safe when here?" Heh heh. "Yeah, sure!" I said, and parked. Up we went. Almost immediately he started to put the moves on me. He played with my hair, made me sit on his lap, he stuck his finger in my mouth, spooned me on the bed, tried to play with my nipples, suck on my neck, and make out with me. I let him do everything except get my clothes off and stick his tongue in my mouth. At one point as we were spooning (fully clothed, mind you) on his bed as our son played with the gifts he received from the party, he said, "I miss you". I pretended that I didn't hear it. When it was time to leave he tried so hard to get me to kiss him, but I refused. When I got home he called and said, "I'm sorry for being a jerk. I shouldn't have done all that. I just missed you. It won't happen again".

 

WHAT THE F***?!? I don't know why he was doing all that--it had been six weeks since he dumped me and three weeks since I kicked him out and we cut off regular contact with each other.

 

After that, Albert saw Michael two more times--on December 23rd and on December 24th. Albert was back to being a cold, rude *******. In fact, on Christmas Eve he had my son around one of his girlfriend's all day. I was pissed. I don't know anything about her but she drove Albert and Michael to my house so Albert could drop him off. She never got out of the car to show her face. I don't know anything about her accept that she drives a red car and lives in Marin. And according to my son, she has brown skin. Albert spent Christmas Day in Marin with his girlfriend.

 

In the entire month of December, Albert and I barely spoke. I NEVER called him and he mostly only called to say good-night to Michael (and I wouldn't answer my phone so he would leave it in a message). He only saw Michael six times. He never asked to have our son for more than a few hours a week and NEVER overnight. He has refused to arrange to see our son in advance-- it has only been at the last minute when he has no other plans, and I have driven our son to his dad's place and then picked him up. Visitation has never been allowed inside our home, as he is not welcome here. We even had the locks changed. He would never call ahead of time to make plans to see him. I didn't answer my phone when he called because, truthfully, I didn't want him to say good-night to Michael--it didn't do him any good. And I also didn't want to have to talk to him about anything, it was too painful; I was so jealous of his new girlfriend(s) and of how happy he was without me--so I let my voicemail pick up--and he was allowed the chance to say something like, "Hi it's me, calling to say good-night to Michael. Also, I'd like to see him on Thursday, so could you please call me to arrange a time? Thanks." No, he would only say, "Just calling to say good-night. Pease let him hear this message. Thanks."

 

After Christmas, in the week prior to New Year's, Albert called my cellphone threedifferent evenings and left mesages saying good-night to Michael. He didn't call at all on Thursday or Friday so I assumed he would just be partying the whole weekend and not make plans to see Michael. I was not prepared to just let Albert have Michael on New Year's Day at the last minute. However, Albert had different plans. On Saturday January 1st Michael and I were at home. I was taking a shower, and Michael was downstairs watching cartoons. Albert came over and started banging on the front door to the street. Then he jumped over the door into our patio and my son opened the door into our house. Albert walked in. I got out of the shower at this point and starting yelling at him to get out of our house and not to take Michael, especially since it wasn't arranged ahead of time. He yelled "**** you, bitch, I'm taking him!" I yelled that I was going to call the cops on him if he left with Michael and he told me to "Go aheah!"

 

He left with my Michael, driving off in a car I've never seen before without Michael in a car seat. I didn't know where they were going, who they were with, or what they were going to do. I called the cops. They arrived and I was taken to the station to file a report. Albert was there as I walked in and he called me a "stupid bitch". One officer told me that a 19-year-old white girl was in the car with him, supposedly his girlfriend. I'm still trying to find out of this is the same girl he's been going to Marin with. My son says there are two girls he's met--the one in Marin has brown skin. The 19-year old is white. Poor kid is probably just confused! Anyway, at the station I wrote a statement and two charges were pressed against him:

 

PC 278.5 which is Violation of Custody and Burlary. Both charges were dropped.

The day after Albert was arrested I spoke with one of his friends, who told me that Albert has been selling drugs part-time. Because of this, I have decided to get full custody of Michael and not allow Albert access to him. Albert has been such a dick to me since we broke up and he has done nothing to prove that Michael is his number one priority. It's like he lost any kind of resect for me overnight, and I don't want my son to see his father as a dru-dealing womanizer/player. Albert's employer has fired him and I'm hoping that his 19-year-old girlfriend realizes what she's gotten herself into and dumps Albert. If this is the same girl that lives in Marin, maybe she's had enough of playing around with the "bad boy fron Frisco". I truly hope that Albert is humbled by this little stint in jail and that, even though he must really ****in' hate me now because I sent his ass back to jail just as he was starting to "feel like a man" with his job, hotel room, and little girlfriend(s), that he take a look at himself and realizes that he's really done me wrong and that I deserve more reseoct. How dare he flaunt his girlfriends in front of me by having my son hang around them? How dare he refuse to pay me child support? How dare he only ask to see his son a few hours a week, if that? He's been such a cocky, inconsiderate, insensitive and arrogant bastard lately, as if he's got all these feelings of 'entitlement' or something. What an ungreatful prick. I hope he does at least a year in prison. In myu effort to help him get the max sentence for parole violation, I reported drugs that I just found in my backyard (left by him) and photographs depicting him using a crossbow and arrow recently (a violation!).

 

I went to the hotel he was living at and I spoke with the owner. She told me that a white round-faced blonde girl would regularly visit Albert at the hotel. This must be the 19-year-old. The owner also said that she didn't knw the girl's name because she doesn't have ID! What?!? If this is the same girl who owns a business, drives a red car and lives in Marin, she has an ID (her license!). Anyway, this girl came and got all of Albert's stuff. I wonder if she will support him while he's locked up!

 

Quite the story, interesting and gripping nonetheless,

You've done all you can so far, don't stop for the rest!

[mortensorchid]

I am exhausted after reading this, as I am sure you are as well. Granted, I am a 43 year old woman and you are still in your early 20s. You have a long way to go in life. You think you are an adult, buy you're really not. Your mentality is still very much that of a teenager's when you are the age that you (and Albert) are. Trust me.

 

All of that being said, do yourself a favor by closing the book and moving on from him. You will be bound to this guy because he is the father of your child, true, but let him make the first moves when it comes to seeing you or your child. He has his issues but he they are not yours to fix. Fact.