Four long years

[Tiredofworrying]

Just recently found out my husband 15 years was cheating on me.

And just yesterday he and I told our son that he was moving out. My son's only question was "forever?". Then he started sobbing.

Any of you that has gone thru this knows the dark hole seeing your child cry over this leaves in your heart.

I spent (feels like wasted) four years suspecting my dh was cheating. I found many traces of circumstantial evidence. Stuff that made many women walk out right then and there. But I loved the man. He had been my bff for many years. And he made me believe I was paranoid, insecure, possessive, crazy, etc. So I stayed. And each time I'd go looking for something, I'd find something else. But it was never bulletproof evidence, at least in my head, so I stayed.

I was so close to catching them so many times, but I was always afraid of getting too close and getting caught. Or maybe of just seeing them together and falling apart.

Have any of you felt this way?

I called private investigators many times, but they all wanted $1500 just to get started. Most of us don't have that kind of $ laying around. So I kept living in the dark.

I went thru depression. Not sleeping. Drinking too much. Hiding from friends due to embarrassment and just sheer disgust with myself and my situation.

I live in a small city but I think if there was someone I could have contacted to help me find out the truth, I would have called on them right away. But

it couldn't be a friend; that's too much too ask and too embarrassing. A PI was too expensive.

What if I could help other women/men find out what they need, using all the investigating skills I learned from the past four years?!

I really feel someone out there could use this kind of help.

 

But I really don't know for sure. I'm sending out this survey thru Facebook and other social media. But I thought this site would be the best place.

A lot of you have gone thru this. You know how it feels. You know the pain, the long nights, the darkness.

I want to hear from you guys. If nothing else, it would make me feel a little less crazy. A little less paranoid. Maybe help me start up again. I feel so utterly alone. So stupid.

 

https://goo.gl/forms/fW26FxuWFzYNzU7N2

Edited June 9, 2018 by Tiredofworrying

[somanymistakes]

just fyi, a brand-new user linking to an unknown site with a URL shorterner is going to make a lot of people nervous that this is spam/scam/virus stuff.

[adna89]

was it with just 1 woman? or many? if its the second its a bit easier

 

a friend recently found out her husband cheated for 5 years with another woman,a woman from his work,,now he wants her to forgive says he regrets everything and so on,but 5 whole years:rolleyes:

[Malin889]

You should not feel stupid. He should. How did you eventually find out? Please don’t ever take him back. Divorce and move on.

[FMW]

You absolutely shouldn't feel stupid. It's incredibly hard to wrap your head around something like that after so many years.

 

I was married for 23 years, my xH cheated during much of it, both online EAs and actual PAs, including escorts and ONS. We didn't have children but I still found it incredibly difficult to accept the reality. As you experienced, I had many clues but never any hard evidence. I can't explain it now, seems ridiculous, but it took me a really long time to say enough is enough. He would have been happy to stay married and kept the stability and security of "home". I finally woke up and ended it.

 

As a wife and especially a mother you do what you have to do to keep your family together. Divorce after many years is a life altering event, and with a child involved it's certainly not something to take lightly. Again, don't ever feel stupid.