Why do MM try to suck OW/MW back in?

[S2B]

And they are lazy! It's easier for them to reel their prior OW back in than it is to search out new possible weak women and spend loads of time and energy grooming a new one.

Edited June 14, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language ~T

[ladydesigner]

Why do MM try to suck OW/MW back in?

 

It's actually very simple... because they can.

 

Same reason they suck us BS's back into the M... because they can.

 

Until one says no more either the OW or the BS the MM will do what they want because ... they can.

[jah526]

It's actually very simple... because they can.

 

Same reason they suck us BS's back into the M... because they can.

 

Until one says no more either the OW or the BS the MM will do what they want because ... they can.

 

I'm reminded of that saying that the one who cares the least in any relationship is the one with the most power. It's usually the MM who cares the least (and the OW usually too much), so he has the most power. Now if this were a decent person, he would realize (as Blues alluded to somewhere) that he had the most power and not take advantage. But with wandering MM, we aren't really talking about decent people are we?

[Overtaxed]

I'm reminded of that saying that the one who cares the least in any relationship is the one with the most power. It's usually the MM who cares the least (and the OW usually too much), so he has the most power. Now if this were a decent person, he would realize (as Blues alluded to somewhere) that he had the most power and not take advantage. But with wandering MM, we aren't really talking about decent people are we?

 

Actually, in most A's, there's a big power flip when it crosses from EA to PA. In the EA stage, the AP who's sexually motivated (usually the guy) cares a LOT more about the relationship. Because they aren't getting what they want from it, they will put in a ton of time/effort to "suck in" the other AP. Once it crosses to PA, the situation often reverses, now the sexually motivated AP is getting what they want and start to care less. The AP who want's "something more" now becomes the one trying to advance the relationship and the power is transferred to the AP who's out for sex because they are getting what they want and "care less" about the relationship and about advancing it.

 

I can see this in my behavior dating years ago, I'd kill myself to make the right moves, make the right impression and say the right things to have sex. Once sex was happening though, I started to slack off, it didn't matter as much anymore, and, if I the going got tougher, I'd move on and kill myself with someone new to get a new sexual partner. With the exception of my W, I've never killed myself to stay in a relationship, if I was going to do that much work, I might as well do it with someone new and get all the "fun/awesome sex" that comes from a new person. I suspect many AP's do the same thing; if this becomes too much work after sex is happening, I'll find someone else.

[jah526]

Actually, in most A's, there's a big power flip when it crosses from EA to PA. In the EA stage, the AP who's sexually motivated (usually the guy) cares a LOT more about the relationship. Because they aren't getting what they want from it, they will put in a ton of time/effort to "suck in" the other AP. Once it crosses to PA, the situation often reverses, now the sexually motivated AP is getting what they want and start to care less. The AP who want's "something more" now becomes the one trying to advance the relationship and the power is transferred to the AP who's out for sex because they are getting what they want and "care less" about the relationship and about advancing it.

 

I can see this in my behavior dating years ago, I'd kill myself to make the right moves, make the right impression and say the right things to have sex. Once sex was happening though, I started to slack off, it didn't matter as much anymore, and, if I the going got tougher, I'd move on and kill myself with someone new to get a new sexual partner. With the exception of my W, I've never killed myself to stay in a relationship, if I was going to do that much work, I might as well do it with someone new and get all the "fun/awesome sex" that comes from a new person. I suspect many AP's do the same thing; if this becomes too much work after sex is happening, I'll find someone else.

 

Good points, and ones women in general should be mindful of. Once sex starts happening, your power in the relationship diminishes while his increases (unless he's in love, which also makes one vulnerable). That's the tricky bit for women, figuring out when he's in love, which is why it's so important to watch the actions, and not get pressured into rushing things.

[lftbehind]

Actually, in most A's, there's a big power flip when it crosses from EA to PA. In the EA stage, the AP who's sexually motivated (usually the guy) cares a LOT more about the relationship. Because they aren't getting what they want from it, they will put in a ton of time/effort to "suck in" the other AP. Once it crosses to PA, the situation often reverses, now the sexually motivated AP is getting what they want and start to care less. The AP who want's "something more" now becomes the one trying to advance the relationship and the power is transferred to the AP who's out for sex because they are getting what they want and "care less" about the relationship and about advancing it.

 

I can see this in my behavior dating years ago, I'd kill myself to make the right moves, make the right impression and say the right things to have sex. Once sex was happening though, I started to slack off, it didn't matter as much anymore, and, if I the going got tougher, I'd move on and kill myself with someone new to get a new sexual partner. With the exception of my W, I've never killed myself to stay in a relationship, if I was going to do that much work, I might as well do it with someone new and get all the "fun/awesome sex" that comes from a new person. I suspect many AP's do the same thing; if this becomes too much work after sex is happening, I'll find someone else.

 

I guess the takeaway from this is if you want a guy to keep treating you well and putting effort into your relationship, don't have sex with him. It's too bad that we have to play these games and it makes me wonder why have sex at all if that's the way that a lot of men look at it. I've went out with plenty of guys who have acted like this and it really hurts when they treat you that way.

[Overtaxed]

I guess the takeaway from this is if you want a guy to keep treating you well and putting effort into your relationship, don't have sex with him. It's too bad that we have to play these games and it makes me wonder why have sex at all if that's the way that a lot of men look at it. I've went out with plenty of guys who have acted like this and it really hurts when they treat you that way.

 

Won't work for that long, because, eventually, the guy will wise up and/or get the message (you're in the friend zone) and move on. However, the real message here is much more simple and focused; don't expect good treatment in an A and don't be surprised when the sexually motivated AP get's what they are after if they pull back and stop providing what the other AP is looking for. Or, generalizing further, don't have an A if you're not looking for NSA sex, because, in most cases, that's what it actually is.

[somanymistakes]

Won't work for that long, because, eventually, the guy will wise up and/or get the message (you're in the friend zone) and move on.

 

"I won't have sex with you until you're willing to actually date me."

 

"WOE, I've been FRIENDZONED!!!"

 

"... dude, you friendzoned me, you're the one refusing to date me."

[lftbehind]

Won't work for that long, because, eventually, the guy will wise up and/or get the message (you're in the friend zone) and move on. However, the real message here is much more simple and focused; don't expect good treatment in an A and don't be surprised when the sexually motivated AP get's what they are after if they pull back and stop providing what the other AP is looking for. Or, generalizing further, don't have an A if you're not looking for NSA sex, because, in most cases, that's what it actually is.

 

Unfortunately, I think you're right. That's what a lot of men do. I think that one has a right to expect good treatment in any kind of relationship. So when the sexually motivated AP get's what they're after and pull back and stop providing what the other AP is looking for, the sex should then stop. At that point, I don't see any point in being friends with them, either.

[BourneWicked]

"I won't have sex with you until you're willing to actually date me."

 

"WOE, I've been FRIENDZONED!!!"

 

"... dude, you friendzoned me, you're the one refusing to date me."

 

HA love this...

[Overtaxed]

I think that one has a right to expect good treatment in any kind of relationship.

 

You can expect whatever you want, but that in no way means your gonna get it. You can sit around and complain that the wanna be rock star with a drinking problem and 25 girl friends won't stop sleeping with his groupies. Or that your devoutly religious wife won't have a threesome with you. But, in all three of these cases, you'd be very misinformed about affairs, rock stars and devoutly religious women.

 

I know this line of discussion always causes a bit of a stir, but most A's are as close as your typical woman will get to being a prostitute. No, it's not for money, it's for something else, but as complex as we all like to make it, it's a pretty pure trade, you tell me what I want to hear, I sleep with you. And, much like a prostitute, the men you engage in those kinds of transactions with aren't going to be of the best caliber. Most importantly, they are going to have little/no respect for you, which is honestly why prostitutes have so many bad things happen to them, it's not just that men are bad, it's that the men have no respect for the women they are sleeping with. An A is very much like this in many ways.

 

I've said this many times, but if you heard how men I know talk about the AP's they've been with in the past, you'd never consider it. It's a relationship built on lies and deceit, respect is not borne from either of those places, and, as such, men don't have a whole lot of nice things to say about their APs (in my experience) outside of their sexual menu/prowess.

 

An A is an inherently disrespectful relationship. Sure, you can hope it changes, hope it's not that way, and you can work to change it. But much like my earlier examples; good luck.

[Artdeco]

You can expect whatever you want, but that in no way means your gonna get it. You can sit around and complain that the wanna be rock star with a drinking problem and 25 girl friends won't stop sleeping with his groupies. Or that your devoutly religious wife won't have a threesome with you. But, in all three of these cases, you'd be very misinformed about affairs, rock stars and devoutly religious women.

 

I know this line of discussion always causes a bit of a stir, but most A's are as close as your typical woman will get to being a prostitute. No, it's not for money, it's for something else, but as complex as we all like to make it, it's a pretty pure trade, you tell me what I want to hear, I sleep with you. And, much like a prostitute, the men you engage in those kinds of transactions with aren't going to be of the best caliber. Most importantly, they are going to have little/no respect for you, which is honestly why prostitutes have so many bad things happen to them, it's not just that men are bad, it's that the men have no respect for the women they are sleeping with. An A is very much like this in many ways.

 

I've said this many times, but if you heard how men I know talk about the AP's they've been with in the past, you'd never consider it. It's a relationship built on lies and deceit, respect is not borne from either of those places, and, as such, men don't have a whole lot of nice things to say about their APs (in my experience) outside of their sexual menu/prowess.

 

An A is an inherently disrespectful relationship. Sure, you can hope it changes, hope it's not that way, and you can work to change it. But much like my earlier examples; good luck.

 

Not every relationship is the same, and the same applies to affairs. If you have an affair partner who disrespects you, then he most likely also disrespects his wife. Because all he wants is the best and the most of everything, no matter where it comes from.

 

However, there are cases, mine included, were the married affair partner has been unhappy for a while, looking for other things, and, whether legit or not, that’s what they act upon. They will engage in an affair, and then they will find out that they would be much happier with somebody else, and whether or not it is going to work out in the future, it’s still something they want to explore and it’s their right to do so. So don’t act like every affair is the same - because it’s not. People get married for a reason. People change. The reasons change. They meet somebody else. And then they want somebody else. Or something else. And then they may or may not act on it. Will it involve drama/trauma? Sure. Will everybody be prepared to go through that? No. But some will. And some will succeed, and some will fail. That’s the beauty of life.

[Overtaxed]

Not every relationship is the same, and the same applies to affairs. If you have an affair partner who disrespects you, then he most likely also disrespects his wife. Because all he wants is the best and the most of everything, no matter where it comes from.

 

However, there are cases, mine included, were the married affair partner has been unhappy for a while, looking for other things, and, whether legit or not, that’s what they act upon. They will engage in an affair, and then they will find out that they would be much happier with somebody else, and whether or not it is going to work out in the future, it’s still something they want to explore and it’s their right to do so. So don’t act like every affair is the same - because it’s not. People get married for a reason. People change. The reasons change. They meet somebody else. And then they want somebody else. Or something else. And then they may or may not act on it. Will it involve drama/trauma? Sure. Will everybody be prepared to go through that? No. But some will. And some will succeed, and some will fail. That’s the beauty of life.

 

You are right, not all A's are the same. And some will succeed. However, we have the statistics on it, and they are pretty awful, very few will lead to happy/long term marriages. In a way, you're making the argument for playing the lottery; there are SOME winning tickets out there. Someone has to buy them, and thereby, someone will win. All true statements; but, all those statements (and yours) neglects the statistics that underlie buying a lotto ticket. The chances are very high that you won't win on an particular ticket you buy. Yes, if you buy enough tickets, eventually you will win, but at what cost? And most importantly, everyone thinks their ticket (or horse, or number on a roulette wheel; pick whatever particular endevor that directly preys on people who aren't good at math) is the winner. Almost all are wrong.

 

The same can be said of A's. A's provide exactly one thing with a high degree of confidence, sex with someone new. Might be great sex, might be awful, but almost all A's are going to provide that (minus an EA, of course). A's also are pretty good at providing the kind of sex you don't get from your H/W, kinky sex, sex in public etc. Not all, but many. Finally, most A's will give you someone who's willing to say anything to you, tell you whatever you want to hear, and give you massive amounts of ego kibbles. If that's not what you want, if that's not what you're after, then you have very little chance of finding it in an A. You might, there are always exceptions. But you're looking for a winning lotto ticket, there aren't many of them out there.