GemmaUK Posted June 12, 2018 Share Posted June 12, 2018 Ditto to Andy's questions. But also, explain 'always joke around'? I can see that might well become a drag after dating for a month but having no details I'm only putting my own perception on it here. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted June 12, 2018 Share Posted June 12, 2018 Leigh and Woggle have nailed it. I usually keep a distance when they come on too strong at the beginning. Impulsive is dangerous, they can vanish just as quickly.. they build up an entire relationship and future plans based on fantasy before their true feelings have a chance to catch up, then they panick and bail. They’re not nice, just confused and lugging around some baggage and passing some on if you fall for their trap. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 12, 2018 Share Posted June 12, 2018 OP, given your other threads about your ex, I have to wonder if these guys sense you're still emotionally attached to an ex or otherwise distracted. I don't mean you're talking about your ex on these dates, but you might well be giving on an impression that you're not open to meeting new people yet. Even if they don't know anything about your ex, people can often pick up on non-verbal cues when someone isn't ready to date or is still hurting from a break-up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 12, 2018 Share Posted June 12, 2018 The reason these guys ghost is because thanks to online dating they have so many options. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 12, 2018 Share Posted June 12, 2018 Need more information. How old are you? How are you meeting/selecting guys? How attractive are you, objectively speaking? What sort of area do you live in? All these factors will have a big impact on your subjective experience of dating, and the ways you can start to address your problems Yes give us the answers to the above questions and maybe that will shed some light for us to help you. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 12, 2018 Share Posted June 12, 2018 If dating was so easy for people that they could find a good partner when they snapped their fingers, there wouldn't be much traffic on this website. You must give it time... as they say, kiss a lot of frogs... All you can do is decide what you want, put yourself out there, and wait for the guy who treats you the way you want to be treated to come along... It's a longer wait for some than others. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaronChairman Posted June 12, 2018 Share Posted June 12, 2018 How is one proper and blunt? Proper means dressing neatly, even if it's only jeans and a T-shirt; using good manners; never losing your cool in public over problems you can't control; and treating others with the same dignity you would treat your friends with. Blunt is a way of speaking; it means being straightforward and tactically honest (as opposed to brutally honest). Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted June 12, 2018 Share Posted June 12, 2018 No disrespect, but if you are even half as impetuous in real life as you are online, then there is no way any decent guy is going to hang around for that.. You started like 10 threads based on the same issue..You are all over the place.. Unless you are a 10/10 in looks/body, most good and desirable guys like women who are generally calm in nature...Even the better looking ones with these traits eventually get ditched by most guys... My guess is you are giving off the same vibe to these guys and they are rejecting you for it...Just try to be more calm and self assured..don't obsess over these things and concentrate on other areas of your life.. Sorry in advance if you find my comments offensive, but I am really just trying to help.. TFY 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 12, 2018 Share Posted June 12, 2018 The only way you gain respect is if you respect yourself. It all starts and ends with YOU. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted June 12, 2018 Share Posted June 12, 2018 I believe the below post is on point and also that you are not over your ex are both huge reasons. Take some time to yourself, heal, get some therapy if needs be but learn to be happy and confident alone first. No disrespect, but if you are even half as impetuous in real life as you are online, then there is no way any decent guy is going to hang around for that.. You started like 10 threads based on the same issue..You are all over the place.. Unless you are a 10/10 in looks/body, most good and desirable guys like women who are generally calm in nature...Even the better looking ones with these traits eventually get ditched by most guys... My guess is you are giving off the same vibe to these guys and they are rejecting you for it...Just try to be more calm and self assured..don't obsess over these things and concentrate on other areas of your life.. Sorry in advance if you find my comments offensive, but I am really just trying to help.. TFY Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 12, 2018 Share Posted June 12, 2018 The only way you gain respect is if you respect yourself. It all starts and ends with YOU. This advice is very wise. If you respect yourself, you won't allow someone to treat you badly. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 12, 2018 Share Posted June 12, 2018 What does it look like to be respected? They don't abuse your time and resources. They don't impose anything on you but they ask first if it's ok with you. They keep their promises. They say thank you a lot. When you do them a favor they return the favor by doing something nice for you. They consider your feelings all the time. They speak to you with kindness. They listen to what you have to say and make compromise to make the both of you happy. They keep the private things of your relationship private. They don't confront you in front of people. . 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 12, 2018 Share Posted June 12, 2018 This advice is very wise. If you respect yourself, you won't allow someone to treat you badly. A lot of people don't know what it is to respect themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 12, 2018 Share Posted June 12, 2018 How is one proper and blunt? Proper means you are calm and use a polite language without name calling or swearing. Blunt means you are honest and tell the truth the way it is. I remember dating someone 4-5 years ago that had borrowed money from me and was never able to pay me back. One day he asked to borrow a small amount like $80. So I told him in a very *proper and blunt* way: No, I am sorry from now on you cannot borrow money from me and if you want we continue dating there will never be *money borrowing* between us again. I was polite, I did not get mad = proper But I was honest and told him no more money = blunt We continued dating, after we broke up we remained good friends for 3-4 years till I met my current boyfriend and he never again tried to borrow money. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 12, 2018 Share Posted June 12, 2018 Nice guys don't ghost. If they are genuinely nice people they don't just up & disappear. Polite people say this isn't working & then go away so you aren't left wondering. Your issue is two fold. Men you think are interest ghost. And you keep plugging away at OLD thinking the next guy will be different. Get off OLD. It's really easy to blow off somebody who you only know through a computer. It's harder to be so callous & cavalier if you met them IRL. Based upon your other threads about respect, part of it is you may be too invested too early. Instead of putting any stock in these people go in with a casual devil may care attitude. You back off & make them prove they are worthy to date you. After the 1st meeting your only thought should be whether you want a 2nd date. For at least the 1st month you never project beyond the next date & you do not have daily contact. You want to be aloof & mysterious. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 12, 2018 Share Posted June 12, 2018 The guys who lose interest in you......did you think there was a terrific connection with all of them and were surprised by them quitting? If you were really happy with all the guys, then a problem could be that you're likely giving off a desperate vibe in thinking that everyone is great. However, if your connections with each one were a bit off, then it's normal for it to not continue. Don't be sad about not being able to keep a person who you weren't clicking with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riot21 Posted June 12, 2018 Author Share Posted June 12, 2018 Riot you have 4 or 5 threads going this morning all asking pretty much the same type of questions. Why not include all of your questions in one thread so you will get more responses? People are getting confused. Hey, just trying to help. Yeah you’re right. Sorry. I wish I could combine them now Link to post Share on other sites
Tristian Posted June 12, 2018 Share Posted June 12, 2018 (edited) Yeah you’re right. Sorry. I wish I could combine them now Ask and you shall receive. Folks, I've consolidated Riot21s general threads on dating here to make it a little easier to follow along. There may be some overlap from before the merge that I may have missed. Feel free to let us know. Riot21, now that your threads are combined you may decide you'd like the title changed. If that is the case just send us an alert with your new title and we'll get it fixed up for you. ~T Edited June 12, 2018 by Tristian 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted June 13, 2018 Share Posted June 13, 2018 Yeah you’re right. Sorry. I wish I could combine them now That is good that the moderator combined your threads. Meanwhile, I think people are getting frustrated with your threads in that you are also doing something else: When you don't like the advice that you are being given, instead of acknowledging that, you just make a new thread, leaving out what you know are crucial details, so you will get the advice you want to hear. It's like you are intentionally trying to mislead people. I mean, the near-unanimous response is that you clearly are not over your ex, that you are not ready to date. Yet you haven't acknowledged ANY of that. Something for you to consider. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted June 13, 2018 Share Posted June 13, 2018 Gaining a man's respect is easy enough, just be yourself, honest and forthright, Love him with all your heart, and continue to love him, even after a stupid fight, Losing a man's respect, well, that's the part that often goes awry, It's like promising to tell the truth after you've already lied! Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted June 13, 2018 Share Posted June 13, 2018 So you still have feelings for the ex? The other posts are all on the money. I think your sensor-radar is off. You seem to be looking for someone with the slightest bit of interest. Well if you really want to date long term, you need to go step by step to see if the other person really is someone you want to date, and who wants to date and is mature enough to date ... and is a good fit for you ....This is the radar you want to develop. Link to post Share on other sites
Only-yours Posted June 15, 2018 Share Posted June 15, 2018 I’m a very giving and forgiving person. I give all of myself to others and enjoy making others happy, sometimes at my own expense. How do I make a man I am interested have respect for me and not take advantage of this trait I have? I'm also a very kind, romantic, and affectionate person. The only difference is that I am a man. I would also want my woman to not take advantage of this trait of mine. However, my friends always tell me that women will take advantage of this trait of mine and get things turn their own ways. Currently, I am seeking a woman who would not take advantage of my kindness and affection and accept my love and affection for her. Unfortunately, such people are very few in this world. This might be the reason why I have not found any woman yet. But I am quite optimistic about finding the girl of my dreams. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 16, 2018 Share Posted June 16, 2018 #1 Drop the eagerness to be accepted. What men look for? Someone sexy, flirty, fun, relaxed, intelligent, focused, witty, and confident. And smile! lean in, play with your hair or tuck behind your ear, light touch on the hand or arm, laugh, giggle, be playful. Show some leg, wear the latest trends...this year it's beautiful florals, sweet chunk heels, open toe shoes, so sexy. Initiate conversation, touching, compliment, make suggestions to see them again. Guys like a women to take the lead once in awhile. Show a little aggression or intensity sexually (kinda like, when they lean if for a kiss, pull them in hard). Me likey that kind of stuff lol. But at the same time, be mysterious. Don't tell them every single detail about you and what you like and crap. Keep it short and sweet. Tell them a funny story instead, friendly banter, some innuendo....fun stuff. Guys don't like, talk of exes, nervousness, poor eye contact, lack of flow in conversation, negative topics, looking at your phone, no sex appeal, stiff body language, poor maintenance of appearance like not having your hair or nails done, frumpy outfits, photos, etc. **Guys don't like negative or somber attitude, or having to do all the chasing. TBH I think it's your mindset.....you need to change. Try doing yoga, or go to some stretching classes, get a massage, even try meditation, and find a new hobby like photography.....something that is creative, and you can express yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gone_girl Posted June 16, 2018 Share Posted June 16, 2018 In my earlier years I was quite eager to please the men I was really into and I always ended up being taken for granted. But no-one is one-dimensional, and I'm also the kind of person to grow tired and bored without stimulation. So I always ended up confusing them with my seemingly sudden decision to break things off. Then they wouldn't leave me alone. I think my biggest mistake every time was selecting the man I thought I wanted instead of considering who's interested and what they would do for me. Many times I'm thinking how much more happier I may have been if I actually let a man win me over by proving his interest and worth. Link to post Share on other sites
Whodatdog Posted June 17, 2018 Share Posted June 17, 2018 People will have respect for you when you respect yourself. How do you do that? By not being a pushover, by not saying yes to everything asked of you, by understanding that saying "no" to something will not make people not like you. By being kind and giving without losing your self respect, by keeping your values and living by them. By understanding that a relationship is a two way street. If you are not getting treated the way you think you deserve, that you arent afraid to say "enough" and walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
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