Dealing with the hurt

[Atlas348]

I'm not too sure why I decided to make an account here, I guess I jsut wanted a place to vent/seek advice/ share how I've been feeling with other people.

 

 

In March this year my long-term girlfriend (6 years) and I broke up. We met back in highschool and started dating after we graduated and I honestly thought we would stay together forever and had often talked about marriage- something that we planned to really work towards over this year and next.

We shared everything with each other and I really loved her, and I always thought she felt the same. She was "strongly catholic" and really stood by her beliefs- or so i thought. After I was with her for a while I began going to church with her as well and finding my own faith.

Because she was Catholic she wanted to wait until marriage before having sex, although this isn't what i wanted. I loved her and said I would wait because I knew her religion was important to her... so that only made it more painful when I found out she had cheated on me multiple times over the month before the break up.

Prior to the breakup we were going through a few problems, namely some inappropriate things she was doing, but we talked about them and we both agreed things were getting better. We said we'd both work to fix things but I guess I was the only one trying. I feel like, looking back, she was just toying with my emotions.

 

 

I was left feeling devastated and still do. I don't know what to do with myself anymore I'm at my wits end.

 

 

 

This whole ordeal has had such a negative impact on my life- my personality and otherwise. From this incident I developed major depressive disorder and I'm being medicated for that. I've attempted suicide once since then, but I can hardly count a day when I don't consider it again.

 

I really hate this feeling.

 

 

 

Since it happened I've really tried to use it as an opportunity to better myself, I've started working a bit more and taken up a new hobby. I'm also trying to learn a new language and have made teaching overseas a goal for myself to try work towards over the next few years.

Sometimes things are fine, I feel happy and can go about my life, but the negative feelings never leave. They always come back, somedays it's so bad I can't bring myself to do anything. It brings my mood down and really affects my work. I'm reluctant to go back to my old job as I don't want the children to have to deal with me when I get like this (I'm a Primary School Teacher).

 

I met someone really amazing a few weeks ago and we tried dating, but things just felt different for me, she was a great person but I just didn't feel like I could connect with or come to love her in the same way as my ex, I don't feel like I can trust again.

 

 

I'm sorry if I've repeated myself or made mistakes I'm writing this in a fit of emotion now too. I just don't know what to do, this whole ordeal has affected my life in so many ways, and it feels like the pain will never cease.

Edited June 12, 2018 by Atlas348

[preraph]

Oh, I'm so sorry what happened with your girlfriend. She wasn't being honest, and that's on her. I think it's possible you were with each other long enough that she lost attraction for you. You know, it can happen. It's just sad you never had sex after hanging in there. Anyway, very hurtful, I know.

 

Well, you've done the right thing to get on with your life and improve your self and staying busy and all. I've dealt with depression and I know how frozen it can make you. As long as you are making yourself put one foot in front of the other, you are doing good and will walk yourself out of it. It's unlikely any two women will do what this one did. But it's also a numbers game out there on dating apps and you may be better off just getting out and trying to meet women who share some of your interests and date in real life instead. You might look into local meetup groups for your hobbies and go that route, though it's a crap shoot as well.

 

If you have a house with a backyard, I think getting a couple of rescue dogs is the answer to everything. Daily joy, faithful love.

 

Good luck. You'll be okay because you want to be okay.