What does a wife do?

[Wildcat01]

I am an unhappily married woman and I had a year long affair with an unhappily married man. I am 35 and he is 51. At first, he seemed wonderful and after a few months we decided we needed to make plans to move in. Shortly after he became insecure, jealous over things that were not even real, and would get so angry it was like I was either all good or all bad. We started to fight and he tried to kill himself. He is a police officer so I turned him in over the suicide and his angry behaviors which devastated our relationship.

 

We routinely had relations in his home when his wife was gone, in a separate bedroom he had moved into. We did this when we started to argue because our arguments a d his outbursts put us on the rocks. I believe he is a borderline male as I am a borderline. We both cut, we both want to to die, we both go off the deep end.

 

I got mad when he called me very bad names which he will never apologize for and told his wife. I was done and told her. She contacted me on Facebook. Now, I am 35 and she is actually 60! And he has had numerous affairs to which, I don't care. He used to joke his wife would die if she knew he was leaving her for me (beginning) because I'm so younger than her and I am told by numerous people I am beautiful. I think I'm pretty but I get beautiful a lot. Which might make her more jealous.

 

I often wonder if she checks my Facebook page often? They are still married. We tried to talk again and it went south so now we are no longer speaking and I will not again. He said "We always will be together" because we always get back together. But this time I won't.

 

I posted some of our texts on my FB page because homestly, he made terrible comments about an assault I had suffered and I was so hurt I don't even care what happens to him or his marriage. But, a part of me wants the wife to see these texts by "lurking". Because I want her to get onto him and make his life heck.

 

How often to wives "lurk"? I confessed to her we had sex in their home. So, she wasn't very happy. My husband is aware and has been for some time. This time I asked he ask him to never contact me again. And he said he was going to when his lawyer was present. I don't want to get hoovered. And I do hoovering...so I want to be sure we can't hover. Plus, my husband said if I do it again he's taking my money away and kicking me out. Yeah, no way this man who won't even apologize to me is worth losing my money. Or rather, my husband's money.

 

I would text them to her myself but it's getting to the point I told him he made me feel dirty to even touch me and he is blocking me. So....I don't want to harass her.

Edited June 13, 2018 by Wildcat01

[Wildcat01]

And yes I have a doctor for my issues. He seems to make me want to self harm. He is bad for me.

 

He has a doctor but he's so easily angered we can't be together. We are like an explosion. I do believe this was one relationship we would have left our spouses for (rare) but we never could find a way to work out our anger issues together. And both felt we would fight and he was afraid it would fall apart and we can't handle two failed marriages.

[Prudence V]

 

I often wonder if she checks my Facebook page often? <snip>

 

I posted some of our texts on my FB page because homestly, he made terrible comments about an assault I had suffered and I was so hurt I don't even care what happens to him or his marriage. But, a part of me wants the wife to see these texts by "lurking". Because I want her to get onto him and make his life heck.

 

How often to wives "lurk"?

 

<snip>

So....I don't want to harass her.

 

 

To answer your question, I’m sure it varies from person to person. My H’s xBW used to stalk me a great deal on social media, even though I had my profiles locked down. Others don’t look at all because they find it triggering. If she’s decided to stay with him, she may have decided it’s not worth it to look.

 

But, you say you don’t want to harass her, yet you’re posting texts deliberately to trigger her? That is not only harassing her, it’s choosing a passive aggressive way of doing so. You’ve already told her, she knows. Rubbing her face in it as a way of getting at him seem a little extreme.

[somanymistakes]

Leave her alone and stop trying to make her part of your own misery.

[stillafool]

Why don't you and your MM divorce your spouses and be together? You're made for each other.

[DKT3]

Why don't you and your MM divorce your spouses and be together? You're made for each other.

 

I believe she cleared that up when she said mm wasn't worth losing her husband's money

[Wildcat01]

Why don't you and your MM divorce your spouses and be together? You're made for each other.

 

I can't stand my ex (man I had an affair with). We are not made for one another. We are made for an EPO or DVO because that's where our fights would head. Just like any relationship, you can dislike an ex. Having an affair doesn't make him perfect.

 

As to triggering her, I honestly don't care how she feels. Frankly if she is so stupid to stay married to someone for 25 years who is cheating on her, in her house, I don't respect her. And I say she doesn't me. I slept with her husband.

 

It may be a passive way to make HIS life heck if she checks....but it's better than defending myself in court over harassment.

 

And it's ok if a person hurts you, to want a little revenge. I dated him, not her. He said really gross things to me about an event in my life, not her. But he's married and hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, right? Well, maybe he can have two scorned women.

 

If she doesn't look, no biggie. I'm sure him having to search for another woman 16 years younger who will put up with his mood swings for a year and NOT give him and STD and who is attractive is slim to none. He might find a new one, but there's always adult toys.

Edited June 13, 2018 by Wildcat01

[stillafool]

I can't stand my ex (man I had an affair with). We are not made for one another. We are made for an EPO or DVO because that's where our fights would head. Just like any relationship, you can dislike an ex. Having an affair doesn't make him perfect.

 

Sure, that's why you made this thread about him.

 

As to triggering her, I honestly don't care how she feels. Frankly if she is so stupid to stay married to someone for 25 years who is cheating on her, in her house, I don't respect her. And I say she doesn't me. I slept with her husband.

 

Honey that was clear when you said you have sex with her husband, in her house when she isn't home. I guess MM thinks your husband is pretty stupid and weak to stay with you too since you are also a cheater.

 

It may be a passive way to make HIS life heck if she checks....but it's better than defending myself in court over harassment.

 

And it's ok if a person hurts you, to want a little revenge. I dated him, not her. He said really gross things to me about an event in my life, not her. But he's married and hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, right? Well, maybe he can have two scorned women.

 

Yeah and I hope you feel the same way about this when his wife hurts you. After all; as you say hell has no fury; so floor it!

 

If she doesn't look, no biggie. I'm sure him having to search for another woman 16 years younger who will put up with his mood swings for a year and NOT give him and STD and who is attractive is slim to none. He might find a new one, but there's always adult toys.

 

Get over yourself already! LOL He could probably get someone 20 years younger. You can read around, even on this board, and plenty of young women go for much older guys. Especially policeman, fireman and any other man. A lot of women still have Daddy issues.

[BTDT2012]

Frankly if she is so stupid to stay married to someone for 25 years who is cheating on her, in her house, I don't respect her.

 

 

Maybe she is like you and stays for the money. I would say more, but I don't want to break any rules.

[ladydesigner]

I can't stand my ex (man I had an affair with). We are not made for one another. We are made for an EPO or DVO because that's where our fights would head. Just like any relationship, you can dislike an ex. Having an affair doesn't make him perfect.

 

As to triggering her, I honestly don't care how she feels. Frankly if she is so stupid to stay married to someone for 25 years who is cheating on her, in her house, I don't respect her. And I say she doesn't me. I slept with her husband.

 

It may be a passive way to make HIS life heck if she checks....but it's better than defending myself in court over harassment.

 

And it's ok if a person hurts you, to want a little revenge. I dated him, not her. He said really gross things to me about an event in my life, not her. But he's married and hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, right? Well, maybe he can have two scorned women.

 

If she doesn't look, no biggie. I'm sure him having to search for another woman 16 years younger who will put up with his mood swings for a year and NOT give him and STD and who is attractive is slim to none. He might find a new one, but there's always adult toys.

 

Just by this statement alone. I hope you reap what you sow. I feel absolutely no compassion for you as an exMOW/BS