Too big of a personality to date?

[JontySeal]

Don't really know where to start so I'm going to jump right in... I'm different to most guys, I've been called everything under the sun - a free spirit, a maverick, nonconformist, oddball, a bit of a weirdo haha either way its all pretty much the same thing, I just don't think my mind works like other peoples.

 

I had problems at school, I still couldn't read or write when I was 10, and yet I had a better vocab than most of my peers. I've struggled with other things as well.. i still don't know my times tables etc. I'm not stupid though, I've picked up other things that people take years over really quickly - I can fix a car, I can play music on my guitar by ear, I could look at the nights sky and tell you all the stars, and I love maps - I can remember maps in tons of detail! The school wanted to hold me back a year when I was 10 and test me for dyslexia, but my mam wouldnt have it, she decided to home school, she'd tell me that she wouldn't have anyone say there was something wrong with me - that I was special! She was like my number 1 fan, she told me that it was good to stand out! She used to travel all over to take me to BMX races and she was a singer so I used to spend all my evenings watching her perform in some half empty bar.

She died just before I turned 15, and I went into care, and I guess from that point stuff hasnt always come easy..

 

I'm 24 now and I've done a lot in the last 10 years.. I've been a solider (for a short while), and a busker. I've kayaked through south america, and I've worked on a safari park in Africa. I've been a barman and a masseuse. I've worked on a farm and a boxing gym.... I guess like, you could say I've never really settled, but thats not really something thats ever bothered me, i like new things, I like lots of stimulation.

 

Anyway... I've been seeing this girl, and a couple of nights ago we had 'the talk', the talk i've had 100 times before, the 'you're great, don't change for anyone, stay true to yourself, but we just arent going to work' talk!

It's cool, i'm a big boy and i'm not about to cry into my pillow over it but its always the same old story.

I never have a problem meeting girls! I never have a problem dating girls! It comes easy, they think im different and they tell me they dig that, and then 2-3 months down the line they want me to put on a polo & chinos and 'blend in' and be someone that I'm just not!

 

I know that I'm not quite like everyone else.. People feel safe in this black and white little world but its like they can't even see the colour! I'm loud, I fidget, I can be impulsive, my mind runs at like 100 mile an hour and i think people find it exhausting. I hate all these social constraint people impose on themselves just to fit some system - if you want to dance - dance, don't stand there and sway, if you want to sing in the street - you should do it, and you don't go to the pool to swim lengths in little lines - you go to do flips and sh*t!! Pain doesn't really bother me like it bothers other people I can just shake it off, I like to sit upside down to watch tele, and I like to joke around.

 

People have banded stuff around over the years - adhd, add, autism - but i never quite fit the check boxes! All I know is i'm happy in my own skin, I dont want to be anyone else. I don't want to 'fit in' if it means being less that what I am!!

But that doesnt take away from the fact that, yeah, I'm a bit lonely! I'm a bit lonely! I've got mates, tons of them all over the world, but probably only 2 that i consider to be like my family. You know that thing about being on your own in crowd, sometimes I feel that! I guess if i was to look more at me and less at everyone else, then my I acknowledge that THIS is a problem and it always leads to this, this and this ....probably energy levels, i guess if i could chill out more, like take a step back and not always be in the spot like then then other people would..probably..relate..to..me..better...maybe!?

 

And you know, i'd treat a girl real well, it sucks a bit that it seems like the only way to ever make someone love you would be to be something I'm not!!

[SunnyWeather]

you have your own answers here:

 

i guess if i could chill out more, like take a step back and not always be in the spot like [sic] then then other people would..probably..relate..to..me..better...maybe!?

 

mindfulness practices might help too. perhaps learning some new communication skills might be helpful also to gauge how you interact with others. These behavioral changes don't mean you are not being authentic, just that you are learning how to have better social skills.

 

keep it real! the worlds needs your spark!

[Mentor99]

Most people crave and thrive with stability. Most people crave a relationship where they feel safe and stability is usually a big part of that. If you are always looking for the next "high" it will become exhausting for most potential relationship partners.

 

Notice though that I said most, not all. You will likely have to put a concerted effort into finding someone equally as free spirited as you. I dated a free spirited woman for a short time and it wasn't a match. But last time I heard from her, she was living in South America, in an RV with an artist, and moving from country to country, teaching ESL, and she seemed happy.

[JontySeal]

you have your own answers here:

 

mindfulness practices might help too. perhaps learning some new communication skills might be helpful also to gauge how you interact with others. These behavioral changes don't mean you are not being authentic, just that you are learning how to have better social skills.

 

It does a bit though.. I had a ex gf who i dated for a bit while i was living in SA, i did really like her, and we worked together on the safari park and it was probably the most settled time in my life. She was a real straight shooter and she used to tell me, when i was being too high energy, tell me when to shut up, when she didnt like my shirt, to sit up straight on the sofa........and i did it, i CAN do it, mostly, if i have too... but in the end I was just miserable! I don't need someone to treat me like im 10, and i dont need a mother, because i had one - the very best!

 

I hate having to 'tone stuff down' I can, but its a bit soul destroying. Like i wish someone would just like my energy levels, i wish i didnt have to, just like me for me, you know?

[SunnyWeather]

It does a bit though.. I had a ex gf who i dated for a bit while i was living in SA, i did really like her, and we worked together on the safari park and it was probably the most settled time in my life. She was a real straight shooter and she used to tell me, when i was being too high energy, tell me when to shut up, when she didnt like my shirt, to sit up straight on the sofa........and i did it, i CAN do it, mostly, if i have too... but in the end I was just miserable! I don't need someone to treat me like im 10, and i dont need a mother, because i had one - the very best!

 

I hate having to 'tone stuff down' I can, but its a bit soul destroying. Like i wish someone would just like my energy levels, i wish i didnt have to, just like me for me, you know?

 

no, you don't need a mother telling you how to dress or to sit up straight. i was referring to your insight that maybe your communication style and behaviors might be interfering with your ability to form deep relationships, friendly or otherwise.

 

curious: is your energy level (or is it mood) always really high?

 

mindfulness practices might help you find a grounded base-line.

[JontySeal]

Most people crave and thrive with stability. Most people crave a relationship where they feel safe and stability is usually a big part of that. If you are always looking for the next "high" it will become exhausting for most potential relationship partners.

Yeah I can see that!

I think, stability, is probably the very thing i feel like my life is missing but for me stability is having someone with you, come whatever, but i know that for a lot of people its about the environment, the routine, the predictability!

I think I probably do exhaust most people.

 

Notice though that I said most, not all. You will likely have to put a concerted effort into finding someone equally as free spirited as you. I dated a free spirited woman for a short time and it wasn't a match. But last time I heard from her, she was living in South America, in an RV with an artist, and moving from country to country, teaching ESL, and she seemed happy.

Aye yeah, someone for everyone I guess! Maybe i just go for the wrong kind of girl!

Thats wicked for your ex though!! What a life!!!

[JontySeal]

i was referring to your insight that maybe your communication style and behaviors might be interfering with your ability to form deep relationships, friendly or otherwise.

Yeah i know, its just really hard because....

 

its like... you know when your at work, you're still you, but you're the work version of you, and its nice just to be able to get home, kick your shoes off, be around the people where you can just be yourself and breath!!?

 

That's what I feel like! So like when i was with this girl and i realised it wasnt going to last unless i tried to tone it down... that was what i felt like but the other way round, i'd get home and i had to be 'work me', I'd lay in bed biting my tongue cause I couldnt just be me.

 

And so i swore i'd never do that again! They could love me as I am or not at all!

 

Only.. every girl since has picked the latter option

 

Which leaves me in this weird i-dont-know-what-to-do-headspace.

I feel like I'm everyones go to guy for a blast on a saturday night, but no ones pick for a chilled Sunday morning!! Feel a tad unloveable truth be told.

 

 

curious: is your energy level (or is it mood) always really high?

Always! My energy level is always really high! Like I do channel it, so I work out before and after bed most days cause it helps me not be bouncing off the walls too much haha!

 

My mood... I'm a pretty, happy-go-lucky guy! I like to make people laugh! Obviously I do have other emotions but.. my moods pretty consistent.

[preraph]

I'm very sorry your lost your mom young. That's tough. And I'm not trying to speak ill of her, but she was key in how you turned out.

 

It kind of sounds like your mom didn't keep you in school because maybe it didn't fit into her schedule if she was a singer. She didn't do you any favors in many ways because you weren't socialized to the kids your age well enough. If you're in school, you learn what's acceptable and what's odd and unacceptable. You learn to control yourself. You learn not to be loud, which would scare pretty much any woman off.

 

The sad fact is that those who have the most potential mates are the more mainstream people because there are a lot of them to match with each other. The more different you are, the more it narrows your field.

 

Look, I agree with your mom trying to keep you from being labeled a dummy, but she also removed any chance of you learning the things you were having trouble with. It's hard to learn to be well socialized at an older age. Young people are more flexible like that. I don't think the free spirit part of you is all that alarming, but some people will. Women usually are looking down the road and keeping an eye on whether a guy would be a responsible parent. You having a different upbringing, unconventional, may mean you don't have conventional childrearing skills or that you'd be more like a grown kid than a father. I say that because some of the things you listed off just sound childlike.

 

Women will eventually be looking for someone who has a good job they are organized enough to go to every day despite temptations, has good manners, dresses decent, someone they can take out in public without being embarrassed because they're loud or impulsive in a bad way.

 

Yes, you may have one of the disorders, but I am not thinking that is your biggest hurdle, but your social adaptation is. Sadly losing your mother at 15, she really didn't get a full chance to teach you how to be an adult. I hope you had a dad or some other relative to lean on.

 

Are you working? If so, how is that going?

[Chilli]

Well , at only 24 settling's no biggie yet.

Personality wise , yeppa, know all about it l've always had way too much personality and a far greater scope and awareness than most and even at double your age l still have to tone it down or l'd be blowing minds everywhere, people get more and more conservative with age makes it even harder.

But you get use to it and these days l find happy mediums where l can get along with most people, even enjoy them but now and then you meet someone you really click with they;ll have all similar traits. Women too l was married along time and we were damn near twins, sadly other issues broke us up but l've met one or two since and l'd like to remarry if the right one comes along, rare as hell at this age but they are out there l've discovered.

 

You might be dyslexic, read up. l'm dyslexic but back at school they just thought l was a bit slow even though l was the cleverest kid around and saw far more than the other kids, just couldn't read properly or focus at times and other stuff, it wasn't understood then .

l found out much later.

 

You'll be fine don't worry whether it's that or something else or just you, just gotta find your niche and the same with people and women.

If it is though don't worry dyslexic are often highly intelligent and intuitive , some even geniuses through history or very famous in something else. Wish l could remember a few names right now sorry.

Edited June 15, 2018 by Chilli

[Chilli]

Personally l've noticed 99% of people adjust themselves a bit a long the way anyway, whether it be too loud or too quite or not speaking up enough or too much or whatever/

You can make improvements or whatever with still being yourself.

[guest569]

I would be interested to know more about where things turn during the relationships and why specifically. I.e have you moved in together? If you’ve successfully managed to date lots then what is stopping things from progressing further? What exactly are you looking for?

[JontySeal]

It kind of sounds like your mom didn't keep you in school because maybe it didn't fit into her schedule if she was a singer. She didn't do you any favors in many ways because you weren't socialized to the kids your age well enough. If you're in school, you learn what's acceptable and what's odd and unacceptable. You learn to control yourself.

School wasn't working for me. It just wasnt, I couldnt read, i couldnt write, I struggled with maths, and i struggled with my peers - I think people just thought I was odd.

People said she was dumb to home school, that that was only for the rich, or the families with nannies and whatever. But Mum didnt want me to be labled thick, or whatver else and she didnt want me to be forced to be a 'robot' either.

She went above and beyond for me you know! Big time. I'm far better educated than I would have been! And when i went back to school at 15 I didn't have social problems - probably because as ive got older, being confident and different was reacted to more positively than it was when i was in primary school and everyone wants to be the same I don't stuggle to get on with people, I get on with them fine ...i just cant take it to the next level, or can't seem to anyway.

 

The sad fact is that those who have the most potential mates are the more mainstream people because there are a lot of them to match with each other. The more different you are, the more it narrows your field.

Yeah, true, makes sense! People like what they know i guess!

 

I don't think the free spirit part of you is all that alarming, but some people will. Women usually are looking down the road and keeping an eye on whether a guy would be a responsible parent. You having a different upbringing, unconventional, may mean you don't have conventional childrearing skills or that you'd be more like a grown kid than a father. I say that because some of the things you listed off just sound childlike.

Yeah I know, I can understand that, because im not conventional! But I would treat a girl the way she should be treated, I feel strongly about that, and I actually like to think that I'd be a prett great dad, I love kids, I honestly hope I'm blessed with kids of my own! BUT i'm not Mr conventional and i do understand that thats going to put people off, of course it is! I get that! It is what it is!

 

I hope you had a dad or some other relative to lean on.

I don't have any family. My dad left when i was a baby - i believe he ended up getting married and having a daughter but i've never met him on her.

I had a step dad for a few years! He was total scum. I guess all I can say for the bloke is he taught me everything a man should never be!

It was always just me and mum really.

 

Are you working? If so, how is that going?

Yeah, working at a doggy day care as a dog walker, pretty good!!

[JontySeal]

But you get use to it and these days l find happy mediums where l can get along with most people, even enjoy them but now and then you meet someone you really click with they;ll have all similar traits.

Thats nice man! I feel like thats what im really waiting on, really craving, just one person i really click with! Who really 'gets' me!

 

You might be dyslexic, read up. l'm dyslexic but back at school they just thought l was a bit slow even though l was the cleverest kid around and saw far more than the other kids, just couldn't read properly or focus at times and other stuff, it wasn't understood then .

l found out much later.

I probably am but Its one of those things like, if i am, then i wouldnt choose not to be, its part of me, a massive part of me and although i struggle with some things i've excelled at others.

 

Personally l've noticed 99% of people adjust themselves a bit a long the way anyway, whether it be too loud or too quite or not speaking up enough or too much or whatever/

You can make improvements or whatever with still being yourself.

Its like the line between being what other people want me to be and being what i like being

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Well, you wouldn't be my cup of tea (and not just because I'm old enough to be your mom ), but you sound delightful for the right girl who is also a free spirit.

 

Move to Hawaii and I bet you'll meet your soul mate .

[JontySeal]

I would be interested to know more about where things turn during the relationships and why specifically. I.e have you moved in together? If you’ve successfully managed to date lots then what is stopping things from progressing further? What exactly are you looking for?

 

Yeah okay.. well I the longest relationship i had was 7months with my ex in SA, she was the only girl i've ever lived with though and we lived and worked together so it was full on. That was the exception though. Most of the time it follows the same old script..

Boy meets girl

Boy likes girl

Girl lets it be known how much she really likes boy. They start dating.

Girl and boy have tons of fun!! She thinks he's different and cool, she laughs with him, she vibes with him.

2-3 months in and girl gets sick of boy. They have the 'dont ever change but you're not for me talk'.

 

i Don't know really. Its just like, you know when you first meet and its all going out on dates and sleepovers, and they always seem super into me, and then you move into that zone where its more like hanging out together, spending more time together, and intergrating into eachothers lives and then it just starts to creep in.... They want to do fun things less, they want to chat over breakfast less, i start to get the "do you have to wear that", "Hurry up, I've not got time to mess around", "can you just tone it down tonight around my friends"... and pretty soon its the you're-great-dont-change-but-we're-not-going-to-work-out-chat

 

What am I looking for?

I dont have loads of heavy requirements... id like to travel more, i'd also like a family, but none of thats on my immediate horizon.

But id absolutely LOVE someone to come home to, someone to wake up next to, someone to share stuff with! To cook dinner for, walk the dog with, play airhockey with! Most of all i'd just really like to love and to feel loved, id honestly give it back with everything i am if i felt like someone really 'got me' and cared.

[JontySeal]

Well, you wouldn't be my cup of tea (and not just because I'm old enough to be your mom ), but you sound delightful for the right girl who is also a free spirit.

 

Move to Hawaii and I bet you'll meet your soul mate .

 

Hawaii and a soul mate - win win!

[bathtub-row]

First of all, I enjoyed reading about your personality. I like people who are a little off the wall. I’m guessing your IQ is extremely high - probably somewhere around 160.

 

What I’ve noticed about off the wall or emotionally high strung people is that they tend to gravitate toward their opposites - people who are calmer and more emotionally settled. This can be good but it can mostly be bad because calm people can only take so much of overly high energy.

 

Here’s the conundrum. You have opposites working inside you. You can’t be held down to anything long term but you yearn for some type of lasting companionship. I could use the analogy of someone who’s very brash in their manner of speech but they’re also very focused on having people like them. Do you see the inner complexity of that? I think that’s the paradox you’re dealing with. Not that you’re brash, just meaning that you have two opposing forces inside you and they’re continually competing with one another.

 

There’s nothing that says there’s not a crazy, free loving girl out there who would be happy to traipse the world with you and sing in the streets. But, like you, she’s rare. Perhaps you should go somewhere like Austin TX where there are a multitude of musicians. Seriously, you need to find someone with that artsy mentality - much like your mom.

 

Btw, really sorry that you lost your mother st such a young age. You’ve not had it easy at all. The other thing is - I know you don’t see this now - but you’re going to mellow as you get older. I say do what you love doing, love life and I’ll bet it’ll all fall into place for you one day. Best wishes to you.

[Chilli]

Well, you wouldn't be my cup of tea (and not just because I'm old enough to be your mom ), but you sound delightful for the right girl who is also a free spirit.

 

Move to Hawaii and I bet you'll meet your soul mate .

 

 

Haha spot on CO.

[Chilli]

Try not to worry op.

l was about as free spirit as they come, and odd and dyslexic and a misfit and a black sheep still am even at my age , but that's ok , it's even cool, l've never liked norm.

l've done a lottttta stuff in life too most never will and met some fantastic people too when it happens

It's not everyone though , they're few but you just except that .

 

Reading and writing you get use to and find ways. You might find you read fine you can certainly wrote fine.

So can l , but if someone asks me to read this or that l couldn't ,unless l do it the right way. Yet l can read and understand and l do for friends , complicated contracts , property whatever, l even write my own, or pick things lawyers miss.

You find your ways it's not that you can't you just need it the right way.

l did a course later on , studied at home and excelled , teach actually told me l'd gotten the highest score he'd ever given , yet l got kicked out f school twice back when.

There's also other things l can't see right in front of me, but others l'll see before anyone else, just stuff, you get use to it and work around it.

 

Not sayin you are dyslexic, l don't know, but whatever it is it's only superficial mumbo jumbo that doesn't mean shyt , believe me, and we can see that right here in your thread anyway.

 

Good luck mate , you'll be fine don't worry.

Edited June 16, 2018 by Chilli

[JontySeal]

First of all, I enjoyed reading about your personality. I like people who are a little off the wall. I’m guessing your IQ is extremely high - probably somewhere around 160.

 

What I’ve noticed about off the wall or emotionally high strung people is that they tend to gravitate toward their opposites - people who are calmer and more emotionally settled. This can be good but it can mostly be bad because calm people can only take so much of overly high energy.

Thanks

I wonder if this is part of the problem.....if maybe i constantly go for the wrong kind of girl AND equally if to a degree if the girls that approach me are in the same boat.. drawn to me because they think i'm 'different' but then it doesnt work longer term.

 

 

Here’s the conundrum. You have opposites working inside you. You can’t be held down to anything long term but you yearn for some type of lasting companionship.

I knowww!

I think, although I can't say i've ever proved it, but i believe that i am capable of sticking at something long term, at staying, at committing. I've spent a life time drifting, cause I've never found anything or anyone where I can settle... Most people have roots you know? Something solid.. a hometown, a family or a career ladder... I don't have any of those things, and i've never been able to find that kind of security..

But I just cant comprise everything that i am to have it.. I tried that in South Africa - great job, great girl, great friends - but I just couldnt pay that price, I felt like an actor playing a role!

 

Not that you’re brash, just meaning that you have two opposing forces inside you and they’re continually competing with one another.

Mmmm yeah I get that!

 

There’s nothing that says there’s not a crazy, free loving girl out there who would be happy to traipse the world with you and sing in the streets. But, like you, she’s rare. Perhaps you should go somewhere like Austin TX where there are a multitude of musicians. Seriously, you need to find someone with that artsy mentality - much like your mom.

Mmm, yeah, makes sense! I just don't know how to find the 'right' kind of person you know!? Like a lot of people tell you that they are 'this' and they're 'that' but in actual fact they're not! ..I've never been to Texas but I've lived a fair few different places i've just never connected with the right girl, a girl that might actually like me!

I do wish my mum was still here, especially when i get stuck with stuff like this. I think she understood me better than I even understood myself.

 

Btw, really sorry that you lost your mother st such a young age. You’ve not had it easy at all.

You know what my mum used to tell me when i was a kid?.. Life's not fair, and when you think its hard, watch it get harder! And we can let the hard times wear us down, and change us into someone we never thought we would be, we can shut down and we can protect ourselves from any more pain! Or we can choose to take the knocks, strap on those fighting gloves, and to give the world you're best smile! To try, when the odds aren't in your favour, but to try anyway, boldly. To love when you could get hurt, but to love anyway, fiercely. To know that life is hard, and to choose it anyway, whole heatedly. Thats when you'll know the kind of true happiness that no one can take away from you! I've got that in a letter she wrote to me before she died!

 

The other thing is - I know you don’t see this now - but you’re going to mellow as you get older. I say do what you love doing, love life and I’ll bet it’ll all fall into place for you one day. Best wishes to you.

Yeah maybe! I just feel like my brain seems to work different to everyone else!

Thank you

[JontySeal]

l was about as free spirit as they come, and odd and dyslexic and a misfit and a black sheep still am even at my age , but that's ok , it's even cool, l've never liked norm.

Amen to that! Me neither man!!

l've done a lottttta stuff in life too most never will and met some fantastic people too when it happens

It's not everyone though , they're few but you just except that .

Oh for sure, for sure!!! I don't believe that we're born to pay bills and die! I've met amazing people all around the world, i'm blessed for that!

 

Reading and writing you get use to and find ways. You might find you read fine you can certainly wrote fine.....You find your ways it's not that you can't you just need it the right way. l did a course later on , studied at home and excelled , teach actually told me l'd gotten the highest score he'd ever given , yet l got kicked out f school twice back when.

There's also other things l can't see right in front of me, but others l'll see before anyone else, just stuff, you get use to it and work around it.

Absorlutly! We've probably got a lot in common man! Like, im not the best reader/writer, but i get by, and technology and spell check help! I still struggle with reading hand writing and my handwriting is not good and quiet slow but you know, i excel at other things! I can look at a map and 2 hours later i could draw it out perfectly for you, or i can bike round an area and then map it out by memory - i've never met anyone else that can do that the way i can.

 

Good luck mate , you'll be fine don't worry.

Cheers mate

[bathtub-row]

Your mother sounds amazing. That's so wonderful you have a letter like that from her. What a treasure.

 

I saw a show on Nexflix awhile back called Mindhunters. It was based on the true story of one of the FBI agents who started up the unit back in the 70's. They're the ones that came up with those behavioral profiles that they still use today to catch criminals. They also came up with the term 'serial killer'. I was so fascinated with the show that I read the book, too. Amazing stuff. One of the things that was continually pointed out in the show was the impact that a mother has on her son. And 9 times out of 10, the serial killer's mother was a nightmare. She put her son down, dominated him, etc.

 

The reason I bring that up is because your mom is such a shining example of the exact opposite of that. She loved you and understood you and supported you. I know the loss of her may seem excruciating at times but what a legacy she left for you. At different times in your life, I imagine you're going to see that even more. Although, I can tell you already value everything your mother did for you.

 

You know, I made choices in my life that created daily struggles. I hate working for others. I come from a family of entrepreneurs so you can see how it just naturally grates on me. I'm currently looking into doing something on my own and I'm very excited about it. Some people just don't do well answering to others and being chained down. The way our society is set up, though, if we're not born into riches, we either live in the woods or conform to some degree. That level of conformity is what you have to decide on.

 

I think it would be wonderful if you did something that got favorable attention from the public and got you sponsored. Perhaps start a blog on what you do - whatever that may be. You never know what could come of that. There's a site called Go Fund Me that might interest you. Maybe people would fund whatever adventure you decided to take on.

 

Honestly, you sound charming and full of life. I really believe if you just live your life authentically, you'll meet the right person. Another place you may really enjoy is Santa Fe, New Mexico. It's a wonderfully artsy place.

 

Btw, do you not have family other than your mom?

Edited June 16, 2018 by bathtub-row

[Chilli]

Thats nice man! I feel like thats what im really waiting on, really craving, just one person i really click with! Who really 'gets' me!

 

 

I probably am but Its one of those things like, if i am, then i wouldnt choose not to be, its part of me, a massive part of me and although i struggle with some things i've excelled at others.

 

 

Its like the line between being what other people want me to be and being what i like being

 

 

Nope , there's a difference . It's not about what other people want as such. It's just about a nicer ride through life, a tiny bit of give n take. You'd be amazed at the difference when l started realizing this. And it's also been an absolute pleasure to meet and know some of the people l would've thought earlier were just not me. Well sure they still weren't, so what, but they were still good people and the most unlikely, differences and all. Hard to explain.

Edited June 17, 2018 by Chilli

[JontySeal]

I saw a show on Nexflix awhile back called Mindhunters.....And 9 times out of 10, the serial killer's mother was a nightmare. She put her son down, dominated him, etc.

Oh I can totally believe that!! I hear that they also say that boys that have a dog growing up are less likely to end up in jail, on average.

(At least I can put 'Unlikely to become a serial killer' on my dating resume, must help, eh!? )

 

The reason I bring that up is because your mom is such a shining example of the exact opposite of that. She loved you and understood you and supported you. I know the loss of her may seem excruciating at times but what a legacy she left for you. At different times in your life, I imagine you're going to see that even more. Although, I can tell you already value everything your mother did for you.

Oh I do, I do......I'm proud to be her son, and I hope that I'll do her proud as the man I am!

That's part of why like, I really would go all out for a girl I was dating, treat her proper, I watched my mum in a bad relationship, really bad relationship, for a couple of years when i was 8-10ish, like she deserved so much better than that! And she used to preach the importance to me of like treating a girl right, and being a gent! And if i get that chance to be someones husband, i will be so much better than that, that's a promise!

 

You know, I made choices in my life that created daily struggles. I hate working for others. I come from a family of entrepreneurs so you can see how it just naturally grates on me. I'm currently looking into doing something on my own and I'm very excited about it.

Mmmm and at the end of the day I do believe that you should make sure your work is something that you love, because if you're gonna spend half your life doing something then you should make it count, right!

 

I think it would be wonderful if you did something that got favorable attention from the public and got you sponsored. Perhaps start a blog on what you do - whatever that may be. You never know what could come of that. There's a site called Go Fund Me that might interest you. Maybe people would fund whatever adventure you decided to take on.

I know a couple of people that do this kind of thing.. like professional nomads, travel blogging type business. It's great! Seems a lot of fun! But I'm never sure that my English would be good enough, it is the thing i struggle with most.

 

Honestly, you sound charming and full of life. I really believe if you just live your life authentically, you'll meet the right person.

Thank you :love:

 

Another place you may really enjoy is Santa Fe, New Mexico. It's a wonderfully artsy place.

Maybe I'll check it out! I really liked Colombia, I stayed there for a few months, and i'd love to spend some more time in Jamaica cause that was just insanely good!

I went to San Juan in Puerto Rico for a bit, that's got quite an artsy scene - I think MY problem is always that I don't quiet fit in anywhere!!

Like in your more mainstream types i'm seen as maybe a bit 'out there' with my lifestyle, some of my beliefes, the way i dress. But then when i meet more artsy types, I think sometimes I'm not quiet artsy enough.. Like i play guitar, and the didgeridoo!, but thats kind of where my artistic talelents end, i went out with (read: holiday fling) with a girl who was a writer, briefly, and her friends were very like.. new age hippy, and I think they just found me wayyy too.. boisterous

I think its just, I'm me, bit of a one off, and some people like it and some people dont! Kinda marmite! ALTHOUGH saying that, i think my friendships seem to work in reverse of my relationships... when it comes to friendships i 100% grow on you! A lot of my great friends thought i was a plonker at first! However when it comes to romance it seems to work the other way round!

 

Btw, do you not have family other than your mom?

No it was just my just my mam! My dad left when I was a baby.. last i heard he was living up country, married, had a daughter about 6 years younger than me... so i guess i technically do have family, but ive never met or spoken to any of them.

 

My best friend is like the closest thing i've got really. It's weird cause hes like my total opposite!! He's ever so smart, but quite quiet, a real over thinker! But we shared a room when i went into care, and we've been mates ever since!

Weirdly I introduced him to his girlfriend (fiance now), because she was just some girl I kind of got with at a party, and while i was kissing her, i was thinking 'you know this girl would really get on with Harry, I should introduce them'.. so i did! And they've been together 3 years now!

 

Anyway, sorry! I've gone very off track, im just rambling about my life now

[JontySeal]

Nope , there's a difference . It's not about what other people want as such. It's just about a nicer ride through life, a tiny bit of give n take. You'd be amazed at the difference when l started realizing this. And it's also been an absolute pleasure to meet and know some of the people l would've thought earlier were just not me. Well sure they still weren't, so what, but they were still good people and the most unlikely, differences and all. Hard to explain.

 

I feel like i'm quite open to most people though! Like, I like people, i genuinely enjoy people, i believe most people are good, and most situations are positive.

I just think I rub people (not even people, as much as just girls im dating) up the wrong way by just being me.

I am boisterous, i can be impulsive, but i would never be malicious!

My ex, the one that i was with for a fair while, used to tell me off for all manner of things.. fidgeting, tapping, sitting upside down, talking too much in bed, talking too much in the mornings, talking too much, jumping in the pool with my clothes on, throwing folk in the pool with their clothes on, driving too fast, having to touch everything all the time, having to take everything apart, being too easily distracted..... dunno what she didnt tell me off for tbh But i don't mean to do this stuff and be annoying....but in a weird way some of it, like tapping my leg for example, is really satisfying or self comforting, so I ended up sitting watching tele with her and all id be think is like 'i need to move, it'll annoy her. God i need to move though. Ill get up in a minute', or like id lay in bed in the morning with all this stuff I wanted to say but thinknig that I better not!

And in the end i decided it wasnt worth it, I couldnt live like that! If i annoyed her too much then i annoyed her too much and evidently we werent right for each other