New breakup

[mkaur215]

Hello everyone,

I was dating a guy for almost 2 years and throughout the relationship I struggled with my feelings of whether i saw a future with him. Im 25 and he is 28 right now. Throughout the relationship he put the effort in and he has done nothing but bettered me in life. Im indian and he was white and in my family your expected to marry an indian guy and i was sorta uneasy about it but my parents have mentioned theyre ok if the guy was white so they didnt know i was dating . This has been my first real relationship and it scared me how serious it was getting because we were planning 3 day vacations and i wouldnt put in the effort to planning it because it would make me nervous. We would joke around about a wedding.but throughout the relationship he would start making remarks like “ not like we would do this” when it came to couple things. To the point i messaged him and told him i didnt like when he would say that and it made me feel bad. He the. Said messaged sayin he didnt feel appreciated etc.. and i totally get where he was comin from. So fast forward he gave me a week to think about wat i think about the relationship and i told him i was unsure ofnmy feelings So we broke up last saturday. I regretted itnright away and messaged him to make it work he said no. I went to his job 2 days after to talk itnout again and he again said even if we were to try again itnwould be a toxic relationship. So i left him alone for 3 days. I ended up messaginghim again because i remembered him sayin he didnt believe in divorce and i told him im not gnna give uo and i will give him his space and time and when hes ready ill b there and ignored it. Should i jusy give up and leave him alone?

[Zahara]

Yes, you should leave him alone. The more you chase him, the more he is going to get turned off. And no, this is not a divorce -- it is a break-up.

 

Also, while you are inconsistent with your feelings for him, you are also now inconsistent with your need to end the relationship. How does one trust another with their heart when you're all over the place. Stop playing games.

 

You can't end it with someone and then retract. It's very hurtful and manipulative. You don't have strong feelings for him so let him go. The only reason you are trying to pull him back now is because you can't stand being alone and not having someone to lean on. That's quite selfish.

 

He's likely had enough of you indecisiveness when it comes to him and he's reached his limit.

Edited June 15, 2018 by Zahara

[mkaur215]

Thank you Zahara for your reply and I feel you are right. I am all over the place, I have never been able to be confident of myself and always end up settling. This one hurts because he was nothing but good to me and it guilts me that I used him to feel wanted and loved and I wish i never caused him the pain I did. I started to go back to the gym and have been trying to be more healthier because a lot of my self esteem is affected because im overweight. I deleted my fb app and instagram app and trying to stay away from stalking him online and just do a social media detox. Do you have any other suggestions to help move on from this guilt?

[Zahara]

Thank you Zahara for your reply and I feel you are right. I am all over the place, I have never been able to be confident of myself and always end up settling. This one hurts because he was nothing but good to me and it guilts me that I used him to feel wanted and loved and I wish i never caused him the pain I did. I started to go back to the gym and have been trying to be more healthier because a lot of my self esteem is affected because im overweight. I deleted my fb app and instagram app and trying to stay away from stalking him online and just do a social media detox. Do you have any other suggestions to help move on from this guilt?

 

The positive about this is that you acknowledge your shortcomings and that you are working on it. In that sense, that sort of self-reflection will allow you to move on and in the future do right by those that cross your path. Let him go and let him heal and you need that too -- he deserves someone who is going to love and care for him for all the right reasons. And you will find that someday too.