Am I making a mountain out of a molehill, or did I screw it up?

[JustGettingBy]

So today on the bus, I bumped into a woman who I'm antiquated with, and we started a conversation, with her pretty outright offering to add her number to my phone. I let her, then sent her a text so she had my number. We started talking, realized we had more in common than we initially thought, agreed to try and arrange lunch sometime, and then got off the bus and went to our respective destinations.

 

She had kind of softly touched my arm a couple times, so when we were saying "bye, see you later" I decided to break the touch barrier myself, and put my hand on her shoulder for a second in a very relaxed manner before removing it. I'm thinking in hindsight that even though she showed no immediate reaction to my gesture (she didn't attempt to get closer, but also didn't react negatively, more so acted the same as if I didn't do anything) it may have come off as creepy, or at least too soon. Am I too worried, or was this fine?

[d0nnivain]

You are worrying too much. Calm down. Come Monday reach out to set up the lunch. You can't do it today, Friday, because you shouldn't presume she has no weekend plans.

[GemmaUK]

You did nothing wrong at all!

This was an early incidence and touching her shoulder was perfectly appropriate.

 

I would suggest contacting her before Monday to arrange a lunch one day next week. She may have weekend plans but that doesn't mean a bit of correspondence is out.

Personally I would prefer a call but a text with a suggested day, time and place would be fine.

 

Back to the touching part - and when you are on that lunch date:

It's strange, but is a thing that the most innocuous place to touch a fellow human being is the shoulder - you would think it's not as it's closer to the head, closer to the chest too.

Bearing in mind this was the first time you touched her though - it was fine.

But, when you are on the date and if you like her then touching her forearm with your fingers placed down on her arm is much more of an 'intimate' touch.

There are more nerve ending on someone's forearm than on their shoulder.

Light brief forearm touches can feel electric.

I am guessing, but I suspect she would have touched you on either your mid forearm or perhaps your mid upper arm (which is again a more safe, less intimate area to touch).

Go with the rule that the nearer to the wrist the touch is the more intimate it is. Women often wear bracelets or pretty watches too and an easy way to touch if it feels a bit nerve racking or you don' seem to find the right moment is to touch the bracelet or watch letting your finger touch her skin also whilst complimenting the bracelet or watch. It's a good trick to know!

if you go with touch then make it gentle & light just like she did, touch with fingers, not with the back of your hand.

Back of your hand touches are more 'pally' or good for use in an emergency - eg crossing the road and they haven't seen a car coming.

[Pandoramix]

I think the best answer you can find within yourself. There are "touches" and "touches". Based on how you feel it it was. Did it feel good? It was probably for her as well. Simple as that

 

For instance, yesterday my dancing teacher slapped her entire chest against my back to make me stand straight. One could say it is "just" a technique to train people, but my inner me is telling me she had also others desires in mind beside making me stand tall

Edited June 16, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge

[Pandoramix]

[]Let us better think about this as a lesson for OP that different touches might mean different things, depending on the situation and how you feel it... A simple "breast slap" can be quite nice flirt, when done properly Just as touch on the shoulder.

 

And btw. OP, when women gently touch you, this is one of the most common signs of interest. In other words: once woman "accidentally" touches you, raise you attention, there is a big chance it means smt. and search for other signs.

 

when female touches you, this is pretty much the male version of slapping butt you never slap a butt of someone you don't find attractive

 

so in conclusion I believe what she is telling you is "I like you and I like physical contact with you. You are allowed to proceed further".

 

Good luck, bro!

Edited June 16, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge

[GemmaUK]

when female touches you' date=' this is pretty much the male version of slapping butt[/b'] you never slap a butt of someone you don't find attractive

 

With respect those things are not the same at all.

Any guy who slapped my butt would receive a slapped face and I would avoid him in future.

[Pandoramix]

With respect those things are not the same at all.

Any guy who slapped my butt would receive a slapped face and I would avoid him in future.

 

And this is precisely why I wrote it. He is male, he does not understand touches. You are female, you don't understand slapping butts

 

Ok, enough OT and enough joke. OP has the answer he came for

 

Thank me later, bro!

[William]

Got a report on off-topic content and noting the starter never returned, I'll close this up pending that return and their engagement and do a little editing in the interim. Starter, please hit the alert us button on this post and contact us if you'd like to add anything.

 

Minor cleanup and thread reopened per starter request. Let's stay focused on the starter's interaction. Thanks!

Edited June 16, 2018 by William
Thread reopened.

[JustGettingBy]

Thanks to those who stayed on topic and answered my question. I feel a lot better now.

[Pandoramix]

Thanks to those who stayed on topic and answered my question. I feel a lot better now.

 

Heyman,

 

I was thinking if I should state myself here and I think I should.

 

First at all, my apology to you, other users, and admins for off topic, by any means I did not want to hijack local rules. Although I do not feel it this way.

 

 

You see, this is not Stack Overflow, where you ask clear question and receive single, clear, and all comprehending answer. This is Loveshack, forum about human relationships and these are never of boolean value. To understand what is going on you need to talk, discuss. You gave us your point of view, it might be right, maybe not, our impression might or might give an answer but this is all just random. If you (and other people as well, I kinda write this for everybody) truly search for an answer, tell us what you think about responses, do you agree or not and why. Only this way you can shed some light into your situation.

 

I gave you my case study on how to understand female touches, because I think I am perceptive here. The best way is to show you how I think by describing my situation. I also used friendly easy going manner because I believe this attitude is by far best in dealing with women - they like easy going people who can handle intimate situation naturally and with humor. Killer combination .

 

 

So yeah, love and peace, stay cool, good luck and I am hella out of here and out of OT in the future

[preraph]

I would only slap the butt of a guy I felt "big sisterly" toward.