Relationships with other women

[mortensorchid]

I have been thinking about this recently as well as things that have gone on in the distant past. This is something that is as old as time and was before movies like Mean Girls and the like. And that is about women's relationships with other women - friendships and working relationships.

 

I don't know why it is that women have to be so jealous and lash out at one another, and all the things that have fallen apart because of said jealousies. Let's say that one woman is jealous of another woman for something (looks, material things, one has a bf and the other does not, career success, etc.). You may be anywhere from slightly to extremely jealous of the other for that. I'm sure men are jealous of one another as well for other things similar if not identical, and that's not to say that this would not make/break their relationship, but I was thinking why is it that women just lash out at one another over these things. I have had to do a lot of work on myself to not give into women's typical feelings of caddiness and jealousy, just have an "It's all cool" kind of attitude and NOT show myself as outwardly hostile or feeling like I don't like/want something that another woman has/wants. I just say "Well she has (blank) and that's wonderful, maybe someday I will have that as well but not right now". Am I typical? No I am not, but I don't let it get me down. Most of the time the things that I (or others) would be jealous of are something fleeting.

 

I am sad thinking about all the times I have been lashed out at as an adult. As a kid you think that's just teenage / kid stuff and someday we will outgrow it, but my reaction to it now as an adult is to end relationships with the individual or the groups they are a part of. For example, many years ago I was friends with two girls and one of them lashed out at me once I had a bf. There were other issues going on within the relationship, I realize now, but one leaned into me (via email) that she hated me, I said this, I did this, etc. and her final words were "If this is you now, I liked you better before he came into the picture". The second girl was a follower and did what the first told her to do. Naturally I ended it. Recently, two women took offense to something I said on Facebook and I blocked them over their rants and I have chosen to distance myself from the groups they are/were associated with. Life is too short to be around toxic people in general and I will be fine without the individuals or groups, I'm sure they're happier without me around. Do they feel any guilt? I'd be surprised if they did, truly. I think they lash out because they like being the center of attention and to put down others' self esteem because it makes them feel good about themselves.

 

Any thoughts on this?

[basil67]

I don't know what is behind it. My guess is that it is indeed jealousy. Or building ourselves up by putting others down.

Edited June 16, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[basil67]

women's typical feelings of caddiness and jealousy

 

I disagree that cattiness and jealousy is typical of women. Sure there are the odd personality clashes which happen, but I think most of us have minimal experience receiving/showing jealous and nasty behaviour.

 

I also tend to think that those of us who are the nicest and kindest are least likely to be on the receiving end of drama. I received a bit when I was younger, but I recognise that my own behaviour was somewhat lacking at the time.

[Chilli]

Doesn't surprise me , l was amazed even with my daughter at school.

l mean l had a bit of trouble with other boys but nothing like this.

 

Even at 7 and 8 my daughter was copping all sorts of crap and so were all her friends.

Jealousy competing friends trying to dominate, friends trying to steel her friends or run her down, it went on and on and on you name it.

She was popular and very smart but a really peaceful happy go lucky girl but the others didn't like that it seems but eh they all got crap anyway too no matter what they did it wasn't just her so it seemed non of them could win.

 

And that was only the beginning , at about 9 they brought in ipads and then the shyt really started, my God at times it was a fkg nightmare.

And being dad, ahh , male, man this was a whole nother ball game. Her mum and l both tried our best and kept coming up with plans but these little shyts would just do something else, they started crap between the parents and all.

 

Thank God she's 16 now and goes to Tech which has more boys than girls and she just says thank God.

[basil67]

Doesn't surprise me , l was amazed even with my daughter at school.

l mean l had a bit of trouble with other boys but nothing like this.

 

Even at 7 and 8 my daughter was copping all sorts of crap and so were all her friends.

Jealousy competing friends trying to dominate, friends trying to steel her friends or run her down, it went on and on and on you name it.

She was popular and very smart but a really peaceful happy go lucky girl but the others didn't like that it seems but eh they all got crap anyway too no matter what they did it wasn't just her so it seemed non of them could win.

 

And that was only the beginning , at about 9 they brought in ipads and then the shyt really started, my God at times it was a fkg nightmare.

And being dad, ahh , male, man this was a whole nother ball game. Her mum and l both tried our best and kept coming up with plans but these little shyts would just do something else, they started crap between the parents and all.

 

Thank God she's 16 now and goes to Tech which has more boys than girls and she just says thank God.

 

Ah yes, girl children are a different story altogether. It seems that by about age 16 most start to grow out of that nastiness.

[thefooloftheyear]

I disagree that cattiness and jealousy is typical of women. Sure there are the odd personality clashes which happen, but I think most of us have minimal experience receiving/showing jealous and nasty behaviour.

 

I also tend to think that those of us who are the nicest and kindest are least likely to be on the receiving end of drama. I received a bit when I was younger, but I recognise that my own behaviour was somewhat lacking at the time.

 

 

You are a very nice , kind and seemingly emotionally well balanced woman...women like you are fairly rare and I am not surprised you don't have the typical drama...But I am going to have to agree with the OP here..

 

Women cut the shyt out of one another...Young./old it doesn't matter..Whats even so ridiculous is throw a guy in the middle and its literally all out war..Whenever I had more than one woman working for me, I spent a great deal of time refereeing battles between the two..There was always some issue..

 

Guys have a different way of dealing with conflict...Alphas and dominant males almost never get challenged..Thats why guys get along in a group with little drama..With women there is seemingly a constant vying for position and one upping one another...

 

One of the primary reasons I like female combat sports(MMA, etc) is that you really get the feeling that these women are out to kill one another..Makes for a more exciting match..

 

TFY

Edited June 16, 2018 by thefooloftheyear

[GemmaUK]

I've never actually experienced this, not anything like the drama filled experiences you have.

 

I've had a couple of women in my life who have told me they were jealous of me for certain things but each situation was simply solved when I expressed all those things about me that weren't perfect by a long shot and that there were things about them which I envied and so complimented them on.

 

One woman told me she felt intimidated by me which really upset me when she said it as I love her so much. It turned out my sense of humour/banter was a little bit sarcastic far for her so I rallied it in a bit and would make her absolutely aware that I was teasing when I was teasing.

She picked it up too damn well! Lol! She knows where to hit me right in the.. Lol!

 

No woman has ever lashed out at me though except in rare work situations but those incidents have been nothing to do with any jealousy or any personal stuff and not even anything to do with my work performance. The incidents were rather a lash out because of an issue they had which they were upset about.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I have experienced this even on this message board. A catty woman decided to find who I am, download the most unflattering photos of me that she could find on social media and sent it to other men on the board via PM. I guess she didn't like that I was getting more attention than her back then. This is is just a small example of what has been happening to me most of my life. It's really hard to have positive opinion of most women when they do stuff like that.

 

Another example is once during a work dinner, a man payed a compliment to me. Another woman overheard and cattily said "with fake eyelashes and hair extensions anyone can look good". Why was that necessary? This is a married woman with children.

 

Men just don't do that stuff to each other.

[mortensorchid]

I just left an organization due to a gal ripping me to shreds on Facebook over some nonsense political post. There were some other things at work with that decision, to be sure, but that was the straw that broke the camel's back with me. How someone could be so disrespectful to someone who gave and gave so much to the organization is terrible. I'm sure she's quite proud of herself for what she did - the public humiliation was horrible and the theater company lost a very dedicated worker over what she did. There are consequences to your actions, no matter how good or bad they may be.

 

 

Maybe it's narcissistic personality, trying to make others happy, technology, etc. The list goes on. But there is no excuse as to how and why these things continue to happen with others.

[somanymistakes]

Never had any problems with women friends being bitchy or catty at me.

 

Obviously it does exist, but it's also very largely a media stereotype that gets played up, just like the stereotype of male friends being BROS! BROS! BROS! BROS! constantly encouaging each other to chug more brews and go to strip clubs together.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I disagree that cattiness and jealousy is typical of women. Sure there are the odd personality clashes which happen, but I think most of us have minimal experience receiving/showing jealous and nasty behaviour.

 

I also tend to think that those of us who are the nicest and kindest are least likely to be on the receiving end of drama. I received a bit when I was younger, but I recognise that my own behaviour was somewhat lacking at the time.

 

I agree. I don't understand how or why this would happen in adult relationships at all. I have this in exactly zero of my female friendships. In fact, it's just the opposite. I'm blessed to have a lot of very close girlfriends (mostly very long-term friendships) and they feed my soul. There's no cattiness whatsoever. Even my 17-year-old daughter has had NONE of this in her middle school and high school years. She's part of a great "squad" of girls who are, I think, just more emotionally intelligent than some....she tells me there are petty/mean/cliquey girls in school and she just steers clear. Thank God! I do remember emotional fights when I was in high school, but they were more of the "you're ignoring me and paying more attention to her!" variety.

[fredflint]

My first thought is why are you wasting mental energy still tied up with these people. Try not to ruminate on them. Why do they deserve even another second of your consideration let alone a forum discussion? There are cruel people in the world. Fail fast with them. As soon as someone shows you who they are, believe them. Block them and focus your energy instead on building quality relationships with kind people. The secret is not to fight the old (even internally), but to build the new.

Edited June 16, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Format ~ V

[lana-banana]

Women are (generally) more passive-aggressive and catty because it's not socially acceptable for them to be angry or violent. Men can yell and shout and shove. Women can't let off anger that way or else they're a "bitch" or "psycho". So they find other ways to lash out, which can be frustrating.

 

That said, I am always wary of women who insist they can't have good relationships with other women, that all their friends are men, etc. If all the women in your life are just mean or jealous or hateful or bitter or whatever, they're not the problem.

[guest569]

Hmm, I think you just need to be selective with who you choose to become friends with and cut back on social media. Posting a political rant on Facebook is going to tick people off. If you don’t care, then you need to accept the drama that comes with it.