I dont believe in giving up

[JayHarris]

I feel so unsatisfied. Everything I read on here tells you to let the dumper go and do NC. Do it so you can heal and move on because they dumped you for a reason. Have self-respect, why do you want to be with someone that dumped you, there's plenty of fish, etc.

 

We all say these things to protect ourselves but do we ever truly get closure this way? I believe after a certain amount of NC, the dumper begins to completely move on and lose all interest in you. Especially if it's a female dumper. I'm probably going to fail and fail hard but the satisfaction of knowing I gave it 100% will allow me to move on. Love isn't a game. "Oh, if I ignore her for months, she'll run back to me." Let me be the guinea pig. The test dummy for all of you that are scared ****less of reaching out to your ex while missing the hell out of them.

 

Laugh at me, call me an idiot, tell me how it'll set me back, but I feel good about this decision. My EX ended it with me due to reasons that were very fixable. Not with me, but with my work and my living situation. She said she ended it because she didn't want one of us to change because she believes it'd lead to resentment and she wanted our lives to fit perfectly.

 

Do you know how f'n frustrating that is to hear? You all are probably thinking there's a much deeper reason but this girl is a unique case. She's very feminine and ocd. The slightest things set her off and she has a ton of pride. She can't stand when guys hit on her for looks and she chooses to have personal connections with people based on personality traits. I know her well. We had a deep connection and had so much respect and trust. I'm going to pour it all out there. I am going to invite her to meet me at our favorite park and tell her my genuine feelings for her and why what caused the end of our relationship is very fixable and would lead to 0 resentment.

 

Maybe she'll tell me to screw off and leave her alone forever. Maybe she won't come to the park and will ignore my text. Maybe this'll set me back a bit if she rejects me again. Maybe the odds are low. But I feel like I didn't give it 100% to fight for her. If she rejects me after she sees how much I truly love her and what she gave up, I'll have no choice to move on and I won't have to wonder what if

 

Wish me luck. I'll report back.

[fredflint]

Maybe she'll tell me to screw off and leave her alone forever. Maybe she won't come to the park and will ignore my text. Maybe this'll set me back a bit if she rejects me again. Maybe the odds are low. But I feel like I didn't give it 100% to fight for her. If she rejects me after she sees how much I truly love her and what she gave up, I'll have no choice to move on and I won't have to wonder what if

 

Wish me luck. I'll report back.

 

You're in bargaining stage and you're making a mistake. Chasing her will cause her to lose respect for you. That's deeply unattractive. But I do wish you luck.

Edited June 16, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Cut back on quoted material ~ V

[JayHarris]

You're in bargaining stage and you're making a mistake. Chasing her will cause her to lose respect for you. That's deeply unattractive. But I do wish you luck.

 

I know it sounds so stupid. It was a short relationship but it was the craziest connection ever. We spent 5/6 out of 7 days a week together, always kissing, holding hands, dreaming about vacations, the future, etc.

 

I'm not going to beg her to come back but just show her much she truly meant to me and then she can react however she wishes.

 

It was short but felt like years and I know she genuinely loved me. I think if I go to NC, it'll backfire and she'll think I have moved on. I either act and get her back(low odds) or do nothing and lose her forever while feeling like I never gave it my all for someone I deeply love.

[Happy Lemming]

Personally, I've never really cared "why" a woman dumped me. I don't care what her reason is. I'm the best "me" I can be and I'm not going to make some wide sweeping change to keep her.

 

I'm not inflexible, but I have learned that minute you make some fundamental change to yourself, next month there will be some other issue and there will be another change required, and another and another. NOPE!! I like the person I am and if that isn't good enough, Good-bye!!

 

NEXT!!

[Marc878]

I know it sounds so stupid. It was a short relationship but it was the craziest connection ever. We spent 5/6 out of 7 days a week together, always kissing, holding hands, dreaming about vacations, the future, etc.

 

I'm not going to beg her to come back but just show her much she truly meant to me and then she can react however she wishes.

 

It was short but felt like years and I know she genuinely loved me. I think if I go to NC, it'll backfire and she'll think I have moved on. I either act and get her back(low odds) or do nothing and lose her forever while feeling like I never gave it my all for someone I deeply love.

 

You're projecting your feelings onto her.

[Woggle]

You are wasting your time trying to make a woman love. Either she does or she doesn't.

[RecentChange]

Why would you want to try to build a relationship with someone who is capable of dumping you, someone who is capable of walking away from you, someone that you have to practically beg to be with you?

 

Hint, that isn't someone who loves or respects you.

 

Without those things, a relationship is bound to fail, and is very prone to cheating, abuse etc.

 

Lick your wounds, keep your dignity, and find someone who wont easily turn their back on you.

[HiCrunchy]

I feel so unsatisfied. Everything I read on here tells you to let the dumper go and do NC. Do it so you can heal and move on because they dumped you for a reason. Have self-respect, why do you want to be with someone that dumped you, there's plenty of fish, etc.

 

We all say these things to protect ourselves but do we ever truly get closure this way? I believe after a certain amount of NC, the dumper begins to completely move on and lose all interest in you. Especially if it's a female dumper. I'm probably going to fail and fail hard but the satisfaction of knowing I gave it 100% will allow me to move on. Love isn't a game. "Oh, if I ignore her for months, she'll run back to me." Let me be the guinea pig. The test dummy for all of you that are scared ****less of reaching out to your ex while missing the hell out of them.

 

Wish me luck. I'll report back.

 

No contact is just giving the person what they want. It isn't about giving up or wanting to make them crawl back to you by ignoring them, it is about respecting the new boundaries they have set. Since it is someone you are about then you should respect those boundaries. Also, it is about just giving yourself enough space to gather your emotions together. If the person decides that they want to come back, then you have the choice of giving it another try then but for now, this is your new reality. All you can do is wish them well. If you wish to continue to try and convince her, you will push her away.Ur best shot is to tell her that you love her and would like to give it another chance. Then let it go and unless she makes a conscious effort to try and get back together, then I would say leave it in the past.

Edited June 16, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Cut back on quoted material ~ V

[Woggle]

What is it with these men tearing themselves up over women who couldn't care less about them? They could be making moves or at least having fun and living it up themselves but instead they waste their time and energy on a lost cause. If they built their own life up they women would come naturally and high quality ones too.

[Happy Lemming]

What is it with these men tearing themselves up over women who couldn't care less about them? They could be making moves or at least having fun and living it up themselves but instead they waste their time and energy on a lost cause. If they built their own life up they women would come naturally and high quality ones too.

 

I agree...

 

I have this internal "mute" button in my brain... When a woman says to me "I no longer want to see you"... the mute button kicks in and I start thinking where I can find the next one. I don't listen to her reason "why" or anything else. It becomes "white noise" and I'm out the door and headed to my next destination, before she can finish her sentence.

[basil67]

Jay, I frequently read here:

 

Men: She will lose respect for you if you go chasing her.

Women: He didn't fight for our relationship!

 

Both have merit. And at least you'll know you did everything you could. Just don't get your hopes pinned too high.

[Woggle]

I agree...

 

I have this internal "mute" button in my brain... When a woman says to me "I no longer want to see you"... the mute button kicks in and I start thinking where I can find the next one. I don't listen to her reason "why" or anything else. It becomes "white noise" and I'm out the door and headed to my next destination, before she can finish her sentence.

 

Exactly. The way I see it is love me or leave me alone. You are either in or out.

[Woggle]

Jay, I frequently read here:

 

Men: She will lose respect for you if you go chasing her.

Women: He didn't fight for our relationship!

 

Both have merit. And at least you'll know you did everything you could. Just don't get your hopes pinned too high.

 

When a woman says that it is only her ego talking. She thought she had a certain power over men and found out that she didn't. The minute he does fight for her loses interest. Almost no man ever has won by begging a woman to love him. The odds of winning the lottery are probably better.

[JayHarris]

I know my odds are low. I know most of you have valid points and speaking from experience and general knowledge. I just trust my intuition. I have to do it. I won't be mean, I won't cry, I'll thank her for the response I receive and move on. It's the way I am wired. Maybe I am selfish but I always have to give 100% in life if I think something is worth chasing. I do love this woman a lot and I believe she made a confused decision due to peer pressure and uncertainties in her career. I just want to show her how much she means to me and lay it all out there. Stupid, immature, weak, pathetic, etc.

 

I know. I'll report back and if it goes like most are expecting, you can say I told you so in all caps.

[Woggle]

Even if she made a decision due to peer pressure and career pressure do you want your relationship and your life to be at the mercy of her friends and whatever her career status is? Life will always throw various pressures at people. What happens if one day you marry her and she meets some peers who talk her into wanting a divorce or if she has stresses at her job and has no time for you?

[Happy Lemming]

I know. I'll report back and if it goes like most are expecting, you can say I told you so in all caps.

 

None of us want to say "I told you so" we want to spare you any additional pain and help you begin the healing process.

 

You can't begin to heal until you let go.

 

Just my two cents...

[BluesPower]

This one will end badly... Just saying...

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

You don't believe in giving up.

 

Do you believe in respecting what this woman has decided is best for HER in her life right now?

[mistakemaker1]

i lost my gf years ago and i never gave and i got her back

the reason why we arnt talking right now is because we got into a huge fight.

the thing i learned about women. is that they all seem to follow a similar pattern, theyll be wild and crazy and then meet a guy and stick with him for a few years , then they start getting relationship anxiety and cold feet, n they jump ship usualy for someone else or to just be alone.

 

i warn you, i went threw 6 months of agony, basically being a door matt, saftey blanket. picking up bread crumbs every week, being ignored when she would be the one who text me first, then id reply n get nothing, anyone would think that only a retard would do that, but when you in love, youll do anything n so i did. i was always there and n ever judged, n i got her back. and i couldnt believe because i thought it was like reviving the dead.i put aside everything mean she did and she was doing and let it go, i put her first, and if you want her , then you need to do that.

 

im not in a different situation. were i made a mistake. but i know in my heart i got her back when it seemed impossible, i know i can save my relationship again. if you need more advice just ask good luck

[Morello]

The reality is that you're suffering from the 'illusion of action'. You're under the illusion that you can fix this by doing something. Saying the right words, writing the right message, giving her right that gift that will make her remember the good things about your relationship.

 

In reality, the only way you can probably salvage this is giving her space (lots of it), showing that you'd like to get back with her but respect her decision and that you know your worth. The more you beg for a second chance, the more you'll show her that you think you don't have self-respect. This is what you're showing her when you insist to change her mind.

 

Unfortunately we also have the illusion that doing a huge (or even small) romantic act will accomplish something, like we see in the movies. The reality couldn't go further from that. Even if you do get her to come back by begging, it won't go far, as you can see from the example of the poster above.

 

Women are repulsed by neediness and that's what you'll show if you keep trying to change her mind. The only way to get her respect back is by moving on with your life.

 

I understand you might have to try anyway so you can get proof that begging (or reasoning with her) doesn't work. Most people here did that and they're talking from experience. I also talk from experience that trying to convince my ex to get back only led her to ignore me and avoid me like the plague. That's probably what you'll accomplish with your course of action.

[mistakemaker1]

]

 

Watch these videos. There cartoons n youtube videos but they helped me over come pain in a relationship

 

The first one is about the legend of zelda but it really explains the stages of grief n depression

 

 

Next one is mega tron turning into galvatron . Made me feel like i needed to become someone new

 

 

Next one was iron giant scene. I pretended that he was the defender of my emotions

 

 

The last one is smaug from the cartoon. Who now guards my heart.

 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rWVeZx2IP30

 

Watch tthese videos over n over again. Might sound stupid. But what your fighting inside is not real. There emotions. Mentally biuld these inner figments to defend you.

 

Another 2 honerable mentions. 44 minuiites north holywood shootout, be the bank robber fighting there way out n another one. Naruto vs saske at final vally. Be naruto

[Bromeo]

I empathize completely with your thinking. I was there too.

 

You need to understand that there is action in walking away and being focused on yourself and your happiness.

 

Don’t believe me? Read my thread. I chased until it drove me until a hole.

 

I’ll never act like that again.

 

Be safe.

[HumanMachine]

What is it with these men tearing themselves up over women who couldn't care less about them? They could be making moves or at least having fun and living it up themselves but instead they waste their time and energy on a lost cause. If they built their own life up they women would come naturally and high quality ones too.

 

This is one of the best posts posts I’ve ever read. 100% spot on.

[fredflint]

Jay, I frequently read here:

 

Men: She will lose respect for you if you go chasing her.

Women: He didn't fight for our relationship!

 

Both have merit. And at least you'll know you did everything you could. Just don't get your hopes pinned too high.

 

Just because women sometimes want to be "fought for", doesn't mean they will want the man that does that.

[fredflint]

I know my odds are low. I know most of you have valid points and speaking from experience and general knowledge. I just trust my intuition. I have to do it. I won't be mean, I won't cry, I'll thank her for the response I receive and move on. It's the way I am wired. Maybe I am selfish but I always have to give 100% in life if I think something is worth chasing. I do love this woman a lot and I believe she made a confused decision due to peer pressure and uncertainties in her career. I just want to show her how much she means to me and lay it all out there. Stupid, immature, weak, pathetic, etc.

 

I know. I'll report back and if it goes like most are expecting, you can say I told you so in all caps.

 

If you persuade her to come back to you, you are in for compounded heartache, I can practically guarantee it. It's not a case of I told you so. You're getting good advice here. You're not listening to your intuition, you're listening to your neediness. When you use words like stupid immature weak, pathetic, you are listening to your intuition - that's your gut telling you this is not a respectable or dignified move. So don't do it!