I dont believe in giving up

[bathtub-row]

Well, if nothing else, she’s treating really badly. I’m really sorry. I know it hurts a lot.

[JayHarris]

Well, if nothing else, she’s treating really badly. I’m really sorry. I know it hurts a lot.

 

Thanks. I guess a strong signal that she's 100% over me is better than mixed signals that would leave me stuck. While it'll always hurt that someone eliminated me from their life so easily, at least it'll serve as a reminder that I need to get over her.

 

I had to kindly ask my friend to stop giving me updates on her life. He said she's all over social media acting very happy. Taking vacations, going to the zoo, posting happy selfies, etc. At the job we share, she is leaving and is "waiting" on a new job to call her in the future. Pretty irresponsible and immature, but who am I to care anymore?

 

Sounds like the breakup brought her a lot of happiness. So, really, any kind of reachout from me would just be an annoyance and would make me feel bad about myself. Time to move on as hard as it'll be...i never realized letting me go could lead to such happiness. Humbling experience, no doubt.

Edited June 24, 2018 by JayHarris

[bathtub-row]

Dang. I wouldn’t want to hear about that, either. I don’t know. I don’t believe that people just move on in that way. I think she’s masking everything and it’ll probably come back to bite her at some point.

[fromheart]

i've decided i'll just box it and leave it off to the side. If she wants it, she can contact me. I can't get myself to make any kind of gesture to show that she's even in my mind. I just really don't want to make any kind of effort to associate with her in any way whatsoever when she could give 2 Fs about my existence. I'm tired of feeling weak and obsessing over someone who is probably happy as hell that I am out of her life.

 

 

In such a situation I'd message along the lines of,

 

'Your stuff is still here, am happy to leave it with mutual friend. If I don't hear from you no prob, I'll take that as you don't want your stuff.'

 

If her reply was rude in anyway;

 

'Please address me in an adult fashion, or I wont be responding.'

 

If no adult reply was forthcoming, I'd leave her stuff at a charity shop. Sometimes you have to be tough with those who act like spoiled children.

[JayHarris]

Hey all, some of you may remember my story and my heartbreak over my relationship ending. My ex reached out to be the other day and it startled me.

 

Long story short, she told me she ended it in large part because of my two dogs. I thought it was a BS excuse. She has OCD and the dog hairs + the dogs sometimes using the bathroom in the house bothered her a lot. She said she never wanted to ask me to get rid of them because I'd resent her so she knew we couldn't be happy together b/c she didn't like dogs being around.

 

Well, I begged and pleaded and acted weak. I told her they could move with my parents and said a bunch of weak stuff that annoyed her. Weeks and weeks later, she reached out to me. It was a casual conversation until she asked if I would really give up my dogs for her. I asked her why? She said if I truly thought I could give them to my parents without it bothering me, she thinks our relationship would be perfect and she'd want to give it a 2nd shot. I just couldn't do it. I looked over at my two babies wagging their tails and staring at me and I just couldn't do it. All I ever wanted was this woman back in my life because I still love her but my dogs have loved me unconditionally. If I got rid of them, I would feel guilty and whenever the day came that they passed, I'd live with regret forever.

 

This just made things much worse. When I told her I couldn't do it, she said she understood and hopes we both find the perfect relationship one day. I asked her why it'd be so hard to make it work with dogs and wouldn't a backyard make things easy? She it's a mental block that she cannot control and would lead to daily discomfort.

 

What do you all think? Did I do the right thing? I love this woman so much and wanted her back so bad but I would feel like the biggest POS of all time if I abandoned my dogs.

 

It goes to show that I didn't really mean it when I first offered them to live with my parents. I was desperate and wanted to do anything to get her back. When faced with the reality of having to do it today, I brokedown and cried. These were rescue dogs that would have been put to sleep who have grown to love me. I really don't get why she can't get over them and be around them. But at least she was honest.

Edited July 2, 2018 by JayHarris

[CantTakeMySmile]

Yes, you did the right thing

[overcome]

You did the right thing. I'm sorry man. I think the right woman for you would be one that loves animals and is not allergic to them.

 

Your dogs will always love you no matter what. Good days and bad. I hope one day you will be rewarded for choosing your dogs over this woman.

[BluesPower]

Yes you did but for the wrong reason...

 

Getting or keeping the dogs is immaterial, and that is what you don't get.

 

She was shady from the start, and she knew you had dogs.

 

Now, what is probably happening is she has not met anyone that she is really interested in, and she is checking out plan B to see if he is willing to sacrifice for her. Or her and her other BF broke up.

 

Part of you is still being weak to actually entertain the idea of getting back with her for any reason.

 

Can you see how you still need to change how your mind looks at this?

 

You still don't understand your worth as a man, and what you should and should not put up with.

 

You need to learn it quick or you will get screwed over again...

[preraph]

Of course you did the right thing. Be loyal to those that love you for who you are. Those dogs are your responsibility and you love them and they love you. With her, it was going to start with that and then be something else, and if she's tedious now, can you imagine how tedious she will be as she grows old. This was a very wise decision and I'm glad you got out of it without hating each other totally. She is no kind of person if she can't tolerate the most loving creature on earth.

 

Go snuggle with your dogs. They'll never let you down, I promise.

 

She expects you to give up living creatures you love. What kind of selfishness is that? She has the option of taking this time to get professional help. OCD stuff can often be improved.

Edited July 2, 2018 by preraph

[JayHarris]

It is so sad to learn that someone you loved so much isn't who you thought they are as a person. I'm hurting bad today. The ex called me crying just an hour ago saying she made a huge mistake letting me go. It was music to my ears...I thought. I really thought it was the dogs. What a fool. She confessed that the real reason she left was because she was at a friend's party and met a guy. She said she learned during her time with him that I was exactly what she needed in a partner and she made a big mistake. He wowed her from the get go but ended up showing his true colors and hitting on other women all of the time and it made her realize that a loyal guy like me is hard to find. He was 9 years older than me, he made amazing money, he owned a house, he was ready to have kids, etc. She said she felt I was too young and unsettled in life for her and her clock was ticking and this guy seemed perfect. But she said she realized that a personal connection is much more important than that other stuff and while this guy was great on paper, he didn't treat her half as good as I did in their short time together.

 

I told her that the trust has been broken and I just can't possibly get back with someone that is dishonest and willing to leave me for another guy. If he was a nice guy, she would have never came back to me. Basically the only reason she called me crying is because he was an ahole and she knew I was a nice voice. I feel broken. I got closure but it's such a sad feeling that someone can just run off to another guy so easily even if she realized he isn't what she wanted. She told me she hopes one day I'll forgive her and reconsider. All of my friends told me they'll disown me and lose all respect for me if I get back with her. I agreed with them.

Edited July 2, 2018 by JayHarris

[CantTakeMySmile]

It is so sad to learn that someone you loved so much isn't who you thought they are as a person. I'm hurting bad today. The ex called me crying just an hour ago saying she made a huge mistake letting me go. It was music to my ears...I thought. I really thought it was the dogs. What a fool. She confessed that the real reason she left was because she was at a friend's party and met a guy. She said she learned during her time with him that I was exactly what she needed in a partner and she made a big mistake. He wowed her from the get go but ended up showing his true colors and hitting on other women all of the time and it made her realize that a loyal guy like me is hard to find. He was 9 years older than me, he made amazing money, he owned a house, he was ready to have kids, etc. She said she felt I was too young and unsettled in life for her and her clock was ticking and this guy seemed perfect. But she said she realized that a personal connection is much more important than that other stuff and while this guy was great on paper, he didn't treat her half as good as I did in their short time together.

 

I told her that the trust has been broken and I just can't possibly get back with someone that is dishonest and willing to leave me for another guy. If he was a nice guy, she would have never came back to me. Basically the only reason she called me crying is because he was an ahole and she knew I was a nice voice. I feel broken. I got closure but it's such a sad feeling that someone can just run off to another guy so easily even if she realized he isn't what she wanted. She told me she hopes one day I'll forgive her and reconsider. All of my friends told me they'll disown me and lose all respect for me if I get back with her. I agreed with them.

 

 

I think you did the right thing. IT doesn't matter what your friends belive though. IT is not about them.

 

 

What she did was horrible. Not only did she lie to you this entire time, but she made you consider giving up your dogs (your responsibly)! Wow, that is low.

 

 

I will admit that I didn't believe the excuse she gave you. I believed there was another man or she wanted there to be.

 

 

Though what she did was low, at least she didn't cheat on you (that you know of). But, regardless, she put you on the back burner until she found out that he wasn't for her. You never know, maybe HE dumped her... you will never know, because you can never trust her.

 

 

Yes, at least you have closure now. That's good. I know it is hard but it has been hard this whole time... now you have you answers and there is no going back.

 

 

Good luck!

[preraph]

I'm so sorry. This just reinforces what I said about not trading your dog for a human. This dog thing was just the tip of the iceberg. She has lots of issues that weren't going to work in a relationship. Sounds like she's a bit of a golddigger. Can't believe she had the cheek to confess to you after the fact, but at least it validated your choice. You should block her so she can't keep trying to pull your strings because her trying to cry on your shoulder about this tells me she's either very selfish or very manipulative or both, probably the latter. Block and be done with her.

[JayHarris]

And I guarantee it was just a moment of weakness. If I had agreed to get back, I'd probably get dumped again in a week, a month, who knows, but sometime in the future. What a mean person.

[CantTakeMySmile]

And I guarantee it was just a moment of weakness. If I had agreed to get back, I'd probably get dumped again in a week, a month, who knows, but sometime in the future. What a mean person.

 

This is probably very true. You are one step ahead now. Have you blocked her phone number?

[JP92]

Did we date the same woman? Holy sh...

[overcome]

Sorry Jay. That sucks. But you are thinking correctly. She put you on the back burner and when things went south, she thought she could just call you up, cry and claim what a big mistake she made. Sorry but she did screw up and I don't think you can go forward with a woman who is so easily swayed. She doesn't know what she wants and you're right. More than likely she will find another reason to break up with you when things get boring or some new guy pops into the picture.

 

Here's the takeaway that you should tell yourself. Not all women/men are like this. She is one of those women and maybe one day she will grow up and realize you don't treat people like this. If she wanted to move on because she "lost that love'n feel'n" so be it. But she lied and went after another guy who made promises he could not keep. Then she has balls to ask for you back.

 

I've met plenty of women who are not like this. Remember that when you start dating again. Don't let this one keep you from realizing that there are quality people out there who will appreciate you for who you are. And your dogs

 

That being said, I give you a lot of credit for doing what you did. You suffered (and still are) but you took the road less traveled. For you Jay, I hope this little detour in life will reward you with happiness when you meet the right one.

[bathtub-row]

First of all, I believe that animals are family and I would personally never give mine up. That’s just how I feel about it. When we take on a pet, we take on that responsibility.

 

As far as your ex, I don’t think it would be out of line to see if the two of you can rebuild your relationship. I do think it’s very possible that she actually did learn her lesson. Why not just try dating again and see what happens? Even if it doesn’t work out, maybe it won’t hurt so much. You can also tell her that if she even acts like she’s going to pull a stunt like that again, it’s all bets off. I’m sure that’s something she’s not likely to forget.

[JayHarris]

First of all, I believe that animals are family and I would personally never give mine up. That’s just how I feel about it. When we take on a pet, we take on that responsibility.

 

As far as your ex, I don’t think it would be out of line to see if the two of you can rebuild your relationship. I do think it’s very possible that she actually did learn her lesson. Why not just try dating again and see what happens? Even if it doesn’t work out, maybe it won’t hurt so much. You can also tell her that if she even acts like she’s going to pull a stunt like that again, it’s all bets off. I’m sure that’s something she’s not likely to forget.

 

I want to get back with her badly, but I can’t fight off the negative thoughts. It hurts me so much to think about her sleeping with another man right after dumping me and I’m afraid she’d easily dump me again. If it didn’t work out again, I’d be more crushed than ever. So I’m torn. While it’d bring me a lot of happiness, I know the risk of being heartbroken again is there and my friends think I’m a joke if I go back. I might ask to meet and have a serious talk.

[Estuaire]

Wow what a crazy thread. At least you got closure in 3 weeks. That's pretty fast. i got dumped on the 16th for another dude. Be grateful you had the choice. I think you rock btw

[bathtub-row]

I want to get back with her badly, but I can’t fight off the negative thoughts. It hurts me so much to think about her sleeping with another man right after dumping me and I’m afraid she’d easily dump me again. If it didn’t work out again, I’d be more crushed than ever. So I’m torn. While it’d bring me a lot of happiness, I know the risk of being heartbroken again is there and my friends think I’m a joke if I go back. I might ask to meet and have a serious talk.

 

It’s a really tough decision and what she did is something very tough to get past. When I say date, I think sex should be off the table for now. Maybe not even date. Just see if you can converse, talk things through, try to understand each other’s points of view. I understand about the hurt factor and looking weak in the eyes of your friends - and those actually are very big things. But I know you want things to work out, too, which is also a big thing. You know, relationships are risk. There’s no question about that. I realize she threw a real monkey wrench into things by what she did but if she’s young and fairly inexperienced, then she may deserve another chance.

 

When I was young, I was raised in a strict religion that I eventually left. I was married and was convinced that my husband didn’t care all that much about me. Anyway, I cheated on him and when he found out, he was crushed. And being the naive person I was, I was shocked by his reaction. I never dreamed I would’ve hurt him in such a way. We tried to patch things up but the religion was killing me and I simply wanted out. But I swore I’d never hurt anyone like that again and I never did. My point is, sometimes people really are naive in anticipating the results of their actions. If your ex is that upset about what she did and if she came to realize what a prize she had in you, then things may be salvageable.

[JayHarris]

I truly am stupid.

 

I asked her to meet and talk about it and she blew it off and said she had a moment of weakness and realized her first decision to end it was still best.

 

How heartless can a human be? I should have stayed NC :(

[JayHarris]

Then I made the cruel mistake of checking her social media to see she's in a DIFFERENT STATE-she's 8 hours away. She was never serious about meeting up or getting back together. She's posting a bunch of sexy selfies with friends on a mountain hike and who knows if guys are with her.

 

What a mean joke. I apologize to this forum for looking like such a pathetic loser and believing this woman actually wanted me back. She just ended up hurting me even more than she did the first time. I seriously can't sleep and can't get over the mean tease.

 

Let me be the example for everyone here: STAY NC!!!!

Edited July 6, 2018 by JayHarris

[bathtub-row]

Wow! That’s completely horrible. Well, when it stops stinging, you’ll realize she’s really a low-class human being with no heart. Good riddance to her. I’m sure I don’t need to say it, but I would never engage her in another conversation - just in case she tries to jerk your chain again. Just ignore her completely.

 

I’m really sorry she did that but now you know. Otherwise, you would’ve continued to wonder if you should’ve given her another chance. No question about any of it now. I’m so sorry.

[fromheart]

I truly am stupid.

 

I asked her to meet and talk about it and she blew it off and said she had a moment of weakness and realized her first decision to end it was still best.

 

How heartless can a human be? I should have stayed NC :(

 

 

This is why we were saying stay NC man.

 

You reinforced her first decision by reaching out to her. Her first decision was to end it with you because she perceived you as unattractive and weak. NC rips that apart. Reaching out to her reinforces that belief.

 

It's good that you've learned this hash lesson, most of us have done it at some point.

 

You can turn this negative into a positive by applying the NC rule right now.

[bathtub-row]

This is why we were saying stay NC man.

 

You reinforced her first decision by reaching out to her. Her first decision was to end it with you because she perceived you as unattractive and weak. NC rips that apart. Reaching out to her reinforces that belief.

 

It's good that you've learned this hash lesson, most of us have done it at some point.

 

You can turn this negative into a positive by applying the NC rule right now.

 

She called him, gave him a song and dance, cried, sounded remorseful. If she saw his reaction to that as weak, then she’s a first-class jerk. Sorry, he did nothing wrong in saying he would be willing to meet. She’s the one in the wrong in every sense of the word. She’s selfish, uncaring and cold. He didn’t know that for sure until now.