DonnaBella Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 I fell in love in my former professor. I am 22 y.o and he is 33 y.o. He is a chemist scientist who spends most of his life on research, publishing articles, and making experiments. As I know he doesn’t have neither wife nor girlfriend. He was never married. He doesn’t drink alcohol. He is very responsible and self-controlling person. I am not sure about whether he ever had a girlfriend? When I was taking his class, he helped me a lot, so I was very grateful to him. He showed many signs that he is attracted to me like he was always looking at me during class time, he was joking a lot and looking the way I reacted to it, he was teasing me and I just naturally felt his strong attraction to me. My best friend also noticed his special attitude to me. However, after a couple of time my professor told me that I lack life experience. At that time I didn’t seriously take it. Then I realized what he meant. He actually was saying that I am immature and probably childish for him. But still even after passing his course I saw him in the uni and I fell his attraction to me. I also started to study French and thus asked him for a help. He is native French speaker. He agreed to help me. We were supposed to have a class during which we can speak French. On that day he invited to our class his colleague who is also a French-native speaker. So the three of us went to a coffee house and talked in French. When introducing me to his colleague, my professor told that I am seeking a husband in France; to which I rashly responded that I am not going to marry in my next 10 years because I want to make my career ( I am from very traditional central asian country where girls usually marry early). He was laughing at it and during our conversation he mentioned again about marriage. I don’t know was it a sign ? But he always teased me, so I didn’t pay attention. Also, I noticed that when we are alone, both of us feel a bit awkward when it comes to speak bout something different from lectures or class. Once me and my mother went to a restaurant where he was sitting with his friends and colleagues. He noticed me and got scared. At first I didn’t notice him but then I felt that someone was staring at me and then hiding after the door. They were sitting in one private room, so when they finished, he went out and wanted to pass unnoticed. Then I saw him and said hi and then introduced my mother to him. He turned red and was very shy. Even my mom noticed it and told me that my professor is very shy. All those small occasions showed me that he is not indifferent to me. My feelings grew up to him every day. But then I suddenly heart that he is leaving because he accepted a new position in other uni in London. I was very sad about it. I decided to forget him. However, I failed. After half a year he came to our uni again because of his work and gave a lecture as a guest in our uni to which I came. And guess what? I still like him. He was again looking at me, joking a lot and teasing. I am sure that he related to me different as to other students, female-students. There is definitely something more what he feels for me than just as a professor to his probably favorite student. He arrived only for a week and then he left again. I recently graduated from that uni and now I am planning to proceed my studying in London. It’s not just because of him. My decision was mainly based on the quality of education. But the fact that he lives there now pushes me to try to start relationships with him. I really do like him a lot. I want to know him better. But from his side there was no initiative which I explained to myself as his shyness or uncertainty and also academic restrictions on the romantic relationships between prof and students. So can you help me by giving me advice and telling whether it is ok if I take initiative and start dating him ??????? And what kind of tips can you give me?????
d0nnivain Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 You have graduated so you are free to date whomever. Send him a note in French & ask him to meet you for coffee. When you meet, flirt with him. Remind him that you have graduated. Confirm that he's not dating anybody. See where that leads you. 1
Mr. Lucky Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 also academic restrictions on the romantic relationships between prof and students. I'd guess it was this. With the #metoo movement rightfully going strong, most men have learned to respect boundaries. Qui ne risque rien n'a rien. I'd send him a note asking to meet for coffee and see where things go from there... Mr. Lucky 1
d0nnivain Posted June 17, 2018 Posted June 17, 2018 So I also still have doubts about whether he likes me too or not???? or it was just my fantasy or imagination(hahahah). Can you help me by giving me advice whether it is ok if I take initiative and start dating him ??????? Do I need to confess in love to him or I need to keep silence and wait his confession ???And what kind of tips can you give me????? You have a crush on your former professor. There is no need to confess to him. He is fully aware of how you feel. He does not share your feelings. At every turn he has done everything to dissuade you from this folly, short of outright rejecting you & embarrassing you. He has told you that you lack life experience. He has blocked you from social media. When you dreamed of a romantic time at the café speaking French he brought a colleague so that things would remain platonic. His refusal to speak to you in Russian is him taking great pains to avoid giving you the impression that you have a connection. You can ask him on a date if you like but his answer will be a resounding No. You will force him to definitively & unequivocally hurt your feelings. If that is what it will take to make you stop this foolishness, that is what has to happen. You were a good student but that was his only interest in you. My tip for you is forget about him. London is a big city. Move there & get on with your life. Bonne chance! 1
d0nnivain Posted June 17, 2018 Posted June 17, 2018 Armed with this new info that he has repeatedly but subtly rejected you he may meet you to speak French or Russian in London but he will undoubtedly bring another colleague to keep things platonic. He's not interested. To him you are a silly school girl with a crush.
Author DonnaBella Posted June 17, 2018 Author Posted June 17, 2018 but then why did he agree to teach me French?!? he really had an option to refuse me. Also, why did he continue to look at me, still smiling, tasing, etc. I was not such a good student. To be honest, I've got C in his course. I also told him every time that I don't like his course and it's boring.
d0nnivain Posted June 17, 2018 Posted June 17, 2018 He agreed to teach you French because he probably likes you as a person & sees your desire to learn. Teachers like that. Those do not add up to a desire to date you. As a former student he does not see you as an equal.
JuneL Posted June 17, 2018 Posted June 17, 2018 Armed with this new info that he has repeatedly but subtly rejected you he may meet you to speak French or Russian in London but he will undoubtedly bring another colleague to keep things platonic. He's not interested. To him you are a silly school girl with a crush. What the said info deleted?
Author DonnaBella Posted June 17, 2018 Author Posted June 17, 2018 He agreed to teach you French because he probably likes you as a person & sees your desire to learn. Teachers like that. Those do not add up to a desire to date you. As a former student he does not see you as an equal. Thank you for your honesty! I also thought about it) but his last visit to our uni was very demonstrative. If he just likes me as a person with strong learning ambitions and he is aware of my crush on him, but sees me only as a small silly girl, then he should just ignore me or at least stay neutral without smiling, making me laugh or joking with me. He could even not reply on my flirt, thus showing me his indifference. I don't understand his play! Once I decide to forget him, something happens which makes me to think about him more)
stillafool Posted June 17, 2018 Posted June 17, 2018 Thank you for your honesty! I also thought about it) but his last visit to our uni was very demonstrative. If he just likes me as a person with strong learning ambitions and he is aware of my crush on him, but sees me only as a small silly girl, then he should just ignore me or at least stay neutral without smiling, making me laugh or joking with me. He could even not reply on my flirt, thus showing me his indifference. I don't understand his play! Once I decide to forget him, something happens which makes me to think about him more) So he's supposed to change his entire personality so you don't keep crushing on him? Why can't you just control your emotions around a man who has no interest in you? I'm sure every year he has to deal with student crushes like most professors; even much older ones. They could have more sex than rock stars if they wanted to.
Author DonnaBella Posted June 17, 2018 Author Posted June 17, 2018 (edited) So he's supposed to change his entire personality so you don't keep crushing on him? Why can't you just control your emotions around a man who has no interest in you? I'm sure every year he has to deal with student crushes like most professors; even much older ones. They could have more sex than rock stars if they wanted to. trust me, I know him really well and he is very shy person in terms of picking up girls and sleeping with his students. He even doesn't drink alcohol) that's why if he was such an alluring prof dating with his female students, I would never take seriously his flirting with me! I do agree with that I am not his big lovely dream. He strongly controls his feelings and keeps distance with me. I am just thinking that probably our sympathy is mutual, and if it is, I don't want to lose a chance to date with him Edited June 17, 2018 by DonnaBella
d0nnivain Posted June 18, 2018 Posted June 18, 2018 What the said info deleted? The original post from June 5 did not have as much detail as is there now.
preraph Posted June 18, 2018 Posted June 18, 2018 Words to live by: Don't confess your love to anybody unless it's between kisses. You're wanting to skip steps. First you need to be in a romantic relationship, and even then, it's usually not the best idea for the woman to be the first to confess her love because pressure makes men run for the hills very often. 1
stillafool Posted June 18, 2018 Posted June 18, 2018 trust me, I know him really well and he is very shy person in terms of picking up girls and sleeping with his students. He even doesn't drink alcohol) that's why if he was such an alluring prof dating with his female students, I would never take seriously his flirting with me! I do agree with that I am not his big lovely dream. He strongly controls his feelings and keeps distance with me. I am just thinking that probably our sympathy is mutual, and if it is, I don't want to lose a chance to date with him Is he a virgin?
bathtub-row Posted June 19, 2018 Posted June 19, 2018 He’s obviously an extremely intelligent guy and I would assume that you, too, are intelligent but if your speech is anything like your writing. I’d guess that he may think you’re a bit too childish for him. I’m not trying to be insulting, it’s just an observation. Perhaps English isn’t your first language? Anyway, a ten-year gap in age isn’t significant if the two people are 30 or older but any younger than that, the gap will most likely seem very pronounced. He knows you still have a life to live and to grow into yourself. This may be what’s holding him back. The incident where he was embarrassed may have been him not wanting to explain you to the people he was with. It’s hard to say. I personally think that if you tell him your feelings, he’s likely to see that as a childish thing to do. The truth is, it’s slmost never a good idea for a woman to tell a man that she’s in love with him until he has told her that already. But if you want to take your chances, then go for it. The other thing you have working against you is that going to London looks like you’re chasing him. So, try to see this from his perspective — a student that he’s mildly flirted with has followed him across the wetness and proclaims her love for him. Big risk. Tread carefully. 2
Author DonnaBella Posted June 19, 2018 Author Posted June 19, 2018 Is he a virgin? Hahahah..... probably! not sure
stillafool Posted June 19, 2018 Posted June 19, 2018 trust me, I know him really well and he is very shy person in terms of picking up girls and sleeping with his students. He even doesn't drink alcohol) that's why if he was such an alluring prof dating with his female students, I would never take seriously his flirting with me! I do agree with that I am not his big lovely dream. He strongly controls his feelings and keeps distance with me. I am just thinking that probably our sympathy is mutual, and if it is, I don't want to lose a chance to date with him Hahahah..... probably! not sure Sorry dear, but you don't know him really well at all or you would know this.
Author DonnaBella Posted June 19, 2018 Author Posted June 19, 2018 He’s obviously an extremely intelligent guy and I would assume that you, too, are intelligent but if your speech is anything like your writing. I’d guess that he may think you’re a bit too childish for him. I’m not trying to be insulting, it’s just an observation. Perhaps English isn’t your first language? Anyway, a ten-year gap in age isn’t significant if the two people are 30 or older but any younger than that, the gap will most likely seem very pronounced. He knows you still have a life to live and to grow into yourself. This may be what’s holding him back. The incident where he was embarrassed may have been him not wanting to explain you to the people he was with. It’s hard to say. I personally think that if you tell him your feelings, he’s likely to see that as a childish thing to do. The truth is, it’s slmost never a good idea for a woman to tell a man that she’s in love with him until he has told her that already. But if you want to take your chances, then go for it. The other thing you have working against you is that going to London looks like you’re chasing him. So, try to see this from his perspective — a student that he’s mildly flirted with has followed him across the wetness and proclaims her love for him. Big risk. Tread carefully. Yeah, English is not my native language! and it was hard for me to describe my situation in such details in English) in real life I speak differently! i also think that going to London seems to be like me chasing him, so I scare that he might think the same) and you are right that confessing him in love is really a bad idea, but how else I can show him that I am a serious girl (woman) who wants real relationships with him ???
Author DonnaBella Posted June 19, 2018 Author Posted June 19, 2018 Sorry dear, but you don't know him really well at all or you would know this. I know a lot about his personality, character, etc. but not about that extremely intimate part of his life! I do think that it is only his business with whom to sleep but the thing that he doesn't have a wife or GF - that is for sure 100%! once I asked one of his colleagues who told me that he wanted to invite him to his house with his wife, and then that my former prof told him that he is single and doesn't have neither a wife nor GF
bathtub-row Posted June 19, 2018 Posted June 19, 2018 Yeah, English is not my native language! and it was hard for me to describe my situation in such details in English) in real life I speak differently! i also think that going to London seems to be like me chasing him, so I scare that he might think the same) and you are right that confessing him in love is really a bad idea, but how else I can show him that I am a serious girl (woman) who wants real relationships with him ??? How about not doing anything? It’s rarely a good idea for a woman to chase a man. If he’s that interested in you, trust me, nothing will keep him from pursuing you. Just relax and let things happen naturally. 1
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