She tells me to my face that she is not interested in me yet wants to meet ?

[OJK]

I must be insane if I read her signs wrong. When I first met her everything was perfect. Not only did I observe this but our common friends as well. I knew she was attracted towards me and I went in for the kiss. She rejects me and then everything fell apart. I was never the same around her again. She always was approaching me in a friendly way after rejecting me but I just felt awkward and uncomfortable around her. I had to end the friendship and so I did it.

 

2 months passed by and it would be a lie if I moved on. I tried to but I just couldn't. After 2 months of no contact, this last Friday I finally broke the silence. We were at a bar with our common friends and when everyone decided to leave, it was only me and her left.

 

 

I started to talk to her normally, asking her how she was doing and how life was treating her. We chit chatted for a moment and then somehow we finally ended up discussing what had went wrong to our friendship/whatever it was. She told me straightup that I was only there for the sex. That all I wanted was to have sex with her. I told her and I MEAN THIS, I really wanted to get to know her, see how things proceeded. I just didn't realize that a bit of miscommunication could be the sole problem behind all of this. She then tells me that in these 2 months of no contact, I had been a total d!ck, I never even looked at her while we hung out with our group friends. I literally avoided her and never even spoke in general with her nor looked at her. I did this and I admit it and it was childesh. But I told her that I am a very direct person, and that I only go after the things I want in life and I couldn't just pretend to be a friend when I wanted more.

 

She goes on saying I was angry that you were acting the way you were and if you were willing to behave and treat me like that, It was all over. I told her that I asked you out for drinks in the first 10 days of knowing you. And you agreed to that, I mean I just wanted to you to be direct with me and then she responds: John, I am really not interested in you that way.

 

I replied to her: Well then there is nothing really to talk about now and I guess we should probably say our goodbyes now because I just can't settle for a friendship. I don't need anymore friends in my life. I actually really wanted to get to know you but you started putting labels before we even met.

 

Her: You were the one who started putting labels on things. You wanted to go on dates directly without even willing to get to know me. You cancelled twice in going out with me for a friendly coffee.

 

Me: I admit that I did all of those things and I am willing to make it up for that. How can we fix all of this

 

Her: For starters you need to start behaving, I mean talk to me and I am still upset for the things you did. I really want to punch you in the face right now.

 

Me: I literally have missed you this entire time. I really felt guilty for what I did and I am ready to make it up.

 

Her: I need to see that you are really talking to me and then upon that we can meet to get to know each other.

 

She then walks me to the station. We sat and actually had a great conversation. I mean maybe she really isn't interested in me and yeah I do get it. I was able to kiss her twice on her forehead while tell her that I really missed her and that I was willing to be nice to her in general and not an A-hole. I can always get physical with her, hold her hands etc but I just don't know if she does this all out of politeness.

 

I have been a total d!ck, i do admit that. But if you guys were in my shoes, she basically lead me on without even realizing it from the very beginning. My friends were sure that we might be dating cuz we spent time together. Maybe she was just being friendly and I read the wrong signs. And after she rejects me I was never able to be myself around her. I was never able to show her what type of a person I am. So I ended our friendship. And now after 2 months, I finally broke the silence and this is what happens.

 

What do you guys think I should do ?

 

 

I mean my gut feeling tells me that I would have to go through a lot of trouble just to get into friendly terms with her and even after doing that she would go out just to get to know me. What am I missing here ?

 

 

Its like I am wasting my time over her and she just wants to enforce a friendship on me while I want more.

[preraph]

She isn't very interested in you. And she's not wanting to be used for sex. Not all women are alike. Me, if I found someone super attractive or they had swagger or whatever, even if I didn't want to date them, I might have sex once or twice. No way of knowing if she's at all physically attracted to you, but she's definitely not into the way you are. I think she's going to call BS on you each and every time you slip, so if you proceed, just know she's calling the shots, not you.

[JDJ]

Her: For starters you need to start behaving, I mean talk to me and I am still upset for the things you did. I really want to punch you in the face right now.

 

I could imagine a few circumstances where something like this is said in an extremely playful and joking way, and is understood as such by both parties. But this sounds like a threat of violence. That this person, who you are not even dating, is talking to you that way, is a giant red flag to me. I would recommend flight and no contact. Why would want to try to grovel and please a person like this?

[OJK]

I could imagine a few circumstances where something like this is said in an extremely playful and joking way, and is understood as such by both parties. But this sounds like a threat of violence. That this person, who you are not even dating, is talking to you that way, is a giant red flag to me. I would recommend flight and no contact. Why would want to try to grovel and please a person like this?

 

 

She said it in a playful way telling me that she was kind of annoyed when I started ignoring her. Exactly, I mean I text her yesterday and she doesn't even keep the conversation going. Now I sent her a text and after I saw her reply, I knew that she had killed the conversation.

[OJK]

She isn't very interested in you. And she's not wanting to be used for sex. Not all women are alike. Me, if I found someone super attractive or they had swagger or whatever, even if I didn't want to date them, I might have sex once or twice. No way of knowing if she's at all physically attracted to you, but she's definitely not into the way you are. I think she's going to call BS on you each and every time you slip, so if you proceed, just know she's calling the shots, not you.

 

You are right! I have been in relationships, you just know automatically that a girl is into you. She would text you, go out of her way to see you, make plans with you. This girl is not into me, i get the point now but for some reason she wants to string me along, that in the future she might want to see me ?

 

I actually haven't been in a situation like this before and I am not really sure what to do here ?

 

I have decided and really want to stick up to this decision that this girl is just not into me. I should cut off contact with her at all costs. I am never going to text her again. I will always be friendly and flirty with her when I see her and if she happens to text me, I would always have this question for her, ''So when are you up for drinks ?''. Her refusing to meet me will give her a simple response, ''Let me know when you figure it out''. And that's it, I have to move on now.

 

Whether she was physically attracted to me or not, the point is that she was not interested in going out with me. There are many things that could be a reason and I should not dwell into this.

[Mysterio]

Its time to walk away. You don't need it.

[act00]

You were a jerk for full out ignoring her. You don't have to hang out alone or try to be buddies, but in a group setting with your common friends, fully ignoring her is not going to win her over. It's mean and cruel. If you have common friends, you have to accept the fact that you'll see her from time to time...be nice. You can avoid her as best you can or try to only talk if there's a group and politely excuse yourself if it looks like there's going to be one-on-one. I wouldn't pursue a friendship, but in group settings where you happen to be together, some polite friendliness is in order.

 

On that, I'm not sure what this girl is doing. You didn't want to get to know her first before asking her out? Most dating relationship I know of start out with that date, not dancing around this friendzone for who knows how long. She made it clear she wasn't interested, and you accepted it. Life goes on...not that you were able to get over it; I understand it was very hard for you, but honestly, it seems like she likes the attention and the orbiter and was willing to flirt and play, but the second you make a move, because you think she's interested, suddenly she offended? How dare you?? I mean really, certain behaviors express interest, and if you flirt, you're sending signals...end of story.

 

It sounds like a constant level of anxiety with her, as you really don't know what she wants or where her head is at. Okay, you can hold her hand and get some physical intimacy in that way or kiss her forehead, but don't for a second think an actual date and kissing and relationship are on the table...you have to jump through hoops...oh yeah, and we need to be friends first...with flirting and touching.

 

I don't know that she's really that into you; otherwise, she'd be all over going out with you and getting some kissing and holding...more to come in both relationship and sex...one would hope. Not keeping you at arm's length with a bunch of arbitrary rules.

[OJK]

You were a jerk for full out ignoring her. You don't have to hang out alone or try to be buddies, but in a group setting with your common friends, fully ignoring her is not going to win her over. It's mean and cruel. If you have common friends, you have to accept the fact that you'll see her from time to time...be nice. You can avoid her as best you can or try to only talk if there's a group and politely excuse yourself if it looks like there's going to be one-on-one. I wouldn't pursue a friendship, but in group settings where you happen to be together, some polite friendliness is in order.

 

On that, I'm not sure what this girl is doing. You didn't want to get to know her first before asking her out? Most dating relationship I know of start out with that date, not dancing around this friendzone for who knows how long. She made it clear she wasn't interested, and you accepted it. Life goes on...not that you were able to get over it; I understand it was very hard for you, but honestly, it seems like she likes the attention and the orbiter and was willing to flirt and play, but the second you make a move, because you think she's interested, suddenly she offended? How dare you?? I mean really, certain behaviors express interest, and if you flirt, you're sending signals...end of story.

 

It sounds like a constant level of anxiety with her, as you really don't know what she wants or where her head is at. Okay, you can hold her hand and get some physical intimacy in that way or kiss her forehead, but don't for a second think an actual date and kissing and relationship are on the table...you have to jump through hoops...oh yeah, and we need to be friends first...with flirting and touching.

 

I don't know that she's really that into you; otherwise, she'd be all over going out with you and getting some kissing and holding...more to come in both relationship and sex...one would hope. Not keeping you at arm's length with a bunch of arbitrary rules.

 

Thank you for such a clear answer.

 

That being said, the day I actually got rejected, or that moment, I was shocked because I thought everything went fine right up till that moment when I went in for the kiss. She backs away and gives me the cheek telling me that don't poop where you eat. Since we are students at the same University and have the same group of friends, she thought things would get awkward. BUT THIS WAS ALL HER... To me I had been rejected and I actually wanted to get over her as fast as possible.

 

Then 2 weeks later, after we both began to get to know each other a lot, I picked up the phone and asked her out once again for coffee, to get to know each other. She at first said that she would never do anything with a coworker (WE BOTH ARE STUDENTS) and I told her that have that coffee with me and if you feel the same way, then we'll leave it to that. She agreed.

 

Her interest level was not that high and there could be many reasons for that. She maybe wants to be single, she got out from a relationship a year ago. She also has a lot on table, graduating from college, working at 2 places, vacations planned. I honestly think she wants to enjoy life as a single person.

 

Why did I cancel the coffee ? Because she labelled it as a friendly coffee before we even met. I mean if a girl is telling you that HEY WE ARE GOING FOR A FRIENDLY COFFEE and would still want to remain friendly even after the coffee even if the date went well enough, that to me meant walking away.

 

I walked away for 2 months. I regretted doing what I did but I cared about her way too much than she did for me. We see that here as well.

 

 

I honestly don't know what she wants. She might just want to remain friendly with me but she knows that I want more and that I actually won't settle for that. Moreover, I have been in relationships, I have hookups. If a girl finds you physically attractive way enough, she would have sex no matter what, even if in a relationship or not.

 

 

I just don't know whether she has physical attraction for me or not though I do know that she is not interested in me as a person. I admit I have to also fix myself. I don't have such a nice personality either. I am a spoiled brat, driving the lastest Audi R8 around, do well with the ladies, and have a reputation. But in the end, I fell for this girl and I am too ashamed to even talk to my friends about this because they know me quite well.

 

 

But I honestly like this person. Its like Karma written all over this. I just don't know what to do from this point forward. We haven't spoken since we last had this conversation. I have spoiled things for myself and I just want to keep her around because I am willing to change myself, not for her but for my own sake because I do need some improvement there.

 

 

She wants to be friendly and wants me to be polite ? I will do that. I will just let things unfold naturally. No more pursuing, no more texting first (She hasn't texted me since that day either and just 2 days ago, she ended the conversation I was having with her), just going on with life. If she wants to be a part of my life, she is more than welcome to send me a text. I won't go out of my way for her now anymore.

 

 

She indeed has low interest in me, not even denying that but I won't change myself for her and I won't settle for less...

[fredflint]

>What am I missing here ?

 

What you are missing is that she is not worth the trouble. You are begging for scraps of her attention and affection. It's pathetic. Move on and find someone who appreciates you. This woman will never respect you, and never love you. If you somehow get into a relationship with her you are in for a world of hurt.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

You blew her off multiple times,

She called you out for your crimes,

You post kind of sounds like a whine,

Its up to you to make everything fine.