Depressed after ex girlfriend has a irl boyfriend

[Marquis]

Okay it began like this:

 

I always been a romantic person, someone that is openminded, caring and loyal, but at the same time i haven't been succesful with girls around me because i'm shy unlike my internet self. I believed in long distance relationship because love knows no distance and is a good life project to prepare yourself for the trip of your life meeting that special someone.

 

I meet my girlfriend back in 2014, it was my first girlfriend ever and i wanted to make to be the best boyfriend ever. I do drawings, animations and gifs, so i send to her hundred of thousand presents, we talk about everything and i learned a couple of things from her. However we broke up after 3 years of relationship but after talk aobut it, we decided to be friends but i secretly had feelings for her, i felt love and i wanted to regain her back, mature and be the man she deserves.

 

As days passed she became more distant, she didn't spoke as much as the previous days but it wasn't nothing to worry about at first, i tried my best to still sending her gifts and be sweet to her because i was trying to be a good friend and cheer her up. And last week i saw some messages to another person, she told me that she meet him irl and they were in a relationship. I was triggered and cried and felt horribly bad, because all my efforts and dreams to get her back were lost, all the time i dedicate to herself were waisted and i haven't sleep and eat well because of that, every time i try to move on and think about something else my mind tortures me with images of the together and doing all things couples do, it's been killing me slowly because i'm loyal feelings but this is too much for me, i send a letter that i couldn't keep talking to her because i was only stretching the pain so i blocked her but i recently tried to talk to her again and accept the fact that even if she is a relationship i still could be a good friend but trying that didn't removed the pain, i don't know why i feel like this, she didn't cheated on me, we were friends then, she never lied but something triggered me.. i don't know what happened, i feel powerless, frustrated, alone, humilliated by myself, depressed and i don't want to brag about how alone i am to everyone i meet, i'm not that kind, i always been a happy person with proyects and interests until that moment, i want to move on, i want to continue my projects but this pain is killing me literally and i know she will not wait for me sitting on a chair until i have a remote posibility to go see her, it's ilogical and pointless and that is the worst part.

 

i eliminate her from my skype contacts and i get the friend requests from her just telling me that she doesn't want me to block her and she's sorry that i feel like that, but that's all. This has been hell for me, i'm a sentimental person and i get devastated from that, i guess is time to move on and left that behind but the pain is unbearable, i'm not looking directly a replacement, but meet other persons and see how things go, i wanna smile again and feel supported. Also i have zero interest to meet local girls because i simply don't like them, the few local girls i've meet have different points of view, my plan is gather enough money, move out to another country and live there the rest of my life, but what i'm seeking is to move out to meet my true love as well, one of these two options or even the two of them are my plans.

What do you reccomend me?

Edited June 18, 2018 by Marquis
extra info

[d0nnivain]

I recommend that you take off the rose colored glasses. You are living in this fantasy world & ignoring reality.

 

You can't find a healthy partner through technology alone. You actually have to meet somebody to have a connection with them. Who you think somebody is, who you build them up in your mind to be may not be who they are at all.

 

If you want to move, OK fine. Do that. In the short term work your tail off to earn the money you will need to relocate. Start learning about the immigration requirement of wherever you want to go. Focus on that. When you get there you can revisit the idea of love. I do suggest you vacation at your intended new place before you commit to moving. What if you don't like the weather of the reality as opposed to what you think it's like?

[ExpatInItaly]

You are placing unrealistic expectations on online romances, OP.

 

There is a big difference between a long-distance relationship and a purely online relationship. People get tired of the former, and even more so of the latter. I am guessing you've never met her in person?

 

Rather than imposing such limiting conditions on yourself for your future, why not try to work on improving your social skills in the meantime? You say you're shy, which isn't a bad thing, but your internet self isn't going to be able to cover up who you really are when you meet a girl offline. If you are uncomfortable talking to and interacting with people, that's going to resurface when you finally meet an online crush in person anyway. Spend some time getting to know girls in your area, even just for friendship. Work on fostering connections, which is a valuable skill you will eventually need when you meet someone special.

[JDJ]

I do drawings, animations and gifs, so i send to her hundred of thousand presents,

 

I have difficulty understanding what actually happened here. Did Marquis meet his girlfriend irl or not? I can't really follow the rest of the events. But I do know that it is inconsiderate to send 100,000 or more presents without sending money to pay the storage costs for these items. The poor woman is suffocating under the financial burden of housing all of these gifts, even if they are 100,000 fake plastic rings.

 

Why not focus on one or two gifts that she would really appreciate? And more financial support? Those are things that women would really go for.

[Marquis]

Okay, you all have right, thing is that like i said i'm extremly shy, i never meet this girl in person, i meet her in a forum and the chats have been all in skype, I know that what i'm feeling is wrong because i never meet her and we fight few times and stop talking a couple of times. I know i'm a rookie in all this thing about love, i'm trying to take away these emotions i have, it is normal that she has a life and have to move on and all, but the problem is that i feel so bad for it. for me she was perfect: she shared most of my likings, she's smart, kind, beautiful and all.

 

I want to surpass this pain because i'm the first to recognize that this depression i'm feeling is rather pointless, i have no future with her, not even flying to see her, i have no chance with her in real life, i know. But i want to surpass this pain nonetheless because it has devoured me a lot. I want my mind to realize that this "relationship" was just a "free trial version" of true love but then my heart and my mind remembers the conversations and presents we both shared and the pain begin to flows, i try to forget it and move with more important situations but i feel outnumbered with these thoughts

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, it's not that your feelings are "wrong." It's that you are going about finding love in a way that's not going to be very productive, and ultimately, not going to get you what you seek.

 

You have developed an attachment to this girl, so yes, it will take time to heal and detach. But you can learn from this to. You have learned that an online friendship is not the same thing as a relationship, and you will eventually need to work on your social skills so you can find a great girl offline.

[preraph]

When the only way you know someone is online, you really don't know them at all. You don't know what they do in their real life. You don't know their whole personality, which makes it easier to fall for them, because you fill in the gaps and assume they're you're ideal person in your head.

 

People online can tell you anything or act like they're anyone -- and they do it all the time. What you don't see is them cleaning the toilet or falling asleep at work or them not being able to pay their bills. You only see whatever glamour they want you to see.

 

This woman seems to me to be taking advantage of you and enjoying these free gifts and all that. I can't stress enough that you should never send anyone you don't know in real life anything of any value at all or money. There are scammers out there.

 

See you think you knew her, but you didn't know she was out looking for and meeting new guys, did you?

 

You've got to join the real world. Living on the internet is just living in a fantasy world. If you don't get in the real world and work on your social skills there by getting out of your comfort zone, you won't learn how to socialize. You know you have it in you because on the internet, you can do it. But that only proves my point -- see, she had no idea how paralyzed you are socially in real life because you just showed her your pretend internet self. Not really fair to either of you.

 

Contact friends in real life, take up a new hobby, get a second job, and get your life moving for real. Good luck and sorry you're hurting.