Mr. Lucky Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 I am sad, lonely, enraged, furious, anxious and somewhat relaxed all at the same time. It's crazy. Im 35 now and all I can think is it is too late to find someone new and have a family. How the hell will I ever trust another woman again? I feel like the last 9 years of my life has been a complete waste. My prime... gone. I've said this before but, somewhat counter-intuitively, you're one of the lucky ones. To her credit, at least she declared her intentions and left without stringing you along endlessly as occurs in some relationships. It sucks, but it is what it is. Life is what happens as you're making plans to do other things. At the young age of 35, time to make some new plans. Keep posting... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 Well its over. She left the house saying she needed some time. This was 2 days ago. Then she told me today over a text that she is done and wants a divorce. Of course I am devastated, but there is nothing I can do. She already has finances figured out, she wants me to get in contact with our landlord to get out of the lease. We have a dog and she said she wants to share him, but I said either you get him or I do.. I don't want a situation where I ever have to interact with her again once everything is said and done, and moving all over will just stress the dog out. I am sad, lonely, enraged, furious, anxious and somewhat relaxed all at the same time. It's crazy. Im 35 now and all I can think is it is too late to find someone new and have a family. How the hell will I ever trust another woman again? I feel like the last 9 years of my life has been a complete waste. My prime... gone. Yeah she isn't gone. Here is what's about to happen. She will likely run to MM expecting him to match her and leave his wife. He may blow smoke for a while but most likely won't leave. Then she will be back talking about how it was all a mistake and she loves you. You are a firm backup plan. A smart man would ignore her attempts and keep moving forward with divorce and finding a new path minus that mess. No kids, give her the dog and never look back, lawyer up and allow him to do all your communicating with her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TehGman Posted June 22, 2018 Author Share Posted June 22, 2018 Yeah she isn't gone. Here is what's about to happen. She will likely run to MM expecting him to match her and leave his wife. He may blow smoke for a while but most likely won't leave. Then she will be back talking about how it was all a mistake and she loves you. You are a firm backup plan. A smart man would ignore her attempts and keep moving forward with divorce and finding a new path minus that mess. No kids, give her the dog and never look back, lawyer up and allow him to do all your communicating with her. Luckily for a while she has made more money than me so I could alimony her if I wanted to. But I won't do that. Im not going to be petty. I tried giving her the dog but she said she cant do that to me. Oh okay.. you can't stand the thought of taking my dog but running to another ****bag man is just A-OK. Anyway, I told her from the getgo if she goes through with divorce without working on it first then I'm done. And I meant it. No way I would EVER take her back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 You should inform the other mans wife. It's hard to tell what she's hoping through. He maybe putting her through hell and not know why. Sounds like a full blown sexual affair. They don't leave for nothing. It's not your job to keep their affair secret. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted June 25, 2018 Share Posted June 25, 2018 Well its over. She left the house saying she needed some time. This was 2 days ago. Then she told me today over a text that she is done and wants a divorce. Of course I am devastated, but there is nothing I can do. She already has finances figured out, she wants me to get in contact with our landlord to get out of the lease. We have a dog and she said she wants to share him, but I said either you get him or I do.. I don't want a situation where I ever have to interact with her again once everything is said and done, and moving all over will just stress the dog out. I am sad, lonely, enraged, furious, anxious and somewhat relaxed all at the same time. It's crazy. Im 35 now and all I can think is it is too late to find someone new and have a family. How the hell will I ever trust another woman again? I feel like the last 9 years of my life has been a complete waste. My prime... gone. I was a little older than you when I found out my xH was seeing another woman. I kicked him out. I was devistated and didn't think I would ever find happiness again at my age. Of course he wanted to come back home but I got to thinking about how unhappy I was and ended up divorcing him. Years later, I'm remarried and have two children. While you may not think it now, she has done you a favour. Life moves on and you can be happy again with someone else 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 25, 2018 Share Posted June 25, 2018 I am sad, lonely, enraged, furious, anxious and somewhat relaxed all at the same time. It's crazy. Im 35 now and all I can think is it is too late to find someone new and have a family. How the hell will I ever trust another woman again? I feel like the last 9 years of my life has been a complete waste. My prime... gone. Are you kidding me? 35 is the beginning of your prime. Women will be all over you but I'm sure that is not what you want at this time. Let her go. You were right to tell her to either leave the pet or take him because you no longer need to lay eyes on her. Go completely ghost and give her no way to find out what you are doing. She obviously has decided to be with this other guy. I wonder if he is planning on leaving his wife. Did you ever find out who she is? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 25, 2018 Share Posted June 25, 2018 (edited) Yeah she isn't gone. Here is what's about to happen. She will likely run to MM expecting him to match her and leave his wife. He may blow smoke for a while but most likely won't leave. Then she will be back talking about how it was all a mistake and she loves you. You are a firm backup plan. A smart man would ignore her attempts and keep moving forward with divorce and finding a new path minus that mess. No kids, give her the dog and never look back, lawyer up and allow him to do all your communicating with her. ^^^THIS^^^! She will definitely expect him to leave his wife and this is where she is likely to get her wake up call. If the OM has kids her chances of not getting him will triple. I wouldn't settle to be her second choice. She left and if I were you I would file for divorce to really give her the wake up call. Edited June 25, 2018 by stillafool 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted June 26, 2018 Share Posted June 26, 2018 Not that it excuses her actions, but you say you've spent the last six years on trying to grow a business. That's a pretty long time. Is this something that has shown signs of taking off/being a viable, somewhat stable source of income or does it still resemble something of a side-hustle in terms of money? It's possible that being the breadwinner, along with the fact that she spent nearly her entire twenties with you, made her a little more prone to being enticed by some charmer at work. Regardless, others are right that she will likely push a full-on affair with this man (affair, since he's still married) and that, eventually it'll blow up and she'll look to you to be a port in the storm. Start detaching and rebuilding a new life NOW so that when that time comes, you're able to tell her to go pound sand. Link to post Share on other sites
GoldenR Posted June 26, 2018 Share Posted June 26, 2018 Has the other man's wife been informed yet? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted June 26, 2018 Share Posted June 26, 2018 Be glad you know now that she la is integrity and character. I'd bet money she's been having sex with him for a long while. So you've spent your adult years not earning enough - so now is the time to change that. Start working a LOT! Work work work! You'll be surprised when you start to be proud of yourself - and you'll be making some big money too! Get yourself set - if you don't establish yourself now it only gets harder to find significant work as you get older. But I'd consider going after alimony - she cheated - she should have a consequence. Don't consider taking her back when she wants to avoid paying you and her MM doesn't leave his wife. Inform the MM's wife - she deserves to know... and you need to blow up your wife's world. Link to post Share on other sites
Bigboss2903 Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 (edited) Too be honest she will regret the decision she made, she is throwing everything away for a co worker that she will basically see everyday (no time for herself as he will be present wherever she goes) honestly work affairs are the most common type of affairs I have seen, i know because my ex wife had one and moved on with her AP... Divorce is hard, I'm still recovering... it will take me another 2 years probably to recover fully.... I too blew up her affair bubble but she continued on regardless, now she is constantly pressurized by work colleges, friends and family about the deed she has done, im sure the AP doesn't feel the brunt she does.... Edited June 29, 2018 by Bigboss2903 Link to post Share on other sites
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